Embracing Imperfection: Anniston Riekstins on Failing Forward and Pursuing Passion

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Thank you for tuning in to the Amberly Lago show. I have a powerhouse of inspiration with us today. Ms. Aniston Ricksteins is here, y'.

All.

She is a high performance coach. She's been coaching me before we even started talking. Author. She speaks all over the world. She's got a top podcast and I cannot wait for you to learn from her and all of her wisdom. So, Aniston, thank you so much for being here.

Well, thank you. I am honored to be here and to spend some time with you and I can say the same thing for you. You've been such an incredible inspiration and teacher for me. So thank you.

Thank you. And you guys may have heard her husband Rudy has been on the show or maybe even seen him speak at one of my events. I need to have you as a speaker to one of the unstoppable success stories.

I would not say no.

I would not say no. We got to make that happen. And I'm just curious, how did you get into high performance coaching?

So I have been a seeker for as long as I can remember and been on my own path and spiritual journey. I think that's where a lot of coaches start. Right? You start with yourself because you're just trying to figure yourself out. And it was just this constant state of unraveling who I was. And I felt really lost and wasn't really sure. But I knew that I had a passion for. For personal development, and I knew that I had a passion for helping people. But what was interesting was I kept getting drawn into corporate America. So I had this passion, right? This love of wanting to help people. And I had educated myself for like 15 years and just reading thousands of books and taking courses and getting certifications and all the things. Yet I still. My reality still showed me. Here I am working in a day job, working. And you know, that was something that I didn't know how to get out of. And I thought that it had to be one way or the other. I didn't know how I could actually blend my yearning to be a coach, which I had decided was going to be my purpose, right? It was to help people with my obligations and needing to have a paycheck and needing to have a job. And so I started to compartmentalize. And so at home, I was meditating every day and writing books, and Rudy and I were hosting these coaching sessions in our home for, like, three years, and no one at work knew I was doing this, right? It was like, then I would show up at work and I would be very professional and buttoned up and ready to go. And I was an executive and I had a team. And interestingly enough, it wasn't until someone came into the company that I was working at who also was a coach and who also was spiritual and. But he brought all of this and more into this company, and he showed up as himself. And what was incredible was not only did people accept him, but they learned from him. And the business grew. And I just sat there watching in awe of thinking. Like, all this time I've thought that I. I have to leave here in order to be able to be what it is I want to be. But in actuality, I'm never going to be what I want to be if I don't start being it where I'm at. And that was really the turning point for me in my life was when I stopped waiting and I just started being. And I made the promise to myself.

It is hard living like a double. Almost like a double life. Yes, that's a lot of work energetically. That's a lot of work. If you can't just be you, just be authentically you. And I think that I don't know about other people. I sense it when somebody is holding back, you can sense it in their posts that they write on social media, their books that they write. In fact, when I wrote my first book, I let. One of my clients was an editor. She was an incredible writer and an editor, and she was. I let her read it and she said, amberly, you're holding back and your audience is going to feel it. You need to tell how it really is. And I was like, that was eye opening for me. So what do you think? Him showing up authentically as himself, did that give you the kind of the courage to start showing up and be like, yeah, you know what? You know how I stay so amazing is I meditate in the morning and I have my routine and I. So what did you do to get. Start doing that?

Well, the interesting part of that story was the. He was actually Rudy was my husband. It was Rudy, Rudy. And when he. So I had been working in this position, I was a director at this company. It was big, big company. And oh my goodness, they headhunted him. And this is after he had left his company that he had started and he was getting into coaching, and they headhunted him and said, we really want you to come in and run our sales teams. And I actually sat down with. I literally had this talk, Amberly, with him. I was like, honey, it's going to be a little different when you go into this office. Like, you can't do you all the way. You might need to, like, just pull back a little bit on the spirituality and the saying I love you to everyone and every meeting. And he was like, I have no intention of doing that. He's like, I'm going to show up as me and if they don't like it, that's fine, I'll go find something else. And he, you know, he really showed me and demonstrated for me what that looks like. And it was after that experience that I made the decision. I was like, well, regardless of where I go, I have to show up, number one, 100% authentically as who I am. But I've got to start being what I want to be now. Like, what am I waiting for? And that's what I felt like. And I think what you were just describing is you sense this when people are in a state of waiting, right? Of like, when I leave my job, I will start coaching. When I leave my job, I will write that book, right? Well, guess what? Like, if you don't start now, it ain't ever going to happen. That's. That's what I've come to realize is that when you start and you have the courage to say, you know what? I know this is scary to me. I know that. I'm afraid that they're going to judge me. I'm afraid that people aren't going to take me seriously. I'm afraid that I'll lose my job. But. But I have to take this risk. Yeah. Because otherwise, what am I doing it all for, you know? And what I experienced was I wound up leaving that job. And then I started. Rudy and I were coaching together. We were. We launched our coaching company. And all of this was. We really went really deep into it during COVID actually. It was like we had kind of a pause, like everyone else did. Right. And then I thought, I'm never going back to corporate America now.

Here I am.

Right?

Yeah.

But I had promised myself that I was like, I'm going to surrender to what comes. I know I want to impact people. I know I want to grow my ability to impact people. And I want to serve as many people as I can. And I got my answered prayer. But that answered prayer came in the form of another job. And this job, it kept coming back to me and coming back to me. And I got on the phone with the president of the company, and I said to him, I need you to know that my passion is coaching. My passion is transforming people. My passion is hosting trainings and helping bring people through experiences. And I said, I know this is not what you're wanting to hire me for, but I need you to know that this is what's really important to me and what lights me up. And he said to me, he's like, aniston. He's like, I want all of that. I want you to bring all of that to this company.

Wow.

We need you. And my first day on the job, I hosted a training for 300 individuals on how to release limiting beliefs. And it was like that was my entry point into. It had nothing to do with what they hired me for. Absolutely nothing to do with it. But it started that way. I started from a place of such authenticity that I became known as the person, the mindset girl, the person to go to for trainings for your. For, you know, your department that maybe needs help or your sales team that needs, you know, that needs encouragement and motivation. And. And then they said, hey, we want to host this event. Could you plan it for us? In fact, let's bring in your husband and you guys do it together. And it's like blessing after blessing after blessing after blessing. And it that was the way. But if I had just kept perpetually waiting, that never would have happened. You know what I mean?

Yeah, exactly. Well, I think limiting beliefs. I've. We started talking before we even recorded, and I was, you know, telling you, you've so graciously read part of my newest book that's coming out. And when you told me you were about three quarters of the way finished with, you know, the book, and I. I was like, oh, no, maybe she's talking about my first book. She couldn't be talking about my new book because you said it was good. I said, was it? Are you sure? I've been so scared about this, like, because that the limiting beliefs can pop up. And so it meant so much to me that you said that you enjoyed it. What it can you take us through, like, a mini series of, like, if you have a client you're working with who these limiting beliefs pop up, where do you start? Because I know we need to crush those limiting beliefs. But how do you start with someone? It is having some limiting beliefs.

Sure. Well, I think the first step, obviously, is awareness. It's knowing.

You're knowing.

You gotta know what you're dealing with. Just if you went to a doctor and said, there's something wrong with me, you would start looking at the symptoms. Right. Well, the same thing. Limiting beliefs can come. Go undiagnosed for so long. And the first step always is you gotta know what you're working with. Right. So you've gotta figure out what. What is the limiting belief that's underneath that's causing the story. Right.

Get down to the root cause, get

to the roots, and then you've got to start dismantling it. And I think it's just really looking at, is it even true? Like, where. I mean, even if you don't know where it started, I don't think you have to know where it started. You do have to start to question it. Yeah. And then you got to start to prove it wrong. And this is the part where I think people, like, they avoid it because they're like, oh, this is the part that gets scary. Right. Because there is the fear, and the fear is the illusion. And it's like. It's like when you're little and you've got. You're convinced there's a monster in the closet, it's dark. And then you're like, I know something is in there. But when you finally get the nerve to walk over there and turn on the light, you realize, like, oh, there was never anything here, you know, What I mean, And I think our limiting beliefs act like that monster in the closet, and they can keep us under the COVID so afraid to come out because we're so convinced and that they're gonna hurt us. And that's powerful. And, you know, we don't want to feel that uncomfortability. But the reality is, I believe, like, our purpose and what we're here to do is on the other side of every single limiting belief that you have and every single fear that you have is not something to avoid. It's actually a signpost saying this way, you know what I mean? And it's information for you. But we avoid it because we don't want to feel the uncomfortable feelings of it.

Yeah, yeah. Because it can be scary. I mean, we were talking about that. Writing a book, you're putting yourself out there to the world. Like, I remember when I wrote my first book and I was like, oh my gosh, all the PTA moms are going to know everything. And this book is even more raw and real. How long did it take you to write? Tell us the name of your book and when it's coming out, because it's coming out soon. And what inspired you to write it.

So the name of the book is the universe is hiring. Discover the role that you were born to fill. And interestingly enough, which.

It's an amazing book, by the way. Amazing book. It really is.

Well, thank you. I'm proud of it. But as I said to you earlier today, it has taught me so much more than I could ever have imagined and hoped that it would even teach other people. And I think that as you write a book, just know that it's going to teach you first.

Yeah.

You are going to be the first student of that. That book. And it's going to put you through the wringer. And every single limiting belief is going to come up. And it's been such a journey for me of growth.

I know.

For you. I know you've said the same thing. So I received the inspiration for the book, actually. I was meditating one morning. And how long do you meditate? On average? About 30 minutes. That's usually my sweet spot. And this was several years ago. I was meditating and this was actually in the. At the point where it was Covid. And there was a lot of confusion and no one really knew what was going on, and there was a lot of fears, and I was just. So I really leaned into my meditation practice. And that's where, I mean, for those. For those people that don't meditate. It's really your time to listen, right?

Yeah.

It's like some people, it's prayer, great. But when do you just sit in silence and receive? And I receive my best ideas when I meditate. And this moment in this morning, I. All of a sudden, I just, it's like I received a download. It was like, I saw the, the COVID I saw the title, I, I saw all the chapters, and it was like, oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. And I actually, I remember, I, I. Right after I got done managing, I grabbed my laptop and I started making. I went onto Canva because I thought, oh, what a cool Instagram post. Because I, I saw the universe is hiring, and I saw like, this ad you would see, like, on a bulletin board. And here are the requirements. And all, all the requirements were essentially like, you got to know who you are, you got to work through your limiting beliefs. You got to step into your mission and your purpose in this lifetime. And you've got to, you know, you've got to be willing to accept the gifts that have been given to you and acknowledge them. And it was just so beautiful. And I loved it. And then I showed it to Rudy and he was like, that's not an Instagram post. That's a book. And I was like, wow. Really? You think so? He's like, oh, yeah, that's a book. And so I didn't choose it, it chose me. And that began a journey because then I promptly wrote out the outline and did the things. Then I left it on my desktop. And I'm like, I'll come back to that later. But it just wouldn't leave me alone. I knew I had to write this

book, so I love that. And it's funny because I had a sticky note on my computer and I kept saying, that's the book. I'll get to that later. And you know, I don't know if you do this, but if you ever had a, like a sticky note or to do list that's there too long, you start to just not even see it. It's just a part. And, But I had a vision of, I wanted my book to be published with Wiley publishers. I was very specific. And lo and behold, I get an email from Wiley publisher. And I was like, oh, my goodness. And they said, we'd like for you, you know, do you have any book ideas? And I pitched them. And then I remember get off getting off the phone and going, what did I just do? Like what? Like, it just, like it all came out like, you Know, and so I think it's. It's wild when you get those downloads or you have that idea, and. But it is important to act on them, to. To move through the fear. And. And, you know, and at every level

and every process of. I have found in writing this book, there's been a new fear to conquer. Right.

What was the biggest fear?

Oh, interestingly enough, like, I love to write. To me, the writing wasn't the hard part. And even the keeping to a deadline and getting it done, that wasn't the hard part. The part that I had gotten stuck with before, because I will mention, this is not the first book I've received in that way. I wrote an entire book, Amberly. An entire book from start to finish. Had it edited everything, and then saved it in a file on my desktop.

You did?

I did. And that was. I mean, it was probably 10 years ago, really, but I just didn't have the capacity at that time to work through that fear of being seen.

Wow.

And I made every.

The fear of being seen, because that's what it is.

That's what it is.

I think everybody's gonna know.

Oh, yeah.

They're gonna judge. They're all gonna judge. Yeah. Yeah.

And you can't control it. And I think for me, you know, I realized I had tried to control. When you're someone who battles with wanting to control what other people know about you wanting to, maybe you show up in certain circles and you let them see certain sides of you.

Right.

It becomes a part of who you were. And that was my. I was a chameleon for a long

time in my life.

Oh, 100%. You put me in a room because I didn't know who I was. And so when you don't know who you are and you believe that your authentic self isn't enough or isn't going to be accepted. And I was bullied when I was young, Right. So that's a common response is when you're bullied or someone makes fun of you or humiliated is for you to be like, right, okay, I can't be myself, because when I'm myself, it's painful. I get made fun of. So you start just. You start morphing into and becoming an expert at knowing, what do people want from me? I can be that.

Oh, wow.

Then you find yourself in a hot mess, right. In your 20s and 30s. Cause you're like, who am I? How do I know what I'm good at if I don't even know who I am? Right? So that. But all of that was amazing because it perfectly set me up to start my journey back to myself. And I think that's really what life's about, is we have all these wounds from childhood, and then we spend our adulthood trying to unravel the wounds. Right. To get back to the core of who we really are. And that's what this book for me was about, was helping people really reconnect with who they are and realize that there will never be another person that's exactly like them. I believe every single person on this earth has a unique genius and unique gift that only they can do in the way that they can do it, and that we have a specific purpose with that gift. And that the saddest thing is when you see people who. They're like, I don't know. I'm not good at anything, and they don't see the value that they carry. And all I. All I want to do is find out what that is like. The people that I'm blessed to support that work on my teams. For instance, you know, I want to know what their superpower is so I can maximize it. Right. So I can utilize that.

How do you help someone. Somebody find their superpower?

So a lot of it is helping them reconnect with, number one, their passions. Because I think passions will point to what your purpose is and what in your. Your super. Your gift. Your purpose, in my opinion is, number one, is to learn. I think we're all here to learn and grow.

Right.

That's. That's.

I think that's part of being on this earth. Number two, is to recognize the gifts that you have and then to share those gifts with other people. I think that's our purpose.

Yeah.

It's not a job title. It's not. You can't pinpoint it. My purpose is to be a doctor. Well, then what happens when you decide you don't want to be a doctor anymore? You're purposeless. No, you still have a purpose. Right. The job is the vehicle that we express our purpose through.

Right.

Your purpose isn't necessarily to be a coach. That's a title we give it.

Right.

I would bet that your purpose is to open the minds and open the hearts of everyone that you come into contact with. Right. But you're doing that through the vehicle of being a podcast host, through. Through being an author, through being a coach. But that can change and evolve. Right. As your purpose evolves, the vehicle with which you express it will evolve, too.

Yeah. That's such a great way of looking at it. And I Remember, you know, after my accident when I lost my job, I had to really, it was a journey back to who am I? What is my worth? If I am out, I can't provide money for the family. You know, I was so caught up in my worth being tied to how much money that I brought in. You know what I. And I think a lot of people are like that. What kind of car do you drive? What's your title, all the initials after your name. And I think when you know you have that special gift, which I think sometimes that gift comes, it, you might not see it as a gift because it comes easily, it comes easy for you, but it's actually a gift that, that only you have, you know, and that's actually really important for branding too. You know, like for your personal branding. And I was talking to a client the other day who's in to real estate. Estate. I'm like, stop posting pictures of just houses. People are going to buy a house because they know you and they're connecting with you. So start sharing more of you and your passions and. But I like how you describe the analogy of that is just the vehicle in which you get to express your passion and your purpose.

And your purpose.

Yeah.

And I think to your point, we devalue a lot of times. Like what some of our gifts that come so easily, we assume everyone else can do them too. And, and it doesn't. It's not always tied to a paycheck. And I think that's too. We have to recognize that. I know someone, for instance, I work with or I've worked with before. And her passion is, is animals. And so she, she, she has a full time job that has nothing to do with animals. But at nights and weekends in the morning she fosters puppies and she says it gives her so much fulfillment and she does it not because it makes her money, but because it brings her joy and because she's really good at it. She's great with working with animals, she's great with training. And so it's now growing. It's naturally the more time she spent focusing, it is starting to grow into something bigger. And this is what I think, this is where I think the magic is too, is because people think, well, they don't want to start because they see this vision of being in, like doing it full time and it being their whole world. And so just start where you are. Like with Rudy and I, when we realized we wanted to help people, we wanted to coach. Right. But then you come up against this whole like well, I've never coached before, so who's going to pay me to. You know what I mean? Every coach who's ever done this comes up against this because you've got to start somewhere, right?

Yeah. And that's a big question that I have a lot of clients that are new coaches.

Yeah.

And they're like, well, I don't. How much do I charge? And I remember what, you know, I was in the fitness industry for 26 years and bumping everybody up to one fee. And this is years ago. And. But finally, really seeing the transformations that I could help people make and that helped me feel confident in asking for that price. Where I, you know, I remember when I first started coaching, they'd say, well, how much are sessions? And I'm like, well, you know, you're going to get an hour. And I would try to justify. And I got to the point where I'm like, this is the price. And I think when you are so confident and you know you can really help somebody, it helps you just say, this is what it is. Nope, I don't make any deals. It's this spot. Right. You know what I mean?

And you just hit it on the head. It's the confidence piece.

It is, it is.

That cannot be bought. And that's the thing that's through experience. Through experience. So what, Rudy? I mean, we. I mean, I say three years. Three years we had people coming in and out of our house. Do. We were. This was when back in meetups were a big thing. Like, I can't imagine in this day and age being like, everyone come to my home, strangers come into my home. But we did it. And we had little babies. We had Brady upstairs. I'd have to go up and feed him. I mean, it was a crazy time of life, but we did it because it just filled us with joy. And at the time, we had other jobs. And I also don't think you necessarily have to take it to that extreme. What I say. I had this coaching client once, and she was in her 60s, and she said, I want to do something more fulfilling with my life. I've made a lot of money. I really wanted to get into coaching. Where do I start? How am I going to get on stages? And I was like, why don't we start here? Why don't you start by. Start being a coach now? I was like, tell me about your average day. And she's like, well, I host these meetings with my team. Okay. How can you bring coaching into those meetings? Okay, what about your clients? And she's like, well, I talked to the clients. Then they're like, how can you. How can you start showing up as a coach, as you are today in your job? Start doing it. Start doing that, because that can also help you build confidence. Don't wait because you think someone else needs to give you permission or you need to have a title or a business card. Like, if you just start being who it is you want to be where you are now, it will happen for you, like opportunities, because you will start to shine. People will start to see you that way. They'll start coming to you and saying, hey, I noticed that you really like coaching. Would you consider hosting our next, you know, luncheon for our HR team or something? Like, it's crazy how things. Opportunities will come, but they will only come when you start showing up that way. Yeah.

And I will tell y' all a little secret. So I wanted to be a speaker. I'm like, I want to inspire others to speak. And I was like, well, how am I going to be a speaker? Nobody knows I'm a speaker. I don't have any pictures. And so you know what I did? I made a donation to a church. My girlfriend, our daughters rode horses together at the barn. She took her camera. Got to go in this auditorium. I went out and I bought a suit. It was a hideous suit, by the way. It just wasn't me. It's like, that's. I don't wear suits, really, to speak in. But I had her take some pictures. There was no audience, but I'm on stage, and it looks like I'm speaking. I started doing that, and people were like, oh, she's a speaker. So once you step into that and once I had my website and I had a picture of me on stage, I started getting asked to do speaking. It was just kind of stepping into that role and something else that actually helped.

I don't really.

I have a digital business card now, but back in the day, when you would have business cards, it gave me more confidence to go up. I'm official. I have a business card. You know what I mean? So whatever. But I love how you say, just start doing it. Start doing it. And I got into speaking. It wasn't about the money. I did it because it just filled me with joy. And I think that's so important, to do what is fulfilling and just. Just do it. Just start. Sometimes. Do you feel like maybe I should pause a little bit before I start? Because I tend to be the person who, like, I will just jump without looking it has gotten me into trouble a little bit. Do you ever have anybody like that?

Oh, yeah. But you know what? I actually, I would much rather start before I was ready and fail forward than wait out of fear, wanting it to be perfect before getting started. Because no matter what, you can't feel. I really, truly believe in every. When they say failing forward, you learn, you're learning. I mean, you and I were talking about all those moments you said in your past of like, oh, and this was not what I wanted to be, but I got kicked out of it.

Yeah, we just talked about that.

And how do you become an authority on something? You can only become an authority on something through experiencing it through experience and knowledge. You know, it's. You know, words don't actually teach, right? They give us ideas, they plant ideas, they help us to structure information. It is only through life experience that you learn. And I think that that's. Oftentimes what I see is that people will get really clear on like, this is what I want to do and I want to do it. And then. But they're trying to figure out ways for them to get it all set up before actually having to do it.

Right?

Because that's the scary part. So they'll get everything organized. They'll have their website up and they'll buy the URL. They'll do all the easy stuff first, right? And then they'll procrastinate on picking up the phone and having the sales call or, you know, or making an offer to someone or it's because it's scary. And. But, but there's no gain from avoiding.

Gets a little hard. Then they're like, oh, this is too hard. I'm not going to do it.

Right?

I mean, or they over complicate, overthink things. I mean, I have a client who was going to change something up with her business and was like, well, I'm going to just have to rebrand everything. And just all I could hear was excuses. And I said, no, no, no, you don't have to stop and rebrand everything. I said, just do it. And, oh, that saved me so much time. I'm like, just do it. Or I've had a client that she wants to be a speaker and she has done some speaking, but she wants to do more. And I'm like, it takes time and it takes some grit. Like, you don't just say, I'm a speaker. Then all of a sudden, oh, wow, lo and behold, they're knocking at your door wanting you to speak at events. It's like, no, you've got to be putting value out there constantly. You got to be asking. You've got to be knocking on doors. I think a lot of times people expect that. They say they're a speaker, they put it in their bio, and they expect that all these people are just going to come and want to hire them to speak. Oh, and pay them a lot of money, by the way, too. I'm like, no, you got to put the reps in, and then you start getting paid 100%.

And then you start to find that flow, too. I think that there's. You start to get into the current, you know, where all of a sudden you've put enough energy into something that you just start to feel like, oh, things are happening, like, synchronicities and opportunities are coming to you. But I do believe that we're tested, right? We're tested along the way. And these tests are not meant to punish us. They're meant to strengthen us and to make us. To give us clarity on, wow, I really want this. I want this so badly. Like, I actually think oftentimes the things that we want, the desires that we have and the vision we have is much more about forcing us to face our demons than actually achieving the thing. Right. It's like the carrot that you're like, okay, just like. It's like with the dog. Like, I'll give you your treat. If you just keep. You're trying to get them to work, walk towards you. Maybe they're a little nervous or a little afraid. I feel like the same thing happens that God is like, all right, here you go. But you're going to have to walk through this minefield where all your limiting beliefs are going to be popping like crazy, and you're going to have to face your fears. But on the other end of that, you get to turn around and be like, whoa, whoa, I did that.

Yeah.

You know, and then you'll turn back around and you'll have another field in front of you because it never ends. And at every level, there's another challenge, right?

Oh, new levels, new devils. You know, I always say that, but, yeah, I remember being really tested. It was the first time I had haters that I knew about anyway. I'm sure I got a lot of them that I didn't know about. This is the first time they were coming out of the woodwork, and it was after I was on the doctor's TV and they had condensed that interview. They took out a lot, and they said the title was like, Girl Gets Overcomes pain with her mindset or something like that. I don't remember exactly, but it was like just saying that for CRPs, I have cured it with my mindset, you know, and so people that had CRPs, they didn't hear the full scoop and they were just, she obviously doesn't have it. You can't cure pain with your mind and blah, blah, blah. And it was like, it was a great opportunity for me to really believe in my message and how I do get through pain through my PACER methodology. I could have just stopped and been like, I'm done. Like, people hate me. Yeah, I guess that's not good. And I'm like, but no, this does work for me. And it's a chance to believe in your message even more or give up. And I chose. I was like, you know what? No, this works. I'm not giving up. And once I got through that, man, it lit a fire underneath me. And I think that you just take that next step and that next step, but don't give up. So many people are ready to just throw in the towel or give up or they make excuses. Social media is just too hard. It's too complicated. I'm like, how bad do you want it? Because if you really want it, you're going to jump through the hoops, the hurdles, and you're going to keep going, you know, and so I am. So when does your book come out again?

January 7th.

January 7th. Perfect way for people to start 2025, to start through the year. And of course I have all these questions to ask you and we're running out of time, but I did want to, to talk about something because the holidays are approaching and I was listening to your podcast and I love that you and Rudy have these conversations on your podcast, but it was really about. You guys are so good about this, about. You know, a lot of times we get triggered around the holidays, especially when we have that in law or that somebody, that relative come over and they just. Dang it, they just trigger us. We've done all this work on ourselves and self development and we come and we think we're grounded and they just get to us. How do you show up for the holidays and not let that person suck the life out of us? I like to call them an energy vampire. Energy vampire or trigger us. Holy moly.

I know.

I have some people that do that. How can you stay grounded through the holidays and not get as triggered?

So I think it's a really great question and I know exactly which podcast episode you're talking about. It's funny enough, one of our like most listened to podcast it was, we did it, we did like how to not get triggered by your family around the holidays. And we had so much feedback from that. I think that, number one, it's just, just it's getting real with yourself, number one, on like what you're expecting from the relationships, right? Because I think so many times it's not, it's like beating your head against the wall. You're like, I want this person to be my number one supporter.

Right.

But you know that from history has shown you they're just not that person for you. Why are you putting, why are you, why do you continue to have that expectation for that person who just isn't that person for you? Right? So it's kind of like I think taking number one is taking accountability. No one can force you to feel a certain way. And the only way that you're going to be able to enact change is if you start to change how you perceive your family and to change how. What you expect from your family. I think the other thing is knowing that, that you are going to get triggered having a plan in place, right? Number one, don't respond when you're triggered because then you're reacting and you're gonna be reacting from emotion and it's only going to make it worse. So have a plan. Like Rudy and I will literally like dismiss each other. Like I can see when it's happened not too long ago and he, we had a family member in town and I could see, I could see it happening. You know, you can see when someone's about to have a trigger tantrum, right? Where they're like, they start getting heated, like their face gets flushed, you can tell their eye rolls. And I was like, rudy, why don't you go upstairs and get the kids bathed and get them going and I will stay down here and do the dishes and basically stay with the family. Right? And because I can see when it's happening and we do that for each other. Because unfortunately, when you're in the midst of, when you're feeling agitated and angry, like anything that you do from that state is probably not going to be a good thing. You know, if, whatever you say, if you act, act from that state. So I like to take myself out of the situation or to have someone who can help you partner with that and say, let's go take a walk, take a beat. Because then you're going to start to. The emotions will pass and you'll start to See it for what it is. The reality is, most of our triggers were formed when we were young. So you put us back in a room with all the people that caused the triggers in the, in the first place. Like, it's a recipe for, for being triggered. But I also think it's an opportunity for you to have a mirror and to learn. And, and the. When you are being triggered, it means something is hitting a nerve. It's hitting a wound within you. You're perceiving a situation, something that happened to you probably a long time ago, and you're reacting in the same way. You're creating a story around it. But there's information there. Yeah, there's information. And once you can become aware of, like, wow, I get really triggered. Like, once you're not triggered and you can actually think about it and say, what was it that they said that. What was it that really made me angry? Journal about it.

Right.

When you read, you're learning. When you're journaling, you're learning about yourself. I think you said that. Did you say that in your. I think you did, anyways.

Yeah, I actually just read that in

your book, which is incredible. That's so funny. I just quoted you from your newest book, and I love that you said that because it was so true. And I was like, oh, my gosh.

That's right.

When you're journaling, you're learning, learning about yourself. And if you can become aware of what it is that triggers you, that's the first step in starting to neutralize it. That's the first step in starting to dissolve it. Right. So this could also be an experimentation time, if you're aware enough that you could learn a lot about yourself and move past all these triggers.

Yeah. And you know what? I'm glad you said that. You remove yourself. I've had to, actually. There was a time we had some people, Relatives over, and I had to remove myself. And I went upstairs and laid down for a little bit. I had. And my husband was like, I've never seen you, like, get. Get that. He had never seen me. Like, I, I, I don't understand how that. How did you get so upset? And it was all triggers from my childhood of showing all my flaws. It's not good enough. It's like. And then I was getting angry, so I just removed myself. And something else that helped me is I stopped having any expectations, like, for anything, really. Like, I had no expectations. Oh, my goodness. That was liberating. Just liberating. And just stopped reacting to, like, things and you know, I love my oldest daughter. I don't know if she's listening to this episode, but she would say things, and it would just be like, just one after another after another. And I had gotten to the point where I didn't respond, and she's like, oh, that's not working. And she goes, you know, mom, I'm just kidding. I'm sorry. I'm just kidding. And I was like, oh, oh, wow, an apology. And it was because I changed my behavior and I didn't engage. So I have no expectations, and I don't engage, and it's all good.

And that I think that's also the secret behind it is once you start to dissolve your. If you start to untether yourself, you're not responding to it anymore. You'll see it'll start to just go away. Like, that behavior, it just won't feature anymore. And so, because it requires multiple people, I think, to hold the energy of that conflict. But the minute you start to take, you're like, I'm bowing out. I'm bowing out. You'll notice the conflict just works itself out, or they just stop behaving in that way. It's really crazy.

Yeah. Well, I love that we've been talking for hours before we started recording. I always love when I get to spend any time with you. And Rudy as well, had so much fun in Raleigh. Like, y' all are just amazing at putting together events. You're going to do your own event in 2025. I can't wait to hear more about that. But how can people come and participate in some of the trainings and the retreats? Or if they want to come coach with you, what is the best way for them to reach out to you?

Sure. Well, thank you for saying that. Well, I would love. You can definitely find us on the Empowered Life podcast, Instagram, which is amazing. Anistonricksteens.com and we'll have all the information about our event that we're planning for 2025, which is something that we're really excited about.

What's the best place for people to get your new book?

Oh, gosh. Okay. Well, it's available for pre order right now on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

And y' all go order this book. It really is amazing. And you know what? Pre sales really help.

Thank you.

Yeah. So grab the book. It's amazing.

Well, I do want to say one thing while I still have you here after reading your new book that is coming out, and I just want to say thank you for being so authentic. And thank you for being so willing to share your story in such an incredible way.

Thank you. Scary.

Because it not only touched me, but I know without a shadow of a doubt you are going to change so many lives because people will see themselves in your story, and they will, you know, their breakdowns will be their breakthroughs. And it's the greatest gift that you can give. And I just want to say thank you for sharing that out in the world.

Oh, thank you. It means the world to me that you took the time to read it. And I know that, like, I want to get your book for every single woman in my Mastermind to, because I know it's going to encourage people to really step into their potential. And it's like you've given them a roadmap in order to do that. So that's going to be a gift to all the Mastermind members. So go out and buy this book. And don't forget, we have the unstoppable success summit and we have a Black Friday sale. You can get $50 off your early bird ticket. Just go to Amberly Lago.com you'll see the event and input 50 off at the checkout. I'm thinking I got all that right. I'm not usually good about y'. All. Look, I'm not good about stuff like that. But I want to tell you, I want you to get a ticket. You're getting 50 off the early Bird, so go grab your ticket. And Aniston, thank you so much for being on the show. I can't wait for people to get your book in their hand. And thank y' all for tuning in. And I will see you in Dallas at the Summit.

Okay.

See you next week.