Standing Tall Through Life’s Challenges with Maye Musk

Welcome to True Grit and Grace, a podcast designed to empower you to claim your resilience and thrive through life's challenges. I am Amberly Lago, a mindset coach, fitness expert, and best selling author. Each week I'll dive deep with the world's brightest thought leaders and elite performers to share tangible tools and practical advice to inspire you to keep your eyes on the prize and forge ahead. So get ready to conquer your fears, heal any trauma, lead with your heart, and elevate your life with grit and grace.

Thank y' all so much for coming on back to the True Grit and Grace podcast. Today's guest is my role model. I adore her. She is paving the way for so many women. She is an inspiration to my 11 year old too, who is just so excited that she's on the show. It's Mae Muss. She is an international supermodel, registered dietitian, nutritionist, and worldwide speaker. She speaks all over the world and to hundreds of thousands of people. She's frequently featured in major fashion magazines such as Vanity Fair, Vogue, Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, and Allure, and on the COVID of New York magazine. And she is the author of the best selling book, A Woman Makes a Plan. Thank you so much, May, for joining us.

Thank you. Looking forward to having a lovely chat with you.

Yes. Well, I recently met you at a happy women's dinner event that I went to where you were doing a book signing. And it was so awesome to get to hear your story. And then when I read your book, I was just so blown away because you get into detail about some hard times that you had. It wasn't always, you know, all of a sudden you're supermodel and you're glamorous. How old were you when you became a supermodel?

68.

68.

Well, I have to say, closer to 69. When the covergirl, when that happened before, even at 68, I would have billboards in Times Square but without my name. But then at 69, CoverGirl used my name and that kind of got me out there.

Well, I love that you say silver is the new blonde, right?

Well, first of all, it's so easy to have your own natural hair because I was blonde forever. And as a model, as you know, you have to keep the color constant because your portfolio is expensive and your comp card is expensive and so you can't change your hair much. So I was this long blonde haired model and I would do the roots every four weeks, but I had no idea what color was underneath. And then when I Grew out my hair and cut it short. I have never been so popular as a model ever.

I love that. Well, about two weeks ago, I needed to get my hair done, but I was about to do a photo shoot and I told my husband, I said, you know, I'm thinking of just going silver. I was like, my hair is gray. The roots are gray. I'm so tired of dyeing it. I just had a birthday. I'm getting closer to 50. I'm thinking of just letting it go. And he's like, why? Why do you want to do that? So the next day, he walks in my office and he sees your book on my desk and he goes, oh, you want to be like, may? I said, well, maybe. And now we're in this quarantine where we can't go to the hair salon, we can't do anything. And so I told him, I said, you know, I may have to go gray whether I like it or not, because I can't get in to see a hairdresser. So, you know, I have a little spray now, but yeah, it's a little crazy what's going on. But as I was. Well, I have your book, and then I also have it on audible, so I was listening to it too, as I was working out. And it is the perfect book, really, for what we're going through right now, because so many people need to learn how to be resilient. And the way you grew up, you definitely learned skills for resilience. Can you tell us a little bit about how you grew up? Because your childhood is so interesting.

You know, I had adventurous parents. I was born in Regina, Saskatchewan, Midwest, Canada. And my dad and mom were so adventurous. They had a single engine plane made out of canvas, one propeller, no radio. You know, they used to just use a compass. And they flew all over Canada and the United States. And sometimes my twin sister was with me. And we were called the Flying Twins. That was in Canada and the United States, because of course, my dad would go to conferences and give lectures and he had these twins with him. So this was considered very odd in those days. But what's even odder is that they brought us on a cargo ship from Canada to Cape Town in South Africa because he had a plane. He had to take the wings off the plane and pack it into a box because, of course, nobody knows how to do work on a plane. And we got to Cape Town, he put the wings back on, and then we flew up to Pretoria. So this is considered bizarre in 1950, you can imagine. So my Parents were very adventurous. It was mainly my dad. I said to my mom, how did you cope with that? She says, he would do it alone if I didn't go with him. And I wasn't going without the kids. So we all went, oh, wow. My mom was very brave.

Well, I read in your book about your dad being a chiropractor and your mom was a dancer, and that taught you some valuable lessons because you learned how to walk tall. And I think that really helps in situations when you don't feel very confident. If you just learn to walk taller, it makes you feel confident. So I love you to share about that.

It's many. Yeah, there's many times that you will have your confidence knocked out of you. And it can take years that your confidence is knocked out of you. And then we need to figure out quicker why that's happening and who is doing that to us. And we need to move away from that person or those people. It's better to be without them and financially strapped and just. You need to get that confidence back. I always say so when somebody says to me every day, you're ugly, you're stupid and boring. And then I say to myself, as a 71 year old, well, that's cruel. I would never say it to somebody I'm dating or married to. I wouldn't say to someone, you're ugly, stupid and boring. Because why would I stay married to him? And what if he wasn't? Why would I want to undermine him? And it seems to be a common problem because if in situations at work or at home and somebody is insulting you, you have to decide, would you say the same to that person? It can be a woman or a man, and if you think it's cruel or nasty or horrible, then that person should be out of your life.

Yeah. I really resonated about what you wrote about in your book about the abusive relationship in your marriage. And because I was in an abusive relationship and it was really scary for me to leave, but when I thought of how it would affect my daughter, it made it easier for me to leave. But little by little, I allowed this man to break my confidence and the things that he used to say to tear me down and control me. I didn't share a lot about that in my book. And I really thought it was so brave of you to share those things in your book. And I'm so grateful that you have your three children that seem very supportive of what you did to get out of the marriage, how you raised them and where you are now. And I feel blessed. I got to meet your daughter. Well, you have two sons and one daughter. I got to meet your daughter, who's the director. And you can just tell the love and the bond that you guys have between each other is just beautiful to see. How old were the kids when you decided to leave your marriage?

They were 8, 7, and 5. Wow. He had already stopped physically abusing me when Elon, my oldest son, was 5. So he does remember the verbal abuse. Not so much the physical abuse.

Oh, thank goodness.

Because that's when my mother interfered. However, you know, when my book came out and I was told to tell my whole story, and then you don't want to talk about that.

I know.

You know, I've never spoken to anyone about it. And then what happens is that's why it's not in your book. You didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to talk about it, but I had to tell my story. And then I wanted it removed, and my editor said, no, it stays in, because other women will relate.

And they do.

Other women do. Over and over, they say, that's my story. That's my story. The thing is, my two brothers and my sister, they called me after they read the book, and they said, we didn't know that was going on. We just knew we couldn't see you because you were too busy. Because, of course, that's what I would say. I'm too busy. And so they couldn't see me while I was married, but they had no idea about abuse. Why didn't I tell them? And I said I was scared. Yeah, I was scared for them. If they should know, he could come after them. You know, that's the thing.

And that is where the abuser, I think, really gets to his victim. The people that are being abused, they usually say they're going to hurt someone else. In my case, when I was younger, my stepfather abused me, and he would say that he was going to kill my mom, and I believed him, you know, and then I went on to be in an abusive marriage, and I was afraid of what he would do. And I think that there's a lot of shame behind it, too. Like, I didn't want people to know about it. What do you think finally gave you the courage to go, I've had enough. I want more out of life? What do you think it was that led you to do that?

Well, you know, in the last couple of years, what happens is I did have a house by the beach, like an area that was just surrounded by forest. There's just one house there. And my dad had died and bought the farm from my mom and sold it. And I put a deposit on this house. And that's a whole drama series as well. You can imagine how hard it was for me to even get the money from what my mom had given to me, you know.

Yeah.

And to buy my own home. As I say, that's a long story. And after he could stop being to hit me, I said, the only way I'll stay married is if every vacation I can spend it with my children alone in this house. And my ex husband says, oh, you're having affairs, you're having affairs. You know, it's the last thing in your mind. You just want to be away from this horrible situation. So then I did have a home to go to, but there's also a mortgage I had to pay and keep it going. When I ran away, I would go there every vacation. But then every time I had to come back, I was so unhappy and it was so hard for my kids to see how verbally abusive he was at that time. And then one day I just said, after he was screaming at me when I said, it's now I'm going on holiday again with my three kids started screaming at me and I was just driving away and I said, I never want to come back. I never want to come back because I had stayed married for the sake of my children and now I was getting divorced for the sake of my children and I didn't come back.

Wow. Yeah.

I think, you know, we're blessed that we have children that inspire us and motivate us to do better for ourselves and what an incredible mom you are. I just want you to know that just by hearing what you said that night at the dinner when we were talking and you were sharing to everyone about what kind of a mom you were even because you're a grandmother now, what kind of a grandmother you are. And you were raised to be self reliant. Like if you want something, you got to work for it. And so I love that you raised your children the same way. Like didn't you say you had your daughter like as your little receptionist when you had your own business?

From 5 she had to do answer the phones and from about eight she was helping me with the doctor's reports and get it all together and do the main address of the patient, address of the doctor, you know, the main part of the letter. And then I would just do what I seen and how I was changing that person's eating habits and so that she can't do, of course. But all the other typing for me,

well, you know, it made me think of a time when, you know, I was a single mom running my own business, and a client called and my daughter answered the phone and I flipped out. And I thought, oh, my God, I could lose that client because my daughter answered the phone. So when I heard how you had your daughter answer the phone for you, had her help you, I thought, how refreshing. And what a different perspective to look at that, you know, you taught your daughter. No, we all got to pitch in. We all got to go some way.

Everybody pitched in.

Yeah. And I love that you talk about community. I think community is powerful. And also that you talk about hard work and you have said hard work. Let me quote you here.

How do you wish the luckier you get.

Heck, yeah. Because I always say your hard work puts you where your blessings can find you. And it shows in everything that you've done that you're like, there has to be some way to figure this out, some way to go around it. I will figure it out. Whether it's been, you know, going to school to become a dietitian, nutritionist, or whether it's becoming one of the top models in the world. You guys, if you turn on your tv, I'm sure you've seen her latest commercial running. I see you on commercials all the time now.

Yes, I actually, I just was interviewed by Katie La this morning, and just before my interview, the CoverGirl commercial came on. Wow, that's funny.

Wow, that's so incredible. But one thing that I was really touched the most by is your kindness and how humble you are, because it really shows just your generosity and everything that you do, whether you're on your social media because you're a rock star on Instagram.

I work hard on that.

Yes. But I love that you share that you work hard on it and that's why you are so successful.

Definitely. I get a lot of my work from Instagram. I get speaking engagements and modeling jobs and consultancies, influences, posts, that type of thing. Ray. Yeah. Who knew? Who knew?

I know, but it's such a great way to connect, and I think more and more people are starting to connect that way. And I was so grateful. I just emailed you from Instagram, actually, and I was so grateful that you said yes. But I love that you talk about how you worked hard to get where you are and you just kept going along. And you started out with your modeling with pageants. Right. Didn't you go to?

No, at 15, I was modeling. I had my first beauty competition at 20.

At 20?

Yes. And models didn't really do beauty pageants.

Yeah, it's a whole different thing, isn't it? It's like its own little world.

But then it got me a modeling contract in Johannesburg and I lived in pretoria, which was 30 miles away. So then I would have an apartment. The head of the model agency, she had model apartments. So then I shared an apartment with one of her assistants.

Oh, I was actually laughing when I heard that. You went to the pageant, though, and you didn't even try that hard. You did your own makeup and hair and you were there and you won.

But I don't even think I brushed my hair properly. If you see the photos, I didn't care because I thought it was, you know, I did it for a laugh because this wasn't at all what was in my mind.

Well, if there are any listeners, which I'm sure there are a ton of women out there that are struggling with confidence, especially with what's going on in the economy right now. Some women are going to have to reinvent themselves in what they do if they lose their jobs or they're not able to be the influencers that they once were on Instagram for clothes and things like that. Because who knows what's going to happen with the economy, with this coronavirus that's going on right now. How would you suggest that women create confidence or build their confidence?

Well, if you're financially strapped, you pretty much have to fake it, that confidence, because you're running scared the whole time, all right? You're always scared that you can't pay the rent and that you can't feed your children and you pretty much have to repurpose your clothes, get second hand clothes. I mean, with my kids, I got secondhand clothes for school uniforms. You have to wear things out. You know, you don't get new clothes. You do your own manicures, pedicures. Well, that's gonna happen anyway. We can't.

Yeah, I'm like, look, mine is good.

I'm so used to doing my own. I mean, I did it forever and now, let's say. But I'm still quite happy to do my own. And you're going to have to, you see, you can't go out. You see, we have to say for at home. We are meant to stay in our homes.

Mm.

You gotta keep on posting on Instagram, maybe do some stories of yourself, Give other women confidence to post more about themselves, share Their story. Maybe you need to read books. You need to watch good tv. Don't. Tosca does passion flicks. As you know, if you want to watch romance movies, I just warn you, they're a little bit steamy. But, hey, you know, I think we might like that. So that's kind of cool. Then you need to just stay positive. You got to work out, you've got to eat well, because you know, when you're feeling sad and you isolated, you just don't want to eat well. You know, I really feel like going to get a tub of ice cream at the moment, but I am meant to stay at home, so I can't do that. You have to develop your own confidence and get good at something. So, for example, if you play the piano, if you can draw nicely, I can't draw at all. She can take pretty photos. Do that and post them online. Connect with other people. I'm finding that many of my friends that I know that we're all too busy to connect on Instagram. We're DMing each other and sending each other messages and hoping we're well, and we're just loving that. And I didn't expect that to happen because we never had enough time.

Isn't that the truth? It really becomes crystal clear what your priorities are, what you need to do, you know, what is important to your mental health, your physical health. And it is hard when you are, you know, not able to do the things that you normally do, like go to the gym. I had to get creative and rig up some stuff in the garage. And I've been swinging a rope around and lifting water bottles and doing whatever I can.

Oh, that's great.

Yeah. I think that moving your body does really help build your confidence because, well, it releases endorphins and makes you feel good as well. So I love that. And I love that you talk about community and surrounding yourself with good people, positive people.

You've got to have good people. If they're horrible, you really can't change them. If they are cruel and mean to you or to anybody, you don't like them being mean to other people too, then they're not good people.

Yeah, I'd like to go back to what you just said. If they're mean to other people, because eventually they'll treat you the same way that I remember, you know, being with someone and thinking, oh, my goodness, you know, gosh, he's so mean to his mother, but he's so nice to me. And eventually he started treating me that way. So, yeah, I Think that's important now? People might. Well, first of all, my daughter is gonna really be upset if I don't ask you about your son.

Which one? Elon. Okay. Because Kimbal does that plant a seed day. And I planted my tomato seeds and they sprouting in a week.

Well, you know what? We did that too because of your son. And I actually just put it in my stories on Instagram that we did the plant the seed thing because of your other son. And we've got tomatoes, carrots. Yeah, we've got all kinds of stuff. I mean, your kids are inspiring us too. Yeah. Well, my daughter's the reason that I actually bought a Tesla. Because of self driving. And I was not ever a car person. I was always a truck person. Yeah. And she is a car fanatic. She can tell you about every kind of car that there is out there. And she kept pushing me and pushing me. She wrote, you know, a big two page comparison on cars and why Tesla was the best. She would send me YouTube videos. And then it was when my husband said, you're not getting a Tesla, you can't afford a Tesla, that I was like, come on, Ruby, let's go test drive a Tesla. I told my husband, I was like, don't you know by now that when you tell me I can't do something, that's exactly what I'm going to do. And so, yeah, we got a Tesla. And my daughter is a huge fan. So if I don't ask you about how he was as a child or something about your son, she's gonna kill me. So could you tell he was a genius when he was growing up?

Yes.

Yeah. Was he kind of like your dad? Because your dad seems like he was a genius.

Yes. Yes. Well, don't forget I've got two master of science degrees and I couldn't find anyone to date who was better at math and science than me. And then my ex husband, actually, he was better than me at math and science. So I guess that between the two of us, we got this genius boy. Yeah, he was a good sperm donor.

He was good for something.

I know. I mean, I couldn't get three more fabulous kids, ever.

I know. Your daughter is lovely. Your daughter is lovely. All your children, I mean, I follow the other two on Instagram and they are just as inspiring and your daughter is just as kind as you are, and you're just such an inspiration and you're really paving the way for so many women to speak up and to be confident and to go after their dreams because Look, I grew up. I was modeling when I was young, and I was taught that at, like, age 25, your career's done. You're too old.

I was taught at 18, I'm old. I started at 15.

And now look at you.

I know exactly.

You're just beginning. There is one part in your book that I would love to read out loud because I think that it's really good for what's going on. Now you say. One thing I'm sure of is that it just gets better every Monday. I'm more excited than ever because I'm expecting some fun work to happen. If nothing happens, I'm still excited to post on my social media and website to make that happen. That's why I say that it's great to be 71. That's why I don't worry about age. I'm too busy having fun.

Yes.

I love that. I love your book. If people want to get your book, where do they get your book?

Well, you can go to my website, maymusk.com you can do it from my Twitter or Instagram account. You can go online. Well, you can't go to any bookstores now because you're at home. Safer at home. But online you can get it. Yeah, it's everywhere. It's at Barnes and Noble, Amazon, but I think even Amazon is overpowered at the moment.

Yeah, a lot is overpowered. Yeah, it's really great. Like, we had a little trouble on Zoom here a little while ago, and I think it's because everybody is connecting through Zoom. Everything is through Zoom right now. Okay, what is your definition of resilience? Because I feel like you've had so many experiences in life. You've dealt with being a supermodel, but before that, you dealt with being overweight. At one time, you had to start over your career. You've had to do start from scratch, be a single mom. What is resilience to you? I mean, I think you're the definition when you look in the dictionary. But what is your definition of resilience?

In my book, I bring up these examples. I should have gotten out of bad situations quicker than I did. Which means that you think things will change and they don't. All right? You think you can change people and you can't. And so that's why now I'm less tolerant because of my pearls of wisdom from suffering. So much better. If people are just mean or horrible, I don't go near them. So resilience is like, now we are in a really hard situation where the Whole country and the world is shutting down. We can do podcasts, we can do social media, we can keep ourselves, we can do at home videos. And I'll be posting some of exercise wear perfume every day. That's how I'm doing as well, because you end up having a few perfumes. You never think about putting it on. You know, you sometimes get too busy. And now I'm up.

It's so interesting that you say that, because this morning, you know, I've been getting ready, having my morning routine, setting my alarm every day, going on with my business, and this morning I actually thought I should spray some perfume on today. Today's a good day. It just makes you feel better.

It does. And you don't have to set the alarm anymore. Why don't you try not setting your alarm? I have a dog, so that's my alarm. I don't set any alarm unless there's an early morning interview. But I must say, I'm learning about all the different podcasts and all the different platforms to use. Luckily, I have an assistant to help me with this.

Yes. Yeah, I think that we're all going to have to get a little innovative and creative and figure things out, and we will see what happens as we go. But I just been so excited to have you on the show and share your wisdom because you've definitely lived a full life and you walk the walk and talk the talk, and I'm just so grateful. And you know what? Next time you see me, I hope I see you soon. I may have hair like you, but you're too young.

I still think you're a little young for that.

Okay, well, if you say so, then I'll take your word for it.

And I think, although you'd look really cool with it. And just from my book as well, don't forget, we would go to the Kalahari for three weeks across the desert with a compass, and I would lie on the desert floor in a sleeping bag at night and I would zip up my sleeping bag so that the hyenas didn't bite my face off. So if you are in a better position than that, you are privileged. And we are. We have a roof over our heads. We can get food, and we don't have to zip up our sleeping bags on the ground.

Yes, you are exactly right. And then there's one other thing that you said in your book. You say if your children aren't used to luxury, they'll survive.

Well, yes.

And maybe this whole experience is teaching us to live a little better. And appreciate things a little more and not take things for granted and even have a stronger community and come together and support one another.

Right. And you get humbled by what situations and you learn from them and you do the best you can when you going through a hard time. And that's what we're doing and we're having fun and we're talking and we're chatting and you know.

Yes. And you know what, I can't wait to see your workout videos on Instagram. I'm doing a live on Instagram tomorrow working out. So we'll see how that goes.

Okay.

I can't wait to see yours. I love checking out your stories and all that you do. So if you're listening today, you guys go check out Mae Musk on Instagram and I will also have in the show notes, I'll have the link to her book A Woman Makes a Plan and I'll have her website there so you can check her out there too. But May, you are just such a love. Thank you so much for being on.

Well, you have a great podcast and good for you.

Thank you. Okay, bye bye. Thanks.

Thank you so much for joining us this week on the True Grit and Grace podcast. Don't forget to hit that subscribe button and it would be so awesome if you rated and maybe left a review. That would help too. And also I have some exciting news for you. If you are ready to learn a mindset that will get you through any challenge, ready to really transform any limiting beliefs, and finally find the wellness routines that work with your lifestyle and keep your body healthy and thriving, you're in the right place. You're hearing this for all the right reasons because it's your chance, your chance to join right now. It's a 12 week course. It's so much fun because we're going to go live in a webinar with plenty of time for Q and A. It's called you'd Unstoppable Life Mastermind. And there's going to be a daily mantra and a like minded community to support you along your way to reach all those goals. So head over to amberlylago.com mastermind and sign up now. Okay. Have a great week and I hope to see you in the Mastermind.