Level Up! The Psychology of Dressing Well with Stylist Toi Sweeney

Welcome to True Grit and Grace, a podcast designed to empower you to claim your resilience and thrive through life's challenges. I am Amberly Lago, a mindset coach, fitness expert and best selling author. Each week I'll dive deep with the world's brightest leaders and elite performers to share tangible tools and practical advice to inspire you to keep your eyes on the prize and forge ahead. So get ready to conquer your fears, heal any trauma, lead with your heart, and elevate your life with grit and grace.

Hi and welcome back to True Grit and Grace. I have someone really special on the show today who I've been excited about having on and sharing her passionate story and all her wisdom. She is the CEO and founder of the well Dressed brand. She's a certified fascinate advantage coach, a speaker and award winning fashion stylist and the author of Secrets of a well Dressed Brand. Toy Sweeney, welcome to the show.

Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here.

Oh, I've been so excited to have you. Well, we met because we have a mutual friend, Kim Gravel, who introduced us and I said, any friend of Kim is a friend of mine and everything. I then researched about you. I was like, oh my God, I love this lady. And I listened to your interview on the Rachel Hollis podcast on the Rise podcast and I was blown away at all that you do, but how much just your advice can really change a brand. Not only that, because we've got a lot of listeners that aren't even able to work. And I was out of work for a long time because of pain and this nerve disease that I have. And so we have a lot of listeners that may be sitting here saying, I don't really have a brand. I don't even work. But what you share is not just about how to look good, but it's how to feel good. So can you tell us a little bit about how you got to where you are today? Because I didn't even mention that you are like you style for QVC also.

I did. Yeah. So I started my career just in traditional retail. After a while, you know, that is the kind of retail management is the kind of job that you can get burned out on after a while. I like to leave a job once I beat the horse to death. I'm very loyal in all relationships and I'm just like, I should probably leave this, you know. So I worked my way up through retail. I worked for a lot of great companies. I worked in Bloomingdale's in New York. I worked for Ralph Lauren. I worked for White House Black Market, Crabtree, England. And I decided that I really wanted to get some buying experience. And so it took me two years to. To finally get into qvc. Forever to get in.

And I'm glad that you're saying that, because this podcast is also about resilience and ways to not get burnout and ways to keep going after what you really want. I'm so glad that you brought up that it took you two years to get there.

Two years. And I'll never forget. I'm gonna tell you, I don't even know if I told this story before, but I remember I was so frustrated, and I really wanted to get out of the job that I was in. And I remember the boss I had at the time, she told me it was never going to happen. You want to be a buyer, it's never going to happen. I can't stand the smirk on your face. And it was really crazy. And so I remember that in those days, I didn't have a fax machine at home, and I went into the back office at this company, and I literally stood at the fax machine and I just faxed my resume to QVC like, 20 times in a row. Like, you will take me

now. That is some grit, girl. That is determination.

You know, remember how they would come out and I would send it back in and I hit send, send, send. So they probably had, like, 30,000 copies of my resume by the time I was finished. But no, I was just like, I'm going to do it. And so I ended up starting in the buying office there. I was terrible at the job. Sitting at the desk all day crunching numbers was not for me. I'm definitely more creative and innovative, and my degrees are fashion marketing and fashion design. So I was probably on my way out. I was about to get, you know, I was on, like, final notice in the buying office because I was not good at that job, and I really wanted to be a stylist. That was my dream job. But I wasn't sure quite, you know, like, how to go about it. So one of my co workers was like, hey, your dream job is open. And I'm like, what? We have an image department. She's like, yes. So I saw that they were hiring for stylists. I interviewed for the job. I got the job so I could transfer departments. And I was at QVC for 16 years, and I remained in that department for about 13 years. It was just, wow. Yeah. So I started freelancing as A fashion stylist. And then I decided to go back to school for fashion design. And I launched a couture level evening and bridal business. While I was working freelance or, you know, working as I was going to school, I graduated, became a full time stylist there. Then when the market crashed, so there went my design business, but I still was working full time. So I was a little bit unscathed financially, but not emotionally.

I was like, yeah, and you know what? I have always been the same way. I've always had different sources of incomes, like side hustles. And even when I was getting ready to be a personal trainer, I was waiting tables until I, I built my clientele up. And then I remember quitting my job, going, oh my gosh, I hope my training business really, you know, picks up. And then I picked that up. But then I also had teaching on the side of that. And now it's like, I've got the coaching, I've got the speaking, I've got several areas. So if one's maybe not working out so well, the other one's bringing in income or, you know, so I think that's one really good tip and trick to be resilient is to have some little side things you're doing or big side things that you're doing.

Absolutely. You gotta have a side hustle. Yeah.

And I think too, a lot of times, you know, I've been to conferences where they talk about hustle or grind as being kind of a bad thing. And I don't know, I like hustle. I think that by hustling is what helped me get through 34 surgeries. It's what helped me pick my feet back up and build my business again. I think that hustle is kind of grit. And I think the people that have that really, it shows because they show up, they show up when, sometimes when they don't want to show up. Which, you know, being an entrepreneur is. You wear a lot of hats.

I was just getting ready to say that the same way that it takes kind of a special kind of crazy person to become an entrepreneur. You know, one of my favorite books is Lion Holidays. The obstacle becomes the way. And he talks a lot about the thing that's in the way. Rather it's your illness or the fact that you can't find a job or, you know, whatever it is that holds you back. If you can just get your mind around the fact that that is also the very thing that is going to get you to the next level, embrace that and just kind of, you know, just understand that what is in the way becomes the way. And so that one thing you're chasing, you're like, okay, well, I have to just dive into whatever it is full force, right? And that was exactly what I had to do there. Like, okay, well, I want to be a stylist. I don't know how to become a stylist. So I'm just gonna go after it, go into it, still go to school for fashion design, come out, run my business. And so then my business crashed. I was like, okay, now the business was called her Majesty the Queen. And so, you know, I was like, okay, well, now I'm in this job and there's no upward mobility. Like, what am I going to do? Well, I put my ear to the ground. I kept hustling to your point, you know, had them create a position for me where I was the lead stylist on two of the biggest fashion programs that were running at that time. And then from there, I got promoted to a style director. Where I was in this position didn't exist, or that position didn't exist. And then where I was like, the first kind of senior stylist in all of qvc, which is huge.

That is huge. I mean, and that is where I'm sure you've made some amazing connections. Like, is that where you met Kim Gravel?

I did, and I think I was down in my final couple of months when I met Kim Gravel, because I was kind of like, I don't know if I'm going to leave, if I'm going to stay. At that point, I was thinking about it because again, I had done everything that I'd come to do there. I traveled all through Europe, you know, working with all the program hosts. I had kind of created the foundation of personal branding and image and using that perspective to propel you forward. I hadn't written a book, but I was thinking about it. And so, yeah, that was where I met Rachel Hollis. That was where I met Kim Gravel. And once I left, I had those relationships, you know, it's like, hey, come be on my podcast. Come do this, come do that. I'm like, absolutely, yeah, let's go.

Yeah. Well, I remember when I first started doing personal training, I used to be a professional dancer. And the way dancers dress, you've got ripped up old sweatpants and sweatshirts and layers and sweatshirts around your waist, and you look kind of homeless a lot of times. And I remember when I first started training clients at this gym, one of the other trainers walked up to Me. And she goes, where do you buy your clothes? At garage sales. You look homeless. And I was like, oh, wow. She goes, if you want to be professional and get more clients, you need to dress like a professional. And I was like, okay, I am taking that and I am going to go change my wardrobe. And at the time, this is 23 years ago, they didn't have, like, all these fancy places like Lululemon and Athleta and all that like they do now. So I was wearing, like, tracksuits, like, you know, Puma and Adidas tracks. But you know what? It worked. And I noticed that my clientele started to pick up. The quality of my clientele picked up. But more than anything, it was the way I felt and how I dressed. And so I was excited to have you on because there's been so many times where I didn't know how to dress. I mean, I've been, you know, dancer and then a trainer, and then all of a sudden I'm a speaker and I didn't even own a suit, didn't know what to wear. But there are a lot of the listeners that they don't even maybe have the energy or motivation to even start to get dressed. What would you suggest to someone who's like, I don't feel like I can even get out of my sweats. What do you suggest for someone like that?

I think that it's kind of maybe what we've all heard before, right? You just do the next best thing. So success for you, that day may just look like taking a shower. It may look like just putting on, you know, lip gloss. It may look like, you know, watching something that's going to make you feel good or reading a book or playing with your kid, like, just whatever is the smallest amount of thing that you can do that give you success. And think about when you were healthy or when you were happy, you know, what was that thing that you did to bring you joy? Right? And so for me, a lot of times it might be watching a musical or it may be, you know, something about just getting up, taking a nice hot shower, just putting on makeup, you know, turn your day around.

That makes all the difference. Just taking a shower.

I mean, I know that sounds silly, but it's true.

Oh, my God, it makes all the difference. And I remember, you know, I had this horrible accident and I was stuck in the hospital for months and I wasn't able to take a shower. I was completely bedridden and wasn't even able to stand up. So the back of my Head got, like, dreadlocks, and it got matted up because my head was on the back of the bed for so long. And I can't tell you how much different I felt when they hired someone to come. They had this special contraption that they made for me to lay back in the bed, and I got my hair washed. I felt like a new person. So even though I was stuck in a hospital bed and I couldn't get up, I felt so much better. So it's those little things or even just brushing your teeth, you know, just those little things.

And I think so much of what we talk about today starts with gratitude. And so, you know, if you're in the bed and you're like, I'm grateful that I'm alive. I'm sure I'm grateful that, you know, I have hair, and I'm grateful that I have all of these things. And then that next level is then doing those small things to honor the things that you're grateful about. Right? You're grateful that your heart is still beating. You're grateful that you have whatever it is. So, you know, obviously it starts mentally with gratitude, and then it moves into, okay, how am I going to honor these things that I'm saying that I'm grateful about? Well, I can get my hair washed and I can take a shower, and I can, you know, that I can do. And I just did a video about just having those tools in your toolbox that's going to help you pull yourself out of that funk. And sometimes it's doing something nice for somebody else. Sometimes it's sitting and praying, sometimes it's reading your Bible, sometimes it's whatever. But it all kind of starts with mental strength. And, okay, I can't do these things. What I can be grateful for, and here's what I can do. And start with those.

Yeah, yeah, I love that. And I think there was a quote I heard once that said, love is gratitude and action, or something like that. And I think that a lot of people say that they're grateful for something, but I love what you're suggesting is to take action with that and honor that and show yourself some love. Because it's not just about getting all dolled up. It's about how you respect yourself and show yourself love and how it makes you feel. What are some things that people can do just to dress better when they're on a tight budget?

Well, I think that one of the easiest things. It's just going to sound silly because we all love to wear black so much. Is just wearing color, you know.

Well, I love wearing color.

I'm finding that it's rare. Like, you know, so if I find a woman, I'm like, woohoo. Wear that color. I think I tell the story in my book where I talk about, you know, I tried for three years to get pregnant, and then we finally get pregnant, and then we ended up losing our first son to a uterine eruption. And so when our son died and then we had to bury him and have. Oh, my goodness, I still had to go back to work with all of the same girls that I was pregnant with, and they all had babies, and I didn't have my baby. And also my uterus erupted, so I can't have children.

Oh my goodness. I didn't even know that.

Yeah. And so I don't want to go back to work and be seen as a victim. I was doing my best to try to move forward, you know, and so that was an extensive surgery. I was in the hospital for eight days. I had two blood transfusions, had an infection in my uterus, you know, so I had to heal from all of that. Now I'm at the point where, praise God, I had to go back to work. And so one of the first things that I did was purposely, I did not wear black ever to work. I wear the brightest mix of colors, Always smiling, even on days where I didn't feel like it, and just wear colors because every time someone would see me, they were hugging me, they're crying, I'm crying, and they were just loving on me, and it was so beautiful. But after a couple of months of that, I'm like, we have to move past this because I don't want to be, you know, in their eyes, this sad person who can't move on. So that was what I did. So I would wear like, you know, turquoise and red and like, I would just wear color all the time and just try to lean into that gratefulness as much as I could. And every day, even when I didn't feel like it, from the parking lot to the car, I would just say, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. And sometimes it was through tears. Thank you, thank you. So, yeah, and I just would kind of do that. So that was my first way that I knew that not only do we get to control the narrative like you did with your dance career and work going into the fitness career, but color is so powerful, you know, it's so powerful. And once I start kind of really researching the meaning behind all the colors, Then I started to have more fun with it and use it in a more constructive way in my career, the same way that you did.

Well, I think that having some purpose helps you really get through those hard times. It's not always easy, but it's possible. And I love that you knew in your mind that you were like, I'm not gonna be a victim. I am gonn through this, and I'm gonna do everything I can, whether it's, you know, putting a smile on my face when I don't feel like smiling, whether it's changing what I'm wearing and wearing something bright and showing love. And then that's what you got back.

Absolutely.

You had people love you back. And that is such a beautiful thing. And I do believe that colors do make us happy. I'm very like, I love wearing colors. When I go to wear something on stage, I always like to wear a bright color because it makes me feel better. And I always think, well, how does this make me feel? And something that I've always told my clients, and I didn't think about this until now, is when I've had clients that lacked motivation to work out. One of the small things I would suggest is go by yourself. I don't care if you go to Lululemon or if you go to Target because they've got cute stuff at now go buy your something self. Something that's colorful and that fits you, that you feel good in to work out in, because that's gonna make you feel better about going to work out. And when you get to the gym and you see yourself looking all cute in your workout outfit, you're gonna be like, yeah, I think I will do some more squats.

Look at me.

Look at that booty. And I feel like it helps motivate you to keep going and doing a little bit more.

No, it's absolutely true. And I was just reading a study last night that said exactly what you just said, like, verbatim. I think it was in the psychology of social science or something like that, but I'll have to send it to you. But they were talking about exactly that. Specifically, if you choose color for the items that you're going to work out in, it makes you mentally more prepared to actually work out.

Really?

Oh, absolutely. And so that's why I'm so passionate about, you know, really talking about specifically the image perspective of personal branding and then using that wardrobe even as a business strategy, because it's so mental and it's so psychological that, you know, when you think about Fashion, Right? Everyone kind of thinks of the fluffy perspective of it. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We are.

Every day, we are warriors. We are fighting for our families. We are fighting for our lives. This is not fluffy fashion. I don't do fluffy fashion. But what I want to do is give you tools and give you solutions to helping you to get to that next level by using your wardrobe.

I love that. Because you know what? I feel like you have literally seconds that people look at you and they judge you. It's human nature. They judge you based on what you look like. So whether you're walking in for a job interview, whether you're picking your kids up at school.

School.

Whether you're trying to build your business, or whether you're showing up in court, people are looking at you, or whether you're getting on stage. Especially for me. I tell you, I did this talk for a lot. It was all chronic pain sufferers, people that had CRPs. And I got up, and most of the people in the room are either in wheelchairs or walkers or because it's a terrible disease. And I shared my story, and I really deeply connected with these warriors. And once they knew. But I was dressed in a bright orange jumpsuit, and, you know, at first they looked at me like, yeah, she doesn't have it. And someone actually came up to me in the bathroom afterwards, and they said, I thought you were just some other girl that was going to tell us how things were so bad and now how life is all good. She goes, you were wearing this pretty jumpsuit and this and that. And I'm like, well, people look. That's the first thing they look at is what you're wearing. And it tells so much about you. And I'm like, I'm not gonna show up in my sweats. Even though I may feel like wearing sweats. I'm gonna put on a bright color and show up the way that I want to feel, which is empowered.

So you said two things that are really important, and I think that really is the foundation of the well dressed brand. Right? And so you went out there, and I'm going to change the narrative the same way Chanel did, the same way Ralph Lauren did. Ralph Lauren was born as Ralph Lipschitz, and he changed his name to Ralph Lauren. He was controlling the narrative. Chanel was born with no birth certificate. She didn't even know her name. You know, she built that empire based on changing the narrative and creating the life that she wanted. And so what you did when you stepped on that stage, you did a couple of things, but not only were you changing the narrative for yourself, but you dug a little deeper and helped them to see that they were empowered to change the narrative. But also the face of that disease. You're telling yourself a story of what that looks like, and you sit there and owned your power and said, no, I am standing here. I am dressing the way that I want to be addressed because I don't want to be a victim. I am standing.

Exactly. Exactly.

You know, and then if you're wearing orange, then you're saying, hey, I'm creative, I'm innovative, I'm approachable. Come and talk to me. You're not in this alone. We can do this together. I love that.

Wow.

You know, orange is actually the color of CRPs. Yeah. And it's one of my favorite colors. And I love that. That's what it kind of symbolizes is we're not alone. Come talk to me.

I have a chart in my book, the secrets of a well dressed brand. And so I'm just gonna put it in front of me so I can make sure.

Oh, I love that.

What I want. So I have it inside the book. But I just. Right until March, I was featured in Where Women Create magazine. And so they took it and they redid it for me. And so.

Oh, I love it. And you know what, you guys, I'm gonna put the link for her book in the notes so you can go to the show notes and find her book. And then we'll talk about your next two books too.

Yeah.

Tell me about these colors. I love knowing what colors represent.

Oh, me too. Because it helps you, again, to control the narrative. And so I talk a lot again about dress the way you want to be addressed. So orange is the color of adventure and creativity. It's forward thinking. So orange tells the world that you're enthusiastic, that you're a risk taker, that you're informal, and that you're an extrovert.

Wow.

So when you think about that and you think about, you know, that's the meaning, you know, behind something that is so powerful. How could you wear that color and feel like a victim? It's not possible.

Yeah. Wow. I love learning about all these colors. And this is, like, so off topic, but I have to ask you this now that you have the colors out. Okay. So there's a color that I've been wanting to paint this wall in here, and I'm dying to know. I've been thinking about, like, a turquoise color because I Love that color. It's kind of goes with my branding too. But maybe not after you tell me what turquoise represents. What does that represent?

No, so that is trust, perseverance. That makes sense for you. Caring, integrity, responsibility, authority. It tells the world that you're idealistic, that you're orderly, that you're the peacemaker. And so it's usually like a very soothing, you know, we think about the ocean. Right? Like, it's a very soothing kind of color. So, yeah, I think that turquoise it

is because I have a list of the values for my life and it helps me choose whether it's friendships or business opportunities or whatever it may be. If they are in alignment with my values, then it's a yes. I think you said integrity in there. And I was like, okay, integrity. Yes, that's it. It's up. The color is going to be turquoise and I'm going to start wearing turquo.

Oh, absolutely. I mean, that's your coloring. That's perfect for you. But again, when I talk about for me what personal branding is, you know, your core values and your personality, it's a big part of that. And everything that we do should either be getting us closer to our goals because if not, it's taken us further away. Right. And so exactly what you just said, like, you are the perfect ideal person to be a well dressed brand, you know, because you're already so in line with what the basis of the company is. Right? It's either addressing the message, dressing the way that you want to be addressed, controlling the narrative, you know, and just getting up every day and kicking serious butt and not being a victim.

Oh, yeah, I love that.

While you do it.

Yeah. Well, you know, I remember when I first got asked to go speak, it was the very first speaking gig I got, and it was to speak in front of lawyers, real estate agents and bankers. And here I was like, I'd only ever been on the dance floor, the gym floor, and I'm like, I didn't even own a suit. I didn't know what size I was. I had no idea. And I remember I went to Nordstrom's and they were like, okay, yeah, we'll look at a suit for you. What's your size? And I was like, I don't know. And so I found this beautiful theory suit. I spent like a lot of money on this classic suit. I'm like, here's the suit. And then I did like a few speaking gigs in this suit. But then I realized this just isn't me. Like the Pants and the jacket is just. It's not me. So it took a little while to kind of navigate my way and find what was me, what feels good. And I think that's so important for people to, yes, dress for, you know, the occasion. Don't show up in, like, a puma jumper outfit to, like, go speak to bankers and lawyers, but dress professionally. But you also have to be you and be authentic to yourself, you know?

Yeah. You have to think about. So what I tell my clients is, so if you would have called me and said, hey, I'm going from this situation, but I have to take the stage and speak to this crowd. Right. So the first thing that I would have asked would have said, emily, when you hit the stage, what is the first thing that you want people to think and more importantly, feel when they look at you? That's the first question that you want to answer or. Yeah. That you want to ask yourself and then answer is, what do I want people to think and what do I want them to feel? Because, again, remember, we're not powerless. We get to control the narrative. And so then if you say, well, I want them to think that I am, you know, trustworthy, approachable, you know, all of these things. And so I'm like, okay, well, blue is the color of trust, you know, and so brown is the color of strength and confidence and honesty. Thank ups. Right. You know, what can brown do for you? Like, we're going to get your packages there on time. So when that brown truck pulls up, you know, oh, I'm getting the package. Right. And so, you know, we would kind of go through all of that, and maybe we come up with a color combination that's going to really anchor your core values so that when you hit the stage, you don't have to think about, you know, what you're trying to say, because before you open your mouth, your clothing's already saying those things for you.

Wow, that's powerful.

That's what we do. Yeah.

Oh, my gosh. I just want to call you or see you before every event that I do because literally, I did not have any experience with trying to figure out what I was going to wear. And, you know, like for my TED Talk, for instance, I actually wore blue. And I'm so glad to hear you say, that's, like, trustworthy and stuff, but I knew that I wanted something simple and something that would kind of pop against the black background. I always check to see, well, what does the stage look like? How are other people dressed at the event? I always kind of try to ask those questions, like, what's the attire? What is their style? Because I don't want to stick out like a sore thumb. You know what I mean? It's a lot to think about. But I like how you say, what do you want them to think? And how do you want them to feel?

Yeah. Because color is really emotional. And again, wardrobe has been used forever to distinguish the narrative, like, to tell the story. That's how you know who was rich and who was poor. That's how we knew how we could tell the queen from the duchess. It's like all of the things, right? And so in December this year, a study just came out of Princeton University where it talked about competency. So in the first few seconds, somebody decided, by the way that you were dressed if you are competent or not. Can you imagine, like, we're walking around and it still is nine seconds, right? Because we have these smartphones, and now we're multitasking. So our attention spans have gone from 12 seconds to 9 seconds. Now we have these 8 or 9 seconds, and in that time, added to the long list that people are deciding about us, they're looking at you, and they're going, she's competent. He's competent. He's not. She's not. Like, it's crazy. And so, you know, I think it

is human nature to do that, I have to admit. I do something. I do something. I look at people's shoes. Shoes.

Shoes are a dead giveaway.

I look at their shoes. They might not if they're designer or whatever. Now my daughter looks to see if they're Gucci. She's a Gucci fanatic. That's all she wants. She's all about the Gucci, thanks to social media, I think. But I look at people's shoes. My baby brother got into some trouble. He had a lawyer, and I looked at his lawyer's shoes, and they were old and torn. And I thought, oh, my brother's in trouble. He's in trouble. He doesn't, you know, because shoes tell a lot about people. Are they scuffed up? Are they dirty? Are they worn out? Yeah. So I do. I look at people's shoes, and I look at the whole image and then go look at their shoes. Like, if I'm interviewing someone to come work for me, and that sounds bad, but it's. No, I do. I just. If it's a quick thing, I'm like, is that bad? I do that.

No, I think that because it happens. And that's how. When I tell clients like, because we are in 2020, you know, we are in a world of disposable fashion. Okay? Let's just be honest that if you go and get a blazer from the thrift store or from Target and you get it tailored, it's all about fit, fit, fit. Price really doesn't matter. It's about the fit, right? And the fabrication, but more importantly, the fit, the fit, the fit. So if you go to Target and you go get a blazer and you take it to your tailor and they fit it to perfect perfection, right? But you've invested in your shoes and in your handbag. So let's say you and I are meeting for lunch and we're going to. Let's say we decide to meet at the Ritz Carlton, right? And you walk in and you're wearing your Target blazer and a Target V neck T shirt under, you know, your even Old Navy jeans, because no one can really tell the difference. Let's be honest. And you have on your Louboutin shoes and you're matching a Gucci or Louis Vuitton bag, everyone's going to assume that Your outfit is $10,000, but you just invested in the shoes. So Maybe you spent 700 on the shoes and you spend another whatever on the bag and you're done for the year. You know what I'm saying? Or whatever.

Do you know I just had this conversation with my 11 year old who she's been saving up to buy some Gucci shoes.

Oh, my gosh.

For years she's 11, and every time we go to the mall, we go walk through the Gucci store just so she can admire the shoes and everything. And one day she's been saving for these, like, slides, I think that's what she calls them. And so one day we're in there and I'm like, well, you should try them on to see if you even like them. She goes, try them on. I don't know what. And I asked the guy, I said, could you please bring her a size 6? And she goes, mom, you just asked him if I could try these shoes on. And I'm like, well, yeah, you want to buy those? Let's try them on and see if you like them. And so it motivated her even more to save up money to buy them now. And I was explaining to her that we were walking through some, like, knockoff store where they have, like, jackets that look like they could be $500 jackets or $5,000 jackets if they were tailored right? And I just explained to her that's why you mix, match your wardrobe and you can get away with wearing that jacket that looks like it's so expensive, but it's from, you know, a knockoff brand or it's from Target or, you know.

Yeah, absolutely. And that's exactly why you do it. And so there's a video in the Secrets of the well Dressed Brand. It's video and it's text. And I'm interviewing here in Philadelphia, we have performing arts, like a huge theater called the Kimmel Center. And I'm interviewing the CEO of the Kimmel Center. And in her video, I think it's actually on my Instagram channel too. You can see it for free. But she talks specifically about what you said. When she's hiring someone or someone's interviewing, she looks at their shoes.

Really?

Oh, yeah. She said, what drives me nuts is when I see the grass stains or the heel, you know, so it's important as you're trying to figure out what you need in your repertoire as far as your image and your brand. Everyone should have a shoe repair person, and you need to have a tailor, even if it's just your local dry cleaner, you know, go there, make sure you build that relationship with them so that they can, you know, properly help you to take things in and then find a local shoe repair person, you know.

You know, I actually learned that from my husband, who he's a retired CHP lieutenant commander. And he is all about everything being clean and tidy and in its place. And he is big on the shoe repair, like the boots being polished and the heel being polished. And because I can only wear certain kind of shoes because it will flare up my nerve disease, I really had to search high and low to finally find some shoes that I can actually wear that are comfortable and they look nice. But I do have this old pair of boots, and they're my barn boots. And I mean, they're really beat up and he will give me a hard time every time I wear those. And I actually just went up north to speak at a doctor's clinic and I wore my old comfy barn boots. I had on my nice dress and I had those old boots and I wore them to travel. And I changed in the rental car like before I went in. And so I got there and I opened up my suitcase that had materials and everything in it, and the doctor saw those boots and I was like, oh, you saw the old barn boots? He goes, no, I love them. I think you should wear those. No, I gotta be comfy. But yeah, I think we all have that old pair of shoes or anything. But I remember the first time I thought, oh, I gotta be careful what I wear out in public, because I had just given a presentation, and I was in a suit, my hair was done, and then we have a little coffee shop right down the street from us. And I rolled out of bed one morning, put on my cutoff shorts, my hair in a bun, and Uggs, But I did not look cute at all. And I ran into one of the people that they were at the event, and I was like, okay, they're never hiring me for their event. Like, the look on his face. And so it was the first time I really thought it is important what you put on and even if you're running down the street. And, I mean, I was kind of raised that way growing up, you know, in Texas, where it was all about the hair and the makeup and the clothes, but I was always a tomboy. But I've been reminded of that now as I've gotten older and stepped into a profession that's kind of new and I'm trying to excel at it, that I gotta really pay attention to what I wear, even if I'm on a budget, you know?

Oh, absolutely. And the great thing about it today is you can do so many exceptional things on a budget. You just have to decide where you're going to invest. That really is what it comes down to. But it's really about understanding. Again, everything comes down to mental strength and, you know, how it makes you feel. I have rheumatoid arthritis, and I have Sjogren's disease. And so I'm faced with chronic fatigue. So most days, no, I don't want to get out of bed. I'm exhausted all the time. And then, you know, the chronic joint pain, I'm in pain every day. And so, you know, it's a choice, right? It's a choice that you got to go, okay, I'm gonna do this. And sometimes I can't. If my hands are swollen, then I can't wear jeans. So then I'll put leggings on. Like, if I can't button something and

I'm holding, I totally get it, girl. I thought we were just gonna be talking about branding and closeness, and all this stuff is coming out.

You know, when you have an autoimmune disorder, kind of hard, as you pointed out, to get your head around, like, well, how do I build my brand when I don't feel so great, you know, and it's possible. And so we are. That's what we're talking about, too, is that, you know, you have to learn how to maneuver around the stuff that life has handed you. And it doesn't mean that you can't still look exceptional.

Oh, my God, you're so. But you know what?

This is love. I'm showing up.

This is the first time. Yeah. This is the first time in my life, though, that I really have to plan what I'm going to wear, because I just gave away all my skinny jeans because I couldn't wear them anymore. Just the tightness of them around my lower leg made me flare up. I don't know why, but I couldn't explain it, but I got tired of looking at them, so I gave them to one of my friends who happens to be the same size. And that made me happy, knowing that I could give them away. But you're so right. It's the mental toughness. It's knowing that you want to show up. And Marie Forleo says something that I love. She always says, everything is figureoutable. And she wrote a book about it. And I think it's so true. It's like, okay, I really am having a hard time even walking today, but what can I do so I feel better and I'm motivated to walk. It's so much about the mental toughness. And I love that you're using. I never really thought about it, but colors and clothes is just another tool in our toolbox.

Yeah. And we don't think about it. Like I said, I think that, you know, that was part of the reason I'm going to change this a little bit, because I think that I've gotten the message out there enough, is that that was part of the reason why on my Instagram, I wasn't doing, like, a lot of. In the beginning at least, you know, not a bunch of, like, outfits of the day. Like, I don't do a lot of that stuff. I'm gonna try to do more because people are interested. But I was really conscious about, I'm not just giving you fluffy fashion. I want to give you some tools because there's so much more. And the more I research, I'm such a fashion nerd, and I read a lot about branding and things like that, and again, that's what I went to school for. But the more that I kind of dig into this and look at these exceptional women and men throughout history and how they were able to use that to kind of really curate this life, that it wasn't about, you know, just the colors and the Shapes. It's like, yes, yes. And as soon as we can get that, like in our minds, like, it's not either or it's yes. And yes, fashion matters. Yes, silhouette matters. Yes, colors matters. And I can use it as a tool and I can build a career out of that by just not even talking. Like, get your head around the fact that if you're going to the grocery store or you're walking into a big meeting before you even open your mouth, people are already deciding who you are. So why would you not want to control that?

Oh, I love that you get to decide. Yes. That's one thing that you can decide. And I love that you say that you can change the narrative.

Yeah.

Oh, I love that.

Even when, whatever it is. I have a Facebook based television show, the well Dressed Brand TV on Facebook. And I interviewed Amy Morin, who wrote the book 13 Things that Mentally Strong Women Don't Do. And she tells a story in the book about, and we talked about it on the show about how she had this woman that came in and her hair was in her face and, and she was wearing dark colors and she suffered from anxiety and depression. And then over time, as they worked together, she went and got it. But before, you know, she had her mental breakthrough, she got her hair cut and she wore color, you know, and it really started to lift everything for her, you know, so it aided in the therapy that she was getting.

Wow.

Because it's visual. I'm so passionate about it, Amberly, because it's the only thing. This is why I love it so much. It's the only thing that is both internal and external. That's it. Right. You know, because obviously if your therapy, it's internal and if you're just, well, I'm going to go buy and I'll do retail therapy. Well, that's great, but it's external. And you're going to be right back, you know, eating the whole bag of Oreos, like, you know what's happening in the inside. But what if you do both at the same time? What if you set up your closet and say, here are the goals that I have for this year. So I'm going to put these colors in. I'm going to couple it with these and have. These are the shoes that make me feel the most powerful. Here's where I need to be comfortable. And yes, they're flats because I'm running around with the kids, but I still feel pretty good in them. So that every time you get dressed and you're looking in the mirror, you're like, hello, gorgeous. And then you're putting on your clothes and like, hey, girl, let's go. Whatever. You know what I mean?

Yes.

Whatever it is, you know? And this works for my male clients, too. I just had one call me when we're in a new week last week. Thick Tennessee accent, and he's like, girl, your book helped me so much.

Oh, I have not had a chance to read your book yet because, man, we got this interview set up quick. And I was like, okay, I haven't read her book yet. But I. I was like, listening to the podcast you've done and stalking your Instagram account, by the way. And if you're listening, please go over and follow Toy, because. And it's Toy Sweeney is where you can find her. Because you do give tips on how to dress, but also your Instagram, you give, like, other tips, too. Like, I saw that you posted an IGTV all about patience, which is something I lack. I'm working on. So your posts and your videos and all that you share really do help. And I cannot wait to read your book. It's called Secrets of a well Dressed Brand. And you're also working on two other books, which. That blows my mind that you do this business. You do so much, and you're working on two other books. Tell people a little bit about your book, because it's a different kind of book. It's not something that you can just go pick up at Barnes and Noble. It's something that you have to order. And I'm fascinated with how you described it before we started recording the podcast. And I can't wait to read it and see it. So can you tell us a little bit about it?

So I'm really excited about it. So it's called Secrets of a well Dressed Brand, and you can only purchase it on itunes. Now, I know that if you are not an itunes user, please don't hate me.

I know. That's the thing. Like, I forget that not everybody has itunes, and I'm like, an itunes geek, I guess, and I love it.

So I apologize in advance. So you are an Android user. I do apologize because you will not be able to get the book. It's only available on ibooks. Secrets of a well Dressed Brand. You can either. Like, if you Google my name, it'll take you to it as well. But anyway, it's a fun book because it's an interactive ebook. And the reason that I'm excited about it is because you only really find interactive ebooks in children's books. So the reason that it's only on itunes is because when I wrote the book a couple years ago, they were the only platform that could house my idea of this book. So there's videos, there's infographics, there's text. There's a bunch of different things to kind of help you get through. Because I read a stat that said most people buy books and then they don't read them, Amberly.

So that's why I'm excited for yours, because I have such a short attention span, and I like the idea of it being interactive.

So I designed it so you can get through it. So if you purchase the book on Monday, you'll be finished by Wednesday. So it takes you 30 minutes a night for three nights, and then you're completely done. Like on your iPad, you read a chapter, then there's videos. I use very simple language. I give it to you straight. There are no fillers, no fluff. I. You get to it. And then I'm interviewing the CEO of Big brother's big sister. I have two friends, Jesse and Joe, who are celebrity stylists. They were featured on Oprah. They have two books, and they're talking about helping these socialites in New York and how their wardrobe really, really helped to push them to the next level. And so if you go on itunes and just even if you don't pick up the book, read the reviews, because it's unlike anything that is out there. It was a lot of fun. And so the next book that I'm working on now, what I'm writing now is kind of part two to that. Like, now that you've gotten the foundation, you understand what it's going to take for you to build your brand. You understand the importance of color. I talk about the things that you should definitely have in your closet. I talk about how to price yourself as a brand. I go through all of that in the secrets of a well dressed brand. So now the current book is going to be more about how do you specifically put a strategy together to move your business to the next level with.

Okay, I want to read that too. I'm like, I want that already. Oh, my gosh. And you know what I just love about you? One of the things I just love because I love you and I've never

even got friends now. Emily. Yes.

I swear, I love your passion.

Oh, thank you.

I love your passion and your beautiful smile. And for those listening, I wish y' all could see this beautiful lady. Well, I guess they head over to your social media to See you.

Yeah.

Lights up the room, I'm telling you.

Thank you. You're so sweet. Thank you so much. I received that.

Oh, well, I could talk to you all day, so I definitely want to talk again. I want to have you over to help me close it. And I'll probably be calling you before my next big event and going, what do you think? Is this stress?

I got you covered.

Where is the best place for people to reach you?

I am Toy Sweeney. Everywhere, I think, except for on Twitter, I'm Sweeney Toy. I don't know why.

Okay, I know how to spell toy because there's a Thai food place that's my favorite Thai food place called Toy Thai Toy.

Yeah.

T O I. So to spell your name out for people because I really want people to head over and see.

Yeah, it's T as in Tom O I and it's a Malaysian last name. That's why I'm like, oh, okay, it's your Thai place. That's fantastic. Yeah, T, S and Tom O I. And then Sweeney is S W E E, N E Y. Because my husband is Irish and they needed three E's in Sweeney for whatever reason. You aren't enough.

Well, I just appreciate you being on. I can't wait to check out your book and your new book. I'm going to have to call Kim and tell her. Thank you for introducing us.

Thank you so much for having me on. You are such joy. You're such a pleasure.

You are amazing and it's just been such a joy to talk to you and learn so much from you. And I appreciate you taking the time and your busy schedule and book writing and all that you're doing to share your wisdom with us. So thank you.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much for joining us this week on the True Grit and Grace podcast. Don't forget to hit that subscribe button. And it would be so awesome if you rated and maybe left a review.

That would help too.

And also, I have some exciting news for you. If you are ready to learn a mindset that will get you through any challenge, ready to really transition, transform any limiting beliefs, and finally find the wellness routines that work with your lifestyle and keep your body healthy and thriving, you're in the right place. You're hearing this for all the right reasons because it's your chance, your chance to join right now. It's a 12 week course. It's so much fun because we're going to go live in a webinar with plenty of time for Q and A. It's called you'd unstoppable life Mastermind. And there's going to be a daily mantra and a like minded community to support you along your way to reach all those goals. So head over to amberly lago.com mastermind and sign up now. Okay. Have a great week and I hope to see you in the Mastermind.