On Motorcycles, Being Legendary, and Finding Community with Gevin Fax

Welcome to True Grit and Grace, a podcast designed to empower you to claim your resilience and thrive through life's challenges. I am Amberly Lago, a mindset coach, fitness expert, and best selling author. Each week I'll dive deep with the world's brightest thought leaders and elite performers to share tangible tools and practical advice to inspire you to keep your eyes on the prize and forge ahead. So get ready to conquer your fears, heal any trauma, lead with your heart, and elevate your life with grit and grace.

Welcome back to the show. My next guest guest is an actor, musician, teacher, biker. In fact, she's part of a biker tribe called a quest called Tribe. She has appeared in several magazines, on the covers, featured in all kinds of newspaper articles. Actually, you're in Rolling Stones. She is actually. I think you're a legend. You are a legend. But it hasn't always been an easy road. You have definitely had to be resilient. And today you're going to show us how to be legendary. Welcome to the show Given facts.

Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here.

I am so excited you're here. We've known each other now for, gosh, a little over a year.

It's over a year. Yeah, I'm almost going to say almost two years. Yes.

Yeah, almost two years. And talking back and forth on the phone through social media. And I had seen your bike around town for years and this is the first time that I'm actually getting to

meet you in the flesh.

I couldn't believe my husband actually beat me outside to greet me first because we could hear your motorcycle coming from down the street in here. You're an amazing lady in so many different ways. And I've only touched on a couple of the things that you do. You do so much. And I said that it wasn't always easy because you're African American, lesbian, female, doing a lot of male things. And can you tell us how you even got started riding bikes?

Wow. Yeah. You know, it actually this is part of what my parents told me when I was a baby. If a motorcycle would go down the road. I was fascinated by it for some reason. But when I was very, very young, my father took my little brother and myself. My older brother's 11 years older than I am, so he was already out of the house. But I was, I don't know, maybe seven or eight years old. And dad took my little brother and myself to a dirt bike riding place. I just started scooting around on a little dirt bike. Well, I was there long enough, and I remember going up these hills and off these jumps and everything and having a great time, because it took me a little while to kind of get used to it, but once I did, then it was like, oh, this is awesome, you know? You know, it was pretty crazy. And then.

So you just, like, got thrown on a bike, like, okay, go for it.

Yeah, that was pretty much how it happened. I mean, and at one point while I was there, they had a little, you know, like a little kid race, you know, and it was around a little dirt track. And my dad's like, well, do you want to do it? And I'm like, well, yeah. I said, but it's all little boys. He goes, so what? And I'm like, oh, yeah. And he goes, you can do it. And I go, okay. And he goes, whatever you do, just make sure that when you're racing, just make sure you keep the inside edge. Always keep that inside circle. Don't let them get into the inside circle. And I was like, okay. I got on the motorcycle or on the mini bike. I kept the inside circle and won my race.

Isn't that incredible?

Yeah. It gets all these little boys. So I think after that, I was hooked up. Yeah.

And that was at age 10, actually.

I was a little bit younger.

You were a little younger?

I was a little younger with the mini bike. I got my first, what I called motorcycle, but it was actually a moped. I got my first motorcycle moped when I was 10. So that was the first thing that I owned, because prior to that, it was only the mini bike, you know, that we would. You know, we would go to the place, they would give us a mini bike, and I would ride that, you know, and have fun. But When I was 10 years old, my father, who is an interior exterior painter and decorator, he had a client who was Philip Fowler, who owned Southern Comfort Whiskey. And so he was going to go to Philip's house and look at some of the paint work that he needed to do for Philip. And as he was passing one of the garages. One of the garages, he saw this moped motorbike there with a motorcycle engine on it. He's like, oh, my gosh. My daughter would love that. And Philip was like, well, you can have it. And dad's like. He goes, no, thank you, Philip. He goes, I can't really afford that. And Philip says, I'm not asking you to buy it. He goes, we imported that from Italy five years ago. It's been in the garage ever since. He says, take it home to your daughter.

So you got an imported Italian mobile. Italian. But I have to say. Okay. I said, before we started recording, we grew up so much alike. We started on dirt bikes, and my first motorcycle was a bright red moped.

Oh, my gosh. I'm serious.

And I had a helmet that had my name on the back of it. Oh, my gosh, that's so cool. And then I had a Harley. And then I was so excited when we connected and I told my husband. I was like, oh, my gosh, look at my friend and his bike. And he was like, are you joining a biker game?

Teleport, your local girl gang?

I was like, maybe. Maybe I am. So you continued to ride for years, and how old were you when you got your first, like, Harley?

Wow. Well, there were several bikes between the moped and the Harley. I mean, several bikes that I rode over several years. But my first Harley is the same Harley that I own now, which I was just talking to your husband about. I bought it in 1982, and it's an FXWG Wide Glide Harley Davison.

And actually, that's how I knew you. I actually knew your bike.

Oh, you. But, you know the Road Kick? You didn't know the Shovelhead? You see me on the Road King?

I knew that one. And, yeah. I was like, oh, my gosh.

Yeah.

And I think I reached out to you and I. Your bike. Yeah.

Yeah. When you said that, I was like, oh, my gosh.

I was like, yeah. Were you just a gasolina? Yeah.

That was a great day, too, because my whole crew was there.

Yeah.

They're having a great time.

And I almost said some to you that day. And then first, I don't know how I even found how our crawl. I don't even know.

Crazy.

It's just like, we were. Yeah. Like, we were meant to meet because you're doing so many amazing things, from just running events to making jewelry, running a store. Tell us about some of the things that you're doing, because you also have a group of women that I really want to talk about. Because it talks about the power of community.

Yes.

And how that really changed things for you.

Yes.

Can you tell us a little bit about that? Because I am such a firm believer on the power of community.

Absolutely. I mean, the power of community can change everything. It certainly changed a lot for me, even though I had already been riding for well over 50 years. But, you know, the Internet changed a lot of things. And my wife was like, you really need to get on Facebook. You Really? I was like, no, I don't really get. Well, long story short, I was on Facebook and then another friend of mine was like, you know, you really need to get on Instagram. No, I'm already on Facebook. No, but Instagram. I got on Instagram and I ended up meeting the Litas. And it's L I T A S the Litas. And the Litas actually was founded by a woman by the name of Jessica Haggett. And Jessica is barely 20 something. You know, I mean, I think when she started it, she was maybe 22, and it was just a fluke because she started riding and she thought, well, I'd really like to ride with more girls. And she had a girlfriend that she rode with, but they wanted to ride with more women, which was the same thing that I really wanted. I mean, you know, occasionally we'd ride with the guys, and then, you know, there might be another girl, which we'd all be ecstatic about. Oh, my gosh, there's another girl. Oh, there's two girls, you know. Well, we wanted to be able to ride with more women, but to get women together was very difficult until Instagram, because Instagram made it instantaneous. You could basically put something on Instagram and hashtag bikerwomen or hashtag Women who ride. And all of a sudden all of these other women all over the world would see that. Well, Jessica basically kind of took that very concept and thought, well, you know, there's just me and my girlfriend right now, and I ride with my boyfriend occasionally, but I really like to ride with more girls. And so the two of them together thought, well, why don't we throw something out there and see what happens? So Jessica put an ad out on Instagram and said, hey, you know, a group of us are going to meet at the coffee house, you know, and she thought, well, it might just be me and my best friend. And I guess what ended up turning up was like, you know, four or five or six women. Well, to make a long story short, it just began to get bigger and bigger and bigger, and she started making a little bit more sophisticated ads on Instagram. And it kept growing. And by the time, within a year and a half, almost two years, the leaders now by that time had grown so much that it was in 262 cities and 62 countries. Wow.

In two years now, is that something that I saw about? There was the largest motorcycle ride. What was that?

Okay, now there's a couple of things going on there. Now. The Lita is actually is the largest community of women in the world. Oh, wow.

Okay.

We are the largest community of women motorcycle riders in the world now because of the fact that she just basically started a phenomenon. She was like, I wasn't trying to do this. This just kind of happened.

Yeah.

You know, and then she capitalized on it. Smart young woman. Smart young woman. I mean, to the point where I just, I follow behind her and I just listen because she's an amazing young woman. And I think one of the things that intrigues me so much about her is that she is so deeply humble in that I'm going to kind of segue into how I ended up kind of being the poster child as an old lady for the leaders.

Yeah. People that are listening, she says old lady. If you could see her, she is gorgeous picture of you. She's got ripped up arms. She's got some gorgeous like turquoise jewelry on, which is like my. I love turquoise. No one would ever believe that would be the last thing someone would call you as old lady. But go ahead, go ahead.

Well, when I did get linked up with the leaders through the leaders, I ended up hearing about other women organizations that were putting on women only rides. And I ended up going to Babes Ride Out. Now, Babes Ride out is run by Anya and Ashmore. And that pretty much started the same way the LETA started. And they started this organization where these women would show up at this particular campground and we would camp and then, you know, we might bring guitars or have guitars there or whatever the case may be. Well, that too has grown exponentially. And now it went from like 40 women to 3,000 women.

Wow.

And a huge party.

I think that now more than ever there's a big movement for women empowering women and women coming together. Whether, you know, you ride a motorcycle or cars or weld or. Yeah, whatever it is that you do that women are coming together. There are more conferences. Actually, I'm speaking at a conference in a couple of months called Powerful Women. And so I think that more and more women are starting to do it more through things like Instagram and Facebook where you can come together. And I think that's how we get stronger. I mean, we're strong on our own, but together, unstoppable.

I agree. I mean, because the dynamic changes when you do have women. And in fact, I'm working on another project that is with Adam Sandoval. He's an amazing advocate for women. He has helped the leaders. He has helped my group, Quest Cult Tribe. I mean, he is probably one of our biggest supporters and under his wing, we have grown on so many levels and just learned more about each other and helping each other and basically straightening each other's crown out, you know, I mean, because I think that we have been so oppressed over the years that we have not even learned how to work to help each other yet. We have been placed in a position to be so competitive against each other that that needs to change. I believe that it is changing over time, but it will take a long time to really see the movement and the growth of that as we move through time. Because I've seen it happen more so through the motorcycle community. But even in that community, we're not perfect, you know, and there are some women that deal from a place of fear. It doesn't make them bad, it just makes them fearful. And we have been grabbing for power for so long, trying to get to the power because of this glass ceiling that we've all had to deal with, that we feel that we've got to knock each other out of the way. It's not necessary. It's not necessary. I mean, together we can smash this glass ceiling, but we need to be together in order to do it, because if we're not, it just basically becomes a divide and conquer, and we end up looking through the bottom of this glass floor that we're underneath. So I've watched this movement change. This. I mean, we've actually changed advertisements for Toyota, Indian, Harley, Davis, and Triumph. They're finally starting to put women in the forefront and actually putting us in commercials. Not as just, okay, one women with five guys. But now you've got a woman that's actually leading the path. You know, a woman that may know the back road. I mean, I've been doing this for 52 years now. I was sharing with a friend, I said I can ride from Los Angeles all the way to South Dakota, hitting nothing but back roads and not hitting one interstate. And I've worked my entire life learning to do that and be able to connect the dots so that I don't have to do the interstate. And I can meet all of these little wonderful people in these teen, tiny little towns that barely get traveled to. You know, it is truly about the roads not taken and the women that are in these places. When you roll in and maybe one or two of them might ride and they see you coming in, their minds are blown when they hear that you're from California and you're in Wyoming, or, you know, you're up in Montana, or you're in Nebraska, or you're in Alaska or you're in Utah. And they're like, oh my gosh, I didn't even know this existed. And this is the best thing ever. And then I talk to them about, you know, the leaders, and I talk to them about Dream role, I talk to them about Babes Ride Out. I talk to them about Quest. I talk to them about all of these things that are empowering to women. And they're like, oh my gosh, I had no idea. And I'm like, well, look these up on Instagram. And now these women are connecting the dots and we just keep getting bigger

and bigger and bigger and bigger.

And it's just, it's.

Well, yeah, even though, even though I don't ride anymore, we were just talking about the company Wind and Throttle, who gave me a beautiful motorcycle jacket. And I met them on Instagram and they were doing pop up shops and I happened to be at a conference in San Diego and they were going to be there. And so through Instagram I was able to go, okay. And then my husband's following them on Instagram. He's like, you know, your girls are going to be over in Long Beach. And I'm like, it's amazing what you can do and the power of social media. And I think, you know, I always say my favorite part of my entire journey has been connecting with other people. All the conferences, all the stops I made along the way. When I was doing my book tour, the best part of it was meeting people finally in person that I had never met before. And you know, I think for me, even though I don't ride a motorcycle anymore, I have a big F250 and when I meet another female that drives a big ass truck, they're always like, oh my God, are you.

I do.

Of course you do.

That's hilarious. Yes. But it's like, I love my truck.

There's a connection.

Yes, absolutely.

Right. It's kind of like people that drive Teslas.

Yes.

They have a connection because they drive those cars. So I think it's important to reach out and find those people. So what do you do to reach out to find more like minded people?

Do you know what? It's not even that I do anything. The fact that I just show up and show up. Yeah. I mean, first of all, somebody said to me, well, how did you get to this level? And I said, you know, honestly, I said, there's a lot of things that I love to do. I love acting, I love singing, I love guitar, I love leather, I love bikes, I love Trucks. I said, really? It just came down to the fact that I didn't let anything stop me. It was like, if I wanted a truck, I got a truck. If I wanted a motorcycle, I got a motorcycle. If I wanted to work with leather, I'd go get a bunch of leather and started working on it. You know, if I wanted to build something, I'd build it. I just didn't let the fear of, well, what if this happened? Or, what if that happens? Or, what if? I got tired of the what ifs? And I thought, well, so what if? Yeah, you know, And I started working through the what ifs, and I just started taking the leap, you know? And basically, you know, one of my coined phrases is, I get out there and live my dare. You know, because it's like, oh, I've had so many people go, why dare you? You can't get a big bike. Okay, well, let me just go ahead and get a big bike then. And

that is how I got my first Harley. I had a guy that wanted me to ride on the back of his bike, and he goes, yeah, I dare you to go get your own. And the next week, I showed up with my own.

And there you are. Exactly. Literally. Dare. I mean, yes.

I love that. I always tell my clients, do something that scares you.

Absolutely.

Yeah. Absolutely. Well, I want to know, what is it that you're doing right now that scares you in your life?

Wow. I think the idea of moving from the 8 to 5 job, not that, I mean, I'm a teacher, but moving from that type of. It's a net. You know what I mean? I mean, everybody wants to have that safety net, and I've always had that safety net. I mean, I was smart enough to listen to my parents, who were wonderful people, and they said, you know, you can do anything you want, but whatever you do gets your education. I'm glad I listened to them, because my career is like, you know, it's ebb and flow and hilltops and valleys, feast and famine. And it's the one thing that's helped me through the famine, because as much as I love the artistry and as much as I would love nothing better than to just be the guitarist, just be the actor, just be the crafter. I want to be an artist. I don't want to have to do the other jobs, you know? But truthfully, had I not had those jobs, I would not have the equipment that I have, you know, musically. I would not have the motorcycles that I have. I would not have the property that I have. You know, so, I mean, it has afforded me the things that I want to stay safe.

Yeah. Instability.

It's stability. And here I am in my 60s, getting ready to take the leap. Well, I'm probably going to leap into retirement, you know, but hopefully in my retirement, I'm going to make this new leap into a new career. And that's.

Well, you're already doing that.

Yeah, I'm already doing it, you know,

but I understand that, exactly that feeling. Because when I was just training clients, I trained clients for 22 years. And that's when I did solely that, just for 22 years, I would train 10 to 12 to 14 clients a day. And I mean, that's sessions. 14 sessions. It was a lot. But I built a business. I had trainers that worked for me, and I got to the point where I had a very. I knew my schedule.

Sure.

I didn't even have to look at a calendar. I knew my schedule and it was very safe. Although I was always kind of coming up with new exercises and taking new courses, whether it was self development or another trainer's conference. But it was safe.

Yes.

Then you saw me setting up for this and just doing the zoom, and I'm like, okay, let me do this. This is all scary to me. Sure it is. This was all scary. I didn't own a computer until I decided to write a book.

Oh, my gosh.

And so.

But I know that feeling I'll share with you all.

And it was. It was scary. But you know what? My passion for writing the book was greater than my fear. Absolutely. I just. What you said, I just kept putting one foot in front of the other and doing what I could every day. And boy, did I fail so many times, constantly. And those are the greatest mistakes or lessons that I've learned from because I. Boy, I don't forget those mistakes. I'm like, okay, won't make that again, you know, But I think that if

people would stop thinking of a mistake as something bad, and truthfully, as an archer, a mistake is. And if you break the word apart, a mistake. Well, that's exactly what it is. You just missed your mark. Because that's all it is in archery. A mistake is, you know, you pull the bow back, you let the arrow fly, and it either hits the target or it doesn't. And on the target, it's going to hit an outer circle or it's going to hit the bullseye. Well, that's a missed tank if it doesn't hit the bullseye. Well, do you stop being an archer? If you don't hit the target. No, you keep honing in and honing in and honing in until you hit the target. Well, if people would think of life like that and not be so fearful of making the mistake or worrying about whether they look cool anymore because they made the mistake. It's like, stop worrying about looking cool and make the mistake. I mean, I have kids in physical education, you know, that I have to make feel comfortable to make the mistake. Well, you know, I'm a basketball player. Don't play volleyball. Yeah, but you're an athlete, and you can play this because you are an athlete and you'll be able to do this. So just work with me for a minute. Because not everybody started being a great basketball player. You didn't start being a great basketball player. You didn't make every basket. You didn't make everybody. And then, you know, especially the boys are like, oh, you never thought about it that way. It's like, well, that's the point. In a classroom, you want to make the mistakes. If you're not making mistakes, you're not learning anything. So get used to the mistakes and stop feeling like that's a bad thing because you made the mistake. Because every time you make the mistake, you're getting closer to the bullseye. If you don't give up because the mistake is truly giving up, that's the mistake.

Amen.

That's the failure. That's when you fail. And that's what I'll tell my kids, you know, if I'm working with my classes and they're like, well, I'll just give up. And I said, you know, if you give up, that's the biggest failure. Then you fail. Said if you make the mistake, you're not failing. You make the mistake, you're learning from the mistake. You're not going to do that again, are you? Well, no. Well, that's the point, you know, and it's the same thing in life. It's the same thing that I've done with everything that I do. It's like they said, well, you know, you're a master, you know. Well, I wasn't always a master at this. This came from riding a motorcycle. You know, I mean, I remember making a turn on a 8%, you know, decline, you know, downgrade, and making that turn. And now you're trying to make the turn on the downside of the hill, and you drop the bike, and now the bike's halfway upside down. I learned that. Did I learn to counterbalance my bike on a turn? Like that when I have to make a U turn. Yes. Do I make that mistake again? No. Because I dropped my bike and I remember what happened. So you corrected and I did. I mean, but if you never take the leap because you're too afraid to make the mistake, you're not learning anything.

I think it's so important that you're sharing about how people worry about how it's going to make them look.

Absolutely.

You know. Well, how will that look? And, you know, I had so many people even telling me about the podcast. Oh, you're doing the podcast? Well, how do you know how to do it? I'm like, I don't.

Just, I'm doing it. Yeah.

I want to talk to cool, legendary people and have them, like, share with me what they do to claim their resilience and be successful. Like, you. Like getting to sit here with you. And I may have to steal those half shafts.

Oh, yeah. Seriously. I'm telling you, these, they saved my life. I mean, this is a thinner pair. But honestly, just having this extra little, you know, if you don't want to get into the whole chaps. Just a little rock or whatever, it's a wonderful thing when it hits these instead of your shin.

Oh, yeah.

You know, and then all the grime and everything else, even if you get caught in a little rain, this is, you know, it's an extra layer. It's an extra layer of heat. It's an extra layer of protection. It's an extra layer. But yet you didn't have to put full chaps on.

Yeah.

You know, so I got into the habit of wearing them all the time, and now everybody's like, oh, my gosh, those are so cool. I'm like, these have been around for a long time. You know, These are. Yeah, this is an equestrian thing, you know, but I'm a horseback rider as well, so I thought, you know what? In fact, the only reason why I started riding motorcycles was because I couldn't afford to own horses, and I wanted to dress in chaps and cowboy boots.

Are you serious? The reason. Wow. And we're sitting here, and you look up in the office and you're like, see the huge picture of the horse?

Yeah. I'm an equestrian, but I ride everybody else's horses because I've got access to friends that have horses.

Well, here's the thing. In Texas, they give away horses. Oh. They practice. Oh, yeah. You know, and there's a lot of parts. Huh.

Oh, my goodness. All my best friends are from Texas. It's the funniest thing. You have no idea. My wife is from Texas.

Oh, my God. I had no idea.

I'm telling you, I have so many good friends from Texas. In fact, my biggest following of leaders is from Texas.

The Texas man. They're calling your name.

Fort Worth, Texas Leaders. You know, the Dallas leaders. I mean, in fact, I'm doing a show for them in May with Adam Sandoval to break the record of women riders on motorcycles. We're going to try to break the

Guinness Book of World Records, which is how many.

Well, there's never been.

I might have to get on a bike for that.

You might have to. I mean, you know, because you could do it safely. It's not like we have to go.

We won't tell Johnny.

And we're going very. You know, but we've got a lot of things going on and we haven't really gone public with a lot of it yet because it's still in the throws right now. But as it stands, I contacted my girls from the original Biker Women that I did the Discovery Channel shoot with. It was Biker Women movie that was on the Discovery Channel and gained worldwide popularity in no time at all. I mean, within two weeks, it went international. They're coming for a reunion. So they're flying in from Northern California to meet us May 2nd.

Wow.

For that, it's going to be at the campground. And Adams Campground is the same place that we left out of for the Guinness Book of World Records for America, breaking the record this year for the most motorcycles in a parade, all Harley Davidsons.

I remember seeing that on your Instagram.

Yes. We broke it with 3,497 motorcycles. Wow. Yeah.

That's amazing.

We have the world record for that.

And that just gives me goosebumps just to be a part of something like that, to be a part of a team or a movement, I think that.

Well, it's even bigger than that, too. Not to cut you off, but that was done for Motorcycle Missions Charity. Everything that I do is always affiliated with a charity.

And what is that? Motorcycle.

Motorcycle Missions is run by Crystal Hess. And Adam decided to help Crystal. He wanted to give her a $50,000 check. And what it is, it's for the veterans of all of the wars, you know. Yeah. The veterans that have come home, you know, with PTSD or amputations. And what Crystal does is she brings all of these veterans in and teaches them to build these bikes. So she unveiled the newest bike with a sidecar on it at the Bring it Home ceremony, which was our Guinness Book of World Record Breaking Faith. And then Adam also handed her a $50,000 check for her motorcycle missions. Charity.

Wow.

I'm telling you, those are the types of things that I have my hands in, as well as my girls from a quest called Tribe. We're always involved in some sort of charity. Like right now, Quest is working with a drop in the bucket. And that's a charity that builds wells for these countries in Africa where these kids, sometimes they're amputees because they end up becoming soldiers when they're 10 and 11. And little girls that normally would never be allowed to go to school are educated. They're educating young girls. I mean, it's endless what we're trying to do. We're just trying to find today's revolutionaries, basically.

I want to go back to something you were talking about, about before. You were talking about doing all the things that you're doing and sometimes doing things that, you know, all the boys were doing.

Yes.

Or because I'm in that world, I was that way when I was a kid. I was a tomboy. I played with the boys, an athlete. Then even at work as a trainer, I was one of very few female trainers. Were very few and far behind or, you know, between then as a speaker, there aren't as many female speakers. In fact, one of the conferences I just spoke at, they had a panel, and of course I spoke on stage, but the panel was all men. And I talked to them and I said, you know, have you ever thought about adding a female to your panel and for your future events? But now I feel like a lot is still. We're still evolving as time goes on and trying to get some more females as, you know, motivational speakers. How did you do it? Did you ever come up against any resistance when you were trying to do maybe a job? That was. You did. And how did you get past that?

First of all, I never in a million years intended for any of that to happen. I wasn't even thinking on those terms, Especially being raised African American. I was pretty much whitewashed. And I have to say that because my parents, growing up the way they did, they told me, they said, you know what? We do not want to throw out the race card. You need to be educated, you need to speak well, you need to dress well, you need to carry yourself with dignity. You know, all of these things.

I have really good parents.

My parents are amazing. My mother passed away in 2011. My father's still living. He's amazing. He just got written up in a book. He was Just in a television show called the Honor Flight. I'll have to tell you about that.

It's just amazing.

You gotta meet my dad. He's 94 years old, going on 13. I mean, he's amazing. He's amazing. But, you know, my parents were very adamant about forgetting the fact that we were African American and remembering the fact that we were human. And making sure, though, that I can hear my father saying this now, and my mother. You have to be outstanding just to get recognition. Because of the fact that you're female, because of the fact that you're African American.

Doesn't that just say a lot?

It says a lot. I'm very grateful for my parents for that, but they never said that doesn't mean that you lay back on that. That means that you must be stellar, you must be extraordinary, because in order for you to get any recognition, even on an average plane, you must be extraordinary. And so I set out to be extraordinary at anything that I did.

And you are. And you are. You're a legend. I'm telling you. Here's the big change for me because I grew up in a small town in Texas with a mom who's an incredible mama, but she loves taking care of the man. She loves cooking. And I was brought up very where the woman can work, but the man is the main. You know, Although my mom worked sometimes, most of the time two jobs at once, and she was the main breadwinner, but she also cooked and cleaned, and she did everything else.

She did it all. She did it all.

And so that was the role model that I had, was, well, I've got to do it all. And it's been a real learning experience to kind of let go of, first of all, I can't do it all.

Exactly.

I mean, I try, and we all lose because I'm a crappy mom, I'm a crappy wife, I'm crappy at my job, you know?

Yeah, Right. There's.

I need help.

Yeah. There's a saying. And I learned that the same way you did when you realized, my God, I really can't do it all. There is a saying called, you have risen to your level of incompetence.

Yeah, Right.

Or you're promoted to your level of incompetence. Because that's basically what companies do. They promote you and they promote you and promote you until you get to a plateau where you don't get any better than you are because you've plateaued. So you've been promoted to your level of incompetence. And really the truth of the matter is, is that we can't do everything because otherwise everything else is compromised. But we still get out there and do it, and we still are able to do all of these things and thrive at it. Doesn't make it easy.

It's not. And that's something that you and I have talked about about. Because a lot of times on social media, especially on social media, where you see people's highlighted, real people might look and go, oh, my God, they're having the time of their life. Look at them. They're on that stage, they're doing that tv. Yeah. And then meanwhile, I'm dying. Dying right there with you.

We were talking about that, you know, because it's like.

Because it's a lot of work.

So much work.

It's a lot of work. And I love what I do, and I know you love what you do. But then sometimes, you know, I think also that the road gets a little narrower because you find your true friends who understand what you're going through. You also kind of start to distance yourself from those friends who don't understand when you're growing and evolving. And they maybe don't like that so much. But that's how we truly started to connect, was because I was like, I feel you, girl. I know, I know. And you can always come over here and talk to me because it is. It's a lot of work. And yes, we can thrive and do a lot, but it's so important to have those people that you can call and reach out. That was really hard for me to learn, to learn to go, okay, I need help. I need help.

That was mine as well. You know, the two things for me is, one, I need help. And two, no, I'm sorry, I can't do that. Because I would say yes to every. I mean, I do. I say yes to most things, probably 98%, if not 99, trying to show up for people. Because I love people. I love people, and I don't want to disappoint anyone.

Yes. But is that a people pleaser?

It is, it is. And somebody said to me once, I am too. You know, I mean, somebody said to me, oh, you're just trying to, you know, make sure everybody likes you. And I said, well, yeah, I guess I'm guilty as charged. I said, because, you know, I grew up not being so liked. You know, there was several reasons. Oh, I was a dyke. You know, I was called a dyke. I was called, oh, it's a black girl or a nigger. Oh, No, I was like. So I was always trying to diffuse whatever hate might be coming towards me.

Oh, yeah.

You know, or fear. Because think about it. All of the people that call you names or that are haters, that's fear that manifests itself in hate. Think about it. I mean, and I learned through my mother. That's what it was. And then you knew that I learned that at a very young age.

Because you were able to have probably more. I mean, not that it didn't hurt.

But it did hurt.

But you could maybe be a little more compassionate.

Exactly. That's what changed everything. That compassion changed everything. Because it kept me from being jaded, because my mother and my father, too. But my mother was more adamant about it in the sense that she would say, you know, you have to be very, very careful about the words that you use. And this was when I was, like, 10, because I had these deep conversations with my mother. She said, you have to be very careful about the words that you use when you're dealing with somebody, because some people may take it and it rolls off of their back, and other people may go home and kill themselves. And she told me that at 10 years old. And I thought to myself, oh, my gosh. And because of that, it started making me look at people from their point of view. Like, when I would get angry, I can't believe she said that, or whatever. My mother would be the one that would say, well, why don't you think of maybe what that person might be going through? Well, that's all fine and good. And I learned to do that. But then I learned to do it to a flaw, to the point where I was doing it so much that I wouldn't even consider protecting myself or consider taking care of myself. It's kind of like, you know, the plane is going down, but I'm not putting my mask on. I'm going to put everybody else's mask on and make sure everybody else is okay. And then I'm going to end up dying because I made sure everybody else is okay. And now I can't help anybody else because I helped so many people.

Yes.

So it becomes a kind of a.

You know, I had a friend of mine who told me the other day, because I live in pain every day, and a lot of times people look and they're like, you have a nerve disease. You don't look sick to me. And I'm like, well, that's good, because I don't want to look sick.

Right.

And I don't go around complaining about it a lot, but I was doing a lot, putting that mask on a bunch of other people. And meanwhile, my nerve disease was starting to spread. And I told one of my best friends, I said, you know, I think I need to take a step back and really start to take care of my health. And she said, you know, your impact is only as strong as you are.

Absolutely.

And I was like, wow, that's powerful. It stopped me.

That's powerful.

And I was like, I am not taking care of me, and how can I teach others to do that if I'm not doing it? I can't teach others to do that. So I stepped back and started really focusing on taking care of myself a little more, saying no to things. I canceled a trip, I canceled an event, I canceled an interview. It was a little bit easier to do. It wasn't easy, but it was a little bit easier because I was still not thinking about myself. I was thinking about, well, I want to make a stronger impact, so I'm going to get strong so I can make a stronger impact.

And you don't want to disappoint anybody.

And I want to be my best and show up.

Yeah, absolutely.

What would you say or suggest for others who happen to be people pleasers out there that are overcoming people pleasers, trying to better themselves?

You know what? Actually, I think one of the things that, I mean, besides my girls from Quest, because they have been godsends to me in that sense, because they have helped me learn to take better care of myself, but that has been a journey in itself. But I have to say that the one thing that became an aha moment, besides your statement about in order to make a big impact, you've got to be strong so that you can make that impact. But I think the one thing that changed me was listening to Oprah's Super Soul Sunday, and when Dr. Brene Brown came on and she quoted the man in the arena from Theodore Roosevelt. Because I was so concerned about really pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing. And then I had people that, you know, throw stones. You're, well, you know, you didn't do it that way, or, well, you didn't make it to this thing, or, well, you should have done that, or you should have done it this way, or, you know, you don't have enough time for me anymore. You know, I mean, it was a lot of stuff because I've been growing, but at the same time, I can't be there for everybody. Like, I would like to be, you know, I would like to be there for everybody, you know, and then you

end up the people that can't understand. When you have to maybe miss out on something, you have to stop and ask yourself, are those your true friends?

Exactly. Exactly. That's been very difficult for me because

as people, do they really have your best interest, or are they just selfish?

Exactly. And that's been a struggle because, again, there I am putting myself into the end all. Certainly not that, but I would do my best to show up. And then when I would be sick and couldn't show up, I would feel terrible, you know, or if I disappointed somebody or if somebody was angry with me or for whatever reasons. You know, I just felt like no matter where I was, I wasn't happy because I felt like I needed to be someplace else or with someone else because I should. You know, it became. Trying to do so much for everybody else, it was almost to a flaw.

Because I think a lot of times when we're trying to do all these other things, it's also how it makes us look.

Absolutely.

Like, oh, look at her. She's doing all of that.

Yes. It's an ego thing. Absolutely. She's showing that.

For me, it is. Anyway, when I really break it down and go, why am I doing this? Why do I have to? And then it's. You gotta get to the point where it's like, no, what's really important.

What's really happening here.

Yeah. What's really going on and what's important. You know, I think having a perspective shift a lot of times on what's really important.

Yes.

Changes everything.

It does. It does. And it happens. When you least expect it.

It happens a lot of times. And we don't want to have a perspective shift. I don't want my perspective.

Exactly. It's kind of like, okay, I just put a post up that said the truth will set you free, and then it'll piss you off because it's like, oh, man, I feel so much better, but, oh, man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I didn't realize I was doing that.

I'm so sorry.

Yeah.

Well, what are some of the things that you're working on now that we should look out for? Wow. Anything coming up that.

Yeah, the one thing that I just finished an interview with Tim Cannock Garage. So that's a podcast that I just finished right now. The last I heard. I don't know how this is going to go. I'm hoping so. Hopefully Harley Global is listening. But the last I heard, Harley and Rolling Stones and Fender were working on the idea of perhaps Doing a documentary on my life. I would love that if that came.

Oh my God, that would be amazing.

I don't know.

So please put it out there.

That'll happen, you know, or somebody will want to do it. Step Studios. That's Lindsay Hagan, who's lovely. She is an amazing producer. She's the one that came out with the leaders movie which has gone a bit viral.

Yeah.

You know, Sony Pictures, hbo. You know, I saw the trailer for it. Yes. And it's a seven minute short which now I found out after the HBO red carpet thing. We found out that we are now eligible for Academy Award consideration. Yeah, we're eligible for Academy Award consideration. I don't know. You know, I don't know. So we were happy about that. Those types of things are going on. We've got the Adam sand of All Peace that's coming up, which is another hopefully record breaker. And we are donating and I'm so sorry, I cannot think of the name of the charity that we are donating to. It's a group of ladies that send care packages to active duty soldiers that are overseas. And I'm. Geez, I wish I could think of the.

Well, there'll be time.

I'll remember.

And if you can think of it between now and the next few weeks, we'll put it in the show notes.

Okay. Yeah. And then there's some other opportunities that are coming up which I can't really speak about right now, but Quest is currently working with Drop in the Bucket and we just did an interview with one of the founders for Drop in the Bucket and they're doing some amazing things and we are consciously and continuously looking for today's revolutionaries. Basically trying to find those people that are changing the planet for the better. Changing the planet. If you're working on solar, if you're doing organic farming and anyone that is doing their best to try to change their footprint, their own carbon footprint, I mean, I just heard another fabulous interview with Susie. One meal a day. I think it's omd and she is Jim Cameron's wife. She has got a program that she just started that is a school that does everything to reduce the carbon footprint. It's like all vegan. Everything there is vegan. They're trying to make sure that the amount of trash and they're bringing these children. It's just an amazing. I want to interview her. That's the next interview that I want to do. I was just thrilled when I heard about this. One meal a day. It's like she said if you change one meal a day in your life, you could save like 96,000 gallons of water, you know, and it was like, oh, my gosh, I had no idea. And she actually converted Jim. He's always been like, you know, hope is not a plan. You know, I mean, there was this big interview that she did with Oprah, and it was like, oh, my gosh, I love this idea. And he's, like, turned over a new leaf. And so their house is all vegan, and, you know, they're one meal a day, and it's just really cool.

There's so many new things coming out like that. There's farmer's footprint. That's all about. Have you heard of farmers?

No, I haven't.

I did. Was promoting them on my Instagram this past year and learning more about just trying to do leave, you know, less plastic, less garbage, everything. And now every time my husband drinks out of a plastic straw, my daughter grabs it and crumbles it and says, you're a bait. You're a turtle killer. Yeah.

I mean, because she's.

These young ones are informing us on how we can. And, you know, we've spent so much

of our lives being unconscious. I mean, again, you're so right. I keep bringing us back to Quest because Quest has made me more conscious. Quest has made me learn to take care of myself. Quest has made me think about my own carbon footprint. And, you know, the fact that I repurpose everything, like with my vintage store, you know, govintage. I do a lot of things with leather. Well, I don't buy any leather. I go on search for leather that people have thrown out, you know, And I repurpose that because it's like, okay, I'm going to be in the sense of a Native American vein and use every part of the animal until it works away into nothing, you know, But I don't buy my stuff. I find old leather that has been.

It looks better that way.

It looks better. It's got sole. I'm in a used pair of shoes. You know what I mean? I won't go out and buy retail. I'll repurpose everything.

Yeah, well, how can people get ahold of you and especially tell them where to find you on Instagram because you've got the most beautiful, amazing pictures and captions.

Thank you so much. Well, you can find me on Instagram on three different things, actually. One, you can find me as Sapasio. That's S A P A S I O U X, which is a black Sioux, part Native American. And then I have my leatherworking, you know, vintage buy, selling and trading store which is called GVintage or GVintage 57. And then I also have my cabin, which is on Instagram as well.

I just saw that. Yeah, I didn't know about the cabin, so.

Yeah, yeah, Lakota cabin, which is all repurposed furniture and everything that's in there is all repurposed.

Well, I'll make sure to have those in the links to the show notes before we go. How would you describe resilience? What is the definition of resilience to you?

Just keep getting back up. It's okay to fall down. It's okay. I mean, it's okay to fall down. It's okay to lay down if you must. But I would say resilience is just getting back up again. That's all you have to do. Even if it means you crawl. You go from laying down to crawling, from crawling to perhaps leaning on something, from leaning on something to sitting in a chair and sitting upright, from sitting in a chair to pushing yourself into a walker, from getting into a walker to getting on crutches, from getting on crutches into standing.

God, you're describing how I started to walk again. I swear to God. Just getting back up again.

Just don't lay down. Just get back again.

Thank you for being here.

Oh, my pleasure. Thanks for being here. My pleasure. Yeah.

Thank you so much for joining us this week on the True Grit and Grace podcast. Don't forget to hit that subscribe button and it would be so awesome if you rated and maybe left a review. That would help too. And also I have some exciting news for you. If you are ready to learn a mindset that will get you through any challenge, ready to really transform any limiting beliefs, and finally find the wellness routines that work with your lifestyle and keep your body healthy and thriving, you're in the right place. You're hearing this for all the right reasons because it's your chance, your chance to join right now. It's a 12 week course. It's so much fun because we're going to go live in a webinar with plenty of time for Q and A. It's called you'd Unstoppable Life Mastermind. And there's going to be a daily mantra and a like minded community to support you along your way to reach all those goals. So head over to amberly lago.com mastermind and sign up now. Okay. Have a great week and I hope to see you in the Mastermind.