Transformational Healing with Dr. Renee Mudrey

Welcome to True Grit and Grace, a podcast designed to empower you to claim your resilience and thrive through life's challenges. I am Amberly Lago, a mindset coach, fitness expert, and best selling author. Each week I'll dive deep with the world's brightest thought leaders and elite performers to share tangible tools and practical advice to inspire you to keep your eyes on the prize and forge ahead. So get ready to conquer your fears, heal any trauma, lead with your heart, and elevate your life with grit and grace. Foreign

hi and welcome back to the show. Thanks for being here for the True Grit and Grace podcast today. Our guest is very special. I'm so excited to have you on. I can see her beautiful face, but I wanted to tell you a little bit about her. She is an educational psychologist, a sought out speaker, transformational coach, spiritual mentor. I think you're a spiritual badass, by the way, and the author of the Unbecoming. She has a very unique perspective on healing and aligning the dimensions of self to live a life of contentment. She also has techniques to reduce stress and anxiety, and I think we all could use some of that right about now. So welcome, welcome, welcome to the show. Dr. Renee Mudray.

Hi, how are you? I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for having me.

Thank you. You know what, I have to say something. I was so nervous about pronouncing your name correctly because I always just call you Dr. Renee. And so I'm like, okay, I need to say your name correctly because I want everybody to be able to find you because you're amazing. And we've been friends for a while now and been trying to get you on the show because you are just so calming. And I think right now we have a lot of intensity, stress, panic going on in the world as we speak. And I just want you to tell us a little bit about kind of where you grew up, where you are now, and how you became this spiritual mentor and really this badass coach and speaker that you are today.

Thank you for having me on the show. I'm so honored. And you are one of my goddess sisters. So I couldn't think of a better place to be today. And as you said, my name was perfectly said. So thank you very much. And I'll tell you, I was usually bullied and picked on when I was really little simply for my name. And people would make cow moo sounds at me or, you know, they would rhyme Renee with hey and just horrible things when I was really little. The interesting thing was Is that. And the reason I mentioned that is because that is really what sort of led me into the field of psychology and particularly working with children and adolescents. Most of my career was really trying to figure out what was wrong with me, which now today, I can say there was nothing wrong. But when I was little, I always felt there was something wrong. I was bullied for the strangest things. I wasn't a kid who, you know, people picked on because of her weight or because of the way that she looked, per se, or whatever. There was all these really awkward things that I just never fit in in the world that I was existing. But I had a good life. You know, I had wonderful parents. My father was my best friend growing up, and always made me feel better in those moments. I was a great student. You know, I went on and pursued my academic career, became a professor. I mean, I've had a lot of great things in my life, but when I looked back, I struggled with anxiety and panic disorder for 33 years of my life, which then led to a huge bout of depression because I was diagnosed with melanoma cancer, which ate a good portion of my lower leg. You and I have that in common. The exact same leg and portion. But, you know, as I said in my podcast, mine was only cancer. Oh, yeah. And after that, I, you know, went through this downhill slope of my marriage was falling apart. I really couldn't figure out who I was, if I was really on the right path anymore. And I started to just take a step back and realized I was hiding something. I was hiding the biggest thing that became my greatest freedom.

Wow.

I was hiding my true identity, who I really was. So, long story short, when I was a little kid, I had always been very in tune spiritually. I had always received angelic messages. I had very clairaudient, clairvoyant, claircognizant. I could feel what people were thinking, and it was enormously stressful. Hence why my panic was so problematic, because I didn't know where my energy started and where their energy ended. And so it all just became mine for a long period of time. And I was raised Catholic, so I always had the belief that I wasn't allowed to be spiritual. I don't know where I got that from, but it sort of just stayed with me. And then when I got to that place of my awakening in my early 40s after my cancer diagnosis and I had my son at 39, I realized, like, I had to come out of my spiritual closet. That's what we joke about with my spiritual Friends these days. When did you come out of your room closet, your spiritual closet? And when I did that, there was this great essence of freedom that just came about. And that was really kind of my life story right there in a nutshell. But all of that was simply because I wasn't living a life of truth. I wasn't living a life that was destined for me. I was trying to become everything everybody wanted me or I thought they wanted me to be. And I just kept denying the gifts that were given to me. And when I finally moved into that space and just started speaking my truth, being in my truth, helping people also be the same, wow, Everything just kind of went away. You know, that was really negative. So I know that was probably more than you wanted, but.

No, no, I love that. Well, you know, I was raised not Catholic, and although my daughter goes to a Catholic school, I think it's important. And we have all denominations that go. We have Jewish people that go to the school or that have never been in a temple their whole life, or we've got some that go to temple weak, but they're in the Catholic school. And that's one of the things that I loved about her school. Was it this open feeling that you don't have to think or be a certain way. We welcome everyone here, which I loved. But when I was growing up, I grew up very religious and God fearing. You don't want to do that because you're going to burn in hell if you do. But I always felt very different. I can relate to what you're saying so much because I always had this connection with my higher power, but it felt different. And I felt closer to my higher power than when I went to Sunday school. I didn't get the same thing. So I felt a little different. And so I relate to what you're saying, but can you explain a little bit what you mean by coming out of your spiritual closet? What did that look like for you?

Oh, you know, in many ways, it was not elegant at all. It was.

Hello. Yes. Because I think once you see what people think of as an awakening or it's this beautiful thing, and it's like usually you have to be at your lowest, darkest time in your life in order to get to that point. So I'm sorry, I just think that's. No, I relate to everything you're saying.

Yeah. And you've seen those memes, right? It's really funny where they're like, this is what people think the awakening looks like. And it's this beautiful, angelic Person in a beautiful, you know, yogic pose. And then the real story is, you know, the one who's going through the dark night of the soul. And for sure, it was a painful awakening. And I sort of, you know, realized that for many of us, and I know you're in this posse as well, who had to take the hard road all the time, always had. No matter what was given to us, it was like, oh, no. We always ended up in these really difficult circumstances. Not by choice, but just that our energy always led us into these things. And I realized that my awakening was going to be no different. It was going to be challenging. It was going to be dark and messy. Because if it had been anything other than that, it would have never gotten me to where I am today. I would have just kept living and recycling the same old patterns that I always had, which kept me trapped all of my life. And so it was probably full of physical pain. I had, obviously, after the surgery from my melanoma and my reconstruction on my leg, it started to have some physical pain in that location, and I started to have pain in other parts of my body. I literally was awake for 12 days straight. Never slept, never even passed out for an ounce of a second. And I remember going to the doctor going, something's not quite right. What's wrong with me? And they're like, well, we could give you sleeping pills, we could give you these things, but you're already at such a high elevated brain activity. Like, we're afraid of what that would do to you. And I finally met the most beautiful person on this planet. And he ended up being everything to me. My therapist, my Reiki master, my spiritual mentor. Everything wrapped up in one beautiful package. And when I stepped into his office, he had told me exactly what was happening to me. He said, welcome. You know, we've been waiting for you. And I said, wow, where am I going? He goes, you're already here. You've always been here. You just weren't realizing where you were. And I was like, wow. And he was. He had studied Eastern medicine and practices as well as Western. He was this beautiful mix and told me everything about what was happening to me spiritually and all the stages I would go through and what I was experiencing, because I had even gotten to a place that it was so dark that I didn't know if I could stay here. It was so painful. And emotionally, I was, like, really almost kind of going out of my mind from not sleeping for almost two solid weeks that I wasn't really aware of what was happening to me anymore. And he was the one that really gave me that faith, you know, and to really stick it out. So it was ugly, it was dark, it was painful. It was everything it needed to be.

Wow.

Well, people don't have to go through that. You know, I do want to say that. That a lot of people use the dark night of the soul, I think, in unfair ways, you know, try to explain maybe something else that they're going through, something else they're trying to escape. Not everybody has to go through that. And that's what I'm really trying to do now through my work is to help people avoid having to go that far down and try to come back up, you know.

So do you think that what helped you the most was just. Did you have to go to several doctors before you found this mentor that you found or this doctor that you found when you needed help? And you were at your darkest place? Because there's a lot of people that may be listening, and they're like, well, I'm struggling right now. I'm in a hard place. I don't know what's going on. What would you suggest to them to do if they're in that situation where they're really struggling with a challenge and they're like, well, I'm not sleeping. I'm full of panic and fear, or what would you suggest to do?

And I know you went through a similar thing, too, of. You know, I did. I went through a lot of doctors, a lot of therapists, a lot of practitioners, you know, traditional ones at first, who just wanted to push the medication and, you know, other things, and I was not wanting to do that. I had never taken a single drug pill in my entire life. I wasn't even a kid who smoked pot. I was afraid of that stuff. I know, and I'm not judging people who did. But for me, it was not a path that I ever took. I'd never been physically drunk. I've never done any of that. So the idea of having to take medication to calm me down or to, you know, figure out things, I had seen it in my family, and it never seemed to work. You know, it only took care of, like, little things. And then they were upping their dose or they were shifting this, so I knew it wasn't.

And then when you take one thing, then there's a side effect for that. Then you take another thing, then another, then another, and it's terrible. And, yeah, at one point, I was on 11. They sent me home from the hospital with 11 prescription medications I was on, and I was at one point on 73 homeopathic pills a day. So it was insanity is what it was.

And I think for the listeners, you know, you have to keep going. You have to know that there is a reason why you are still here. Because if you weren't supposed to be, you wouldn't be here. Right. And that's as plain as God can make it. You know, he will decide all of our ultimate days, and none of us will ever know when that is. And, you know, even after your accident, that wasn't your moment. Right. Because you're here.

Yeah. My husband always says, he jokes, he goes, well, God just keeps spitting you back out. You just won't die.

Stop shoddy.

That's what he says.

He's so elegant.

Yes, he is.

Oh, that's so funny. But it's true, right? And I said the same thing. I said, no matter what happened in my life, I kept being pulled up. I feel like I've been pulled up by the roots, you know? And God was saying, stand up straight. You've got a job to do. You've got a job to do. And I probably saw 11 therapists, seven regular doctors, because obviously, you know, they started to catch on, and then they would push me away. And then I started to see holistic doctors and acupuncturists and Reiki specialists. And, you know, some of it did work. Some of it did help in a way. And, you know, it.

Just because it gave you the experience. Well, I don't know if you feel this way, but for me, it gave me the experience of learning from each doctor, because I went to several doctors and specialists, and I got to the point where I was like, okay, I know this doctor is not going to be a good fit for me or this one will. So I think it's important to keep reaching out. And, you know, and some medications do work for people. I fought that for a long time, for about four years, and before I finally was like, okay, I never in my life wanted to be on a medication. And I'm now down to one medication from 11 to one. But it does help me. And this is what it took. It took a doctor saying to me, if you were a diabetic and you needed insulin, would you not take your insulin?

Yeah.

He's like, you have a disease. And I don't even like to call it that, but this medication helps, you know, for now, maybe you can get in. My little ray of hope is there's always tomorrow or the future where I may be able to get off that, but for now, it gives me the ability to live life a little fuller by being on this medication. But I think that going to all these doctors and specialists, we have the ability to learn from those doctors, and then we have that perspective that we can share with others.

Yeah. And what you just said was what we really need to attach ourselves to. Does it make you feel better? You know, yes. People would say, well, drugs make people feel better and these kinds of things. So then we'll clarify. Does it make you feel better long term? Are you able to rise even just a little bit from where you were? Because if it does, then that's a sign that you're on the right path to keep going with that person, even though you're an unsure, uncertain. And I knew right when I met this spiritual mentor of mine that he was going to be a beautiful soul in my life. And he's like a father to me today.

How long ago was this?

That was six years ago. Yeah, so just six years ago. You know, I had two babies at the time who were really little. I was raising them by myself. Their dad was overseas and his tours of duty, you know, in the military in Afghanistan and other places of the world. And I didn't have any family around here. It was rough, you know, and you're not sure why this is happening to you and what's going on. And I was already in this career of mental health. And so that made it even more perplexing was I felt like I should be able to fix this. Why can't I fix this? And I realized, well, this was the wake up call again, where I made my bridge into spiritual psychology from traditional psychology, because it was not just looking at things in black and white anymore, that there were other stories to be told and connections to be made. And I know you follow this as well. The mind, body, spirit connection can't be denied. Even though statistically the latest study said 50% of American internal medicine doctors still say that they don't believe in the spiritual connection to medicine. 50%. So that means that 50% of the doctors do. That's a high percentage of those who think that only traditional medicine works. And we know from people like the beautiful Joe Dispenza and other people out there who are doing the scientific research showing the power of meditation and mindfulness. And John Kevin, there's power in that.

I mean, people ask me a lot, know that I deal with daily chronic pain. They're like, well, what do you take? And it's not one simple thing. It. You're exactly right. It's a mind, body, spirit transformation. But it's not just a transformation for me. It's mind, body, and spirit work every single day. Yes, every day.

Right?

You got to do your heart all

over every single day. And I love what you said in one of your interviews where you were talking about a toolbox, and you said, some days one thing works, some days three things work, and other days nothing works. And it's the same thing psychologically as it is physically. You have to have this huge chest of, you know, your tools that you're gonna go into, and you have to just keep trying. Every morning, people always say to me, you seem so, you know, full of light and happiness and so peaceful. You know, are you ever not happy? My students ask me this all the time. We never see you not happy. Oh, I have dark days. I have dark mornings. I have mornings where it takes me two hours to get out of bed sometimes. And, you know, it's about having a practice, an absolute divine practice that you never compromise for anybody. And it's my five favorite things that I never, ever, you know, not do in a day, no matter how hard or dark I feel. And I tell people with depression and anxiety that it's not about finding some place in your life that's going to be all magical and beautiful and you're never going to have to go back. Just like you with physical pain and the emotional stuff you've had to endure every day you wake up, you have to start the engine again. It's almost like, will the battery come on today? I don't know if the battery's going to start. And you start putting that key in and you're praying that it's going to start. That's exactly how it is. And that's where I really preach about getting to the middle, you know, really getting to a place of contentment. Because if you stop living in the highs and lows and you learn to balance your emotions to keep you more in a stable, middle place, you're not going to be so influenced when you go down and when you go up at times, and you'll be able to bring yourself back to a place of homeostasis or balance in the middle. And it is about learning how to calibrate those emotions and working through those tools mentally and emotionally so we're not thrown out, you know, something like this. Right now we are in the pandemic, right time in either of our lives that we've had to face anything because I know we're the same age and it's incredible, right? To look at what's happening in the world. And we're just like, wow. But if you and I hadn't done the work that we had already done, can you imagine what we would be like today? Oh.

Oh, my goodness.

We'd be fighting over toilet paper. We'd be, oh, my goodness.

It was crazy. Yeah. I went to the store a couple of days ago and it was complete. People were running around like crazy. And I'm strolling through the market. Yes, I have places to be, but I'm prepared. And so I'm strolling through the market. But I did find myself getting a little anxious because there was a guy that was in his scooter cart and he was taken up the aisle and I was like, my first thought was, oh, I really need to get around him. And I thought, no, wait a minute. It wasn't that long ago when I was in the market in my little scooter cart to get groceries and I couldn't stand up. So I walked over and I said, can I help you get something? And he was like, yes, that. And he looked up at the Cheetos and I was like, oh, just one bag of those. And I said, well, great, now I think I'll get a bag too. And we smiled and had a little chuckle. And I think that if I were where I was even five years ago, yeah, I would have been a mess. Actually, just yesterday, I just celebrated my four year sobriety day. So when I tell people I was really in a dark place, I was like, so probably four years ago, I wouldn't have been the person that would have been able to do that for someone. So I think that our struggles can lead us to our strengths, but it can also allow us the opportunity to be of service to others, no matter what that may look like, whether it's getting a bag of Cheetos for someone or just being there and being a present mom or a friend that is there that, you know, you can call someone. But I think, you know, we were talking before we started recording a little bit and just about what's going on. And you said something that struck me. You said, your energy is so important to you that you are. It's sacred. And you're on lockdown mode. You're hunkered down. Your kids are home from school. Well, my oldest is away at college, but our kids are out of school. We're hunkered down. And you realize something, that your energy is sacred. And I Think that's something that's very important to talk about? Boundaries.

Oh, absolutely.

You know, with yourself, your time and your energy, what would you suggest just for someone right now to set some healthy boundaries just to protect their health and their energy? Because a lot of people are panicking. They're panicking about their health, about what's going to happen not just with their health, but with their careers, with their livelihood. What are they going to do? What is something you could suggest to someone right now? Hopefully, by the time this podcast airs, the big, big scare will be done. We'll all be seeing. We'll be getting back to school because we're about three weeks out from releasing. But what would you do to suggest to someone how to protect their energy?

Yeah, you know, I'm glad you brought this up, because this has become something almost like scripture for me, that this is so sacred and really important to me is my energy. Because I realized all of my life. When I looked back prior to the age of 35, I looked 20 years older than I was. And today, as I know you and I are, you know, I just turned 48. You have a birthday coming up, don't you?

I do. I'm gonna be 48.

I know. See, I know.

I know. These days. You are so good.

I never forget people's birthdays, even if they mention it once. It's something that always stays with me. And you had said you were a Pisces somewhere, and I was like, oh, we're in Pisces season, so it's gotta be coming up. And it's so important to me because all of my life, I was letting my energy just always get drained and pulled away from me. And I didn't realize that. I didn't mean to do it, but I wasn't trained. I wasn't made aware of the sanctity of that energy and how to pull it back in and how to honor it and how to create those boundaries. And so now, today, even long before this pandemic here ever broke out, I recognized that this was what was going to save my life when I went through cancer, this was going to save my life through depression. This was going to save my life through anything. Now that ever would come up. Toilet paper will not save you in a pandemic. But you know what?

That's so true. Yes. Yes.

Your heart will.

Amen to that.

Right, Will. Steady mind and a steady heart are always going to be the backbone of a really healthy body. You know, a steady mind. Right. And a steady heart or a Strong heart, a pure heart are going to be the backbone of a strong physical body. We often spent most of our life. I actually had two beautiful gentlemen on my podcast earlier this morning. We were recording, and they are people who do this beautiful, you know, same thing, mind, body, spirit, alignment. But they get it, even though they're in the fear physical fitness industry, that it's not about the physical body first. It's about tackling those other elements that are the greater support of our energy. And for me, it's always been my heart. You know, when my heart was clear and pure, I could focus on what I needed to do, and my body would always sustain me if it didn't have to keep holding my brain and my heart up, you know, and that's a big part for us. So I think the easiest thing is not having to really go out and buy anything or do anything. It's about getting to a place of recognizing that more so than not, right, we know the right thing to do. We have an intuition. We have a beautiful energy and essence within each of us that's been with us since before we were even born. And all we have to do is get quiet, be peaceful, and just listen for a minute, and it's going to tell you if you should go out or not. It's going to tell you if that place is safe to go to or not. It's going to tell you the next step. You know, we love our Queen Oprah. And I remember she said this once. She said, it's only about doing the next best thing. That's it. Not about tomorrow. Don't worry about next week. I know many people are concerned about their job, but all you can do today is today. That's it. Take care of the next minute, Take care of the next minute. And then when you realize that you build up every minute, every hour of every day, you find that you've tackled things that you didn't even notice that you were tackling. And so I think, you know, really breaking it down to just being present in this moment and just getting through each day is going to take us so, so far. And it's time to clear. Here's my thing. I said recently in one of my healing sessions online, I said, I really do believe in all of this that's happening right now. People might not like me saying this, but this is what I really feel, that we were brought to this crisis because it's about time to really let go of the viruses that are beyond this meaning. Guilt, shame, negativity, toxicity, attachments, you know, addictions, reliances, whatever your vice is, this is the time where we can't leave our houses anymore. We're bound to those that we're closest to, which is what we should have been doing in the first place. And we're having to face ourselves and our truth. And I think that's powerful.

And it's not easy. No, not easy to do.

It's tough work to look in that mirror and say, you know, I'm not really where I want to be. Even I'm not where I thought I would be at this moment. I'm further than I thought it would be in some ways, and not doing the things that I promised myself I would do a few years ago. And so this has been a moment of self reflection for me. I think that's important in this time too. We could just sit down and reflect on those things without punishing or abusing ourselves. We've got time, you know, we've got time. I'm doing photo albums. That's how much time I have right now.

I love that, though. That's one of the things we were talking about before we started recording is it is a time of reflection and a time to be still. And I actually had one of my clients say, well, Amberly, this could be a really good thing for you. This could be a good thing. She goes, but you have been traveling so much and on the go, maybe you need to just be still. And that was one of the things. I just saw Oprah in Texas, and one of the things message that came through loud and clear was, be still, be still, and all the answers will come. And it's so true, but often difficult when you're an entrepreneur and you wear many hats and, you know, you're a mom and a wife and you're on the go and you're trying to build a business, it's sometimes hard. What would you say to someone who is really busy and they feel like they can't be still and they're on the go? What would you suggest for them to do to get in a practice of being still?

Yeah, and I think this will come back to that same notion where we all are right now. We don't know in the long run how long any of us really has to be here. And so I think that when it comes to that and realizing the sacredness of life and the purpose of life is to live, right? It's not to work, it's to live. And how we define our life is usually based on income, unfortunately, and success. Based on credentials versus right now. If everything got horrible, which it isn't, you know, we're going to make it. But if everything got horrible and we weren't going to make it, would we still be worried about what I need to get done today? I would just be grabbing my kids and being in that moment with them. And so I know people hate hearing that, but it's so important to drive that back because people don't appreciate their health until it's taken away. People don't stay present in their parenting until a child gets really sick or they get sick and then they shift things around. And we shouldn't have to wait for that conflict to show up, but we do because we're human. I'm even guilty of it. You know, it's something that I lose my, my way many times. So I think that's the first thing. The other thing is that your family has to always come first. For me, I'll drop everything. I'll drop a phone call, I'll drop an appointment, I'll cancel a class. I will do whatever. If my children are sick, there's just nothing that I wouldn't do. And yes, my income is also compromised in those moments as well. But like I've learned, having survived other things that were life threatening, you know, I almost died a year ago. As you probably remember, I was in the hospital with sepsis and they didn't think I was going to make it Christmas week. The doctor even said, you're not leaving. I don't know what you were thinking, but you're not leaving me because I don't know if I'll see you tomorrow. And I was like, oh, my God. I'm sitting here with this doctor thinking, I knew I was sick, but I didn't think I was that sick.

It's really scary because I went septic as well and I felt like I was dying. I felt horrible. I couldn't even drive myself to the error. My husband drove me and he said, we've got to put you in icu. You're dying, basically. And it's really scary, right?

Yeah. It makes you face reality of that. But people who haven't faced that, it's hard because they haven't been pushed to the brink yet. And I think that this pandemic has pushed us all there, whether you want to be there or not. And, you know, the other thing is when you can get into a daily practice, because I'm like, well, let's not talk about the morbidity, let's talk about Some good things here. But when you can get into a sacred practice every day of things that you aren't willing to compromise. And it might mean getting up an hour earlier before the kids. It might mean staying up an hour later than what you would like. It might mean, you know, doing some things during your lunch hour at work. You know, stop working on your lunch hour for these companies, nobody is worth that. That hour is yours. And often you don't get paid for it. That should be sacred time where you say no, right? That's a boundary that we were talking about before. And if that boss and that company doesn't support that, that should be a sign that you are not in direct alignment with what is going to help you feel good. And many of us have put ourselves in jobs that don't fulfill us, don't suit us, don't serve our karmic and dharmic purpose of being here in the first place. And it's hard to wake up one day and say, I need to walk away from this. But you just might. The other thing is ask for what you need. Here's another thing. We women don't do very well, right? We just harbor anger. When the other person doesn't read our mind and do what we want them to do, we get angry. It's like, well, no one's a mind reader. We have to learn to use that beautiful throat chakra and speak our truth and say, you know, you've been asking me to work on lunch for the last five weeks. I'm exhausted and I want to continue to be a good employee for you, but in order for that to happen, I need to also have my time in the middle of the day to decompress. You'd be surprised how many people are supportive of those things. If you ask, you've got to ask.

And the thing is that knowing that we're worth it, like something that I learned the hard way was, you know, my self worth was all wrapped up into what I was able to contribute financially to the family, what I could bring to my clients, what I looked like. And when all of that was gone, I was left with, well, this is me. This is, you know, when I was stuck in the hospital bed and then stuck for months, you know, in a wheelchair, then on crutches, I really had to define what was my self worth, what made me worthy. And I think that can be a beautiful blessing for me was the gift of perspective. Going through such a hard time, it really allowed me to see what was the most important thing in my life. But I like what you said, how you don't have to get to that point, you don't have to get that low, you don't have to go through something that's so difficult. You can take it from both of us. Like, even if I think there's something so healing and it's something that gets me so close, clear is if I can just sit and write down what are the most important things to me? If we were, you know, locked up for the next year, what would be the most important thing? And I think for me, my value system helps me make decisions, whether it's for business or friendships or whatever it may be in life. If it doesn't go with my value system, then it makes it easier for me to say yes or no or to set a boundary if that person has a big thing. For me, like for values, first of all, my family. But integrity, honesty, like those things are in my value. And then the things for, like you said, I like that you said family first. For me it is family first, like, and health. And we have to, as women especially, have to start putting us on the to do list.

Oh, amen. And you know, in my book the Unbecoming, I talk about my story, right? It's more of a science fiction fantasy, but it's the truth, in a way, of what really happened to me just told in a very spiritual perspective. And I developed a course as a result because people were like, wow, I want to put that into my life. How do I do it? And I was like, wow, I never really saw myself creating a class for it. I just was telling my story and everybody wanted to figure out, well, how do you unbecome? What does that really mean? And, you know, I was inspired by the famous quote. And you know, nobody really knows where

that quote came from yet, even till

today, but that maybe it's not about becoming anything anymore at this point. Maybe it's about unbecoming all the things that you thought you were supposed to be and really allowing yourself, like you said, to strip down to the rawness and the pureness of what you really are. And at first, when you see it, it's going to appear ugly and unfamiliar and scary because you've been looking at a veil or a mask or a buildup of other people that you became instead of you. And so what I describe, the unbecoming is basically a four part process. And the first part is really being able to be in the awareness of what you are not. And this is hard because it's facing Your family, in a way, it's facing society and all the things that we became. Even though your parents were lovingly parenting you and doing their best, we certainly don't want to bring blame onto them. But maybe they pushed you into that soccer team. Maybe they pushed you into being a pageant person you didn't want to be. Maybe you wanted to be a pageant person, and your mom was so liberal and wouldn't let you go that route. Right. I mean, it's just all those kinds of things.

It's like a scorecard that we get. Like, you get the score scorecard, and you have to, like, check off these boxes. Okay, Right. Well, I finished school well. I got married. Well, I had the kid. What do you really want to do? And so I'm very careful what I ask my children. Well, what I ask Ruby, especially because she's still just 11 years old. She's only 11. And so I'm very careful what I say, even when I tell her things like, wow, you'd be a great veterinarian someday, or, wow, you're so smart, you could be a comedian. Like, all these little things that I'm telling her, I realized that can become her scorecard. Well, mom said I could be a veterinarian. She said, maybe I'm funny. So I've got this scorecard that she's checking off. But I really want her to create her own thing. What does she want to be? Who is she? And show her that she can be anything that she wants to be.

Right. And that's the biggest part, is sometimes that imprinting is meant with good intention and heart. But most people parent in a way of things that they never were able to do or that they have regret about. And so we find that coming onto the child. And it builds up, and it builds up, and it builds up. It's like a wedding cake. You ever notice, like, the top of it's this tiny little tier with the two people standing up on top. And then the part that everybody else eats is the big, giant part at the bottom. It's like everybody else always gets a bigger slice of your life. And you guys only get this little tiny piece of what you call your marriage or your relationship because we're believing in societal standards of what it means to be a woman, to be a mother, to be a man, to be whatever it is that you attached yourself to being. And I luckily went into the career that I chose, and I wanted more than anything. I didn't have that. But I became my mother's anxiety. I became My father's depression, I became, my father's fearful social anxiety. All those kinds of things I became because they didn't know how not to be those things. And so if we can bring our sense to the awareness of what am I not? What did I acquire from people, Things. All this stuff around me, Media, as you were greatly probably influenced by, in the dancing industry, you know, that kind of stuff is what we became, which wasn't meant for us. It's almost like having scabs on our skin. We were wearing all these other people around us, and you kind of get in there and really let go of all that surface and get down to the ability of seeing who you are. And once you come into that awareness and you can go into that what we call the deconstructing phase. And the deconstruction is where you start picking off all those flakes of other people in your skin, in your life. And there's many ways of getting there. I mean, there's so many to even talk about. But, you know, one thing can simply just be saying, I can no longer, you know, be in this situation anymore. I've got to let go of this job. I, you know, have to remove myself from this friendship with this person who my family expects me to stay connected to simply because their parents are friends or the people who believe that they can stay friends with the next. That might not be for you, where it might work for other people. And so we have to deconstruct all the old paradigms and beliefs and figure out where they came from and begin to start to detach and let go of those things. And that's hard. It's not easy. You know, for the sake of an hour podcast, we got to go quickly on that. The third phase is the reconstruction. This is the most beautiful part of life. The reconstruction is where you now get to look at all the stuff that you said is not me. You look in the mirror and you look at yourself and you say, what am I now? What do I choose for me? What am I going to be? What's my legacy for the rest of my life? And that's where we get to pick it all up. So some of the stuff that you let go of, you might still want to be. You know, there are pieces of my mother, of course, I adore and love, and there are pieces of my father I adore and love and want to take with me. You still get to pack those things and take them back in the reconstruction, but that's another part. And then the last part is the reintegration. So now that I've rebuilt myself to who I am, I can't just go jumping into society. I'm going to go back into panic. People might not accept me. I don't know if I can do this. And there's work that has to be done on how do I reemerge, that is come out of your closet and really go into society without those fears and all those kinds of things. And it's a journey.

And I think it's important that you're bringing that up because when you're on especially a healing journey or a transformational journey or a spiritual journey, for me, it took a long time and it can take time and it's not always easy. And I think that's where, especially because of social media nowadays, people just think you go through this hard time and then all of a sudden, look, you're a best selling author or that person is, you know, won an Emmy or whatever. It may look like that people do. And I think that it's so much harder than that. And you have to. For me, what was key is having a supportive community along the way. Yes.

Yeah. And I call mine my fab five. These are five essential people that will always surround me at any moment, at any time. And you know who they are already. Even if you're in your darkest dark, you know who those people are. And it might take some, you know, like, you and I both had experiences with somebody we thought would be there and wasn't there for us. And that woke us up, though. That was a learning experience that said, well, I'm gonna create a boundary with that person and allow my energy never to be compromised by an expectation with them. And so it is learning those learning, you know, aspects, those lessons are the sacred pieces of the soul journey, the spiritual journey. It's not about what you're gaining or becoming. It's really about what you're releasing and surrendering and what, you know, that you're left with. And most of us spend most of our lives accumulating, and then we spend our mid years trying to get rid of it. And so I have been trying now through the work that I do, to really help teens and young adults avoid accumulating. I'm almost like the, remember this show hoarders. I'm almost like the emotional hoarder person. I'm like, how do we avoid you having to go into a relationship before your frontal lobe is even done growing? Right? Like, why do you want to date before you're 25? Like you just shouldn't. You don't even have to like, don't do it.

But those hormones kick in and that's all they can think about. I know. And they think powerful. Yeah.

And they, you know, it's like they don't even realize that they're like missiles in their own lives because with their frontal lobe not even being grown and emotionally not being ready, all you're willing to do is cast yourself out there to hurt another person and hurt yourself. And I wish that's my greatest regret in life. I wish I had spent my upper teen, young, 20 years by myself, building myself, knowing what I know now and not having give my energy to people that weren't worthy of my energy right now. Some people, they can meet people when they're young. I'm not saying it can't happen, you know, you certainly can. I know high school sweethearts who married for 50, 60 years. But that's a rarity, right? It's a rarity for many people. So.

And it's unbelievably, I mean, to me it's crazy how those people. When you're developing your frontal lobe and you're in these relationships and you can be so, you know, people can really leave an imprint on you. I'm blown away at things that were said to me when I was that age and in a relationship that still stick with me. Yeah, they're still with me. And it's like slowly getting rid of that.

Yeah, it's hard. The scars are deep.

It's terrible.

And I don't know if some things will ever really truly be out and maybe they shouldn't be. The other way I've looked at those is. Okay, well then those were the true karmic lessons.

Right.

And I must leave an imprint in your soul so that you never pick that damn thing up again.

And well, you know what's crazy is my first love, I had dancer legs and an athlete's legs. I had track legs. Looking back, I didn't know that. I thought I was so ugly I was embarrassed of my legs and would never wear shorts because he told me that my legs were big and I had like they, they're so big and they're muscular and fat. And I had frog legs, big at the top and I had dancers legs. And oh my gosh, what I would give to have those legs.

Right.

And I, I would always hide them. And I remember one day I walked into the gym, it was 110 degrees outside and I'd been on a run and I Was trying to run to the dressing room to put on some pants because I had shorts on so nobody would see. And one of the trainers in the gym, who was a bodybuilder, and he trained bodybuilders, he looked at me, he goes. Made a huge scene at the gym. He's like, dang, girl, where'd you get those legs? Where you been hiding those legs? And I was shocked. And everybody looked over, and there was this moment of, oh, my God, he sees my leg. And I was like, wow, he's a professional. And he's actually complimenting my legs that I'm trying to run to the bathroom to hide. And I was already in my 30s at this point. I was like, 37. Well, when I was 38 is when I got. I finally started going, oh, wow, I have nice legs. Well, when I was 38 was when I got hit by the SUV. But it took all of that. And then I went through a whole other process of acceptance of what I look like now. I went through a whole other phase of let me hide again. And wait a minute. I don't have to hide. This is it. This is the cards I've been dealt. And I can choose to have a joyous, free life, or I can live in shame and try to cover up and like you talked about before, put the mask on, all the masks that we wear, or the big boots or big pants that I was wearing to cover up. But it's not easy being in acceptance and embracing our vulnerabilities. And I know that's one of the things that you really talk about is how to accept where you are, who you are, and what you are. Now, what is one key thing that you could offer to someone right now? To be in acceptance for something maybe they don't like about themselves or they were told not to like about themselves.

Yeah. And I think that'll go back to what I was talking about with the unbecoming. A lot of times when we're trying to do this work and we're trying to do the clearing and the cleansing and all of that, but we still. It's like, you know, if you've ever been in an old person's house and up in their attic, and they've got so many treasures up there, but there's also a lot of junk, but they can't get rid of anything. Right. They just can't let go. And so when we try to do the clearing and the cleansing, and we haven't let go of the things that we aren't, we are not of anymore that are no longer serving us. It doesn't matter how much we shine or polish that thing up, we're never really going to be able to see the beauty of what we really are. And I think it does take a really, really conservative spiritual practice that we begin each day to let go of those things that we are not. And it can just be verbally. I mean, you can. Maybe you're not going to be able to leave that marriage. Maybe you aren't going to be able to leave that job right now. Maybe you have a responsibility to something you can't walk away from. But emotionally and spiritually, you can still protect yourself and create a boundary around you that still allows you to do that intrinsic internal work that I call the inner revolution. And that's that piece of where you really can dive deep inside and say, if I know that I am not of these things, I am not of these things that these people have called me, these names that people have called me, I can let that down. I can put it over there. I can see it outside of myself, right? And I can observe it from over here. I can create a separateness, you know, between those two. And I have a YouTube video out. It was probably my, I would say, most popular one that you must feel to heal, and that's a big part in it, is putting it on the stage. If you can let that insecurity, that doubt, that feeling of I'm not enough outside of your body for just that moment, while you sit there and visualize it and meditate with it and you see it outside of yourself and away from you, you will, over time, begin to realize it is not of you. It is not of you, and it'll stay further and further away each time.

But I like what you said. It's something that you have to be willing to do every day.

Every day.

And it's a practice, and I like that you say that. So people know that it's a practice, and it's waking up every day and being willing to do the work and feel the feels. And I'm going to go check out that YouTube video.

I had so much fun doing that, and it was one of my very first ones I ever created. I'm not even in it. Which makes me wonder, why did they like that one so much if I'm

not even in it?

But, you know, it has like, you know, V roll and stuff like that. So I think people appreciate that. But I've had so many comments for that one, you know, thank you for this. And I was facing such a hard time, and I realized I had to feel it. And that was where, you know, I meant to say this before, and I had forgotten when we were talking about coming out of the closet, I had so much pain in my legs, even the one that wasn't part of my melanoma, which led me to understand that it wasn't a systemic thing. It was a spiritual thing for me. And I had to just lay in bed for a couple of weeks. When I was ready for bed or when I was getting up, where I would just allow that sensation to just move through me, all the way through me. I wouldn't try to stop it. Because when we're in pain, sometimes we emotionally just put the gate on it. We're like, nope, nope, I don't want to feel this right now. And I stop it, and then it comes back charging at you later. Whereas if you just allow yourself to float through it, you know, lay there, allow it to be. I talk to my body all the time. My tribe knows this. I am such an advocate for talking to your body, particularly the areas that cause you pain, because those are the ones that need the most love from you. Those are the ones that want your trust and your devotion and your dedication again. And when I had the tumors in my kidney, I spent so much time just sitting there talking to my kidney. I was like, I love you. I believe in you. I know you're doing a great job. I'm going to stay over here and allow you to do your blessings. And I prayed at night, and I visualized my growths getting smaller and things like that. And I walked into the doctor's office, my urologist, and he was like, I don't know what you're doing. I don't believe in all the spiritual stuff, but keep doing what you're doing, because the one growth is gone, and

the other one, wow, that's amazing.

That's a testament. You know, not everybody's going to be able to do that. Some people, as my dear friend, have to go through radiation and have to go through chemotherapy and if they so choose, I get that. But for me, there was such a blessing when I was able to move into that sacredness of my body and honor it again. That it just has always, you know, supported me. It supported me, and I know it will through this really important.

And one of the things that I've learned, you know, as a dancer and athlete, I was taught, suck it up. You don't feel the pain. You know, you push it down you just keep going, pull your bootstraps up and you ignore it. And what I've had to relearn is. Yes, and that kind of thinking did get me through a lot, I must say, and it really taught me a lot. And it helped me with the whole grit part of anything hard. But I had to learn to really listen to my body. And I think it's important that we all embrace what's going on with our bodies and listen to our bodies, because I think, you know, they talk to us and they tell us, they give us feedback to what's going on and if we don't, it starts to yell at us. And my whole thing knock you upside the head.

Right. Like your grandmother.

Yes, yes. We have to get to the point where we don't let it whack us upside the head. Exactly. That we really are in moments of stillness where we listen and acknowledge and show our self, love. And that's what I had to learn because I was not doing that.

Yeah. And I think, you know, in this pandemic right now, with people being worried about their health, you know, do the right things, right? You know, keep your distance, stay home as much as you can, wash your hands, do all the things that they're recommending for us physically right now, but do that work as well. Really see yourself as healthy. Talk to yourself like you're healthy. You know, my body has gotten me through so much before. I have the utmost faith it will pull me through even if I, you know, I'm compromised by this virus. I know I'll make it through. You know, that's how we have to talk to ourselves. I even tell the elderly right now, don't just succumb to the statistics because they're, oh, my God, I'm going to pass away if I get this. And yes, we want them to be safe, but I've been telling them right now, you know, again, remember that you are not your age and you are more than that. And you talk to your body, remind yourself, see yourself at 35 and 40 right now. Take yourself back to that place of your youthfulness and all that. Your mind will be tricked. That's the weakness of the mind. It can be tricked into anything. Yes, Your heart knows what you are and who you are, and it doesn't age in the way that our physical body does. Right. And so I think that's what's going to really pull us through. And we're going to look back on this, you know, and we're going to realize how resilient we really are.

Yeah.

I remember one time I had a little kid, I did a cartwheel, my daughter's horse show. And we were in between competitions, and so we were goofing off and I did a cartwheel. And this little kid looked at me and she goes, oh, you know how to do a cartwheel? And just because she was shocked, because a woman that she had never experienced. But what had she been told? That women of my age don't do cartwheels. You know, I'm like, oh, I shouldn't be able to do a cartwheel. Well, I never thought of myself as not being able to do one. I just kept doing them. And so I love that you say that, because our resilience does depend on our mindset.

It does. And that's, you know, again, the brain is the weakest, weakest link that we have. And it fills our reality with false memories and, you know, false expectations. It makes us believe things about ourselves that aren't isn't true. But our heart is the purest element of our entire system. It has its own intelligence system, right. And it has a resonance about it that's far more powerful than our mental capacity. So when we ease up our mind by doing the work of our heart, then the mindset work can happen because we're going to be able to see more clearly and be able to reduce that stress. And, you know, living from your heart is one of those things that seems so challenging because we're fearful of being vulnerable. But you have to be. You have to let it all down and you have to feel what you feel, and it's going to hurt at times, it's going to be joyful at times. But if we learn to live in the middle of the contentment again, then those highs and lows don't beat us up when we get there.

Oh, I love that. Well, what would you say is your definition of resilience?

You know, if you would have asked me this 20 years ago, I would have had a whole different definition. I think that resilience is the demonstration of the ultimate truth of self. I think that that's when you are living your absolute truth, no matter what it looks like. You're speaking your truth, no matter what it sounds like. But you know that you are living in the divinity of who you are. That's the most beautiful element of humankind. My name, Renee, literally means rebirth. And like, I didn't realize how special that was until I had to rebirth myself, you know, a couple of times in my life. And I think that that's what resilience really is, is recognizing that you've been through a lot, but that's what was supposed to happen. You'll be going through a lot again, and that's what's supposed to happen. But every time, you're going to be reborn to something more beautiful. And coming to that place, there's nothing in this world, even people fighting over toilet paper, that can't tear you down because you know there are better things and more elevated things in life.

Oh, that is beautiful. You are so brilliant and have the most.

Are you. Oh.

And you have the most beautiful heart. I just love you. And thank you so much for taking the time to be on the show. I want everybody to be able to find you. All your information will be in the show notes. So if you're listening, you can go to the show notes and find all the links to everything. But will you just tell everybody so if they're listening, they can hear where to find you? Because right now you're offering a free private support group that you have. You have courses. You are. People are asking you to speak. So if you go to your website, you can find out where she's speaking next. But will you tell us where to find you?

Yes. My main website is transcendentheart.com and I am predominantly on Instagram. I love that platform. It seems to be my home. You can find me there at Dr. Renee Mudray. And my private Facebook group is called A Journey Within. And it's a really beautiful platform for mind, body, spirit, alignment, but more importantly, just a place of hope and faith that a lot of people come together just to have a place where people believe in each other and love each other. It's as simple as that. So that's what we're there to do.

Oh, thank you. You are my soul sister. Thank you. Thank you for being on and sharing your wisdom. I love you. Thank you.

Thank you so much for joining us this week on the True Grit and Grace podcast. Don't forget to hit that subscribe button. And it would be so awesome if you rate and maybe left a review. That would help, too. And also, I have some exciting news for you. If you are ready to learn a mindset that will get you through any challenge, ready to really transform any limiting beliefs, and finally find the wellness routines that work with your lifestyle and keep your body healthy and thriving, you're in the right place. You're hearing this for all the right reasons, because it's your chance, your chance to join. Right now. It's a 12 week course. It's so much fun because we're going to go live in a webinar with plenty of time for Q and A. It's called you'd Unstoppable Life Mastermind. And there's going to be a daily mantra and a like minded community to support you along your way to reach all those goals. So head over to amberlylogo.com mastermind and sign up now. Okay. Have a great week and I hope to see you in the Mastermind.