Live Out Loud and "Be Seen" with Jen Gottlieb

Hey there. I'm so excited to announce the Unstoppable Success Summit is back, y'. All. We are going to be in Dallas April 19th and 20th, and I want to see you there. Don't miss out on this opportunity to gain valuable insights and make valuable connections and leave with actionable takeaways so you can implement all of these things into your career and level up your life and your business. I've got Ben Newman, Rachel Luna, John Gordon, Rudy Rickstein. I've got a panel of speakers that specialize on publishing, pr, branding, podcasting, and TED talks. And so if you are ready to level up, if you're like, I've got a message to share and I really want to increase my influence. It's time to kick the limiting beliefs to the curb. It's time to move forward past your fear. It's time for you to invest in you to bet on yourself. So I want to see you in Dallas. It's my hometown and I'm gonna make it, y'. All. I'm planning some big stuff, okay? It's gonna be fun. My event planner keeps saying, amberly, you need to reel it in. I'm like, no. And in Texas, we say go big or go home. So go to go.amberly lago.com that link will also be in the show notes to grab your early bird ticket. The early bird tickets will only last for a certain time and There are only 100 SE, so these tickets will go fast. You're the first to know about it. I want to see in Dallas, so hopefully I will see you there to hug your neck and let's be unstoppable together. Okay, now on to the show. Thank you for tuning in to the True Grit and Grace podcast. I'm Amberly Lago and I'll be sharing inspirational stories of resilience and empowering ideas to elevate your business and your life, ignite your passion, and fuel your purpose. Hey, friends. Amberly Lago here. Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of True Grit and Grace. I have been waiting for this moment with this legendary lady for so long, y'. All. I can't wait to introduce you to her. We were originally, actually originally met. I think I found out about her on Clubhouse, of all places. But then our good friend, our mutual friend, Randy Garn introduced us. I've got Jen Gottley on the on with us today, y'. All. She is a powerhouse entrepreneur. She is one of the best speakers I have ever seen or heard. I. I had the honor of Seeing her speak in person at an event recently. She is the host of the I dare you podcast. She speaks all over the world. She's one of the top thought leaders, and she shared the stage with amazing thought leaders and celebrities like Martha Stewart and Snoop Dog. She was named one of the top leaders in the world by real leaders magazine. And she's a New Yorker at heart. I see her beautiful back view right now. She is an amazing person. And we could not stop talking before we. I hit record. I'm like, we got to share this juicy stuff on the podcast. She's got a brand new book out. I can't wait to get it. I've pre ordered it and I can't wait for you to share your book. Jen, thank you so much for being on the show.

I'm so excited to be here. It's been a long time coming. I've been dying to just be able to have a nice one on one with you. And what better way to do it than let everybody listen in on our conversation? So I was like, yes, hit record. This is so good. Hit record.

I know we were talking and of course I wanted to have you on the show because I'm so excited about your new book, be seen. And I have so many questions about that. But we were having a juicy conversation and I'm like, you know what? We probably just need to hit record and start recording. I think sometimes some of the stuff that we talk about off when we're not recording is like, oh, no, we need to share this. We need to share it. But, Jen, I think the first time that I found you was through Clubhouse when Covid came and everybody was on Clubhouse. Are you still on Clubhouse?

No, I'm not anymore. That was such a moment in time.

It was not either. But I. Can I tell you a secret? I remember finding you on Clubhouse. And I remember I was like, oh, my gosh. Jen and her husband Chris are following me. Oh, my God, we're connected. I swear. I was like, oh, my gosh. I. I remember thinking that, like, that's how we originally connected. And then. Randy Garnish. Yeah, like, you guys need to meet. And then when I finally got to meet you in the flesh at Powerhouse Women, Jen, you are such an incredible speaker. I could listen to you all day. You are a powerhouse speaker. And one of my favorite things that you said is how you opened up your talk when you met your husband and you tell this story that just. It was like, oh, my God, you're such a great storyteller and how your husband said, aren't we.

We're the.

Aren't we the luckiest.

Yeah. Who's luckier than us?

Please tell that story because you talk a lot about manifesting your dreams and your destiny and all that you've done, and you have done that. And look at you now, Jen. You're. You're incredible. And I love. Also. We'll get to it. I'm just so touched by your dad. Finally got to see one of your talks in person, too. But can you share that story about how when you met Chris? Just because I want our listeners to know a little bit about the background from where you came to where you are now.

Yeah. And telling the story of how I met Chris is actually like the per. It. It's a story about. It's a love story, but it also talks about my entrepreneurial journ very much as well, so. And a manifestation story. So it's the perfect story to open up with. But first of all, before I get into that, I need to tell you about Clubhouse. I was thinking about Clubhouse yesterday, and I actually said to Chris, I was like, I'm so grateful for Clubhouse. It was a moment in time, but it connected us to so many amazing people. It was an incredible connector. Like, there are so many people that I'm really good friends with now that I would have never met if it wasn't for Clubhouse. So I'm so grateful for Clubhouse bringing me into your life. And one other thing I'll say about that before I get into my story is you were so excited that I was following you, but I remember seeing your profile and thinking, oh, my God, this woman is amazing. And being totally intimidated by you. So I want everybody to remember that you never know how somebody else is seeing you. You may be like, wow, this person's amazing, but that person might just be looking at you and thinking how incredible this person is. Because I remember thinking, wow, she's so cool. She's so far beyond me. Like, wow, I'm just going to follow her and learn from her and be inspired by her. I genuinely thought that of you when I saw you. So I want you to just take that in and remember that. And everybody else listening. You never know what's going on with the other person. You may be fanning over someone, but they might be fanning over you. We forget to look at ourselves and see how other people might see us. And that's how I see you. So I want to let you know that, like, I was. When I say intimidated, I mean, like, she's so freaking awesome. And has been through so much and such a powerful speaker and a powerful presence in this world. And, like, wow. I look up to her and I'm going to follow this woman and I'm going to learn from her. So that was what was going on in my mind.

Thank you for that. Thank you for that. And Clubhouse was definitely a great place to connect and meet with people. I mean, I met you. I also got connected with people that I start. I was able to share my message from their stage. They hold events. So it was. It was amazing. You hold events yourself. Like, incredible. There's so many things that I want to ask you. One of the things that I love about you is that you show up authentically as you and you dress the way that you want to dress. And so we'll get to that. But before we get into that, let's

tell the Chris story. The. Let's tell the Chris story. People are, like, listening. They're like, come on, you guys, get to this. Come on, get to the Chris story.

There's so many good stories that you have.

We have to go back. Yes, we'll go back to. I was a struggling actress in New York City. I had moved to New York. Actually, I wasn't struggling. I was a working actress. So I moved to New York. I dropped out of college, and I pursued musical theater. I always thought I wanted to be a musical theater actress. I wanted to sing and dance on Broadway. And I end up manifesting. You heard the story of the powerhouse stage, My dream role in the Broadway national tour of the Wedding Singer. And I go and I do that gig around the country. And I. And I realized subconsciously while I was doing that, that I didn't know if. If acting was everything that I thought it would be, but I kept pursuing it anyway because of the shoulds in my mind. No, you've put so much work into this. This is what you absolutely should do. So I came home to New York and I booked this show on this heavy metal. This heavy metal Talk show on VH1 where I was like, the heavy metal sexy girl for five years on a TV show, and it wasn't five years. Yeah, I was on that show for five years. Yep. Yeah.

Holy crap. And I know that you weren't a heavy metal chick.

Not even close.

Not even close.

But I was an actor, and so I was thrilled to get this job and. And play this part. But what started to happen was I was so out of alignment. I was so living this lie. I was so putting on this costume and this character of what I thought everybody needed me to be as this heavy metal version of myself for this TV show that I was on, that before I knew it, I had built this brand and this audience that liked me for somebody that I wasn't. And I was. I forgot. I lost myself completely. I spiraled into a deep depression. I was in a toxic relationship. My life was. Was pretty up in the air at that moment. And when I say up in the air, I was like, my feet were not on the ground. Like, I did not know who I was. I didn't know what I really wanted to do. And subconsciously, deep down, I knew that this relationship that I was in with the guy that I was with was gonna end. I knew it was. And I knew that the show was gonna eventually end. And I knew that everything was gonna blow up. And I knew it. And sometimes we know, but we don't save ourselves. I don't know why I couldn't get myself out. I knew it was all going downhill and the universe stepped in and, like, the show was canceled. The guy dumped me for one of my friends. Like, I ended up, like, getting kicked out of my apartment, having to move into this tiny little room with this window that faced a wall. And there was, like, six other actors that lived in this apartment. And. And I had no job, and I didn't know who I was anymore, and I had to figure it out. And part of that process of figuring it out was just taking one step at a time. And I was like, I know what I can do. I can be a personal trainer. Because I'm. I don't want to be. No offense to anyone that does this, but at the time, I didn't want to babysit and I didn't want to be a waitress. And that's what all of my actor friends were doing. And I was like, I don't want to do that. I think I could be a personal trainer. I love working out. I love.

And we have that in common. I don't know if you know that I was a trainer.

I know.

26 years.

Yeah, dude, I see your videos. I know what's up. You inspire me in the gym all the time. I watch. So I decide to. And this is all in the book In Depth, this story. And becoming a personal trainer was probably one of the first things that taught me discipline and taught me hard work. Like, real hard work. Like, real. Really. I was in the gym from 6 o' clock in the morning to 10 o' clock at night, like, trying to get clients, trying to learn how to sell myself and market myself and reposition myself from an actress to a trainer. And I end up getting this personal training job at this very fancy gym in Manhattan. I build up my clientele, and I crush it. I'm one of the best trainers at that gym. When I say best, I mean I had the most clients and the most hours. And I realized very quickly, Amberly, that it wasn't the most financially savvy thing for me to be doing, to be training people there and getting paid $30 when the client was paying 150 to the gym and I would only get 30. And I was like, this is stupid. There's a gym down the street. What if I just train these people down the street and got the full 150 instead of the $30? So what I started to do is I. And this is not okay. They don't tell you that this is not okay, but this is not okay. So I started taking the chip out of the gym.

Me up, though, and I couldn't train

them, and I'm still in this stage. And they fired me. They're like, you can't do that. And I'm like, well. Well, this just was what made sense to me. So I get fired. But that was the greatest thing that ever happened to me because it forced me to start building my own business. It forced me to start generating my own leads, to start learning publicity, learning how to market myself, learning how to. How to make sales, how to. And then I developed online programs, and then I learned how to get employees, and I had trainers working under me, and I built this business, and the business was good, and my life was good. And that's the problem. Nothing was great. Nothing was bad. Everything was just good. I was making.

That's how my life was. That's how it was. Yeah.

Yeah. It was just. And I felt like there was something more, and the performer in me felt like there was something more. I wasn't performing the. I. I just felt like, this is good, but this isn't it, But I don't know what it is. And I was really diving into personal development at the time. None of my friends that I was surrounding myself with were into personal development or entrepreneurship. They didn't get it. So I would spend my Saturday nights, like, listening to podcasts and reading books. And there was this one strategy that I don't remember which podcast told me to do it or which book, but it was having a word of the year. Many of your listeners are probably familiar with maybe you are, Amberly, picking a word of the year. That's the theme of your year. So the person that was doing this podcast told me, or told me, told her listeners, but I thought she was talking to me. Your word of the year should make you want to throw up a little bit. It should be something that you're kind of nervous about, that makes you a little scared. It's outside your comfort zone, but it's something that, you know you need in order to move forward. And I remember sitting alone in my studio apartment, looking at my dog, being unbelievably lonely, and I knew what my word needed to be. My word of the year was connection. Because I. I'm an introvert. And I know we were just talking about the fact that, like, when we get off the stage, we both need to, like, put our sunglasses on and our hood up over our head, and we don't want to talk to anybody.

We just talked about that. We were talking about how here we are, we're on stage, we're around all these hundreds, sometimes thousands of people. And then I was just telling Jen, yeah, I got on the plane, I had my hoodie on, I had my glasses on, and I was, like, leaning over into the corner, like, don't talk to me. That's horrible. But it's so true.

It's. You know what? It's not horrible. You need to recharge your batteries. And I think I have met a lot of speakers or performers that we lay it out so far out on the field when we're out, like, when we're out and about, like, we could be, like, very connected and very in the room and very on. But we. I think we expend more energy than the normal human. So that's what makes our alone time way more important. So when I was training all day long, I was so on, on, on, on, on, that I never wanted to take time to actually connect. Was like, I'm exhausted, I'm tired, so I need to go the extra mile to actually focus on connection. So I start making my word of the year connection. I start doing a little more, pushing myself a little bit more to connect with people, to meet people, to actually talk to people on airplanes. And I. This is years later, after I get fired from that gym. I'm actually walking past that gym one day in my year of connection. And it turns out that the. The sign on the door changed. It was no longer the name of the gym that it used to be. Now it was named Equinox. So Equinox had acquired this gym. So all of the people that told me that I couldn't come back there again and that fired me weren't there anymore. So I, all of a sudden I got like this download from the universe. It was literally like God came down and said to me, jen, you need to go into that gym right now because there's someone there that you need to meet. And I was like, whoa. Like, I had never felt something so deep in my soul. Like, I felt that moment. I've had a few moments in my life like that. This was one of them where I felt it so clear. Clearly you need to go in there. This. This is. You need to go. And I thought, connection. I got to go outside my comfort zone. I got to connect with people. Maybe this is the place where I'm going to network. So I walk in, I start working out there. Within like a week, I. I meet someone, and that person I already know, it's my ex boyfriend. So I used to date this guy when I worked out at this gym. He was a trainer there. And I bump into him again and I'm thinking, this cannot be the person I'm supposed to meet because I already know him. This is stupid. But I start talking to this guy and he's like, what are you up to? And I'm like, well, I started my own business. I felt great. I was like, I'm pretty successful and I'm here because I want to network and connect. My word of the years, connection. And he said to me, he's like, interesting. There's this guy that works out here and he does something similar to you. I don't really know, but here's his Facebook profile. You should probably check him out. Maybe you should know him. So I go home and I Google this guy that my ex boyfriend tells me about. And it turns out that this guy is known as the Super Connector. That's like his nickname. And. And so I'm like, connection, Super Connector. Maybe I need to connect with this guy, okay? So maybe he can super connect me to something that's going to change my life or help my business or make me feel less lonely or whatever it is. He's the Super Connector. Clearly he can help me. Before I know it, I connect with this guy on. On Facebook, and we have this date on the calendar to meet in Central park for a walk. I get up, go to Central park this one morning, and I go and I sit on this bench and I'm like, waiting for this guy. And I really didn't want to be There. I really honestly had to push myself to get to that bench. I honestly, I did not want to go that day. I was tired. I didn't want to connect. I was nervous, I was scared. I didn't want to put myself out there. I didn't want to meet someone new. But I was like, jenny, just get to the damn bench. Just. I visualized the bench in my head and I went, and I sat down and this guy walks up to me and like this zip up hoodie and these aviator sunglasses. And he pulls his sunglasses down, he looks at me and he goes, who's luckier than us, Amberly? I don't know if it was pickup line. I still don't know if it was pickup line. He still won't tell me.

When you share that, like, I get a little misty. Odd.

Yeah. He didn't realize, but the message here, he didn't know how lucky we were in that moment. And we all could be that lucky right now. I had no idea when I was getting my ass to that bench thinking, I really don't want to go. This is stupid. I feel, you know, that I was about to meet my husband, that I. No one was luckier than me in that moment.

Yeah.

And that my husband, the super Connector, him and I started a company called Super Connector Media.

I know it's amaz.

And that's what we help people do. And there, I mean, you help people

be seen and get connected and get connected in the right way to the right people. It's amazing the legacy that you and your husband have created. And it took the courage of you just getting to the bench. It was that, just doing it, taking that action step and doing it. So I like, I'm so sorry. I'm so misty eyed when you tell that story. You're such a good storyteller and in the way that you tell it and the love that I see that you have with your husband and what y' all share is, it's beautiful. It's beautiful. All that you've been able to do and achieve. I. I mean, I have so many questions. You're a badass at everything that you do and every place that you show up. And there are a lot of listeners that are like, well, I want to find the courage to go get on the bench or step up to the bench or step up to the plate or do go after my big dreams. What would you do? Or what? How would you suggest someone develops the courage to go after their dreams?

Yeah, well, confidence. I talk all about confidence in the Book Confidence is unbelievably important because without confidence, you can't take that preference first action step. But really, confidence is created by just consistently sticking with commitments that you make with yourself, no matter how big or small. When you make a commitment with yourself and you follow through and you do the thing that you say that you're going to do, no matter how hard it is, no matter how uncomfortable it is, no matter how scary it is, and you get to the other side, you're essentially putting more coins in your confidence bank because you're proving to your subconscious that no matter whatever comes your way, you can do it. You can stick to the commitments you make. But every time that you tell yourself you're going to do something, maybe you say you're going to go live on social media, you're like, I'm going to do it today, I promise I'm going to do it today. But then you're like, I'll do it later, I'll do it tomorrow. And then you don't do it and you don't stick with the commitment that you made with yourself, you're actually telling your subconscious that you're not the type of person that follows through. So you're losing self trust. Confidence is, is the ability to trust yourself and confidence is the stuff that turns your thoughts into actions. And you need to be able to be to trust that you can take action in the face of fear, in the face of discomfort. You need to be able to trust that you can withstand that uncomfortable moment for a, for a second, for that temporary time that that discomfort exists in your life in order to get to the other side to feel great. And the only way to do that is to do the hard things. So I would start really, really small and start dipping your toe in the hard things pool, meaning start making small commitments with yourself each day and stick to them. It doesn't mean get up and run a marathon and say, I'm going to run a marathon today. Don't do that, okay? Because most likely you're not going to get into the pattern of consistently doing that, because consistency is really important. But wake up tomorrow, or even just today while you're listening to this, pull out a piece of paper, pull out your phone, and write down three things that you can do today that you will stick to. And then when you get to the end of the day and you're in your bed and you're thinking about how you did celebrate yourself for, for doing those three things, and I promise you that when you say, wow, I said I was going to do that and I did it. I said I was going to do that. I did it. And I said I was going to do that and I did it. And all those three things were really uncomfortable and I didn't really want to do them, but I did it. That's going to make you more confident for the next day. And then the next time something scary comes your way or uncomfortable or difficult, you're going to have more proof that you can follow through even when it's hard because you've done it. So I want everybody to practice just sticking with those commitments every single day. And it'll get easier the more that you do it.

Oh, that's so good. And I mean, honestly, I think that boils down to something as simple as when you set your alarm in the morning to not push snooze and to actually wake up. When you promise yourself that you're going to wake up first thing in the morning, you've put that coin in your confidence jar. I love that we were talking before about speaking and stuff like that, before we even started recording. Like I said, you are such an incredible speaker. I mean, wow. You know, I go, I speak at a lot of events. I go to a lot of events. There's not many speakers, Jen, that I am, like, captivated by. Like, when you're speaking, it's like the time goes by like that. It's like, you're incredible. I am just, like on the edge of my chair soaking in everything that you're sharing. And you talk a lot about, like, kind of what helped you become a speaker. We have a lot of people listen to the show and they want to be seen. So you definitely need to get her book if you want to be seen. But also, you've got some great tips on how you became the speaker that you are. And one of the things that you share is, and by the way that I'm amazed by is how you show up and you go live on Instagram. So do you think that by doing that, do you think that's helped your career as a. As a speaker?

I do. It has helped me with my confidence tremendously and it has helped me build my community and it's helped me practice my storytelling. So I'm not telling you guys that are listening that you absolutely have to go live on Instagram every day. I'm not even telling you that you have to do video. I'm not telling you that you have to do anything. I want you all to be self aware enough to Know what you. What you enjoy, what you'll be consistent with and what you'll actually do. That's the most important thing.

Being consistent with that is key. Whatever it is consistent with. Yeah, that's awesome.

Whatever it is. You said that if you know you're great at written word, if you know you're great with just storytelling, audio, but you don't want to be on video, what are you great at that you will stick to do that thing for me, I know I'm great at video, and my goal is to be one of the greatest speakers of all time. And I know that with that goal, that is a big, hairy, audacious goal. That is a big goal. I don't even like saying that goal.

You are. Can I just say I aren't you. Aren't you already? I feel like you are.

Thank you. I. I feel like I'm getting there. I feel like I still. So I. I don't know. I think what my. One of my problems is. I always feel like I'm just getting there. I don't know if that's a problem or if that's a good thing.

Good thing.

I'm always climbing. But the. The lives. I want to talk about the lives because it's important, and I didn't know how. How helpful these were going to be. I did them initially for a few reasons. I did them because one of my friends, Jesse Lee, who we just recently lost, who passed away. So I will. I'll always call her out with this because she actually said to me, well, before I started doing it, she's like, jen, you should probably go live on social while you put your makeup on. I do it, and it's a great way to connect with people, and it's a great way to just, like, practice being vulnerable. And I'm like.

So she's the one who told you about that?

She told me to do it and I said, sure, okay, whatever. No, I was like, that's too much for me. That's too scary. Because I never wanted to be seen with no makeup on. Very hard for me. And like, the not knowing if anyone would show up and what would. I would say. The whole thing is unbelievably vulnerable and scary.

How long are you doing it?

Almost a year now.

It's been almost a year. And by the way, I do it every day. I. Oh, I. I'm on there cheering you on a lot of days. I am, seriously. But I didn't know exactly. I didn't know exactly how long you had been Doing it. But no. Oh, oh. When I see you pop up live, I'm like, let me listen to Jen. Let me hop on there. And you've got hundreds of people.

Yeah.

That are now on their with you while you put your makeup on. How many people did you have when you first started versus how many do you have now on average? And I only want to share this because I want our listeners to know that we all start from somewhere. I leave my crappy Instagram post up from when I first started that have like a couple of maybe a dozen likes, like hardly any comments. I leave those up there. Whereas a lot of people take those things down because they want to just look like they just started. And they were just amazing from the get go. I'm like, no, no, we all start from somewhere. And I leave my crappy post up there. So you see that I barely knew what a hashtag was and I didn't know how to write a caption and I didn't even know how to take a picture when I first started. So people know we all start from somewhere. So when you first started, how many did you start with versus how many do you have now?

I probably had five people show up on that. And I had a good following at that time too. I was not, you know, but nobody knew I was doing it. And they were like, people were like, I wasn't a consistent thing. And no, it was like, oh, what's going on? Jen's live. So it was like, you know, five and then maybe 10 and then maybe I'd have 20 and then 30 and then it would be five and it would be just very, very, very low. And I love that you're talking about this whole comparing your chapter one to somebody else's chapter 20. It's unbelievably important. It's the thing I'm talking about the most now because people are afraid to start because they're only seeing people's finished version. People's big, filtered, beautiful. They've years in the making version of whatever it is they're doing. They don't see all the steps that it took to get there. And we talk about that all the time on this Instagram live. I go on there and I show them my chapter one for the day with zero makeup on, and we do Q and A and I tell them the shit that I'm dealing with right now. It's like, wow, I'm doing a book launch, an event, and all this crazy shit is happening in the world. Excuse my language. And it is Hard. I don't know the right thing to say. I. And I'm just vulnerable and open, and I connect. And here's what's happened as a result of doing these lives. I didn't. Most of the time, I don't really feel like doing it, but I'm always so happy I did, because what happens is I go live, and there is a beautiful community that has started to build. Amberly. There are people that join that live that have made friends with each other from that Instagram Live, and they go out and have dinner together, and they go out and they do things together, and they've made friends because they met there in the Instagram Live. So now it's not even about me. It has nothing to do with me. I'm like, I have to go live because I have to create this space for people to connect. And so, yes, it's created community. It's. If you're looking to get an engaged audience because you're selling stuff, you're promoting stuff, you're trying to be seen, you're trying to build your business, you're trying to build your brand, going live is unbelievably powerful because you can directly communicate with people and be real and authentic, and they can see who you are as a human, not just as a post. However, it also has helped me as a speaker because I'm forced to practice speaking in front of an audience every single day. It's a. So I can't get on a stage every day, but I can use the stage in my pocket and I can speak on stage to people, an audience of people, every day. And sometimes my stories are really bad, and sometimes I know I was like, oh, I told that the wrong way. But it's okay. I can try again tomorrow. Like, it's okay. And I. And I can work out my material. And most of my keynote has been built with those stories that I made up while I was on Live, because people are asking me questions and I'm answering them. It's been such a powerful tool, and it's helped me because now I can go live with no makeup on all the time. And it's.

It.

It's helped me to realize that it doesn't matter. Yeah, it does not matter. You know, you can be seen as who you are and people will love you. It's not about anything other than what's coming out of your mouth and the connection that you're creating with people.

Oh, that's so powerful. And, yeah, you know, I was so hard on myself. I Mean, I just got some video back from. I did an in person podcast interview in my home. And so I had it all set up. I had the video, the media crew here to do the video and everything. And they sent me the video and I was like, do they not know not to shoot from that angle? Like, oh, my God, the wrinkles and the. I was like, it was like shot from underneath. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, every time I'm talking, I see the wrinkles on my neck. And I mean, I was beating myself up and then I was like, you know what? Whatever, this is me. This is real life. This is what I look like. And I would rather be real and keep it real. So when people see me in person, they're like, oh, yeah, I recognize you. Not like, oh, wow, I don't want to have everything so filtered and blah, blah, blah, that when they see me in person, they're like, dang, man, you look rough. You look. You look horrible in person. I like, I want to keep it real. And I love that you do these lives and like I said, I tune into those. And I love when I get to hear you share. And I think that is a great way for people. So if there's somebody listening that they're like, oh, my gosh, I'm scared to go live, though. What would you suggest they do?

Okay, so it's a difference between, like, really not wanting to do it and being scared to do it. If you really want to do it and you really want to develop the confidence to be able to do it, you're like, this is a goal that I have, Jen. I want to go live this because the light is coming. Then I would start to implement the confidence continuum, which I teach in the book. But this is genuinely how I developed confidence to go live on social media. And it's. It's a full circle confidence continuum. So I'm going to give everybody a really in depth example of what it would look like. So the first time you go live, when you don't want to, it's scary, all right? And what you're going to do is you're just going to make a new relationship with fear. In the book, I talk about being courageous and the symptoms of fear and how we can talk to fear and how we can just put our arm around fear and embrace it. Because fear is not going to go away. It's going to be there whenever we're stretching and growing and doing something that we've never done before, like going live. So what I'LL do is I'll be like, all right, fear, I hear you. I see you. I know that you're here to keep me safe. Going live on social media is not going to put me in danger. So you're going to come along in the car with me. I'm going to put my arm around you. I love you so much. We're going to go. I know I'm going to be scared. I know you're going to be screaming at me that I shouldn't do it, that I should do it later, that I should do it tomorrow, that I shouldn't do it now. But you're just going to shut up. I'm going to turn your microphone down and we're going to go do this together. And I talked to fear and I just put it there. And then I'm going to have some accountability. I'm going to get some of my friends involved. I'm going to call Amberly. I'm going to be Amberly. I'm going to go live for the first time. Can you just pop on and just cheer me on? Because often connection and community can help us be more confident when we're afraid to do something. So that's what I'll do. Like, I ready. I'm going to press this. I'm talking to fear. I'm getting my friends involved. I have one person that's going to be on there cheering me on, so I'm not alone. And then you just do it. Afraid. You take action. You're afraid. But here's what happens. You do it. Maybe two people show up. Maybe it sucks. Maybe your hair looked bad. Maybe it's a bad angle. Maybe you feel like, oh, that was terrible. But you get done and you realize that you didn't die. Nothing terrible happened. You did the thing. Okay, that's a win. Now, motivation is not developed by thinking about it. Motivation is developed by winning. So you get a little motivated after you've done it one time and you've gotten that win. So the next day you go to do it. It's not easy, but it's easier than it was the first time because you've done the thing that you're afraid to do. And when you do the thing you're afraid to do, you take away the power that fear has over you. So you do it a second time. This second time. You call Amberly, I'm do it one more time. I might need your support one more time. Okay? You call your friend. They go, okay, I'll be there. So you have your friend on live. You go live, you do it again, you're less scared this time. You stay on for five minutes because it's a little easier because you already know how it goes. Then you get off, and all of a sudden you get a DM from someone and they're like, thank you so much for going live. The thing that you said changed my entire day. Whoa. Then you don't just have a little win, you have a big win. Somebody really cared about that. That really helped somebody. Holy shit, this works. Then you get something really beautiful that's called momentum. Because you did it once, it was hard, you did it the second time, it was a little less hard. Then you got a little bit of momentum because somebody said that was amazing and it helped them. And now you go do it the third time. And the third time, you're way more confident. You're rocking it, you're rolling. You're thinking about that one person that got that value from it that one day. And you're live and you're crushing it. And then you get off, and it's 10 minutes later, you're like, wow, I did it. A few more people showed up. Then somebody DMs you, and they're like, how do I work with you? Then you make a sale. Now we're like, whoa, I'm going to do this. Instagram Live, Facebook live, every single day. Because this is amazing. That is how you develop confidence.

Oh, that is powerful. That is amazing. Oh, my goodness. Thank you for sharing that. It's just those baby steps one day at a time. And I think that people forget that, you know, baby steps are still steps in the right direction. And I love one thing, and I want to go back to what you said. Community and connection.

Yeah.

Oh, that's powerful. I mean, I think we need that more than ever. Well, I want to ask you why. What was your biggest inspiration for writing your book? Be seen there.

My biggest inspiration was the fact that I really wasn't being seen. And I knew that I needed to challenge myself to start being seen in a. In a way that had never been seen before. And I knew that writing a book was going to be that. And it's really interesting. The introduction of the book tells this story, so I won't tell the entire story in detail, but I was feeling very stuck about a year and a half ago, and I didn't know why. And I had a successful company. We were teaching people how to get in the media. We were teaching people how to be seen. But I just Felt like I wasn't getting the momentum that I wanted. I didn't feel like my social was popping. I didn't feel a sense of community, and I just wasn't feeling great. So me and my husband were taking a walk in the West Village, and we stumbled upon a psychic. And I had never gotten a psychic reading before, ever in my life. Ever. Like, I had always been very scared of psychics because I didn't want them to tell me something I didn't want to hear, and then I would, like, subconsciously manifest it or something. So I'm like, I don't want any psychic to tell me anything. But my husband is like, just get a reading. I dare you. Let's try it. It'll be fun. And I'm like, all right. One time. I will never do this again. So I go into this psychic, and I tell this woman nothing about myself.

No.

And she starts shuffling these cards. She looks at me and she goes, you're going to be unbelievably successful on a global scale, but you're not being seen. You need to be seen. And I'm like, oh, lady, I'm so seen. You are so wrong. Like, I'm so seen. Maybe you're just, like, getting the fact that I have a course called the Be Seen Accelerator. Like, I teach you a lot of bc. And she goes, no, you're not being seen. You're not being seen. She goes, be Seen is what's coming to me. This is before I had a book. This was before anything. Okay, wow.

Be Seen.

And.

You're kidding me, Jen, I did not know this.

Yeah. And. And what's crazy? Gosh, the title of the book was Never Be Seen. I sold my proposal with a different title.

What was it before?

Super Connector. They bought Super Connector. And I hated it. I didn't like the title. And I was doing a mastermind, like, session with my friend Gabby Bernstein, who wrote the Forward, and Marie Forleo and a few other women. And I was like, I'm not really connecting with my title, but my book is. Was really my, like, experience of. Of answering this woman, like, being seen for the first time. Because the next morning, after I went to that psychic, I decided I was going to write a book to force myself to be seen on a level I'd never been seen before. And throughout the process of writing it is when my Instagram started going viral, is when I started doing the Instagram Lives. It was when I started.

Really? You are kidding.

No. And so Gabby said to me, she's like, the title of your book is Not Super Connector. I'm like, I know, but I don't know what the title is. And she's like, let's think about it. What do you really help people do? And what are. What do you. What do you help people do? And I'm like, I help people be seen. And she's like, that's the title of your book. And then all of a sudden, I was like, be seen. Oh, my gosh. That's what the psychic kept saying. Be seen. Be seen. Be seen. Of course. This is the title of my book. I immediately emailed Hay House, and I was like, we have to change the name of the book. It has to be Be Seen.

Wow. That is the coolest story ever. I didn't know that.

Crazy, right?

That is incredible. Tell everybody where they can get your book. I'm gonna be sh. I can't wait to get mine. It's coming out like.

Well, no, you just give me your address. I will send you your pre. Pre advance copy as a gift.

I already ordered it because.

Okay, great. But I want you to get it before everyone else.

Well, thank you. I will send you my address. I. I wanted to purchase it because I'm a huge believer in supporting other authors, but also I like being able that. To write a review that says it's a verified purchase that I bought your book. Do you know what I mean? That means a lot.

And. Yeah.

And there's so much that goes on behind the scenes when you're writing a book, when you're preparing, when you're doing a proposal for a book, when you're launching a book. And I know that you have literally been on over 100 podcasts. You're, like, on a podcast tour to promote the book. And so I surely. I mean, I really appreciate you being on the show to. To just share wisdom. I mean, truly, I just adore you.

Well, I'm so great. This is a really fun conversation. I'm really excited for everyone that's listening to this. This was juicy. And anyone that listens to Amberly, I mean, you're in the right place.

Oh, you're amazing. You are amazing. So I. I want to know, where can people connect? I know you're going to be in Dallas soon. Maybe this will be out before you get to Dallas. No, no. You're in Dallas this weekend.

Yeah, this weekend.

Oh, my God. I've got to figure out a way to come and see you for real. Seriously, I've got to come and see you. But tell people because you do events all the time and you have so many opportunities for people to get to be seen, learn from you, and really elevate their influence, impact and income through working with you. How are some ways people can not only get your book, but also perhaps work with you or get to one of your events?

Yeah. So be seen. Book.com is where you can get the book. Don't just get one. Get one for a friend so you can read it with your friend. I always love to just gift a book. Whenever I buy a book, I buy one for me and one for somebody that I love to work with me. Listen, follow me on Instagram. That's where everything happens. Just follow me at Jen underscore Gottlieb. I will let you know everything that's going on, how you can work with me, how you come to our events, everything is there. If you set your notifications, you can go live with me every morning where you will learn all of the ways, all of the things that are happening in my world.

Yeah. And you know what? I like just watching you put your makeup on too, by the way. I don't know what it is. There's something very soothing about that. And I know that my daughter thinks the same. You know, she's the same. She will. She likes watching people on Tick Tock.

Yeah.

Their makeup on. So, yeah, y' all check her out on Instagram. I will put the links for be seen in the show notes, your website, your Instagram, all that stuff so people can find you. Jen, thank you so much for being on. Thank you for helping others to be seen. Thank you for the person that you are and for the legacy that you're building in the world. I just so appreciate you and hopefully I'll get to see this weekend sometime.

Yes. Thank you. This was so fun.

Thank you. And thank y' all for tuning in. I will see you next week.