Say Hello to Your Fears! with Michelle Poler

Welcome to True Grit and Grace, a podcast designed to empower you to claim your resilience and thrive through life's challenges. I am Amberly Lago, a mindset coach, fitness expert, and best selling author. Each week I'll dive deep with the world's brightest thought leaders and elite performers to share tangible tools and practical advice to inspire you to keep your eyes on the prize and forge ahead. So get ready to conquer your fears, heal any trauma, lead with your heart, and elevate your life with grit and grace. Hi and welcome to True Grit and Grace Podcast podcast. I'm Amberly and I'm so grateful you're here. This is episode 20 already and I've so enjoyed recording all these episodes, but I especially enjoyed this one with my friend Michelle Poehler from hello Fears, because she's really created a movement on how to fear less and do more. And we talk today about redefining fear from obstacles to to opportunity. We talk about embracing change, really daring to fail, and highlighting your authenticity. She travels all over the world and I was so excited when she messaged me and told me she was in la. So I ran down to the hotel where she was at this conference speaking in front of thousands. We snuck out into the lobby and recorded this episode just for you, y'. All. She's amazing. She's been featured on so many TV shows, talk shows and magazines. Everything from Megyn Kelly, Today, the Today show, cnn, Buzzfeed, Cosmopolitan, and so much more. And she actually has a new book out now too, called hello Fears. And she teaches you how to crush your comfort zone and become who you're truly meant to be. So thank you for listening in. And for those of you who've left a review, that helps so, so much. I read all your reviews and appreciate them so much. So make sure you hit that subscribe button. Please leave a review and rate the show and welcome Michelle Poehler to the show. Okay, here we go. I am so excited because I am sitting here with I can say my favorite speaker in the world, Michelle Poehler. Thank you for being here.

So happy to be here with you.

Oh my gosh. To finally meet you in person. We've known each other on social media for a while and I've been following you because I remember when I first saw you dancing on stage as a speaker because you always come out and the audience can be very quiet and timid and by the end of your talk they are like, up and dancing. And I thought, oh, my God, I love this girl. And then when I got to Know you a little bit more even. I'm like, she is beautiful on the inside and out. And so we are sitting at the hotel here in Los Angeles. I came, I drove down as soon as I found out you were gonna be here, and so glad that you took the time to meet with me.

I'm so happy you're here. When I saw that I had an event in la, immediately thought of you. I'm like, umberlee's there. We always talk that we have to meet each. We finally have to do it. So here we are.

Here we are. Yes. And I love what you share about fears. And before we got started with the podcast, I was talking to you about how I have a lot of fears. And I think most people do have a lot of fears. You were not always so, you know, fearless and going out there, dancing on stage and all of that. Can you tell us a little bit? I mean, I obviously know so much about you from watching your TED Talk and seeing all your incredible posts and I see your stories on Instagram. You guys have to check her out at hello Fears because she travels the world sharing her message about just having the courage to step beyond your fears. So how did you get to be on this huge platform where you're sharing your story now when you weren't always that way? How did you get to be the person that you are now?

I think that a big thing about it is definitely ambition. Like, when you have ambition and I analyze myself and, you know, my career so much, and the realization is that ambition can trump fear. Like when you have ambition and you really, really want something, fear is not going to stop you. And so it was stopping me for a long time, but because I couldn't figure out what I wanted and who I wanted to be. But once I figured that out, and the only way I got there is because I was able to, little by little, step outside of my comfort zone. That is when I started to say hello to my fears, not goodbye, because you would think that the way to go is to say goodbye to your fears, but it's the opposite. The idea is to say hello to them, welcome them, embrace them, and then deal with your fears. Like, actually face them until you can overcome them. And then you can finally be closer to your dreams. And I had so many dreams. I was not clear what they were, but I knew that I had dreams. I knew I wanted to become someone and I had to start somewhere. And definitely the first fear that I faced that got me in the path that I am today is moving To New York, which is something I've always wanted to do and I never dared to do it. And then I got married. I was living in Miami with my husband. We were very comfortable and I started feeling uncomfortable with so much comfort around me. And that's when I realized I had to start facing my fears. And I have to. The first one would be moving to

New York because that's a big deal. Big city. It's like. Yeah. And the energy and then the, you know, everything is just a. So fast moving.

Oh my God, New York is scary. Very scary. And once I moved to New York, I was not really enjoying it the way I thought I would because I was constantly trying to stay in my comfort zone. And so once again I'm like, I did the courageous move which was to move here, but now what? I have to continue challenging myself. I have to enjoy the city to the fullest. And that's when I decided to challenge myself to face 100 fears in 100 days and created the 100 Days Without Fear project.

And I have seen seen part of that. Well, you've been on several TV shows talking about it. And I've seen your interview on the Today show with Megyn Kelly. I did watch her TED Talk. You guys have to check her TED Talk out. If you haven't seen it because you are talking about fear yet, you get the audience laughing. You get me laughing because you did some crazy stuff. Like some of the things that you did had me rolling. Not just what you did, but like when you're eating the oyster and your facial expression. But were you painting on a naked man?

A naked 70 year old man? I painted his entire body, including all of his body parts. Wow. No. Yes. Yes. I had to. It was one of the challenges.

Oh my God.

Yeah, I had to get very creative. I mean, I decided to face 100 fears and people ask me, do you actually have 100 fears? And no. What I say in my TEDX is that I have seven fears. But there are so many ways to face them. Like, there are so many ways to challenge yourself to face those seven fears. And so, yeah, I had to get very creative and I found out about this event that is called Body Painting Day in New York City where you can submit yourself either as a painter or as a canvas. If you want to be a canvas, you have to get totally naked.

Well, you did that too though, didn't you?

Well, I got naked for. Wait, people are thinking, what is this girl?

I got naked.

Yes. But it was for a drawing class which was In a room with only like maybe 20 people in there. But for the. Still no. Terrifying. Terrifying. But the body painting day, they had a lot of media there, so I would have been completely naked in front of the whole world, you know, like. Yeah. Tv, newspapers, all of it. Because then someone submits themselves as painter. You get paired up with that person and then they paint your body like they use you as a canvas. So my husband Adam was like, you know what, Richelle? I think you should be a painter this time, not a canvas. You know, you already did the posing nude in front of a drawing class. So I submitted myself as a painter and it was equally scary because I got this 70 year old man and I had to paint his entire body, and I'm not a painter. So he traveled from D.C. for this event to, you know, have art on his body. I was like, sorry, you're stuck with me. I'm not an artist. Like, I'm a graphic designer, but I'm not an artist.

Well, well, I think you're an incredible artist because I see how beautiful you always make your posts on Instagram. It's beautiful to see, but I want to go back to something you talk about your husband and just the fact that, that your husband, who actually he's sitting with us here right now. He's here. Cause he's here.

Hello, Adam.

Hi, Adam. Hello.

I'm here.

He's here. So when I got to the hotel, you came down. I was like, oh, my God, I'm finally getting to meet you. And then Adam comes and I get to see him, and I'm like, you guys are the dream team because you're such a good team. Because a lot of people don't understand how. I mean, you make it look effortless on stage. You deliver your content and your message so beautifully, and you dance. But it's a lot of work traveling and it's a lot of work preparing and to have Adam here, who is so supportive. But why I'm bringing this up is just that he's supportive in you doing something to face your fears every day, including painting on a naked man. I mean, my husband probably would not go for that.

Yeah, it was not his favorite. No.

You know, I mean, that's a supportive husband.

Yeah. Well, I told him at the beginning of the project, I'm like, what do you think about me facing, you know, 100 of my fears in 100 consecutive days? And he was like, let's do it. He got so excited because he's been begging me to become a braver person since we've been dating, and he was afraid that we were planning on becoming parents. And he's like, what are you going to teach my kids? How are you going to teach them courage? If you don't know courage? I mean, you're always going for your comfort zone. You know, you're scared of everything. So it hurt, but it was true. It was so true. So when I told him I wanted to face 100 fears, he was like, let's do it. I'm going to support you all the way. And that's how it happened.

Wow. I love that. And you know that the fact that you were able to summon up that courage within you, like, for me, some of my hardest times, I could think about my kids because I thought about them. It allowed me to really just summon up all the courage to go do something, because they're my biggest inspirations. What is it in you that inspires you to summon up that courage to step forward and face those fears? Do you feel like it's your passion solely, or is there something inside you or outside you, a force that drives you?

I think it's the desire I have of becoming someone, like, just making an impact in the world and becoming that person. I know I have what it takes, and it frustrates me that I was the only one knowing that. You know, like, I want more people to know what I'm made of. I want to make an impact. I want to be someone. I want to surround myself with certain people, and I don't know where to start. And it frustrates me because I'm all the time in my comfort zone, and that is keeping me from achieving my goals.

Yeah.

And so I think that my dreams and the vision I had for myself was that motivation.

Yeah, I love that. You know, I used to. I still tell my clients this. Do something that scares you every day because I think it's easy to kind of get in your comfort zone. But then are you really living life to the fullest? You know, I feel like the magic happens when you step out of that place of your comfort zone. And for you, what was your scariest fear that you faced?

Scariest fear. It's so hard to answer that question because, you know, it depends a lot on your expectations. Sometimes I thought that the fear I was going to face, it was going to be the worst one. And once I did, I'm like, oh, it was not as bad as I thought. And then some fears I thought, oh, that looks easy. Let's do it. And then they were terrible. Whenever you're expecting a fear to be really, really scary and it was not as scary, you're like, oh, okay, it was not as bad. You know, it's all about that, the expectations. But whenever I was expecting a fear to be easier and then it wasn't, I'm like, that's terrifying. So I. Now, if you ask me about the scariest, do you mean, like, before doing it? While I was doing it, after doing it, but.

Oh, that's a good question. Before you did it, what did you think was gonna be your scariest?

So definitely the posing nude in front of a drawing class was one of the scariest. I was like, I have no idea how this will happen. Like, I don't know how I'll be able to do it. That. Also, going on a roller coaster must sound fun for a lot of people. For me, it was terrifying.

Really?

Yes. I avoided that since I was very little because I went on a few very small roller coasters and hated them. So for my entire life, I said no to that. So it was really hard for me to get in the roller coaster, to actually give that step. Very hard. And then doing skydiving, that's when I thought I was going to die. I was. I don't know if I'll pass out in the plane or what will happen.

Isn't that interesting? Because I went skydiving, and I think a lot of it has to do with where I was in my life. When I went skydiving, I had a friend that said, I need to take you skydiving. Because I was so numbed out from. I was going through a lot from a divorce, and I feel like I was just to the point where I was, like, numb to emotion. I was so up and down that I was just dead. And it was like, when I. I went skydiving, it rebooted my feelings of, you can live again. There's so much out there in the world. And it really did kind of reboot. Not that I'm suggesting everybody should go jump out of a plane. Maybe they should, but it. Maybe they should. Maybe you should go jump out of that plane right now. Go sign up. But that wasn't as scary to me. It was thrilling. And I remember sitting in the plane, and these people were saying prayers, oh, my God. And freaked out. And I was kind of looking around like, why is everybody so freaked out? Like, got a parachute. Like, what's the big deal? You know? Then a different story when I went bungee jumping. Have you ever gone bungee jumping?

That's not in my list. I'm not doing that.

It was scary.

Yeah. It looks way scarier.

It was so much scarier. Probably one of the scariest things I've ever done. Just climbing over the ledge on the bridge, and you have this little thing, and you're staring down. And it was so scarier jumping off backwards than it was jumping off forwards. And there was something about it taught me that I really like to be in control. Even in how I'm gonna die. I want to see it coming.

Wow. Now that you say that. Well, the one fear that I faced right after skydiving, and I thought it was scarier, but also, again, back to expectations. I really thought I was going to enjoy it was trapeze. Doing trapeze.

I did that, and it was scary. You did that?

It was scary. It looked fun. So when CBS Sunday Morning, they called me and they're like, we want to face a fear with you. I'm like, let's do that trapeze, you know?

And you're like, oh, crap. Why did I say that exactly?

Because I thought it was going to be fun and not as hard because I was going to be on tv. I was not planning on freaking out on tv. You know, I wanted to have that sort of control, so I chose that fear. And then when we were there, I started going up the ladder.

It's scariest going up the ladder.

Yes. And I started getting more and more scared, and it was really high. And then you're in this small platform again, like you're describing about bungee jumping. It kind of reminds me of the trapeze, even though the bungee is way scarier, but still, because you're holding to something and you know you're not just falling. But still, it was so hard that I was telling the girl, like, I did skydiving yesterday. That was much better than this. I don't want to do this. I started almost crying.

Yeah, it was really scary for me, too. And the funny part about when I went and did the flying trapeze was after my motorcycle accident. And my leg is all metal and screws, and it looked pretty raw because it was pretty recently healed up. And the teacher looked at my leg. He's telling us how to do it and everything. And he's like, okay, and you're gonna hang from your legs. When I say let go, you have to follow my command. And you have to let go, and you have to catch when you know you have to follow exactly what they say if you want to let go. If you want to be caught on the other side. And he looked down at my leg, and I said, what? Do you think my leg will fall off? He goes, I don't know. Will it? I'm like, no, I think it screwed on there pretty good. But it was. It was scary.

Wait, you took it a step further? I mean, I just grabbed it with my hands and did the swinging.

That's it.

I didn't. Not with my leg.

Yes. Well, what it taught me was trust, because I had to completely trust the instructor giving me the commands. And he said, all you have to do is trust me, and you have to listen and do exactly what I tell you to do. And if you do that, you can fly and somebody will catch you. And I said, okay, I'm learning some teamwork here. And so I did. I had to let go when he told me. And the scariest thing is when you're hanging on, you swing your legs over and you drop.

Wow. I didn't get to that part. I mean, you are way braver.

No, no. But I think the climbing up the ladder is scary, and it teaches you one thing. And the whole other element of the trapeze for me was the trust thing. Like, am I willing to let go of some of my control and trust someone else to guide me?

Oh, my God, that's scary. For me was so funny because I had to let go. Like, just grab the tube.

Yeah.

And then she was like, okay, now at the count of three, you let go and then you swing. And I'm like, okay, one, two. And then I landed again in the platform. Like, I jumped and landed again. And she's like, no, no, no. You have to, like, pick up your legs and just go. Like, let yourself go. And I'm like, okay. One, two. And I landed again. And I did it again and again, and it was so funny. We were just laughing at that point. Probably was my fear acting. Yeah. You know, it was controlling my movement, my body. Actually, if you watch the video, and I suggest that you do, if you find it on YouTube, you can just go and find hello Fears on YouTube. You will see all the hundred videos in there. And you should watch the trapezo.

I want to see the trapeze.

Yeah, it's really funny.

So, yeah. I love that you put all the videos.

Yeah.

On YouTube. Yeah.

That was.

That you did it. That. To me. YouTube. And all of that is scary to me. It is. We were talking before we started, and I was telling you and your husband that technology was very new to me. That I didn't even own a computer. I was like in it on the floor with my clients all day. I didn't email, I did everything by phone and everything. This is all new. And now I have an 11 year old that's teaching me how to use YouTube. And you guys, I'm sorry if you're hearing like doors closed and stuff like that. For this episode, we are at a hotel and we're in the lobby and we tried to find the quietest place possible. And we're in this little corner and people just keep walking by. So I hope that we're still grabbing your attention and just ignore those doors.

Ignore them. Let's keep going. So you say that you have your 11 year old teaching you about technology and all of that.

Oh my God, she's like amazing. She's like, Mom, YouTube's where it's at. What are you doing? Like Instagram? You need to be on TikTok. Yeah. And you should listen to her. I know I am. And so I started a TikTok account.

Yes.

And I was wondering if maybe you and I could do our first video together.

That would be great because I never used TikTok.

I thought of it on the ride over here, actually. That I don't have. I've got a profile. I don't have any videos up there and it's all about dancing and having fun or challenges. And I was gonna ask you if you had a TikTok.

I don't. Yeah. Because I don't have a daughter with, you know, 11 year old. Well, see, I need to have kids.

But you've got a TikTok. The dance moves.

Yeah, I have that.

You've got the hundred day challenge. So I could see it now. Your challenge is gonna go viral on TikTok. I'm predicting it right now.

Let's.

I'm serious. But yeah, it's, you know, my 11 year old, Ruby, she teaches me how to do stuff and at first she was like, oh, mom, please don't do TikTok. That's for kids. You're too old for that, mom. And then I was like, oh, well then I want to do it. Like anytime somebody tells me that I can't do something or no, I'm like, oh, I'm going to do it and I'm going to send you a picture.

Oh my God, I love that. And that is one thing that I even say in my presentations because I talk about haters and how when I exposed myself and put all those videos on YouTube and the project went Viral. That's when I started also receiving a lot of criticism, you know, and people saying things about me that were not true. Some were true, but mainly people were criticizing the fact that I'm doing things that they do on their day to day. And I'm saying that I'm facing my fears because when I started the project, I was doing smaller things, like trying an oyster for the first time, getting a Brazilian wax, driving at night, things that people do on their day to day. So they were like, those are not fears. I do those on my day to day. Why is this girl going viral for doing this?

Everybody's fears are different.

Yes.

And just like, you know, I've had haters for people, honestly, that have CRPs or the chronic, and they're like, how can you do that? How can you wear those shoes with crps? Everybody's nerve disease is different.

Yeah.

Everybody's fears are different.

Right.

Everybody's pain levels are different. Everybody's discomfort. Everybody's comfort zone is different.

Yeah.

And I was really upset when I first got haters. I'm like, but I'm just trying to spread good. And I just want to help people. And, you know, there's that saying, if you don't have haters, you're not doing it big enough.

Exactly.

You know, there's always going to be haters out there. And I think it's a mirror to themselves.

Exactly. And what I say is what you were just saying. Use that as your motivation. Use that as fuel. Now every time that I hear someone saying something about me or my work or whatever, I am like, oh, you're talking about me and what I do now. Let me show you what I'm capable of. So I just use all of those comments as fuel. I just want to go bigger, you know, and that's when I actually started facing bigger fears, when I started reading all those comments from haters. Because I was like, you're saying that I'm only doing things that you do on your day to day. Let me show you what I'm capable of. And that's when I started doing stuff. Skydiving and the posing nude and quitting my job and all those things. Because I'm like, my advice would be to not ignore the haters, not ignore the criticism, but use it to in your advantage, you know, like, take advantage of that and do something. Like, turn it into something positive.

Mm. I love that. I always say my biggest motivating moment was when I had a doctor tell me that I would never walk again. And he Also said I'd never wear shorts again. And I was like, oh, really? Took me two years, but I put a bikini on and I ran on the beach in front of him.

Hey, doctor.

Hey, doc. I'm gonna run into his office.

Oh, really?

Here I go. But I think that's good to not let that bring you down, but just inspire you to do more.

Yeah, haters gonna hate, right? No matter what, whatever you do, even if it's the best thing in the world, people will find something negative to say about it. And most of the times it's not even about you, it's about themselves.

You're exactly right. You're exactly right.

So now you know, I learned how to have a little bit more empathy for haters because when they say that only hurt people. Hurt people. So whenever I hear a very negative comments about what I'm doing, I just feel bad for that person. And I have empathy and I can't even imagine the struggle that they're going through.

Yeah, I feel the same way when I have somebody. Like when I was on a show talking about CRPs and someone posted it on Facebook and there was a guy saying, is that the best you can do? She's the face of CRPs. And I have to admit, it really hurt me at first. But then I really had compassion for them, for what they must feel like, because I know how bad it gets on some days and I know what I was gonna tell you. So y', all, we had lunch before this. We went to lunch and we had some good sushi and we talked and I was like, wait a minute, I gotta save this. We gotta stop talk. We'll save it for the podcast. But one of the things that I was gonna tell you about was my biggest fears. And I said, I would like to talk about fear on the podcast because a lot of the listeners do have chronic pain. Some of them have CRPs. Some of the listeners wanna be speakers or they wanna write a book. So my biggest fear is that my pain will get so bad that it makes my thinking cloudy or foggy. And I can't even think straight enough to send an email or hardly put a sentence together. And that scares the crap out of me. So I try not to let that fear get ahold of me and just make me freeze and not do anything. But what would you suggest to somebody who is inside so much fear that they feel frozen, that they can't move?

Yeah, I think that I can't even compare it to what you're feeling, because I haven't Been in that position to really talk about it myself. But I've been in the position of being paralyzed by fear and even stopping some of the things that I want to do because I'm too afraid. So, for example, the shooting started to happen some years ago. I remember they were like, I don't know, like many going on at the same time. There was like, a period and I was living in New York City, and I started getting really scared of, like, terrorism and shooters and things like that, to the point that I was even trying to avoid the subway or crowded places and things like that. And it was paralyzing me, my fear of being in those situations. I would even be in the subway, and if I see someone acting a little bit strange, I would leave the subway. I would like any stop. I would just, you know, get on the subway. And then I'm like, so your fear was controlling. Exactly. So it was controlling me. And because I kept thinking that something was going to happen. And at the end, what I realized is this is not living. You know, I'm so afraid to die that I stopped living. I stopped doing the things I need to do and going to places, going to concerts, all those things, because I'm too afraid that something might happen. But what is the meaning of life if I just want to stay in my apartment? Yeah, right. Then I might as well be dead, then just miss out on life. So what I would say is, we can't allow fear to get in the way of our dreams, of our life of enjoyment and fulfillment, you know, like, we have to do it despite the fear. Fear will always be there. We can't.

How do you take that first step? What do you do to take that first step?

I think the first step is in really wanting, wanting to live your life. I remember when I was before doing the project, facing my fears. I listened to that song, I Lived by One Republic. You know the one, it says, I swear I lived. Like, it's.

Go ahead, sing it. Okay.

No, I'm not a student. Be singing in public, but definitely go listen.

That's the next year challenge.

Yes. No, I did it already. I went to karaoke and it was terrible. I did Rolling in the Deep by Adele.

It was horrible. Horrible.

You don't want that. But it's on YouTube. You can find it. So that song, look it up. I lived by One Republic. I was listening to the song and I started sobbing. I started crying so hard because I was like, I'm not living. Whatever they're describing, they're talking about breaking legs. Breaking hearts, you know, all these experiences. I never broke a leg in my life because I was always in my comfort zone, you know, So I was like, because I'm in my comfort zone, I'm literally not living, so what's the point? And so that's when I decided to face 100 fears, because I was like, I want to live. I want to experience. Experience my life. And whenever I feel the fear, because it's inevitable, it will be there. If you're willing to get outside of your comfort zone, just embrace that you are alive. That that feeling of fear makes you feel alive. So that was one of my strategies whenever I was about to face a fear and I was feeling it in my stomach and I was, you know, like, I can't deal with that. I'm like, I'm human. And now I feel it. If I would be in my, you know, bedroom, in my bed, watching Netflix, I would feel numb. I don't want to feel numb. I want to feel alive. So, yes, I have to go through the fear to feel alive and that, you know, I'm willing to pay that price.

Oh, I love that. And, you know, our experiences are totally different, but so similar in ways, because I was a point at a point in my life where in order to get out of the pain that I was in, I was numbing out. And I was like, no surgeries were helping, no medical procedures were helping. Nothing was helping. And so I was numbing out by drinking every day. And how's that working for me? This is not living. This is not who I am meant to be. And it took me really wanting to change my life. It was that willingness to do anything it took. And now I feel the same way when I'm nervous or when I sometimes feel like I'm too, you know, busy or too stressed, or I'm like, well, I'm alive.

Yeah, I'm living.

I'm human. And next time I'm about to go on stage and I'm scared, I'm gonna think of you. I always do push ups.

Yeah.

Scared. Yeah.

Why?

It helps.

Really?

Oh, my God. It's like a thing. And people think that I'm crazy, but even, like, I'll be all dolled up in a dress and heels and. Or boots and backstage doing push ups. And like, usually they're, like, looking at me like, what is wrong with that girl? But it makes me feel alive.

I will try that next time I'm

in front of push ups, man, they get you pumped.

Oh, my God. Yeah, they work because I Don't have, like a strategy or, you know, something that I do before going on stage. And I get that question asked a lot. What do you do, you know, to calm your nerves? And the only thing that I do that works out, and actually Adam here, he helps me with that, is to ask myself, what's the best that can happen? That's the one strategy that helps me, you know, go and face my fear with a different mindset. Because when you're about to go on stage or whatever fear you're about to face, what happens is that in your head, you're only thinking about the worst case scenarios. You're thinking everything will go wrong. You will forget what you have to say, people will react negatively to you. You know, you will go overtime or undertime or all these thoughts that we have in our heads that we're putting all this pressure, we're going to disappoint someone for sure. You know, all these negative thoughts. And then if you ask yourself, wait, but what's the best that can happen? Because that is also a possibility. Things could go right.

Yes.

And suddenly when you're about to face a fear, you might forget these words. So it's good to have someone nearby that knows this. So, for example, in my case, Adam, my husband, is there with me, and he's reminding me that, Michelle, think about it for a second. What's the best that can happen? I'm like, wait, what if things go right? What if I do remember the whole thing? What if I make people laugh? What if this is actually a good audience? And then I go on stage, I do my thing and turns out everything was right, you know, things went just good, so there was nothing to worry about.

Well, have you ever had anything go bad on stage?

Yes.

You have?

I have, of course. But it's all your attitude, right? And then you can make anything better. For example, I've had really bad experiences with tech. I depend a lot on my tech because I have a very visual presentation with lots of videos and music and sound and effects. It's like heavy. I rely a lot on it. And so, for example, like you said, I start my presentations dancing reggaeton. So that's my beat. Like, I go on stage with my song many times. I play and then the song stops immediately. So I start dancing and two seconds later it stops.

That has happened to me before. Like, the music kept playing. So I was like, okay, the music's still playing. I guess I'm gonna dance. And right when I started to dance, yeah, the music stopped.

Well, to Me, it's really important that, you know the music starts because otherwise that's my beginning. If not, I'm not doing it right. You know, like, I don't have a segue on how to continue. If there was no song, there was no dancing. Just immediately address the comfort zone after I dance. But without dancing, I'm like, sorry, guys, you were supposed to dance. I was supposed to ask you if that was uncomfortable. You were going to say yes.

Oh, God.

You know, it's really painful. But if I it with the right attitude and I laugh at myself and I just keep coming back to, I'm facing my fear right now on stage because this happened, then, you know, you just make it work.

Yeah, I love that I'm facing my fear right now, right here on this stage with you.

Exactly.

And then I'm sure the audience resonates with that because they empathize. Yeah, they empathize because they're like, oh, I would hate to be in her.

Exactly. They feel bad of you.

That's gotta be scary.

And then after that, it all goes down according to your reaction. Right. So if you react negatively to what happened and you're like, ah, this shouldn't happen, and then you have this attitude, then the audience will be like, oh, you know, like, that's how that person react. But if you're positive about it, they just feel so bad for you and they want to be on your team and they want to root for you. So they will clap even more, you know, and just love the presentation more.

Well, I love when you're doing your talks. I didn't get to come today, but I love when you post it in your story and you've talked in front of thousands. And it is. I've actually even showed my husband. Oh, my God, look at Michelle. She's speaking in front of thousands. And you've, like, got the whole stadium full of people dancing and. But you know, what I love about you is that you are so genuinely, you know, kind, and you really want to help people, and you're so authentic and you're so humble, even with all this huge success. I mean, you've got hundreds of thousands of views on your TEDx talk. You are constantly being booked to speak all over the world, and yet you're still so kind, so humble. And what do you think the key to that is?

I think that the most important thing, if you want to actually connect with people, is to stay at their level. Because if you start to feed your ego and thinking that you are this big shot, this star or whatever, you start to create a big distance between you and the people you want to reach, you know, because they're not at that level. They're just really trying to make it, and they're doing their best. And you have to constantly bring yourself down to that. Because I was there not too long ago, you know, so I know how that feels. The struggle, the hustle, the wondering, am I ever going to make it? I was there not too long ago, so I don't want to forget that. I don't want to suddenly feel that I am more capable of them to make it just because it happened to me. It happened to me because I work really hard, and so I have the trust and the belief that anybody can make it happen if they work really hard. So I'm here just to inspire them to keep working. I want to be their inspiration. I'm okay with shining as long as they can see themselves when they see me.

I love that. I love that. And it's so true. I think that we all, as long as we're persistent and we're passionate about something, that we can be unstoppable. We can do anything that we want to do.

Yeah. I think it's a matter of first, dreaming big, which sounds super cliche, but it's the truth. If you're not dreaming, you're limiting your options. Like, if you're dreaming very small and, you know, then you're putting a ceiling to yourself, to your life. So starting there, like, put no limits on you, you know, don't allow anybody else to put a limit on you. Because when I said I want to become this person, I had a lot of people saying, but that's for the big stars. That's for, you know, this kind of people. And I'm like, I can be that kind of people. So first, dreaming. Second, believing that you can become that. Like, believing in yourself more than anybody. You don't need anybody else to believe in you. You just need yourself.

You know what? It's so true. You really need to believe in yourself. Because it really doesn't matter for me. Doesn't matter what anybody says. If I don't believe it myself, it's not gonna happen. Yeah. If I don't believe that I deserve to be in that spot or have that job or get that raise, then it's not gonna happen. So you really have to believe it in yourself. And I think it does help when you have people around you who are supportive and cheering you on. And I love when I meet other women who are cheering other women on. And you definitely do that. You're just like a cheerleader for so many people. Even though you're on the stage and you're shining and you're in the spotlight, you can see that you connect with everybody in the audience. Just by. At the end of your talk, they're up dancing and cheering.

Yeah, I know. And when they're crying, that, to me means a lot. Whenever I'm speaking and I see the audience tearing up, I know this message is going to their core. And I know it will have a long lasting impact in their life. And that's all that I care about.

Yeah.

Yeah. And there's this book. Going back to the advice about believing in yourself, there's this book that I love. It's called it's not how good you are, it's how good you want to be. So that when I read that the first time I was at Urban Outfitters and I read the COVID and I was like, that's me.

Yeah.

It's never been about who I am right now. It's who I want to be and how much I believe that I can get there. Because at the end of the day, people see your potential, but you also have to see it. And so buy that book. I really recommend you to get that book.

Okay. It just got really noisy here in the hotel. Really recommend you buy that book. Well, speaking of books, one of the reasons you guys actually, we were just gonna come and meet for lunch, and then I'm like, wait a minute. Why didn't I think I need to have her on the podcast? I was just so excited to see you and get to talk to you that I'm like, wait a minute. I want everybody to know about you. And then I saw you have a new book coming out in May, and I'm so excited about it. You gave me a copy, and I'm like, wait a minute, this is for me. I can keep this. Please tell us about your book. And I'm just so excited for you.

So my book is my baby. It's my firstborn.

It is like birthing a baby for real.

Yes. I took literally nine months to write it. Yes. And it was one of the most challenging, but at the same time, rewarding things that I done in my life. And, you know, you would expect me to say that, but it's really true. Like, I thought writing a book was going to be so hard and, like, dreadful, and it was the opposite for me. It felt like I loved writing this book. I feel like I put Everything I have inside of me there. And it's basically my entire talk, my keynote, but in 350 pages.

So is it 350 pages?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a long book. But, you know, I'm not a big reader myself, so I was like, how can I write a book if I don't read books? So I have to write the book that I would read. So it has a lot of illustrations, it has a lot of, like, color. It has. It's very light hearted. It's very storytelling, like. And also it has a lot of exercises.

Well, do you know the first thing I thought about when I flipped through it was, oh, good, this is a book I'll read.

Good.

Because it is pretty. And I. And I actually flipped, looked through and was like, ooh, that'd be a good quote card for Instagram on just your graphics in the book.

Yeah, that's what I told the publisher. Let's make this Instagrammable. I love that word. Yeah, I said that because I want people to not only keep that to themselves, but to share it.

And the best it's gonna be shared. I can tell. This is a bestseller. I am. This is a bestseller.

I'm crying. No, but yeah, like, because I want people to really share this with their communities, with their friends, with their people. And what a better way to do it than to make it appealing, you know, to make it beautiful. Every single quote, the most important quotes in there have their own page and they're big and colorful that it has so much color. But I think that the best part of it are the exercises, because then you read about me and how I made things happen for myself, but then you get to think about you and how this applies to your life and put it in words. Yeah, yeah. So this book is for people to keep forever. Not to share, not to gift to other people. It's for themselves.

Yeah, I love that. Well, you have a lot going on from not just where people can see your YouTube videos that we talked about, but you do a course, traveling a lot and you've got your book coming out. But where can people find you? What's the best way for people to find you?

So I'm always on Instagram. I say I live there. When people ask me, where do you live? I'm like, on Instagram.

Yeah.

So you can find hello fears on Instagram. And from there you'll get to, you know, get the book. You'll get to go to my videos or subscribe to my newsletter, which is really fun. It's called Unapologetically Me. And that's one of the projects I've enjoyed the most doing this last year.

Yeah, yeah.

And the podcast that I did with Adam.

Yes. And you guys. Yeah. Check her out on Instagram @hellofears because your stories are better than watching TV. I'm just like, I'm just gonna watch her stories, see her dance around, see where she's off jet setting too now. And your book will be out. It's called hello Fears. And it'll be out When? May. What?

May 5th. But you can pre order it now.

You can pre order it now?

Yes, it's on Amazon.

Oh my.

We already sold over a thousand books.

Oh my gosh. That's unbelievable.

I'm so excited.

That's awesome. Well, thank you so much for taking the time from your just travels and your busy schedule to share with our audience. Just so much about getting out of your comfort zone and embracing those fears and going forward. I appreciate it.

Oh yes. Well, I can't wait to hear your stories of everybody that is listening to this and how they're going to start overcoming their own fears. So thank you for having me and for giving me this opportunity. Love.

Thank you. Thanks so much for joining us this week on True Britain Grace Podcast. If you like it, please rate it or share it with your friends. That would help too. If you're not yet on the newsletter list, come over to Amberly Lago.com and jump on it. While you're there, you can grab a free downloadable gratitude journal. And you might just want to check out my book or even check out my monthly motivational membership. Thanks again for tuning in and we'll see you next week.