Get Out of Your Head and Stay in Your Heart with Marcus Black

Welcome to True Grit and Grace, a podcast designed to empower you to claim your resilience and thrive through life's challenges. I am Amberly Lago, a mindset coach, fitness expert, and bestselling author. Each week, I'll dive deep with the world's brightest thought leaders and elite performers to share tangible tools and practical advice to inspire you to keep your eyes on the prize and forge ahead. So get ready to conquer your fears, heal any trauma, lead with your heart, and elevate your life with grit and grace. Hello and welcome back to True Grit and Grace. I'm Amberly Lago and boy, do I have a treat for you today. Get ready to be inspired, have your heart filled, be motivated, because I have Marcus Black here on the show, y'. All. I love him because he's got that Southern hospitality. He is a best selling author, he's a podcaster, and he is a sought after speaker. He's spoken all over the world and I always call him the king of Clubhouse because he is just lighting it up over there. So welcome to the show, Marcus. I'm so happy to have you here.

Hello. Hello, my friend. It's so good to see you. Your smiling face. I'm so glad to be here. Thank you for those kind words. And at the end of the day, I'm just, man, I'm just a servant and I. Do you say the Southern hospitality. I was born in Memphis, Tennessee, raised in Mississippi. So that's important to me and I'm just excited for this conversation. I've loved hearing you and your voice and your heart and your story, and I can't wait to just dive in.

Well, I think, you know, I've been sitting on Clubhouse listening before and I always leave feeling better, whether it's me, you know, listening to you on Clubhouse or it's hearing you do a post on Instagram, whether it's giving people hope, talking about self care, talking about how to get through anxiety. So I'd love to touch on all those. But first I want to know, who are you? Like, how did you get to be where you are? Because I know you had some really some struggles and setbacks and you have turned pain to purpose and now you really inspire so many people to get unstuck and to never give up. So can you start by sharing a little bit of how you got to where you are here today with everybody wanting you to be on their podcast and speak in their clubhouse rooms and on their stages?

Absolutely. So, man, I think it's easy for people to see where we are now and want to have that and that's good. You should aspire to do great things. But it's also important to realize that there was a lot that came with the territory. And I know you know this from your story and I always tell people, be careful what you wish for because are you willing to go through the hell they went through to get to where they are? And so when I think about my humble beginnings in Mississippi, there were difficulties in my family. My father had a lot of struggles. That's a huge part of my story. We had a lot of issues growing up. And he wasn't a bad man. He was fighting, he worked to provide for our family. But he has such a massive hole in his heart. There was this big void. And what did he do? He did what so many other people do, which is try to fill that void with all the wrong things. So he tried to fill it with alcohol, he tried to fill it with gambling. Addiction took over and that's what I remember. So you got that. And then at age 9, I started struggling with debilitating anxiety. I mean like crippling anxiety that I wish was a one off thing. Like I had this terrible anxiety attack, but it wasn't. That was a recurring nightmare that haunted my dreams for years and years in years. And on top of all of this, going through abuse, going through poverty in Mississippi, going through pain, brokenness, anxiety, mental health, and after all of that, then having a near death experience at 18 that there's no way I'm even supposed to be here. So it took all of that. Go ahead.

Oh, I want to talk about. I mean, that's a big thing to grow up, first of all in poverty, but also in an alcoholic home or a home where there's addiction because I think it's hard to feel safe. But I think there is a blessing in it because you learn to look, to see their body language and be really good about reading people's body language and their behaviors to know, okay, are they a nice person? Are they going to like rip my head off or, you know, I think you get very good at being able to read people. Growing up, did you feel like it was safe in your home?

Absolutely not. I mean, when I was a little. Little, yes. But as I, as I got into that. 9, 10, 11, 12 preteen. Nah, I didn't. And he never physically abused us, but it just didn't feel safe. There were threats. It was like big, big threats and you know, like kill you type threats.

But you know what? Sometimes I think Because I was abused by my stepfather growing up. And I think that sometimes the mental abuse is harder to get over than the physical. I don't know why that is, but those things, like, stick like Velcro and those things were harder for me to through and get over than the actual physical abuse that I've. I have experienced. And so I think that's huge that, you know, you got through those moments. How did you overcome that abuse, that. That emotional thing? And then in feeling threatened, like you weren't safe, I'm going to kill you. How did you get through those moments? Is that what caused most of your anxiety?

Yes, absolutely. Because my anxiety centered around the fear, which, I mean, all anxiety centers around fear. But this was a particular fear of death and dying. And it's because so much of my life in my brain already equated to death. Like, this isn't living. And so it started to just haunt me. And then I started imagining myself being buried alive and, like, no longer living, ceasing to exist, like, being smothered by dirt. Like, I'm watching myself lay in a casket and dirt come over me and, like, wanting to scream for help, but nobody could hear me. That's what it felt like. And that's what I struggle with. And it definitely was directly correlated to those. Those actions and reactions. And when you asked me how did I overcome that? It really was. There's a lot of things you learn. A lot of the skills I have today were developed in that time, like you said. Even my words. People like you so quick with words. It's like I had to learn quick what to say, how to say it the right way to make sure that I didn't say anything. To set off a trigger.

Yes. That is powerful. You gotta know not how to trigger. It's, I think, a survival mechanism.

It 100% was. So how I started getting over it was. It's crazy because I've been a part of these, like, a bunch of conversations and communities about manifestation now. And that wasn't what I called it, but that's what I was doing. So basically what I would do is take my mind somewhere that was away from what my current reality so I would think in the future. Like, okay, I'm not. I don't know what it is in this life, but this. This is not it.

Yeah.

So I'm gonna figure out what it is in my head and I'm gonna go there. So I lived five to 10 years ahead of, like, when I'm on my own time, when I get to create the rules. When I have a family, when I have kids, when people depend on me, how I want to be in their life, how I want to be looked at, what I want that to look like, what choices am I going to make? So I, like, started living there as a kid. Like, I lived in the future, and I would just zone out and go to somewhere else.

Wow, that's powerful that you didn't know what that was really called, but that's what you were doing and that you had. And I think it's so important for kids to have an outlet. You created an outlet. A lot of kids, you know, they can't. Their parents can't afford to, you know, put them in a karate class or dance lessons or do extracurricular activities that cost money, like cheerleading or whatever it may be for school. And so you created a way for you to have an outlet. How would you suggest someone who doesn't know how to really manifest how they could start doing that?

I think got to answer a couple of vital questions in your own heart and mind. What do you want? Like, what do you want this life to look like for you? Because that's where it started. I didn't realize that's what I was doing, but I'm like, I didn't know what I wanted at first, but I knew it wasn't this. So, okay, I want peace. I want there to be love. I want there to be warmth. I want to this day, my home is a safe haven for my kids and my wife. I don't care what's happening in the world. I don't care how frustrating work was in here that stops at the door. We don't bring that because. And that was something that I intentionally created. So I'm starting with what do I want? And when you can know what you want, just start writing it down. Maybe journaling is a good way for you to start figuring out, because that just helps declutter the mind and get everything out of your head. Because we live in our minds so much in society that we don't know we can't silence the noise. You just adding on top of it with TV and Internet and news and social media, and you just become more and more and more confused. You have no idea what you want, and all you have is toxic chaos and confusion. So silence the noise, get it out of your head. Start thinking of what you want and just write it and write it without the fear or inhibition of that's not possible or that can't happen, that'll never happen. Just write it whatever you want. It's your thoughts and you'll be surprised.

I love that. And you know, I think also when you write out big dreams or what you want, and you write it as if you had endless possibilities, that money was no object, that you could just go for it. I think that's important is that one of the ways that you help people gain clarity with their vision is by writing it out and setting their intentions. Is that one of the things that you do?

Absolutely. I help people. Well, really, I'm a wake up call. So that's what I am. I'm like, all right, I see too many people walking dead through this life. Not on my watch, you won't. So I'm going to shake you up, bring you back into reality. The power of now. Because you cannot change yesterday, you can't do anything about that tomorrow you have no control over. So you gotta live right now and move with intention today. So after I've woken you up to that, then I take you on a journey to purpose. Like, everybody's shooting, but so many are shooting from the hip. You're just like, I don't really have an aim, I don't have a target, I don't have a destination. So I help you find mental clarity over what this target is. And then we put everything, all gas, no brakes, into that. And people get so much further, faster because they're moving with intentionality. They set their intention for what they want. So, yeah, that's exactly what I do.

You know, I thought about that yesterday actually. My daughter wanted to hang out with her best friend, so I picked up her daughter, my friend's daughter, and we're in the car and I'm like, okay, where do you guys want to go? I'm like, are we just going home? Where are we going to go? And she's like, well, I don't know. And I'm driving around and I'm like, you, you didn't make a plan, like, where do you want to go? And it made me think of how important it is to know where you want to go. No matter what you're doing, if you're having a play date with your friend or you want to have a big successful business, or whether you want to be an incredible author like you are. I think it's really important to have that intention and know where you want to go or you end up getting lost or decided, distracted or derailed. And so before we get into your book, asleep at the wheel, I'd love to talk to you about your life changing accident that happened when you were 18. Can you walk us through that journey? Because some people would have just given up. But now you have used your experience to inspire and motivate others.

Let's go. I love it. Okay, so a lot of things you talked earlier about having an outlet. So I created one when I was little. But when I was old enough, I was able to play school sports because that's funded by the school. I don't have to pay, you know, I'll just get some shoes and I can play. So that became my outlet. I poured my heart and soul into that. That was my everything. That was my how I channel my anger, my aggression. But in that, the years go on. I'm still struggling with this crippling anxiety. And at age 18, I'll never forget this. It was during football season. Friends of mine and I went routine night. We just go have a youth night from friends at church. Clean fun, no trouble. We weren't being troublesome and had an incredible night, beautiful evening, and we were on the way home. And on the way home, I'll never forget this. So many things happen, like, but I always like, feel like, what do I leave out of this story? Because there's so many nuances. It's like two separate stories that happen in one. One of them is the accident itself, but the other one is like, while we're here. So. But while we were coming home, I remember I was dozing off, which is cool because I'm not driving, I can sleep. And it was evening time, it was nighttime. And my friend, I remember like hearing the loudest explosion I ever heard in my life. Like, imagine like dozing off of here. Boom. While you're in a car. So I'm like, what just happened? I'm startled. I'm up, I'm looking at him, I'm like, what just happened? He doesn't know what happened. I'm looking around. We don't know. All I know is the car starts jumping, then shaking, and then we fly off the highway 75 miles per hour. We're like right in front of a bridge, looking at the bridge. And you know that means like, we gotta go down. So we flew down, we're in the air like Dukes of Hazard, which isn't happy now. I mean, it's not funny now, but I know.

But when you can explain it later, it's good that you can actually laugh about it. And I used to watch Dukes of Hazzard all the time. That was one of my favorite shows.

So you Imagine this car just flying off the highway, and we're screaming, and my one friend's yelling, we're gonna die. We're gonna die. The car flips in the air. 180's in the air. We knocked down about six trees. I counted, like, limbs were smack. Smacking me in the face. Glass was smacking me in the face. I could feel it. It's like the fastest, slowest moment of my life. And I just remember thinking, this is it. And finally, the car hit a massive tree. It split the back of the car and crushed us like sardines. And I remember when all of the dust settled, sitting there with my eyes closed, like now, afraid to open them because I did not know what I was gonna see. And all I could think was, in this moment, my worst fear, everything I had anxiety over has come to pass. I am about to die without having ever lived. Oh, my gosh. That's what I was thinking. And I remember checking on my friend. I didn't want to look at myself looking at him. He's okay. My other friend's okay. And so we're sitting there, and the car is smoking uncontrollably. There's gas. Maybe I watched too many of those actions. So I'm thinking we got a couple seconds to get out of here before it goes boom. So we're, like, trying to get out all. I mean, there's no way. We're in a ball. There's no way to get out. So eventually, I, like, took a door off a hinge, which they. They joke about that today. They say I turned it to Hulk.

But in the time I was gonna say you turned into the Hulk, we

took, like, off, like, all the bolts and everything. Just took it off the hinge. That's the only way to get out.

Well, I think, you know, you get that adrenaline rush, and you do have superpowers, and, I mean, you're a big, strong guy anyway, so I could. I can just envision you, like, ripping the door off. And then what happened?

We get out of the car. We're staring up about 30ft to get back to the median to the highway. And so one of my friends can't breathe. He's like, just leave me here. We're not leaving you. So we drag him up the hill. We get up there, and when we get to the top, there was a guy who just pulled off the side of the road in a huge pickup. He was a doctor who had just gotten off his shift at the hospital. He had already called the ambulance. He had already called the police. He had already called. I mean, everything was done. He checked us out before they got there. He had all his tools. It was like. Exactly.

That was one of those goosebumps. My hairs are standing up. I mean, that is. You had some guardian angels for sure, watching over you.

So I'm going to share this today because we're here and I'm like, sometimes I leave this part out. But the most significant part of that accident was before we got on the highway. When we were leaving the city of Memphis, my friend pulled over to a gas station and he sat there. He didn't go to the pump, he didn't go to the store. We just sat in the parking lot. And I was like, what are you doing? He was like, I don't know. He's just sitting there like, bro, why are we here? So my friend. I was in the backseat, and my friend was in the front seat. And we had been arguing over who could sit in the front seat before we left the event. And he was like, you know what? Since we're stopped, like, I don't want the front seat anymore. You can have it. And I was like, I'm in a seat now, bro. What sense does that make? But he gets out of the car. So we trade seats, get back on the highway. That's significant because fast forward back to the end of this wreckage. We're getting checked out by a doctor. The doctor starts asking us all these questions, and he's looking and he's asking us, like, where were you sitting in the car? Because he wants to know his scientific brain is going to work. And he says, you guys know if you had hit that tree face, face forward instead of backwards, it would explode it on impact. Not one of you would be here.

Wow.

And the only reason the car spent 180 and hit backwards instead of frontwards was because of the weight distribution of the car. So because, like you said, I'm not missing any meals. You see, me and my friend who was driving was a tiny little dude, and the person sitting behind him, his brother, was a big dude like me, and the person behind me was small. But we stopped for no reason, didn't get gas, didn't go in the store, trade his seats. And that was the catalyst for us spinning backwards and not exploding and dying. On the other hand.

Oh, my goodness. That is unbelievable. I think they're, you know, everything happens for a reason. And it's. To me, it's a miracle that right away you, like, instantly knew that. I'm Alive. And it's time to really live full out.

Yes. Yeah. So what happened was that's when the light. That was the light bulb moment. I told you, I'm a wake up call. That was mine. I feel like every person has one because it's easy to get sucked into life. It's easy to get sucked into what you don't want and complaining and just this existence and take for granted little things. I don't take for granted anything. The difficult parts, the arguments, the upset that I don't take for granted. Because all of those are valuable part of your life. Because any moment could be your last. And you know as well as I, with your powerful story, any moment could change everything forever.

As you were talking, I was thinking about, you know, the light bulb moment that you had. And for me, it's kind of crazy. I don't think that my light bulb moment was my motorcycle accident. You would think it would be. I mean, I'm laying in the street dying. It was when I had still recovering a bit from all the surgeries, but I went septic. I was pushing, pushing, pushing. I had a kidney stone that got stuck and caused an infection and I felt like I was dying. Well, my husband dropped me off at the ER and I was literally dying. They said, you look pretty healthy, but we have to admit you to ICU right now. You're septic. And then two doctors later came in and said, you know, if you would have waited one more day, you would have died. And that was my light bulb moment of, what am I doing with my life? How come I'm not taking care of myself? How come I'm pushing so hard and I'm not acknowledging my pain and using that as an indicator to slow down or do things differently? And it was the first time I was really scared that I was like, wow, I can't believe, like you said, Marcus, it. We never know. All we're guaranteed is right now, we don't know what's going to happen in the future. And so I feel like we really have to live life to the fullest, starting right now. And I wanted to ask you what inspired you to write your book? Because did you feel like you were living on autopilot or did you feel like you were kind of asleep? The wheel? Or was it that moment, that light bulb moment that you were like, I'm not going to let anxiety control my life. What really inspired you to write your book?

I love the question. Oh, man. And so I wanted to write a book after that. I told you it was a wake up call. But just because you have a wake up call doesn't mean you know the way. So I was like, now I got this huge desire to want to live different, to want to seize the day. But I'm like, where do you start?

Oh, my gosh, thank you for saying that. Yes. Like, okay, I want to do it different. But how?

So the how for me lasted a long time. I'm laughing, man, because it was steps along the way. I remember, like coming out of that, knowing I would have renewed sense of appreciation. But I had some anger in my heart. You know, I'm a believer, we all believe differently and that's okay. But I had some anger with God. Like, man, like, why? Why did I come from that background? Why did I have that childhood? Why did I struggle with this sickness?

Why?

I didn't tell you. One of my best friends at age 15, lost his life in a car accident going half the speed as me. Why did he leave? Why did he not get to live? And why am I here? So I'm just, why, why, why? And I'm going. So from like 18 to 20, I had this little season of like, why? Like, just in that. Just angry, just bitter because I'm like, I'm here. And that's when the revelation happened that I never got the answer to that, but it's because I was asking the wrong question. The questions you ask in his life determine everything. The question was never, why are you here? It's never, why did you go through that pain? The question was, what? It's not why did you go through it, it's what did you go through it for? It's not why did you go through this accident? It's what was it for? Because when I can answer that question, I can give a meaning and a purpose to the pain and make it matter. And so when I realized that, I was like, okay, I don't know the why, and I may not ever know the why. But my promise, I made a promise to God. I would spend the rest of my days pouring my. I'm here, so if I'm here, I'm gonna pour my whole heart out to helping people wake up to maximize their potential and give them the tools, everything they need. But I was 20, you know, what do you know at 20? I mean, some 20 year olds are wise, but from 20 to 30 was a whole nother season of life, which was like, So I wanted to write a book starting at age 20. That was one of my commitments. But I didn't know how to. So my book just came out last week.

Thank you for sharing that, because I didn't know how either. I didn't know. I mean, right before we started recording, we were getting things set up, and I said, oh, you're good. It's fine. I'm glad to know that sometimes you are having to figure things out, too. I didn't even own a computer about four years ago. So we're all just trying to figure things out. And I think that when we ask the right questions, and that's one thing that really, I think helps you get out of that victim mentality and helps you be the victor of your life, is when you stop saying, why me? Why did this happen? And, well, what's next? And what can I do now? You know, that helps you dive into your purpose. And you do give other people hope that they can turn their lives around. And you got that experience at such a young age. And I'm glad that you share that. It took a long time and it was a long gap because, like, you see, you know, when you see people on social media, it all looks easy. And like, oh, you just wrote a book or you just started a podcast, or you're speaking on that stage, or like, you. You're hanging out with Trent Shelton, you know, but it's such a journey. I mean, after my accident, I recovered for, like, four or five years. I wasn't even on social media. I was just barely surviving. And I think that once you get those tools that you talk about, then you can start to change your life and start to thrive. What is one thing that you practice every day that helps you really get grounded and really move forward with your purpose?

That's an incredible question. And I got, like, several things that I practice daily, but gratitude and affirmation. I can't pick one of those. It's got to be both. Like, another thing I do is disconnect. I try to do that daily because I mentioned earlier about the chaos of the mind and silence and the noise. You notice, like, most people look at my content and there's typically a body of water. If I'm in a video, there's, like, something that's. Because that's where I go.

I saw your Instagram post, and I have to say, it came to me at a moment when I needed it most. Y' all check his Instagram out. I mean, go listen to him on Clubhouse and listen to his podcast, too. But you had a message on Instagram about, like, self care, and here I was, you know, I work through six days a week. Saturdays, I kind of catch up. Sundays, I prepare. And I heard your message, and I was like, wait a minute. I need to, like, disconnect. I need to unplug. So those messages that you send out, they really impact in a huge way. So you go and disconnect. Do you do that daily?

Almost. It's gotta be something. Like, the daycare closed unexpectedly and somebody got. I mean, it's gotta be like, a bunch of unexpected stuff happened to keep me from there. But that's. That's my daily. Like, I go out to the lake a lot of times because people like, how do you do that? That's not realistic. I'll go catch the sunrise before anybody's up. Before kids gotta be at school. Sit there, it's quiet. I like to hear the water crashing. I like to feel the breeze on my face. No phone, no media, no news. Because that allows my brain to process. How you start your day influences your day. That's what Trent always told me. And so if you start your day with peace, what do you think the rest of your day is gonna bring? It could bring the world at you, but you ready for it. But if you open your eyes and open your phone, you have now lost control of any semblance of control you have, because you're gonna get sucked wherever it wants to take you. And now you're just trying to play catch up the rest of your day.

I couldn't agree more. I get up every morning at 4:45 or 5? 5. I try to get up at 4:45, but I usually am, like, crawling out of bed at 5. I'm working on getting up right at 5. I used to set my snooze button, and that's when I would pray. But then it kind of got into a bad habit, so I'm like, well, let me push snooze one more time and one more time. And now I'm just like, amberly, just get up. And I pray out of bed now. But I do start with gratitude, and I start with moving my. Before my husband wakes up, before I have to get kids up for school or whatever my schedule is, I have some time for myself. And it does really influence the rest of my day when you get to start your day with peace. So I love that you do that too. You go out in nature by the water. I just got an aquarium here in my office. So on days when I'm in the office, I can see the water and the fish, and so that helps. I love the water. I think there's something so healing about that whenever I'm really struggling, especially something, you know, a big decision or something, I like to go to the ocean and listen to the waves and. And I just feel like it fills your heart and your soul when you get. And it's where I connect to. God is in nature as well. And you spoke about our friend Trent Shelton, who I love. I mean, I just love Trent. And you talked about him mentoring you and I wanted to bring that up because I think it's so important no matter how successful you are to have a coach or a mentor or both, if you can, to have somebody that can give you some guidance and help you get from point A to point B faster or just have somebody to talk to, like, do you think this is a good idea? Or I'm having trouble with my clarity. Can you help me with that? So have you, how long have you had Trent as a mentor?

It's been over two years now. Two and a half years.

Yeah.

So that's a bizarre story in itself. But I was like, I'm going for the goal. We're going to make it happen.

I'm going for the goal. That's right. Go big or go home is what we say in Texas. And he is the gold for sure. But that is amazing that you mentor him. I think it is so life changing when you can have a mentor or a mastermind. Are you a part of any masterminds?

I am. I'm part of Les Brown's masterminds.

Oh, that's awesome. And tell us how it has impact impacted your life. Being a part of a mastermind, it's everything.

Because you talked about having a mentor, like, and even with that, like knowing who you want because like there's millions of options and people are like, which one do I choose? You don't have to choose the one that you think is most successful or the one that's the biggest or the one that costs the most. Pick the one who resonates with your heart and soul. That's why I chose Trent to be my coach and my mentor. Because I met him once and I was like, he's the same person on and off camera. And that's what I want to reflect to the world. And then when it comes to the mastermind, there's so many like minded individuals. Like, you always hear, like success leaves clues. You always hear that. You always hear you become the average of those people closest to you who's in your environment because your environment is everything. So just sometimes it's not even what Les Brown says. It's the other people who are around who are sharing their heart and their story and how they overcame and what they went through. That just becomes a whole blessing. And the nuggets you learn, we all sharpen each other, we all make each other better. It's made me a better speaker. It's made me a better coach. It just. It's gonna infiltrate your mind and how you think and that infiltrates how you move and the actions you take.

Oh, my gosh. Yeah. For me, a mastermind was life changing. I mean, in my business and in my personal life, it was life changing. And I think it's, yes, learning from the person who's running the mastermind. But you're so right. It's the people that you surround yourself with and you learn through their experience because they're sharing, you know, they're qualifying who they are, and then they're sharing their biggest challenge. Then everybody gets to help with that. And so I think it is really life changing. Well, as far as your book, how long did it take you to write your book? And did you do that with a mastermind or did you do that on your own?

No. What happened was. So there's something that happened in the middle of all of this. I was a full time pastor. I'm ordained. I was a full time.

You can hear it when you speak. It's like it shakes the walls. So, yeah, I'm sorry. I just love it, though. Thank you.

So I had this role, director of discipleship at a mega church. Thousands of people loved it. And I started feeling this message in my heart. They're like, as good as this is, as wonderful as this is, there's something else that I'm supposed to do. I'm supposed to go build something that does not exist. To reach people who are far away from God, to help them see love again, to help them see him again. But not in a. Like, I'm gonna go preach and build a church in a. Like, I'm gonna go and just be the hands and feet. I'm gonna go serve people, give to people, care for people. And it's worked out incredibly well. But when I did that, I left my job, I left my security, I left everything. I didn't have a job. I didn't know how this was gonna work. I'm gonna become a speaker. That's when I reached out to Trent. A lot of things happened in that season, but it sounds crazy. People like, that's crazy. But I bring it up. Cause One of the things I did was I started making content, and I started a podcast. I didn't know how to do a podcast. I didn't know what to talk about. I was like, I don't know. Figure it out. Just start talking. Share my heart.

Yeah, I was gonna say, you speak from your heart, and it really shows every time you speak. I've listened to your podcast, and it's so beautiful. I mean, what you share. And I want to go back to something you said you didn't know how, so you went to somebody who did know how and thought, well, I'm gonna ask them. So if you're listening to this right now and you're like, well, I want to do this thing over here. I want to be a speaker or whatever, find someone that you. That you really respect, who it. That resonates with you. Their message resonates with you. You feel their energy heart to heart, and go ask how you can work with them. Go ask if they can mentor you or if they do coaching or they have a mastermind, because that's where it's at. You don't have to reinvent the wheel facts.

I'm gonna give y' all a pro tip right now too. When you get to the people of the world, like Amberly or Trent or some of these. Some of the greatest minds and speakers, and you want to get their attention, and you want to figure out how they can maybe help so into your journey, you should probably figure out how to sew into theirs, because that's gonna instantly make you jump off the page. Because everybody's asking Amberly to coach them or mentor them or help them. Everybody was asking Trent for something, so I was like, if I know everybody's asking him for something, I'm gonna ask him what I can give to him. Can I come to your event and serve you? Can I shadow you? Can I? I just need to be in a building. I'll sweep the floor, I'll set up the chairs. I'll handle the merch, move it, set it up, tear it down, whatever. I just need to be in the presence that instantly jumped me past all these people who are asking, hey, you got a program? Can you coach me? Can we do this? Can we do that? Because my heart was like, I want to give back to you so that we can build a relationship. And so the rest is history. So that's a pro tip for anybody that's looking for that, that's really wanting to find that coach or that mentor, that's huge.

Mic drop on that. Because you know what? I had no idea, honestly, when I started my podcast, how many people that would reach out and want to be on the podcast. And I can't believe how many people reach out, and they're just like, I want to be on your show. I want you to promote my book. And I'm like, but do you even listen to the show? And who are you? And maybe we should develop a relationship first, because I'm all about promoting people, but I want to really know them as a person and know their work. And so that is the best pro tip ever. Go ask how you can serve. That is here huge. So that's. So did you start traveling a little bit with Trent and. And sweeping any floors, or did you just start mentoring right away?

Okay, so I asked that, and I did it two ways. I asked him, and I asked his secretary, too, because I got to know her. I studied. I peaked the game. I knew who. Who worked with him, who his assistant was, sent her a message, personalized her message and his message on Instagram. He saw his. Like, five minutes later, I got an email from her, and she just. She just responded. She let me know, like, I'm not gonna lie to you. Be real honest. Trent is very particular with his circle and his time and who he pours into. Not because he thinks he's better, is because he's serious about, like, are you serious? Do you really want to? And so I was like, I want to tell me the details. Let's go. So anyway, that turned into a like, okay. She's like, don't get your hopes up. I'll let him know what you want, but we'll see. And so she let him know five minutes later, she's like, I talked to Trent. He says, you're good. He remembers you, your heart. Let's start tomorrow. And he texted me, was like, I need your goals asap. So we started working immediately. And then that turned into me going, like. I went to see him at Thrive Conference with Cole Hatter and Dan Fleshman, a bunch of people. And he brought me backstage. Let me see what this looks like, how he prepared. I mean, just start taking me to do stuff. He's just including me in his journey.

That's amazing. And, you know, one of the first big stages that I ever actually. You know what? It's the first time I ever met Trent. We were speaking at an event called Powerful youl. And I see it was. Well, I spoke. The first one I spoke at was in Salt Lake City. And then I spoke at one in la. And I'm trying to remember if I met Trent in Salt Lake City or la. But that event, the only reason I got to go on that stage was I saw Mel Robbins post it in her story that she was going to be at this event. I found the event, I messaged them on Instagram and I said, your event looks amazing. I would love to be of service any way I can and come support you at the event. How can I be of service? I don't know exactly, but it was basically, how can I come serve and support you? And they. I left my phone number and I got a call back. I guess they looked at my Instagram and they're like, who is this chick asking to come to our event? Last minute, it was a week before the event, she. She called me and I got on the phone and just talked to her, heart to heart. She goes, I, you know what? I can't guarantee that you can come, but how about you just, you know, promote our event and we'll give you VIP tickets to come? And I was like, no, how about I come and at least sell books in the back of the room? That way I can tell my audience that I'll be there and I'd love to see them. And she goes, oh, gosh, you're really. I said, I'll help out any way I can. She messaged me back and said, well, you're in luck. That pushback, I guess, was exactly what the organizer wanted, and he's going to let you get on stage. And I was like, I cried, I cried. And you know what? It's all in the way that you ask. And I think that if they know that you genuinely come from a place of you want to be of service, it comes through. And when it's not all about, what can you do for me, what can you do for me? But you want to be of service. So I think it's in the way that you ask. And then I keep getting off track. But I do want to know how long it took you to write your book.

Yeah, so. So, yes, I started talking about podcasts and all this stuff because a local publisher, actually somebody referred them to my podcast. So I don't know. This is happening behind the scenes. They listen to it, they hear the story, and they're like, oh, my God, this guy needs to write a book. So they reached out to me from my podcast, which I didn't know what I was doing. Just share my heart. And that turned into, when can you meet? We need to talk. You need to write a book. And so we started the next day. Remember I told you I wanted to write a book from age 20, but I didn't know how. So I had been fleshing through the stories, but I had no idea what to do. I met with them, and maybe 14 days later, my first manuscript was done.

You are kidding me.

Nah. When it. Once they clarified what I was trying to do and helped me come up with a clear outline, I was knocking out like two chapters a day.

Wow, that's amazing. It's all about getting that clarity and having some guidance along the way. Now you have something called the five vital Cs. What is that?

Okay, so it's funny because they actually. They actually shift depending on the audience. Because the business perspective, there's one way I give them, and then there's sometimes with personal development, just depending on where we're going. But basically the first one is community. So I talk about that. You got to have community. Community is a foundational pillar for success in your life. So many people think, I can do it by myself or I've been hurt. No, you can't stop. Don't tell yourself that lie. And it's okay if people hurt you. We're all imperfect. We're all learning and growing. But if you surround yourself by the right people, like minds who want to help you grow, push, learn, develop to become all you can be. See what I'm saying? Like, then you will get what you have. Fountains, not drains. People who pour out into you just as you pour into them. So everybody leaves fulfilled so that we can go fulfill our personal mission. So when you talk about community, the second step, the second C is communication. Communication is key to almost everything you can think of. When you think about any frustration you've ever had in this life, there's typically an expectation, and then there's reality. And that gap is called frustration. The gap between expectation and reality is frustration. And a lot of times you're frustrated because there's a communication gap. Not because somebody meant to frustrate you or hurt you or upset you. There's a gap in the communication. So I always start with me, like, what have I not communicated clearly and effectively to where they don't understand what I expect. And then it's like you just find those. And so I'm working on, you know, communication is what allows us to grow and develop and connect and get. And there's like, all these, you know, as speakers, there's ways you communicate, there's reading your audience, there's learning who's on the receiving end, what they need most. Right. And so then we get to the third one. And so the original 5C was collaboration, which was about the importance of working together and finding people. Like, when you get stuck, like when I got stuck, hey, man, I don't know how to do this. Can you help me? Right. That's an important one. But I've replaced that one many times lately here with consistency, because so the third one, so community communication, consistency. Because Inky Johnson said how you do anything is how you do everything. And he's exactly right. And I remember I used to speak in a room and it would be five people in a room. And I did this for years. And you would. It might as well be 5 million people in the room. The same fire and passion and energy you used to hear, I'm giving that. So when people see me now and they're like, man, how have you. How do you just get up here and light up a stage like this? I'm like, it's not about the stage. I've been doing that. I don't care if I'm in front of five elementary school students or a room of the biggest billionaires in the world. I'm going to give them at my heart and my soul everything I got. Preparation. That's what this consistency is. So Clubhouse, you mentioned that it's a new social media app. If you guys don't know what that is, and a lot of times you don't have a lot of time, but you got to make this impact. And it's weird because it's quiet, you can't see people. You just got to share a message. And so I made a name for myself on this app by dropping like one to two to three minute bombs. Just keynotes messages. And somebody's like, how do you just do that, like, on the spot? And like, if you check my Instagram, I've been doing that for the last three years. I've been making one minute talks, like every other day for three years. So I didn't just start with clubhouse, like, oh, let me try this thing. I've already been preparing for this. Consistency is a key toward you unlocking all the doors to your potential in this life. Number four is a big one that we do not do enough, and that's celebration. I feel like one of the biggest reasons we start to lead to burnout or we start to become weighed down, bogged down, heavy, unhappy, unfulfilled, is because we forget to celebrate us. You forget to celebrate you. You forget to celebrate Your wins, you forget to sell. And I mean, not just the big things, the small things. Like, I woke up today and I didn't allow myself to get distracted with the noise. I made time for me. Celebrate. I did. Like, when I say celebrate, I mean every win, celebrate your friends. Celebrate those people who are successful in your life, because just because they became successful doesn't mean you can't. You gotta have an abundance mindset, right? And so I speak with passion on this one because I see so many people who are like, oh, well, I did this, but that's no big deal. And they downplay their accomplishments, and they downplay their wins, and they downplay themselves. And next thing you know, they're tired, they're frustrated, and they're down, they're discouraged. I'm like, you got to celebrate yourself. You got to celebrate your win because that reminds you to love what you do. That reminds you to have fun on the journey because you don't know what tomorrow's going to hold, and tomorrow could be a nightmare. So celebrate yourself today while you can. And I always teach people that that's huge mindset shift to helping you find fulfillment. And then the last one is commitment. You know, commitment is everything. That's the tie that binds. Because commitment is defined as literally, like, keeping true to your promise long after the feeling that you had or you said it in is gone. That feeling when you make a commitment, that's easy, but it's fulfilling the commitment. It's reminding yourself why you signed up for this. Why are you helping people? Why do you have a podcast, Amberly? Why do you show up on social media? Why do you go get on a stage and speak? It's not for the stage. It's not for the money. It's for the people. Because you used to sit in a seat, you used to lay in a hospital bed and cry and feel empty and hurting and broken. And you didn't see the other side of it at first until you made a choice to see it and do something with it. So after you made that choice, the commitment is, I'm going to help others do the same. I'm going to take what I went through and show you that you're not defined by it. You are beautiful no matter what happened to you. And you take that and you remind yourself, and that's everything. I don't care where I go. I'm teaching people. Why did you sign up for this? It's easy to complain and, oh, this is bad. I hate this part. No, no, no. Even if this isn't your final destination. Remember why you said yes to this? Because one day you prayed for this. And now, even though you're over it, you got to stay committed to it because this is a part of your process that's going to lead you to where you want to go. I get all hyped, man. Let me just.

No, I love it. I'm taking notes. I've written down everything that you have said. I'm like, gosh, this is so good. Okay, I might cry. No, I knew. And look, to be honest with you, this is all a great reminder for everybody who's listening. But when I was in the shower this morning, I was feeling a little tired and frustrated, and I was like, I can't wait to hear his words. Because I know it's going to be exactly what I need to hear. And that is such a good reminder to celebrate your wins along the way. Because I think it's easy to get distracted or get caught up in comparison and think, maybe. Or for me, anyway, I'm like, oh, I'm not doing enough. Oh, I didn't. I didn't go on Clubhouse enough. I didn't post enough. I'm not on TikTok. I'm. Oh, maybe I'm not verified all these things and it's like, no, just take care of yourself. Stick to your why, why you're doing it. Like you said, I mean, for me, focusing, you know, celebrating along the way, but remembering my why is what gets me through anyhow. You know, it gets me through anxiety, and it reminds me to be grateful and find joy in the journey. And I think that's really important to find joy in the journey. It's not about going to this next stage or being at this next event. It's about finding that joy in the journey. So I love what you share about that, and I like the collaboration, too. Maybe we could call it the six Cs instead of the five Cs and add that one in there.

Maybe it depends on what. Like I said, like, I cater it to the audience based on what I feel like their greatest need is. But I gave you both. So you guys got six today.

Got six of them. That's incredible. And speaking about anxiety, real quick, before we go, I'd love to touch on how to overcome anxiety. I've just experienced it recently. I didn't know that that's what it was until I was like, somebody described an anxiety attack. And I was like, oh, that's what that was. I had an anxiety attack. It wasn't fun. And so there are so many people right now that do have anxiety. There are kids that aren't going to school. I mean, I hope y' all can't hear that. The whole time we've been recording, my daughter is playing her flute for school downstairs. I mean, it's really pretty. She's really good at it. But I'm like, oh, my gosh, she's in school downstairs and I can hear her playing the flute. But kids, you know, she gets anxiety sometimes about her math, about going back to hybrid school, which thankfully just started. But there's a lot with people losing their jobs. For me, I get anxiety from two things. One, how bad is my pain? I don't even like to say my pain. The pain. How bad is CRPS pain going to get? Is it going to make me brain foggy? Am I going to be able to walk? I don't know if you just saw my last post on Instagram, but I was. I had to be pushed in a shopping cart the other day because I couldn't even finish walking through ikea. IKEA is really big, by the way. I don't know if you have them where you are, but I was like. My family was like, amberly, just get in the shopping cart. And I'm like, no, I can walk. They're like, get in the shopping cart. Finally, I was like, okay, I'm going to get in the shopping cart. So I get anxiety about how bad is the pain going to get? And anxiety about sometimes doing big interviews or big presentations or something like that. How do. If you have anxiety come up, what do you tell yourself to nip that in the bud and get through that?

Whoo. This is where the power is at right here. I love this because this is. This is something that I learned along the way, that I used to have these crippling panic attacks that will last like 15 minutes. Like, it, like, feels like you're dying for that long, trying to catch your breath, just. I mean, just a nightmare. And there's three things that I'll give you and everybody listening that helped me overcome. And the first one is a practical. All these are practical. Some. One of them is mindset. But this one is something you do. And the first one is called grounding. Right. It's a technique, and it means something different to everybody, but it centers around the thought of utilizing your five senses to take back control of your mind. Because what's happening with anxiety. I love that you said this because you made it so practical by saying, how bad is my Pain going to be. And there's something significant about that because you sometimes you have. And it's like, oh, that wasn't so bad at all. And you go about your business. And other times, it's that and more, maybe worse than you thought it would be. So when I bring that up, I bring that up to say the caveat in both of those scenarios is you don't have control either way. And so a lot of anxiety centers around. I told you mine was like, death and dying. I have zero control over that. It's inevitable that's gonna happen. And so I can spend my life thinking about it, worrying about it, killing myself with this sickness, or I can just deal with life as it comes. And it gets into my three. And so the first one is grounding. So with grounding, it's literally like I will take myself and say, what do I see? What color do I see? Okay, I see a beautiful picture of amberly grit and grace. Okay, I see that. I see it's blue, it's white. I see red tights. I see I love you more. Like, I'm like, like, literally saying, I'm showing you. I see a beautiful floral arrangement. I see a candle. I see yellow. I see purple. I see green. What that does is you're now force overriding your mind. Then you go from what you see to what you can touch. A lot of people like to rub their feet on the ground. Some people go outside, do it on grass. For me, anything. If I rub the wall, I can. What texture do I feel? It's bumps. I feel this. I feel the texture. I'm feeling the carpet. I rub my arms. Because what you're doing is just force override. It's force override. What do you smell? What do you hear? I hear the fan blowing. I hear your daughter playing her music. Right. I don't hear, but you hear. But when you do that, what you're doing now is you're snapping your mind out of that space of where it's just running on worry and fear, and you bring it into what's present right now. The power of now. After grounding, that typically solves about 90%. Because I'm like, I can breathe now. Like, okay, I'm back. And so I started doing that, and it made my anxiety attacks go from, like, 15 minutes to, like, five, three, two. Now they, like, they'll come. I can't stop it from coming. But they don't last. I don't know if I can't remember the last time. It's lasted more than 45 seconds because I snap it immediately. The second thing is reminding yourself to control the controllables. You can only control what you can control. You have no control over how much pain you're gonna feel tomorrow. You don't control it. So think about all the time you spend worrying about the pain you might feel, and then you don't feel it, and then you can never get that time back. But when you do feel it, you. Although you know it's gonna suck, you know that. Okay, I deal with it when it comes. That's the mindset. Tomorrow might bring the worst nightmare of my life, but I deal with that when it comes. I don't have control over that. So if you control the controllables, which is you and right now. And remind yourself to be in the now. That's how you help yourself. Stay focused to get to where you want to go. Right.

What you're saying reminds me so much of the prayer. Yes. This helps me. Like, it really helps me. I have it on my desk, and so. And it's, you know, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. And I say this prayer every day because I do. It is so much about control and worrying about the future that we can't control. So I love that. And then what's the next?

Sorry.

I just get so excited about what you say. I'm like, amberly, stop talking. But I just love what you're sharing.

This is good. I love. This has been one of my favorite conversations. But there's a quote that I'll give with that second point that comes from Gar Gopal Das, who is a monk, one of the wisest humans I've ever heard speak. And he tells a story, and it's called the story. It's called, why worry? So it's like a simple little circle. You know, you've seen the things. The question branches. So his question to you is, do you have a problem? Well, the answer is yes. The second question is, can you do something about that problem? The answer is also yes. Then why worry? If you have a problem that you can do something about, why would you worry about it? You know the solution already in advance. Take the steps and then solve the problem. No reason to worry. He turns.

As simple as that.

But he turns and asks the same question. Do you have a problem? Yes. Can you do something about it? No. Then why worry? Because you have no control, and there's absolutely nothing you can do. There's nothing you can do about the days your pain will come. You know that it's going to come. It is a symptom of your survival from your accident. So why worry about that? You know it's going to come. You just deal with it when it comes. And those bring you into now in both ways. Either way, whether I can or I cannot do something about this issue, there's no reason for me to worry either way because either I got a solution that I know to do or I have no control over it.

It's so true. You know, it's like I. I think that pain was brought on because I went horseback riding with my daughter and it didn't hurt me when I was riding the horse, it hurt me the next day. So that's why I had trouble walking through the hard surface of ikea. So I thought, okay, well, just jump in the shopping cart. I wake up as well and do a gratitude every morning. And you were on the list today that I got to talk with you really, truly means so much. And I looked down at my leg and the swelling was down and it just looked like the same color as my other leg. The circulation was better. And I was just filled with such gratitude. And I think so many people don't take action and do something that they really want to do because they're worried about what pain it would cause or how it might make them look or, you know, what other people would think. And if we just follow our heart and do what we love and the things that spark joy and deal with stuff and prepare as well for things like really, I do prepare as much as I can, whether it's horseback riding and making sure I have on the right shoes and the socks and pants for that, or whether it's going on stage and making sure I know what the audience I'm speaking to. And I know and I'm prepared for that. So we can prepare to help with that. But I think that taking action for me really helps with anxiety. You know, just doing one thing and it doesn't have to be some huge thing. It can be anything. I go outside and go for a walk. And I do notice, you know, actually my 12 year old is the one that really got me to focus on Mom. We're going to play a game. The first thing you have to find something outside that's yellow and see, we walk around until I find something that's yellow. And she's like, okay, now you have to find something that's brown and crumbly and I'm like brown and crumbly. Okay. We walk around until we find that. And it really. I noticed it got me out of thinking about all these things that I, you know, I had to do on my to do list. And it got me in the moment. And my 12 year old taught me that. I was like, how did she what? That's amazing. But crazy. Like how we can go from worry and anxiety to just being in serenity, in peace, and it's all up to us.

Yes. I'm just. I have so much happiness in my heart and soul right now. Everything you're saying, you already said number three. You said it.

Oh, I said it.

You channeled it. You did. It's gratitude.

It's alchemy, isn't it? It changes everything.

It literally is the key because.

And you are first on the list.

Let's go. When you remind yourself what you do have rather than what you don't and what you're grateful for, you are literally like when I talk about force overriding, maybe I should talk about. I'm like a whole episode of a podcast about that. But your brain is really smart. It's like a muscle. And sometimes you think I can't control it. It just. My thoughts take me away. Like you can. You don't even realize it. Gratitude is one of those, like, you know, you got keys on the computer that if you push this function, it's gonna force shut everything else down. It's gonna override the system. That's what you do when you practice gratitude because you remind your own heart and your soul and you literally cause your brain to trigger differently. The neurotransmitters fire differently. When you practice gratitude, you, like, can rewire your brain. It's like Dr. Caroline Leaf and like all these different doctors who talk about how to do that, but we don't even realize. Like, before I ever realized that was a thing, just practicing gratitude and reminding myself what I do have rather than what I don't. Yeah, you're not where you want to be, you're not where you're gonna be, but you're not where you used to be. You're somewhere in the middle, but you're moving forward. You're growing, you're going, you're developing. That's where the beauty is. And there's so much to be grateful for in that process.

I love that it is life changing, isn't it, when you could just get grateful. I didn't realize that either. And I've heard Dr. Carolyn Leaf, we did an event Actually, we did an event for Women summit on Clubhouse together. And she's amazing at what she shares. And I didn't even know when I was in the hospital and I was practicing gratitude, and I could feel how it shifted my mindset that it was a thing. But I think that growing up and my mom, you know, always forcing us, she's like, you have to write a thank you note. You know, you better say thank you. She really taught me to be grateful, and I'm so thankful for that because it's, like, ingrained in me, and I use that daily to set myself up to feel better mentally.

I love it. I love it.

Well, I just appreciate you, Sharon. I want people to read your book and listen to your podcast and hear you on Clubhouse because you're life changing. Seriously, your words are just. They really hit my heart in the best way. So y' all follow him. What's the best way for people to reach you? If they want to coach with you or they want to get your book, where can they find your book? And I'll have all this in the show notes to y'. All. So if you're listening and you want to go to the show notes, you can make sure you reach out.

Yeah, man. Connect with me. I love to talk to people, man. The best way to communicate with me is probably Instagram. You know, send me a message. Mblaque Speaks. That also is my name everywhere else, right? Mblaque speaks on Twitter, on TikTok, all the things. Clubhouse, Blackspeaks, and the website mblackspeaks.com but in the link in my bio on Instagram, there's, like, all this stuff. There's the book, there's the audible version, there's the. The ebook. You know, if you want that, it's there. And I'm excited to just share the journey with you guys.

Well, thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I was taking notes about the five or six. We got a bonus six. And just how to get through anxiety, how to live life full out. It's just such an honor to have you here, and thank you so much.

Absolutely. So before we go, I want to give you this, because the most beautiful thing on my journey is, is when you choose to just be you and don't allow external sources or things to pull you, to weigh you down, to distract you, to change your character, and you just live as you. That's a choice that I made. I told you, my dad, who was one of my biggest tormentors in the beginning of my life, is now My biggest fan.

That's amazing.

The biggest catalyst for his change was not every. Anything I ever said to him. The greatest sermon you'll ever preach is the life you live. It's not what you say, it's what you do. And he watched as a father, the man I became and the choices I made and what I chose to do and how I chose to live my life. And he's been sober over 10 years now, and now he calls me every day and he's. I make him want to be a better man. So for anybody who's struggling with toxic relationships in your life, don't think that yelling at them or screaming at them or anything you say is gonna be the thing that changes them. It's the life you live. Live. It's what you model. It's what they see in you. So I just want to leave you with that. You have the power. Don't give it to anybody else and keep walking in it. Own it and go be your great, because you can.

Oh, you are an example for sure. And please tell your dad congratulations on 10 years of sobriety. I just got five years of sobriety. Here's my little coin here I have on my desk. So that's amazing. Please tell him that that's. That I'm sending him love and celebrating his. That's a lot. Ten years is a lot. I strive for that. So, wow, your words are powerful. I got goosebumps several times through this interview, and I look forward to talking to you more and carrying on the conversation. But thank you so much for being here.

Thank you, my friend. You guys take care. Have an incredible day.

Thanks so much for joining us this week on True Grit and Grace podcast. If you like it, please rate it or share it with your friends. That would help, too. If you're not yet on the newsletter list, come over to Amberly Lago.com and jump on it. While you're there, you can grab a free downloadable grass journal. And you might just want to check out my book or even check out my monthly motivational membership. Thanks again for tuning in, and we'll see you next week.