Write Your New Love Story & Be the Highest Version of YOU! with Serah D’laine

So before we get started, I want to say thank you so much for being here and happy 2020.

And this is it, y'. All.

This is the year. This is the year that you can elevate your life and finally make those changes that I know you've been wanting to make for a long time. So if you are ready to shift your mindset so you can get through any of life's challenges, if you want to gain confidence and clarity on your goals and finally, I mean finally have a wellness routine that actually works with your lifestyle and keeps your body healthy and thriving, then you're in the right place. It's called your unstoppable life master course. And I've been so excited to share it with you because I know the

only time I've ever been able to reach a goal is when I've had the right mindset and I've had accountability.

So I'm going to be with you every step of the way. And weekly live, private webinars, Q and A sessions. You'll have community support, exclusive resources curated for you to have on hand as a guide along the way. What else? There's daily affirmations, there's going to be a move of the day, a dance challenge, you'll get my book, a downloadable journal, and you'll be part of a private Facebook group. So transform your life. Really transform it. Activate your highest potential. You deserve to boldly shine your light. Head over to amberlylogo.com and sign up now. And I can't wait to see you in the course. Welcome to True Grit and Grace, a podcast designed to empower you to claim your resilience and thrive through life's challenges. I am Amberly Lago, a mindset coach, fitness expert, and best selling author. Each week, I'll dive deep with the world's brightest thought leaders and elite performers to share tangible tools and practical advice to inspire you to keep your eyes on the prize and find forge ahead. So get ready to conquer your fears, heal any trauma, lead with your heart, and elevate your life with grit and grace.

Hi and welcome to another episode of True Grit and Grace. I'm Amberly, your host and I'm so excited about the guest today. Oh, my goodness. I have a treat for y' all because I am sitting here with. I am not kidding. You are the goddess of love. You are a spiritual badass, but there's so many things that you do. I mean, you have founded the Soul Circle Collective. It's Soul Circle Collective, but you do hypnotherapy you do life coaching, executive coaching, and you're an expert in digital media marketing, which I think you have to do.

Throw a little NLP in there.

Oh, yes. And I want to talk to you more about that. I want to know what exactly what that is.

Yeah.

Welcome to the show, Sarah Delane.

Thank you. I'm so excited.

I just love you.

I love connecting with you. The moment that we met, I was like, this is a sister.

Yes. I know. The moment that I met you, I feel like I've known you my whole life. And even when you were recording in my home and we're sitting in my little tiny office, and the minute you walked in the door, I feel like you're just my sister. Like, I've known you forever. There's so many amazing things that you're doing. And I wanted to ask you first, how did you get into really teaching other people how to create their own love story, not only with others, but really with their selves? Because I think that's so important, especially for a lot of people listening. Because I know for me, I went through a period where I really hated myself. I hate. I did. I was like. I hated the way I looked. I didn't feel good enough. I was like all these limiting beliefs, and it's hard when you're in that position. But I wanted to talk to you about how did you get into learning how to do all that? How do you even do that?

Probably through hating myself.

Well, I think those are the best features.

Absolutely.

Experiences that we do, we learn. Yeah.

And I mean, honestly, even in the. It's kind of a sadistic joke a little bit. But it's like, even in the process of learning your yourself, you have those days where you're like, okay, I'm really working on self love, you know, I love myself.

I love myself.

I hate myself still. I know it's like the human side where you're like, really trying to keep it going and keeping it positive. And sometimes you really just have to honor where you're at and just really accept where you're at. That's why I kind of say it's like step one is acceptance.

Yeah.

Like, if you're in a space where I think so. Yeah. If you're like, okay, I'm trying to be something that I'm not, I'm trying to feel something that I don't, then you're in resistance to where you are and you're already setting yourself up to just keep spiraling that loop. So where did it start? Like where I kind of shifted into, hey, there's a better way.

Yeah, how did you shift? Because I know that you did something completely different before you were an actress. You were, you know, lived your life on the red carpet and you did something totally different before. You just really had a spiritual awakening, really. And then.

And talk about an industry that really brings out your favorite qualities about yourself, I'm sure.

Yes.

I mean, it's highly competitive.

I just, look, I've got goosebumps right now because that is for sure. You know, I was, you know, sponsored by Nike and I was nationally, you know, known where he's a coach and. Yeah. And, you know, I did TV and commercials and videos. And then after my accident, when I was completely scarred up and hated myself, it was like I had to still learning to love myself.

It's a daily.

It's a daily. Yeah, but that industry had to be really tough, being on camera and on set all the time.

Yeah. So what was really going on that, you know, I haven't talked too much about, you know, I've kind of just like alluded to. It's like, yeah, I lived with my grandmother, you know, and that was probably one of the most difficult parts of that time in my Life. I was 13, you know, and yet looking back on it now, you know, I don't play into the victim side of it anymore, you know, but it was very much. She was beautiful on the outside. There was a lot of things that she was dealing with. She was very much narcissistic. She was very much. She didn't like herself, you know, and so she really needed to project that out. And being a 13 year old, I mean, I was living with her so that I could get to act and go to these auditions and follow that dream and that just sort of adventurous lifestyle. So I got to choose that that's where I wanted to stay. My parents were supportive of it. And at the same time, I mean, she was a pinup girl in the war and she was an actress. And so with her combination of wanting to guide me yet from her sort of not so much in a healthy way, everything was about like drilling it in. Like, it had to get it perfect. I had to keep doing it. I had to keep running lines. Like she would make me run lines over and over and over again. It's like, you better do it right this time. You better like. So it was this whole thing of, you know, nothing was ever good enough, nothing was ever perfect enough, down to even just that sort of lifestyle, you know, of Where I was living and how I was living with her. I mean, if the salt shaker was like here versus there, like that was my fault. Like there was always a problem. Right. I never knew when she would sort of snap. So I was always sort of walking on eggshells.

Tough on your self worth. Like as long as you got everything right and everything looked a certain way, then you were good enough and things were good.

Did that play out until there wasn't something good enough? Until there was something else wrong?

Yeah. Always that perfectionism. Yeah.

Yeah. So did that play on my insecurities? A lot more. I remember being sort of that kid where I was always the rebellious, rambunctious one. Right. I was always the one who was gonna like speak my truth. I was gonna stand up for myself. You know, you and me both, Right.

I got out of Texas, I was like, I don't fit in here.

Exactly. I never felt like I fit in anywhere. I was never the cool girl. I was never like, you were never the coolest girl. I was never.

And you looked like the coolest girl. Like everybody would want to sit at your lunch table. But isn't that just that, like, you were never the cool girl. And I mean, you guys that are

listening, they made fun of me. They wanted to fight me.

Oh my God. Do you think it's because they were jealous of you?

I hate that statement. I gotta be so real. I think that that's such a cop out statement we use that.

Or do you think they were just mean?

So I'll say it this way. When we're growing up, were operating from learned behavior, right? So that's either behavior that they learned from other girls or learned maybe from their home or it's a sort of expression on how they think they need to show up.

Right.

Which part of. For me being what I call a cycle breaker, right. And even being a conscious lifestyle is like living your life consciously is to breaking those cycles on how we're treating each other at as early of an age as we can. But looking at it from an outside perspective now, it's like, okay, well, that was learned behavior. They were thinking, honestly, I don't know if it had to do with jealousy.

I think it was that learned behavior and breaking the cycle. And I know that's what you do a lot of is like looking at those patterns and breaking those patterns. And I remember growing up thinking to myself, when I get married, that's not the kind of marriage I'm going to have. Exactly. When I get married and I have Kids, my kids are not going to beat on each other like my siblings beat on me. And like there were so many things. And then when I grow up, I'm not going to be an alcoholic and I will not do some of the things that people in my family are doing. And so I didn't. But I didn't realize I was a deal breaker. Well, but it caught up to me. It was waiting, it was waiting there. And it caught up to me when I was stuck in a hospital bed and I didn't have any tools to deal with all these feelings.

That's key.

It's the tools and it's the tools. And I didn't have any. And so my solution was, well, I'll drink. It was self medicating.

Self medicating is a tool. Suppressing and kind of hiding it is a tool. It's not the healthiest tool.

It worked until it didn't.

Well, yeah, and worked until it didn't exactly. But we honestly, it's like you have to look at that and say, okay, well, when you don't have healthy tools, you go to either what we see others doing, right. Learned behavior, or just the easiest thing to just shut off.

Shut off is what I want to do.

That is tool. It's just, like I said, it's not the healthiest tool. You'll suppress what's going on as opposed to really transmuting it and releasing it.

And then I feel like when we suppress the trauma that's gone on in our life, it will always show up. It will show up.

It will manifest in all different areas.

Whether it comes out in our relationships, in the way we parent, in the way we choose what we do for our careers, how we view ourselves, it comes up and it's horrible.

That's why, I guess, you know, when I say when I really came up with like, oh, it's, you know, what I do is, you know, or the broadest sense of the word of what I do is helping people write a new love story. That love story starts with you. Your relationship with you is the one that sets the tone with all others. And we have relationships with everything. So whether we're talking about romantic relationships or business relationships or whatever people say, oh, so you do relationship stuff. So you do couples. It's like, no, there's nothing wrong. I don't see anything wrong with relationship. Right. Like the container of a relationship. There's nothing wrong with it. It's how two people or three, how many people are in it are relating to each other. And how that behavior based on their subconscious belief systems and programs and learned aspects are what they're bringing to the table and what they're bringing to the table, then how they're relating with each other.

So do you help people see those programs that they may not even know that they're.

Yeah, I like to think that my style of. I don't even really like the word coach because I always associate coach with like cheerleading and accountability. And that's amazing. There's nothing. We still need that. For me, what I needed to sort of reprogram myself. I was like, I need something tangible. I started doing transformational work and going to seminars and all that stuff starting at 25. So I've been in the game for a little bit, but I was like, it's one thing to learn it and have the experience of it. I wanted to learn the actual practical tools that then I could put into play every single day. You know, you had mentioned really needing those tools. And so if you don't, you have alcohol. Mine was drugs. At 13, coming out from my grandmother, like I got way into drinking every night and alcohol and drugs and everything. That was my self medicating, not the healthiest tool. So to me, I was like, I need something that I can like tangibly do. Like the big how? Yeah, it's like everything is a concept. Okay, great. Write a new love story. That's awesome. But how?

How?

Give me the step by steps. Give me something I can use every single day.

I love that because I didn't really think about how I was able to be resilient day in and day out, living with chronic pain, until one of my best friends was like, how do you do it, Amberly? How do you. Doctors said you were going to be in a wheelchair forever. And how do you go to these events? How do you work and train cl. How do you do that? You need to figure out what you do every day. And that's when I started to take a look at, well, what are the things that I do every day. And I think that's important because then you can not only teach other people, but you need.

But you can rock your own talk.

Oh, my God.

Yes.

And that's what I have to do. And now my husband calls me out on stuff. Like he will be like, because I

do an acting right there.

He calls me out, he's like, you're leaving this part out. You're leaving this tool out. And as much as sometimes I hate to hear that, I'm like, oh, but it's the truth. It's the truth. And he will always.

The truth hurts, but it'll set you free.

It will.

It will set you free. Yeah, yeah.

And as far as, like, how are. At least. I mean, see if this resonates for you, right? It's like what I discovered also for myself is that I wanted understanding. I wanted to know not just how, but I wanted to know why I was doing the things I was doing. I wanted to know the sort of inner workings. I was always fascinated with really understanding, like, true human behavior. Like, well, why is it that I wanted to suppress those emotions? And so I led to that, like, why did my life turn out to be this way? Why did I attract that relationship dynamic into my life? I really had the, like, I need to understand why my life is the way that it is. And so then I can take that power back, right?

And say, and then also not make the same mistake.

But if I don't know why and I don't know how, then I'm going to keep repeating the same. We call it a mistake or we call it a nice, wonderful lesson from the universe that keeps repeating. But, yeah, I feel like what we need as humans is we really need that understanding of why we are the way that we are. So a big part of what I love to offer is really those two pieces. It's like, okay, I'm going to explain to you why you're doing the shit you're doing subconsciously, why your subconscious programs and patterns are running like this. And then now that you understand why and you got sort of a grasp on, like, okay, that makes sense. You have those sort of, like, epiphanies and awarenesses now. It's like, okay, cool. Now here I'm going to teach you how to shift that pattern and what you can put into place every single day so that you're like, actually, it's like going to the gym.

Yeah, that's exactly what I say about building your resilience or strengthening your resilience. It's like, it's something you have to do every day. Every single day. It's not like, okay, I got that resilience tool down and I'm good to go. It's like, no, you have to do it every single day.

Because our subconscious doesn't work that way. We have habitual behavior. Habitual behavior is the thing that you do subconsciously or unconsciously. It's like, you wake up in the morning, the first thing you do, you're like, okay, go use the restroom, brush the teeth, maybe make the coffee or the tea or whatever. You don't have to sit there and think about it. Excuse me, Breathing also, it's like you don't think about that. There's things happening that you don't have to think about.

Right.

You don't think about rolling out of bed. Actually, maybe you did it once, rolling out of bed and having to think about walking.

Yeah.

That might have been really difficult for you at that time. You probably had to put a lot of attention to that.

Actually, I still do.

You still do.

I wake up differently. I've had to do everything. I had to redo everything.

You had to redo everything. And that's a perfect example, because when the majority of us are waking up and we're just rolling out of bed and we walk. Yeah, but I love that. That's such a beautiful. Not just analogy, but reality for you. You had to actually say, okay, let me. I don't know how it was for you. Clearly not step on the leg. You had to step in a specific way and bring all of your conscious awareness to that every single day in a new way.

But it's amazing.

That's when it turns into habitual behaviors. When you keep repeating then the positive that you want that overrides all the negative times that you've been running a behavior that you didn't want.

And what you're saying really makes me think about, you know, it's really empowering what you're saying, because it shows people they have a choice.

That is biggest power. Yeah, but if you don't know why and you don't know how, you don't have choice.

Yeah, and that's the thing that I tell you all the time. You have choice. You can choose.

But see, they. Not everybody knows. Like, you can say that, but they're

like, well, how do I choose? How do I choose? This is my situation. How do I choose?

So from where they're standing, they don't feel like is. They don't have choice. So for you to be like, you can choose, but they're like, but no, I can't. It's like literally being like, up against a wall and a rock. They're like, I can't choose. I don't have choice. I'm up against this and I'm up against that. So you're like, no, you can choose. But their perspective from where they're at, they don't. They're stuck.

Well, when they're stuck, what would you say to them if there's somebody stuck? For instance, I have A lot of people that reach out to me that have a lot of chronic pain and they feel stuck. A lot of them are. They feel stuck. They're in a wheelchair or they're in too much pain to even stand up, and they feel like they're stuck because they. And a lot of times they see me working out, and they're like, well, how are you working out? Because I can't do that. I can't stand up. What would you tell somebody about having choices that is in that situation where they feel like they're stuck between a rock and a hard place?

Yeah, totally. And honestly, that relates to me so much. Just, I've never felt comfortable in my body because there was always pain. Ever since I was a little girl, we all have pain and obviously different. Varying degrees. Right. And so not to discount where anybody's pain is, but ever since I was a little girl, my leg was born crooked, and so the whole right side of my body, my hip is a little bit off. And so I would have excruciating, aching pain in my legs that my mom had to massage my legs just so I could go to sleep. I was crying my eyes out at. I think it was starting at 5, or at least maybe before that. I don't remember. But it was literally, I would always have this pain. And then growing up, I call it empath belly now. Right. So I would always get stomach aches. I was taking on other people's emotions. Yeah. And I would get chronic, where it's just, like, either burning or, like, it feels like you're intact. Like you just want to bend over and just, like, cry your eyes out, and you're just like, why the fuck? Excuse me. Is this happening?

Yeah. Yeah.

So pain. I'm. I have a very interesting relationship with that, but that's. And being in the body and not wanting to be.

We all have pain. Growing up, I was taught, you don't express it. You suck it up. You cowgirl up. Don't you know? And then a lot of us are taught that. Look at the commercials that used to be on. Like, never let them see you sweat,

and it's not on you. My grandmother, when I cried about someone, when she was, like, bullying me and all that stuff, and then she was like, why are you crying? Only babies cry. Stop crying. I vowed that day, I was like, I'm never gonna cry in front of anyone.

And I did the same thing. My stepfather abused me, and then he would also emotionally abuse me and try to break me down. And when I would cry, he would say, see, I knew I'd get you. I made you cry. Like, it was just evil. And so now that I have kids, my husband is a retired lieutenant, and he was in the Navy before that, and he's Mr. Tough Guy.

Talk about not being able to cry.

Yeah. The first time I ever saw him cry, I think, was after my accident. But when our daughter cries a lot, there's this crazy thing because he's like, why are you crying, Ruby? Ruby, why are you crying? And I'm like, ruby, you cried. You just let it out, girl. You just let it out. And so I don't know. She's gonna need a lot of therapy

when she grows up, but that's a little lick on Mom, dad, mom, what do I do?

Yes. And then she's got her horse trainer. I know. And then she got her.

Laugh at it. We have to know, right? To a house. Yes.

It's, like, pretty crazy. In fact, actually, when I had nurses that were coming to the house every day when I was still in the hospital bed, they would always be like, you guys need, like, your own reality show because this is really crazy over here.

You can't buy drama for that. You can't plan that drama.

This is crazy.

You can't write a reality script that's any better than human. Fucked up. Oh, man.

Yeah. Right?

Yes. So all that to say we get it right when it comes to pain in the body. So I would say, right. Like, it's one of the worst ones.

I'll be real.

Right. Like the human side. It's like, when you have physical pain, that is such a reality. That is such a. Like, there is validation there. Right. You're like, okay, I can try to, you know, positive mantra my way out of that one. You're like, no, I am so still in physical pain. I still feel it. Right. Because a lot of times what we'll do is we'll seek for the evidence to try to be right about something, to keep creating the reality that feels sort of safe, even if it hurts. And so that's a real reality. Like, you're in physical pain. It's tangible. Right. And so that is one of the hardest things to sort of shift out of because you have such a convincer that is physical.

Yeah.

Right.

And that we have labels on us that doctors have given us. We give ourselves and that people listen to.

Oh, yeah, now you have ibs, or now you have Crohn's. Or now. Right. That's all the stomach stuff.

And you let it define you.

And you let it.

You become that.

And that's what fucks us up even more. Because now we associate our identity. I call it a false identity. I mean, so on some level, right, we can say, yes, you created that. Right. But on another level, it's like, okay, well, these labels are being told to you. And it's like, well, where are we challenging our own labels that others put on us, that society puts on us, that we put on ourselves, that family dynamics or relationship dynamics that we take on? We need to be challenging our own labels and stereotypes.

Yeah, that's a whole other.

Breaking the cycle.

Oh, yeah. I had a guy that I dated because I was divorced. He said, well, you're damaged goods. He actually said, I was damaged goods because I was divorced. That was the end of us.

I wonder how perfect he was, right?

Oh, that was the end. That was the end. I was like, oh, we're done. We're done. But it still hurt.

Of course it did.

Then I still thought.

And did you take it on?

Yeah, I took it on for a little bit. It's hard. And I think that a lot of times, you know, we can try to be positive, and people can tell us nice things all day, and we can try to do. Do those positive mantras or tell ourselves nice things. And then all it takes is one person saying, oh, did you gain a little weight?

You know, the people that we care most about their opinion of us. So you cared what he thought of you. So if we're in that space of caring what other people think of us, which a lot of us are, right? I mean, especially being an actress in the industry, like, I cared a lot about what people, what casting directors with directors, with roles. Life is my light. Absolutely. That one still comes up every once in a while.

I bet it does.

But we care what other people think. And then, yeah, it takes those people that then can say the tiniest little thing. And so I started doing this thing. This is like a quick little sort of trick or hack or kind of technique tool or whatever, because we're talking about rewriting, right? So I came up with this thing called Stop Drop Love.

Oh, right. Yes. Yes, I have seen. Because I totally stalk your Instagram, you guys. If you're not following her on Instagram, Sarah Delaine, you gotta follow her.

Because not just follow, stalk, stalk.

You gotta stalk her. Yes, yeah. Cause you've got good stuff.

Thank you.

And I saw a lot of people that. Not only you talk about it, but there are a lot of people. It's something that people are Using. Yes. And you have seen them post it in their stories and. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because I'm like, tell me about it. Tell me like when you do it, like, tell me like what it is. You know, I love getting the messages where they're like, I use Stop drop love like every single day. And like, it really works. Yeah. It's so simple. So it's based on. Right. When we were little. Right. And you remember that fire drill commercial? Stop, drop love roll. It was Stop, drop, right? Stop, drop. Exactly. Stop, drop, roll.

Yes.

So similar principle. If you're in a loop or if you. Let's say this person said this to you and now you're like, oh, however that made you feel in that moment, stop. Whatever belief system you were making it mean about yourself, stop whatever. Like, challenge it, stop whatever. If you're in a negative thought process. Right. And looping. Right.

Because I did feel as a kid being abused, I did feel like damaged goods. And I did. I had worked so hard to try to build my self worth up. And for him to say that it brought me back to that little girl, that I was that broken little girl.

Exactly. And that's where then part of that trauma is. I mean, trauma is such an intense word, but, you know, it's a trigger point. And so bringing you back to that moment. So if in that moment when he says that to you, right, instead of sort of taking that on and then reverting back to that how you felt at a young age, you could have said like, wait a second, let me just stop. Let me challenge this. Let me drop into my heart. Let me drop into my divine essence. When I work with clients, I do this thing called emotional alignment. So there's a sort of another part to this. So for people who've worked with me, I say drop into your emotional alignment, which is something we've anchored into their physical body, a positive emotional state. So I'd be like, okay, drop into your emotional alignment. But for you, it would be like, okay, stop whatever. You're making it mean in that moment. Drop into your heart, into your truth, into your highest version of yourself, and then choose now from there. That's the choice point, right? Because if you're stuck between a rock and a hard place and you're making it mean that you're not good enough, you're going to choose something that's further away from love. You're gonna choose something that doesn't feel empowering. You're gonna choose something that is more on a victim mindset.

I did that for years, I would pick the same guy and I'd be like, oh, but this one's different. But I always said, well, they were the same, but they were wearing a different costume. You know, this one's an athlete, but he's still an asshole. Yeah. This one's a musician, but he's really an asshole. Like, I would just.

You upgraded asshole.

I was just upgrading asshole.

Yeah, I did the same thing. I upgraded narcissist.

Yeah. Oh, I've had that too. Yeah.

Grammy was a narcissist.

Right.

So it's like. But I needed to learn what those patterns were, but I attracted those. So this is where I get to take my power back. Because if I'm in victim mode, right? Which I played really well, right? Actress, drama queen, best at it, Oscar worthy. Okay, Great at playing that role. And I needed to, like, break up with my inner drama queen in order to then say, wait a second, I'm given all my power away. I need to take my power back. And in taking my power back, I can say, okay, in this moment, I attracted that because of how I learned love. Relationship dynamics or relating with grandma. Right. And so if I learned that that's love on a subconscious level, then now I'm going to attract the same type of thing to try to play that out.

And then you don't write. It happens. You don't even realize you're doing it

because it's still a subconscious program. Because people like the whole self love thing, it's like, yes, you got to love yourself, but you also have to know what I call the shadow side to self love. Because as we learned, love looked toxic. That's how we learned love.

And even though at the time I'm curious to know how you felt, but for me as a little girl, I thought, this can't be right. Now, I don't know how a dad is supposed to love a little girl, but this doesn't seem like it should be.

So that's a perfect statement because. Exactly. We don't know. And all we know as souls that come down here to learn love, and then we learn love through being shown by these people that we trust people that are trust. Exactly. And so we're like, okay, I don't know what love is. But I guess since I'm supposed to learn, since that's my teacher, since they're the superior, they're the adult, and I'm supposed to hear, I'm learning love. And that's what it looks. Okay. It doesn't feel right, but okay, right and we're so. We're a sponge when we're, you know, five to seven to six years old. We're just absorbing. That's all we're doing. We're watching and absorbing how love is given. And so that's why, like, none of this is anybody's fault. And it's like, if we're not learning these tools, then, yes, we will continue to, to pass these generational programs on until somebody is like, cycle stops here.

Yeah. That's powerful. Oh, my God. I just got goosebumps when you said that. Cycle stops here. Yes. I love that.

Done.

Yeah. Now let me ask you when you were like, the cycle stops here. I am going to really transform myself. You really transformed yourself emotionally, spiritually, mentally, in every way. Did you have resistance around that from

people around you transforming?

Yeah.

Like people like self resistance or other.

From others. Like people that were close to you, whether they were family members, whether it was your grandmother, whether it was your mom or dad. Did you feel like you had some resistance around that?

So I'll explain it this way. One didn't have any resistance to grandma. She died three years after I left.

Oh, wow.

So I was okay with that. I made peace with it. I went to the funeral, you know, and all that stuff. And I've done a lot of work around that. As far as the resistance from other people, I feel like I had a whole near death experience. I sort of reframed into Kundalini awakening the night that I took a magic carpet ride.

Right.

So it's like, I didn't almost. Right, we gotta reframe how we see things. I didn't want to always associate with, oh, that night you almost died because you did too much blow and like, you know what I mean? That's the old version of me I was moving on from. So what it gave me was a full Kundalini awakening. It gave me this opportunity to ride on this magic carpet and have this whole experience. So I've reframed it into a positive. But what happened is that's alchemy. That's alchemy.

You are an emotional alchemy.

Yeah.

Or mind and emotional. Yeah.

It's all perception and how you choose to look at the situation. And you've taken something and come out of it. You don't have that victim mentality at all.

That's part of also writing a new love story. You can actually go into past experiences and you can literally rewrite it on a subconscious level so that you associate it in a completely different way. Still Keeping the lessons that it's giving you to this point. Right. Because it happened for a reason. You get a positive. You get an amazing character aspect of maybe that. One that can really persevere and charge through things. That's a positive characteristic that you want to be able to keep that you've gotten from something that could be called negative, for lack of a better term. So you can go back in the past and you can rewrite something at the same time as keeping that positive character quality and positive lesson that you learned.

I think that's huge. I think it's huge for people to get that because even with my accident in this whole true grit and grace show, to share what could be a tragedy but turned into a triumph and share struggles to success. Because I feel like nowadays it's really easy to look online, on social media or whatever and think, oh, everything looks so easy. And if people see you, they're like, oh, my God, she's so beautiful. And she has it all together and she's got all these tools, but they don't.

This is a disguise for my nerdy self.

But you are truly like a goddess. You glow and beautiful on the inside and out, but you have gone through some really tough times and a lot of self growth to get here. And because you've done that, I think it's easier for people to learn from you. For me, anyway, I like to learn from people who have gone through the hard times and they're like, oh, yeah, I've been there too. And this is how you can get through it. This is how I did it. And it works and it will work for you.

Yeah. And to me, honestly, it's like it doesn't matter what anybody looks like. It's about who you are, but then it's about who you're becoming.

Well, I wish everybody thought that way. We are in a city especially, we're

in a stereotype culture.

Yes. Where it is. But I know, like growing up there was a friend of mine, she was married to this Stetson man, which was. The Stetson man was like the most gorgeous cowboy on tv.

Like he was called Stetson Man.

He was gorgeous. But when I got to meet him, he was not attractive, not gorgeous at all. Because it all comes from, for me, from how somebody is on the inside. And that is their true inner. Absolutely.

I mean, it was similar with my grandmother. Like, she was a pinup girl. She was gorgeous, beautiful all the way into 70 years old. She was beautiful. But how she approached life and how she treated people didn't make her attractive at all. So it doesn't matter what anybody looks like. That's almost the facade that we can almost be like, oh, just because they look this way, they must be this, this, or this. It's like, I am here. I will break every stereotype that there is. That's part of being a cycle breaker, too. It's like, don't think that just because something looks a certain way.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Not everything that sparkles is gold.

That's exactly right.

So kind of coming full circle, we were into stop drop love, and then you said, oh, if I had any chance, did I get resistance from other people? I think kind of on that same topic, it's like people expected me to stay being this sort of actress. And I put so much time in. I was like a successful 15 years at that point. By the time I kind of took a hiatus, you know, and it was successful. Like, I did national commercials, I was on television. I did indie movies, you know, all of that stuff. So it was fun and I love it. I love the art of it. And at the same time, I had this other part of me, this, like, heart calling. It was like a heart screaming. It was like, you need to go discover. Like, you need to go realign with yourself. I was running away from myself, and I didn't need anybody to understand that. And not a lot of people understood what I was going through. A lot of them thought I was losing my mind. I probably was. You know, I do say I was like, I totally did. I lost my mind. I found my heart. Like, I found, you know, I found that, like, inner guidance that maybe not a lot of us listen to. Because it's that subtle voice. It's not the loudest ego voice that is like, you better do this. You better. It wasn't my grandma. It was like, better do this. Better stay perfect.

Better.

You know, I didn't want to listen to that voice anymore. And so that heart voice started getting louder and louder. And I was like, okay, I'm being called to go on this journey of a deeper self discovery. I had this whole Kundalini awakening. I was all of a sudden clairvoyant and everything all at once. And I was like, I need to just quiet and figure out what each one is. It was all happening. And so, yeah, there were a lot of people that didn't understand why I was doing that. They didn't understand. They were like, this was not a popular thing, especially in the industry at that time now, right? Yoga, metaphysical conversations, right. Meditation, all of it is so popular.

Exactly.

At the time, they're like, you're going on a spiritual. Like, you're gonna drum. You're gonna drum. What are you doing? These are a shaman. Like, what are you doing? It was weird.

Yeah. And now it's totally normal for me to go in a tent and meditate and do a sound bath in the Wizard.

Exactly.

Yeah.

100%.

Yeah.

I do that every week. I know. So, yes. I got a little bit of like, well, what are you doing, Sarah? And how come, you know, why are you doing this? And you have this successful career. And, like, they didn't understand. And it was almost like they were getting more stressed out about it than I was. And I'm like, it's not your life.

Good for you.

It's not your soul that's calling you.

Yeah.

And so I was like, I don't need anybody. And, yeah, some people got mad at me because they felt like I was leaving them or that I didn't check in with them or I didn't sort of explain. And I'm like, I don't even know how to explain this to myself yet. I'm figuring it out. Let me figure it out. And just be support. Can you be support? You're not support. That's cool. Okay. I still love you, but I still got to do this. My parents were supportive. They were like, I'm at it. But they were always supportive about, she'll land on her feet.

I've always. So it was really discovering your purpose. And that's one of the things that People reach out to me a lot.

But I had no idea. I wasn't asking that. I had no idea what that meant. I wasn't like, I need to go find my purpose.

But that's. A lot of people say what you're describing is what other people might say. Oh, you were discovering your purpose. Or, you know, And I feel like there's so many.

Your purpose is the alignment with the highest version of you. That's where I feel like people think that your purpose is something that you do. Your purpose is not something that you do. Your purpose is what you align to. It's that ultimate reconnection with you and the unification and the integration of the highest version of you or the highest version of consciousness into you. We still associate our higher self as something outside of us. It's not outside of us. It's fully. When you embody all of it and integrate with it, you're like, I'm it. If you're bringing in information or if you're channeling it in, that tap doesn't have to be open all the time, but it's still something within you. You braid it in with you. What you do from that state of embodiment is just the action expressing itself from your purpose.

I love that.

Like you writing a book. That's what you did with you embodying your purpose. Like, so your purpose is like. It's the ultimate reconnection.

And it's interesting because I'll have people ask me a lot, well, what is your purpose? What is your purpose?

Or how do I find my purpose?

Or how do I find my purpose? Yeah, yeah.

You find your purpose by following the path back to you.

Yes. I love that. Can you just say that again?

What did I say? You find your purpose by following the path back to you. Sometimes I say stuff and I'm just like, oh, yeah, okay. I love that.

But yeah. Because I've never thought of when I'm thinking about. I've never had to think, this is what my purpose is, or I'm looking for my purpose. I've never done that. I've never thought that if you're looking.

Because if you think about it now, you're looking again. We do this outside of yourself. You think you're gonna find the answers in the next book and the next YouTube video and the next whatever.

But that's what a lot of people think.

Exactly. But then I guess it comes back again to the tools on you becoming your highest self. Because it's the path back to you. You're not going to find it. You can learn the tools to reconnect with you. That's what I would say. Because technically, yes, what I teach, it's something outside. But my goal is to teach tools so that people can have that ultimate realignment with themselves. That's the true sovereignty within. Not based on societal programming or belief systems or what their family or friends tell them they should or shouldn't do. Like, you align with your truth, you have that inner certainty from there, what are you going to do with it? Cool. You want to write a book, you want to start a charity, you want to start a movement. Awesome. Do whatever you feel inspired to do from that place.

I love that. Yeah. And I was completely disconnected. So was I, from my higher self. When I was numbing out, because I wasn't just numbing out from my feelings, I was numbing out from the world. I was completely numbed out. At first, what started out as I need to numb out from this physical pain, then I realized, oh, wow, this is numbing out all the feelings that go along with it too. So it's a blessing.

When you numb out from, let's say, the negative feelings or the pain, you stop yourself from having access to all the positive things.

And for me, numb is numb.

You don't get to pick what you're numb.

And I had no spiritual connection.

Yeah.

It was like the line was just cut off.

Yeah.

And I was actually trying to explain that to my dad the other day. I was like, no, there was no. It was like the telephone wire was cut off. As soon as I numbed out, it was like there was no connection. What would you say to people like a tool or a tip that you could give to somebody who. Who doesn't feel connected to their higher self that they could do to connect to their higher self to be in. More in alignment?

Yeah. I'm going to give something that I teach others. It's a simple sort of connection. It's a little bit of breathing. Visualization. Visualization is really powerful. And keeping in mind that this one thing doesn't help you just stay connected. You know what I mean? It's a lifestyle. It's a way of being as well. Right. It's kind of how you show up in the world that keeps you into alignment. Right. So I don't want to just say, oh, here's this quick, easy button to get into alignment with your higher self. You know, that being said, one of the things that, like, if you are feeling that just sort of disconnected or you're like sensory overload. There's too many things. Right. You're like out of your body, all that, whatever that sensation is in that moment. This might look kind of funny, but I'll do it with a visualization as well. I visualize. So kind of remember how I said our higher self. We see our higher self as outside of us. Right. As you're sort of integrating it in, it can have this vision of as if it were bigger than you. Right. And so I can live in my sweat. So if you put your head. This is going to be fun. If you put your hands above your head like you're holding a bowl above your head. So imagine that by doing that, you're holding the chin of what would be the next highest version of you, like energetically, because we have chakras outside of our bodies.

Right.

So it's kind of like we're aligning to a higher energetic frequency of those higher chakras.

Yeah. Right.

Chakras are energy centers that really just relate to higher states of consciousness.

Yeah. So you just look like a goddess

when you're, like, holding it like this.

And she went into a pose.

Just a goddess pose. It's like the lotus above the head.

Yeah.

But if you imagine that and then there's connection points, because if that head of the next highest version of you, you have then your head like third eye. Right. Which is the sort of all seen. That's where your true inspiration comes from. Right. We think when we get an idea, it's not coming from our brain, it's coming from that higher awareness. And so having that vision that you sort of tap into that, that sort of third eye of that higher version of you, and then by the time it comes down, what connects with your third eye is the heart of then that higher version of you.

Oh, I've never heard that before.

And then coming down, little bit of something that I created with this. So maybe somebody else has come up with it too. I don't know. Collective consciousness is collective consciousness. But I haven't read this one anywhere. So this is what I visualized when I was like, okay, how do I turn this into a strategy for people at 12? Yeah, what do you do exactly? And a lot of what I teach, I kind of reformulate different tools and then kind of come up with my own. So I can say that a lot of what I teach isn't found really anywhere else. Is it shifting from things that I've kind of put together? Absolutely. Right. And so some teachings are the same. Like, I still get fascinated where somebody's like, oh, they teach that in basic psychology. I'm like, really? That's cool. I don't know.

Yeah, but that's awesome because you've collected all of these tools along the way of stuff that you've learned since you were 25. But then stuff that you have used

just sort of channeled through. So it's a combination. And that's where, like I said, it's, yes, some things that I've been educated or certified in, and then the things that I just sort of get. And that sort of claircognizant and clairvoyant side is like, it looks like this and teach it like this. And Right. And then I just put those together. So like I said, if somebody has seen it somewhere else, I'm like, awesome. But I haven't studied a lot of books to then tell me what the name of it is or, you know what I mean, if it is, I will always give credit, you know what I mean? I teach an expanded version. I call it the Power Pyramid. I've kind of taken a additional side to where the ego fits into what's called the drama triangle, which was developed by Dr. Kaplan.

Right.

So there's sort of those teaching. Then I've sort of expanded it.

Right.

Like I said, to kind of really include the ego, the higher ego, and the lower ego. So things like that. I'll be like, yep, this is his work. You know what I mean? I feel really strongly. And a big part of. I feel like the integrity of teaching is giving. Like, if I've learned it from someone that I know that I'm like, I still wanna honor where that teaching has come from.

That shows your big heart, that you truly do it out of a place of love and caring for everyone. Like, to me, because a lot of people aren't like that. They're like, try to take credit for stuff to make themselves look better. Yeah.

I see people, especially on Instagram now, and I'll see some quote that I'm like, I know the person who said that. And then they put their name on it and they took their name off. And I'm like, why would you do that?

Oh, are you kidding? I had my whole book. My whole, entire book. No, someone made copies of it, and they were selling it for $36 a book. And I'm like, well, I don't know if you're gonna sell that one. Mine cost $16.95.

But you're like, you try in a black moment.

What? Yeah. Crazy. What happens now? Oh, crazy. Crazy.

That's a whole book.

A book.

A whole book. And of course, I had to, you know, I got it taken care of.

How did you find out? I'm curious.

Like, I actually had my editor for the book. He sent me a picture. He goes, did you see this on Amazon? Like, he's really good about, like, he checks up on things.

How did he even find that? Like, how do you.

He found that. Then when I went to search for it, I found all kinds of stuff, like amberly hats, amberly lago hats, mugs, tumblers, and all of that. And it was at that point they

were poaching your merch.

I don't even have that merch.

That's what I mean.

I was like, I don't even have that. I was like, guys, that's not my stuff. I don't know who's selling it, but it's not me. And so I really had to make a decision, do I? I had a couple of big things that happened and I won't get into. But I really made the decision of I can spend my time and energy going after that or I can just keep moving forward and sharing my message of hope and inspiration and building more to give. So that's what you do.

The one thing they can't copy is your energy.

Exactly.

Like you are unique. And I'm such an advocate for. There's too many copies in this world. And if you're a copy, you will be a copy. You will hold the vibration of being a copy. You will never truly embody like you as the unique being. And I'm a believer that everybody is here to stand out and be that unique version of themselves. And so if somebody feels like they need to be that copy, it's kind of like, ah, yeah, that, like it hurts. It kind of, you know, like the human side, like it gets your ego. You're just like, oh. Like it gets you angry and frustrated.

Got me.

You know, like. And so I can't imagine what that would feel like for a whole book. But yeah, at the same time, like, no one's going to do it. Like you do it. It's not gonna be the energy.

That's what I try. That's what I try to explain to my 11 year old.

I mean, still send out a cease and desist. Yeah, still do that. I got that down. Got that down.

But yeah, I try to explain that to my 11 year old because she gets upset because people were copying the way she dressed and what she did at school and then even copying like all kinds of things. And I was trying to explain, but she doesn't really get the whole.

It feels like somebody's jacking your uniqueness. You're like, I spent time like coming up with this creative thing and that's my energy and my, you know. Yeah, it feels like really weird. So of course, like we totally get it.

Yeah.

And it's like, where do you want to put your energy into? Because if you're the one who is coming up with those unique ideas, that means you're tapped into that higher consciousness. Because technically, yeah, there's nothing new under the sun. Right. When it's people that are close to you and it's like, okay, they probably got it from you. But if you have that open channel to tapping into that higher collective consciousness where there is all information of anything ever, anytime and ever will be, then you are that higher. That's your tap. Not everybody has the tap, hence the copiers don't have that tap. So if you're tapped in, then you'll come up with something else and then you'll always be reinventing and you'll always be producing new content. It's really important to me to bringing forth things that feel original, that are original. And like I said then if I am doing something that is similar or straight from somebody else, I will honor that person. Because I'm like, I know they put time and they put energy into that and I honor the energy of their uniqueness, of putting that together. And that's how we tapping that through,

that's how we grow together. I'm always big and let's, yeah. Give each other credit, you know, not

really a big deal. It's like, what's the thing? You know, it's like that's what I still haven't figured out about.

That's ego. Okay.

And like, but for what? Like almost like there's eye open for somebody.

Yeah.

What do you think?

I think it's because if people admit that it wasn't their idea, then it makes them feel or look less than, less than. I don't know for sure, but I think they're supposed to have all the

ideas or something like that. I'm like, I don't have all the

ideas, but I know you have to be creative today, especially to keep up with, you know, you do digital marketing and stuff like that. And for me it's just, you know, you have to be creative just to doing a social media post, you know. And I feel like I can't be creative if I don't do things to refuel myself, to tap into source, to have quiet time too. And one of the things I do is I go out in nature and I feel like I can connect in nature. Is there a special place? I mean, I feel like nowadays you have to.

You should be able to like living in la.

It's just like hard to get out in nature.

But it is. But even. I mean, it's so intense here. It's like even just go to a park. Even if you can just be barefoot for two minutes in a park.

You know what I mean?

You got a little bit of earth.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

Is there a place that I go? To me, the beach is always for me, it feels like different energy. Right. I love it. I love nature. I would love to just lock myself in a cabin far, far away just for like a weekend. It's like, yeah, let's get snowed in somewhere. That sounds like a great idea.

I hear you.

Yeah. Or maybe I don't Know, springtime, something like. Right. But whenever I need to just, like, release the energy, the beach has negative ions that really are so beneficial for us. And so whenever I can go back there and just put my feet in the sand, I mean, it just makes me want to, like, just feel like I want to just be covered with sand. It's like, let me roll in it.

I do the same thing. And actually, when I can't make it to the beach, I have an app on my phone and I play the sound of the ocean. And so I visualize myself being there. Even though I don't get the negative icons, I can feel like I do that every night when I go to bed.

That's powerful.

That's what I do to shut the mind. Because just going, going, going, going busy. It relaxes me.

Yeah. I gotta do chamomile tea and then some, like.

Oh, I have a whole ritual.

I'm like, the whole train needs to, like. You're like, that's like a freight train. You're trying to slow down. Like, let's take it one step at a time.

Yes.

Yeah.

I'm so happy to hear you say that because I do the same thing. And my husband will come in and I'll be all calm and he'll be all rowdy and get Ruby all riled up, fighting.

I'm like, we're on two different energy frequencies.

I know.

Yes.

I just calm myself down. Yeah.

I'm not a big believer in do whatever you got to do. For me, I really made that commitment since having my phase of drugs and alcohol. I'm like, I don't want to take a sleeping pill. I don't want to take medication.

Part of.

I feel like living a conscious lifestyle is as best as we can. Right. What holistic ways can I find if I'm going to drink some chamomile tea? That really does it. I'll double bag that. And I'm ready to pass out in 20 minutes. You don't need a lot. And so if we recondition ourselves to really doing the best for our body and this relationship that you have with your body and what you're putting in the body. And then I'll kind of. I like doing frequency things and stuff like that. So, like 432Hz. It's really a solid frequency that kind of helps realign our full energy.

So my girlfriend does that, and I still want to learn more about that. Well, you do so much. You have a whole toolbox full of tools between everything, even the hypnotherapy that's just one technique. Yeah, you have so many different ways of helping people. I don't even like to say helping really. I like to say transforming their life.

That's a good one.

I really think you transform people's lives in every way, starting with their selves and then relationships with other people. And you have different. Like, I love that you do webinars and you guys. She does a live stream every Tuesday. Is it at 7 o' clock on Tuesdays?

Yeah, it's called Soul Circle. I've been doing that for over, over two years. It's like building like a little community and I want other people to get to know each other because when I was waking up, like there wasn't Instagram, there wasn't YouTube. You know, I'm dating myself a little bit, but I'm 37 and I was waking up at like 25. Like YouTube was just on the rise with that. And so I didn't have anybody to ask. I didn't have anybody to be like, explain this to me, like, what is going on? So, you know, we cover relationships, self love and relationships. We cover conscious living, spiritual awakening. Those are the three kind of top topics. And then those who choose to work with me beyond that, it's like, okay, here's sort of a little bit of what's going on. And then if you want to dive deeper and actually gain those tools for your life so that for you, first and foremost, so you can really be the conscious creator of your reality, your relationships. The first one is sort of the becoming your higher self. Right. Or the highest version of yourself. Those are all, like I said, those tangible, practical, applicable tools that you can be putting in every single day. And so there's that process. And then for those that really want to become a conscious leader and help others and sort of do a little bit of what I do, or being a coach or a practitioner or a mentor for others and sort of helping them and creating that. We live in this digital marketing world and how you can be that positive voice, that sort of conscious influencer that really wants to create a movement or have that positive message. And if you want to turn that into a business and what that looks like and really have that confidence to be on camera or creating a podcast or something like that, whatever that is, then that's becoming a conscious leader and we really develop your own program, develop how your personal brand is going to be influencing for the positive in the world and what that's going to look like and how that's going to look eventually I'm putting together the Conscious Love coach and that's gonna be really. Thank you. I'm excited about that. So they're gonna be a certification.

Yeah, people can get certified to do that.

Full on certification in some of the techniques that I've been certified in, but then also the ones that I've personally developed. And just how to sort of take someone through a really powerful transformation from beginning to end. That is amazing. What to do on the calls, what to do when somebody is having a breakdown. You know, that was some of honestly what came up for me. It's like, okay, what do I do if somebody's in breakdown and how do you know where to go? And there's so many different ways to actually guide someone through that in a really, really powerful way. So being able to teach that, that's what I'm currently developing. So it'll be available soon.

That's amazing. The book.

And then.

Right. Oh, you've got. Yeah, the book. That's next year. The book.

The book.

You guys heard it here first. The book will be coming next year. The book will be coming and then we'll have you back on and we'll talk about. So tell us the best way for people to reach out to you. I've told them where they can follow you and get a little taste of your just goddess, spiritual, badass self. But how can. If they really want to jump in and do some healing and transformation, how can they reach you?

Absolutely. So always you can find me on Instagram. I love connecting with people there. But through that link, either find my Instagram, which is Sarah S E R A H. Oh, that's good.

Yeah, you're telling people S E R

A H A H D L A I N E or they can find me through the hashtag, the Conscious lifestylist. So I've put a lot. Some people have been using that hashtag as well. And that's okay, that's cool. But the majority of my stuff is there. So if you search that hashtag, most likely you'll find my page. And from there, you know, you can go straight to the website from the link in the bio. And I would say just I'm really inspired to work with the people that are really to dive in deeper into the subconscious. Right. Like maybe they've watched a lot of the videos, they've read a lot of the books, they've done yoga, they've done meditations and they sort of feel like there's still something missing or they want something a little bit different or deeper than sort of traditional therapy. And so that's where I feel like we're really diving into, like, underneath the iceberg. And so there's an application there. And so if that's where somebody is like, okay, I've done all these things, but something's not quite hitting or something's still missing, that's when our work and our adventure really begins. So there's an application there for both, for either becoming their higher self or becoming a conscious leader.

Yeah. Thank you so much.

Thanks for having me. Adore the fuck out of you.

I love you. Even though we had some technical difficulties in the middle. You're so sweet. You helped get things together. You are.

You gotta do that. This is like, I love you.

You are the best. Thank you so much for all that you do, all that you share. Thank you for coming on and sharing your wisdom and your love. I love you, girl.

I love you so much.

Thanks so much for joining us this this week on True Britain Grace Podcast. If you like it, please rate it or share it with your friends. That would help, too. If you're not yet on the newsletter list, come over to Amberly Lago.com and jump on it. While you're there, you can grab a free downloadable gratitude journal. And you might just want to check out my book or even check out my monthly motivational membership. Thanks again for taking tuning in and we'll see you next week.