Building Up Your Confidence with Heather Monahan, Author of the Confidence Creator

Hi, I'm Amberly Lago, and thank you for tuning in to another episode of True Grit and Grace. I'm so excited that you're here because this episode is all about confidence, and boy, do I need more of that when it comes to doing this podcast. This is also new to me and I always tell my clients, do something that scares you. Every day I tell my kids that. And this is definitely doing something that scares me because I am new to all the technology and how everything works. So I am so grateful that you're here and I want to thank those of you who have left me a review. Thank you so much. And all of you who have sent me messages. It really means so much that you have tuned in and that you have sent me messages through, you know, some of you have sent me messages through Instagram and some of you have sent me messages straight to my email@amberly lago.com and I read all of those and I take them to heart because I want to create a podcast that's really going to teach you some tools. And my next guest has all the tools and tips and tricks to teach you how to really be confident. And I have to admit, before I was going to interview her, I really got nervous. I had been following her on Instagram for a while and then reached out to ask her if she would be on my show. Now, her name is Heather Monahan. She's a best selling author, keynote speaker, entrepreneur, and she's a founder of Boston Hills. She has been in the corporate world. She climbed that corporate ladder for almost 20 years. And not only that, she was one of the few women to break the glass ceiling and claim her spot in the C suite. So she is a role model for so many women. She is speaking out about the MeToo movement. Her book is amazing. I have read it and I had little sticky notes all over my house because I was actually listening to her book on Audible. She has her own podcast called Creating Confidence, and it's not only one of my favorite podcasts, but her podcast is ranked number 17 downloadable podcast right now. So as you can imagine, here I am, new to the podcast world and I'm going to interview her. Well, she so graciously decided that she would interview with me and I asked, I had the nerve to ask, well, can I interview you in person? And she said yes. So there I was on my way out the door to go meet her for the first time in person. And I tell my husband, oh my gosh, you're never going to believe who I got to be on the show. And I tell him, and he says, oh, my gosh, how did you score her? And I'm like, that doesn't make me feel any more confident about going to interview her. So I pack up all my stuff, all my equipment, and I get in the Uber, and I'm like, I am not going to be late for this. So I get there an hour and a half early. I'm sitting in the hotel lobby of the Beverly Hills Hotel. My pain is kicking in. And then I start having thoughts of, oh, my gosh, what if my pain gets so bad that my brain gets foggy and I won't be able to think straight? And what if she doesn't like me? And what if I totally screw this up? And what if I can't? I'm all these what ifs? And I think, you know what? I need to get a grip on my mindset right now, because mindset is key. We can either psych ourselves out of a situation or pump ourselves up for the opportunity. So as I'm trying to get myself prepared for this, I think, you know, community is so, so important. Like, we really have to make sure that we've got a team around us, cheering us up for whatever we're scared about, and I think maybe that'll help me. I call or text one of my girlfriends. She is the one who actually told me about how amazing Heather Monahan is. So I send her a text, and I'm like, you'll never imagine what I'm about to do right now. I wrote her in the text, I'm actually going to meet Heather Monahan, and she's going to be a guest on my podcast. She writes back, wow, I was really trying to get you on her show for a long time. And I kept asking, but they kept saying, no, not Heather Monahan, but the company that she's doing her podcast with. And so my immediate thought, you know, my inner critic starts having a party in my head, saying, oh, my God. She's been asking for me to be on her podcast, and they're saying, no, I'm not good enough. What was I thinking? I'm so out of my league. Like, all this is going on in my head. So I'm like, okay, regroup. Let me shift my perspective again. And I start going into a place of gratitude of, you know, I'm grateful that I was able to get here. I took an Uber because I knew I wanted to do my best, and I knew if I drove that it would probably hurt my leg. Too much to drive. So I took the Uber. That's a good thing. I made it. I'm on time. I have all my equipment. I'm grateful that she said yes. So I start getting, you know, really excited. And then I send Heather a text message and say, I'm here. I'm downstairs. And she immediately replies, I'm here, too, in the lobby. I look around, I don't see her in the lobby. I look at a lady that's across from me, and I said, this is the Beverly Hills Hotel, right? I was like, this is the lobby, right? And she said, yeah. She looked at me like I was crazy. And I said, oh, no, I think I have the wrong hotel. So I immediately freak out. And I thought, well, I'm going to text Heather. I think I have the wrong. And I said, I'm going to call her. I think I've really screwed up. So I call her. She picks up the phone. I said, I think I really screwed up. I don't see you. And she says, oh, no, I didn't see you. So I went up to the room. Okay, Immediate relief. So I waited for about five minutes until she came down, which seemed like eternity because I was so nervous, y'. All. She comes down. She is definitely a Boston Hills. She's drop dead gorgeous. And she gives me the biggest hug and invites me to her hotel room to record the podcast. Now, I didn't know if we were going to record in the lobby or in a room or what we were going to do, but she was so sweet. I immediately fell in love with her. She put me at ease. We get to her room and we start talking, and I'm like, oh, my goodness, we have to get to this podcast. So I immediately get nervous again, and I start to interview her, and I am never, like, I never forget what I'm going to say or just stop talking. I asked her the first question, and I totally blanked out. And I thought I had a moment of, do I keep going? And I thought, you know what? I'm going to keep going. So I said, stop, pause. We're going to edit that part and let's keep going. But I am so glad I kept going. I'm so glad I showed up. I want to know if you can tell how nervous I am in this interview. She drops some amazing. Just tips that for the next time around when I go to do anything that I'm scared about doing, I will be better equipped to really get my confidence level up. So I will feel like a hundred bucks when I walk in to do my next interview and as she says, confidence isn't static and it needs to be rebuilt again once it's weakened. So during your day, whether you have your own inner critic saying that you're not good enough to do something or you have somebody else that may throw a comment, not even intentionally, to get you to feel less confident or anything like that, you have the ability to, with your positive self, talk to bring your confidence levels back up. And Heather Monahan really talks us on really different ways, whether it's action or whether it's mantras. She talks different ways to get your confidence levels up. And I know it sure helped me. So please let me know, leave me a review, let me know what I need to work on and let me know if you like this episode. I'm really excited to share it with you and just so grateful that Heather Monahan took the time and her really busy, crazy, eventful life. She's got her TEDx coming out and so many things, you know, coming out, new podcasts, new speaking events that she's doing. And I'll have all the information for her TEDx for her podcast and her website because she's got some free gifts that she gives away on her website. I'll have that in the show notes. So thank you for tuning in, happy listening and thanks again.

FOREIGN.

Welcome to True Grit and Grace, a podcast designed to empower you to claim your resilience and thrive through life's challenges. I am Amberly Lago, a mindset coach, fitness coach, expert and best selling author. Each week I'll dive deep with the world's brightest thought leaders and elite performers to share tangible tools and practical advice to inspire you to keep your eyes on the prize and forge ahead. So get ready to conquer your fears, heal any trauma, lead with your heart, and elevate your life with grit and grace. Foreign. Hi and welcome to True Grit and Grace podcast. I'm so excited about the guest today. I'm sitting in Beverly Hills with a woman who has written a book, but it's more than a book, it's a movement. So excited to see you, Heather Monahan. Thank you so much for being here.

Thanks so much for having me.

Oh, I've been obsessed with your book. First of all, it's amazing you have a book. Tell us about your book, how it came about and what made you decide to write it.

So Confidence Creator is the name of my book and it's a compilation of my lowest moments in my life and how I learned to create confidence from Them and how the reader can too. It came to be because I had made it to the C suite in corporate America. I was a chief revenue officer of pretty large company responsible for hundreds of millions of dollars a year. I'd been there 14 years. And when the CEO I reported to became ill, he elevated his daughter to replace him, and she fired me. And I was shocked. My whole life, I mean, just completely fell apart. I'm a single mom, and it was beyond devastating. I had put a lot of personal worth against my, you know, position at the company and my title and my paycheck. And I felt like in that moment, I had lost everything.

Well, I could relate to so much. First of all, when I first started with your book, there was one thing in the beginning, but I don't want to forget this, that gave me goosebumps. I was sitting in bed, in a hotel, at a conference, and it gave me goosebumps. I had to get up, get a Sharpie, and write on the bottom of my shoe. Everything that's in the book is like something that you have learned from every single thing that you've gone through, whether it is something that your son has taught you or something from work. That part with your son really touched my heart. Can you tell me about that shoe story before we get more into the work?

Sure. And then I have another story in my next book, but I'll share it with you now. It's equally as beautiful as that one. So one day, my son was probably 9 at the time. Now my son's 12. But when this happened, it was just a regular morning where, you know, it's six in the morning and you're running around like a maniac trying to get ready for work while get your kids food and, you know, clothes for school and whatnot and get everything going. So it was just a regular day. I was so annoyed with him because he came out of his bedroom with a Sharpie and a sneaker for basketball this afternoon. He goes, mom, can you write in my shoes? And I look at him like, are you flipping kidding me right now? We have no time. What do you want? What's interesting to me now in hindsight is we need to stop in those moments, which I did not, and reflect, like, oh, maybe this is important. Which it was. It was important, you know. And he said, mom, here's the thing. I have a game today, as you know, and I'm not going to feel confident in every moment in the game, but I feel really confident right now. And right now I'd like You to write on my shoe with a Sharpie so that at the times when I'm in the game and I'm not playing my best or I'm not feeling my best, I can look down at my shoe and remember who I really am.

Oh, my goodness. That is like that moment when listening to the audible book and that moment gave me goosebumps. And I got up, got a Sharpie, wrote on the bottom of my shoe. And then on the way here, I was nervous to interview you. I was like, oh, my gosh, I'm going to meet Heather. And I was feeling nervous the closer I got to the hotel. And so I have a Sharpie in my bag. And I was like, well, I can write on the bottom of my shoe, but I have black soles. So I was like, maybe I'll write it on my wrist. And then I thought, maybe I could get a tattoo on my wrist.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.

And I was gonna write. Cause I like to say affirmations or mantras, and even on my business card, you got this on my business card. And I thought maybe I could do that on my wrist. Anytime I feel nervous or don't feel confident or have any fear come up, I could do that. So I loved that story in the book. I also loved how you grew up. We grew up a lot alike. And I think sometimes when you grow up and you really have to work hard for everything that you have, that really helps you learn how to persevere later on when you have struggles in life. And I know you played sports growing up, and I was terrible at sports, but you were really good. What did you learn by playing sports? And from that, have you carried with you through, you know, work and just being an adult, anything that you carried with you from sports that you learned?

Yeah. Academia for me, was never my wheelhouse. That was never my expertise or my strength. You know, school was just something I had to do. However, the social aspect, I really enjoyed. I love connecting with people, being a part of a team, competing, winning, losing together. So the team element for me was massive in helping me develop as a leader. And at a young age, I also realized it doesn't matter how old you are or your position, you can lead. And if you really are a leader, it's not even something you're setting out, trying to do it. Just you being you. Right? It's happening. It's just happening. People were coming up to me, hey, what do you want us to do? And I would say, this is how I would do It. I don't know. What do you think? And encouraging people and cheering them on and motivating them was really just stemmed from being a part of a team and learning that I'm not losing a game alone. We're losing as a team. We're winning as a team. I don't just win alone because I'm great. It's because we as a team can execute. And it's so critical and important in business and in life that a team is a relationship, a team as a sport or team as a business entity, that you all have your own roles and are working together towards those same goals so you can celebrate the wins and soften the blows.

And also, I think it goes even beyond the team. It goes, look, everybody, they're watching. When, you know, somebody wins a big game or something, they don't go, oh, they won. They go, we won. You know, so it makes everyone feel like a team when they see that that energy is contagious.

Absolutely.

And for everybody listening, if you could see her right now, it's like she has light around her. Your energy is just so amazing and so good. You just spread the good vibes. I'm sure you are the type of person that lights up a room when you walk into a room. And I'm sure that everybody wanted you to be on their team. Me, they would be like, I got kicked off the basketball team.

Oh, no.

My first game, I played basketball, got kicked off. So I did track, and so I ran track. And it taught me a lot. It taught me how to persevere. And I think those things growing up when you're a kid really do help you.

Huge.

Yeah. So you grew up in Miami?

No, I grew up in Worcester, Massachusetts. Poor. My mother was a single mom, four kids, and we really struggled to get by. So my childhood is definitely not, you know, my fondest memories, for sure.

Yeah. And then, like you, my parents divorced. My dad was out of the picture for a while. I read later in your book, you talk about meeting your dad again.

Well, meeting my biological father. Yes. Yeah. I did share that story. Yes.

Father. How did that feel?

Horrible. It was horrible. I hadn't seen my father did it.

Like, closure, though, in some way or.

I'm proud of myself. I did it. He's dead now. He's passed away since. So I'm proud of myself. I did it. However, there was no beautiful moment, I'll tell you that much. Right. It wasn't one of those, like, oh, and then her father reenters her life, and everything worked out great. No, but I didn't go in having that expectation.

More learned something from it. And you talk about that in your book.

Oh, yeah. My sister came with me and without my sister, I wouldn't have had the space, strength to walk into that restaurant to see him. I also saw myself regress into a very quiet and insecure person at that table, which horrified me. And I, which.

That is so opposite of you.

It's so entirely opposite of who I am today, but not when, I guess if it was reflective of me as a three, four or five year old child, that's who I was. It was just so interesting and powerful to see how your mind can play tricks on you and how no matter how competent you are, how strong, outgoing you are, there are different undercurrents that can take you down if you're not aware of them, if you're not surrounded by the right people and protecting yourself. And that whole experience I'm very, very proud of because I was petrified to go. But I was curious in my mind as to who this person was and wanting to meet him. And I'm glad that I did it.

I really wanted to start this podcast to share people's struggles to success and tragedy to triumph. And you've had so many things that have come up. You know, a lot of times people see on social media or on TV or they hear about it or read about it, it looks like success comes so easy. Not knowing that there's a lot of grit behind everything that you do. There's a lot of work. And there's one thing I really like that you share, is that you have to do the work and you have to be willing to do it. And every experience that you've gone through, you really share the lesson, like the silver lining in it. And at that moment when you met your dad and it made you feel like a small child, there's definitely things that come up. And when I talk about resilience and how we have to keep working on that. And you said something about. I'll quote you here.

Oh, good. I can't wait to hear what I said because I don't remember. Oh.

Confidence isn't static and it needs to be rebuilt again once it's weakened and really putting yourself on list first and really focusing on building that confidence, because I know that's something I lost after my motorcycle accident. I had no confidence. What would you say to the listeners who are really struggling with confidence? Maybe they don't like the way they look or maybe they got fired from Their job, maybe, you know, they got experience with worse.

And I know I have experience with that too. Yeah, I mean, every situation and everyone's different. And that's why I lay out a number of different strategies for people to try for themselves. Because what works for me may not work for someone else. Right. So for everyone, you need to figure out what is the area that you can gravitate towards that you can handle. And by that I mean I'm an action oriented person. So for me, when I decided to build confidence, create confidence, I knew I need to take action because that's something I can do. Some people hate the idea of taking action so you could work on your beliefs. Some people don't really want to work on beliefs. They think that's woo woo. They don't want to take action. Well, then they can dive into knowledge, start reading books, start immersing yourself in podcasts that are developing and teaching strategies. I believe there are three different opportunities there. Working on your beliefs, taking action on something in your life, or building your knowledge and gravitate towards what works for you. For me, it was firing my villain was one of the fastest ways for me to accelerate my confidence. For some people, it's reciting mantras. For some people, it's practicing gratitude each morning, which is something that I do and my son does as well. For some people, stopping saying I'm sorry, that's like a first step. I will no longer say I'm sorry. I literally never say I'm sorry anymore.

I read that and I was like, okay. It instantly changed the way I responded to people, even in dms, even in dms, on Instagram or emails, instead of saying, oh, I'm sorry, I'm not going to be able to do that. You've changed my mind. So I'm now starting to reword that.

Yeah, well, you make it about the other person and make it about gratitude. So if you're late for a meeting, instead of saying I'm sorry I'm late, we say, thanks so much for your patience. Let's begin. Let's acknowledge the other person is doing something nice and make it about them and not make it about us.

Yeah, and gratitude has been a huge part of my just healing journey. And I like how you give different examples because we all do learn differently. And I think it's really a mind, body, spirit transformation because exactly what you said. I mean, I can put on a nice dress, but if I really don't believe that I look good, then I'm not going to feel confident. The dress will help a little bit, but I really have to start to believe. And I always say, I don't know about you, but if I don't believe it, I will just keep repeating it until I do believe it.

Yes, I think it's powerful. So that's frequency sells, right? I was in the media industry for 20 plus years and there's power in marketing and power in messaging. The reason why people buy McDonald's burgers is not because they taste the best. It's because you've heard that message so many times, you believe it. So when we use that power of frequency and messaging for ourselves, to ourselves, we change the way our brain thinks. This is factual. I've read so many white papers. This is the business I was in forever. Advertising is a multibillion dollar business for a reason. It works. Why not put that advertising knowledge to work for you?

Yeah, that's powerful. So when you wake up every day, do you have a morning ritual that you start your day or do you have a gratitude practice? I know you talk about journaling a lot. Do you do that every day?

You know, it's so different now for me because I am such a changed person. My book takes you through that process of how I got to where I am. Having gone through that process, I'm going to relate it to someone massive. But I'm just using this person as an example Oprah talks about. Now, she doesn't ever sit down and create a manifestation board. She just thinks about what she wants and it happens. I don't go through that step by step anymore unless I have to. When I left my fiance a few months ago, I had to. I was scared and I thought, okay, go back to ground zero again. Let's start with what works. Build a 30 day plan, make it manageable. Let's start celebrating small victories. Let's focus on our gratitude each morning and each day. When I need to, I know I've got the recipe. I can go right back to it.

Yeah.

But most of the time now I don't need to. Instead, what I need to do is just keep leaning into fear. And every time I was on Gary Vee's podcast last week when I was

sitting with him, Amazing, by the way, I saw that. And he was on yours.

He was on my. Yeah, he's a great guy. And he was saying to me, heather, I really want you to double down on fear. You know, this is really where you. Everyone has their own place. They need to focus. So my focus right now so much isn't about confidence. I've got that, you know? And again, if I get dings, like I said I did, when I have my breakup, I go back to my plan. It works. I work the plan and I make it work for me. But his point did not fall on deaf ears. My hold back my whole life and still to this day is I'm not thinking big enough. I'm not going big enough into fear and making that my focus. That's my priority. So each day I wake up, what am I afraid of? Am I tackling? Am I going all in on it? And the more I do that, write that down and celebrate those wins, the more it propels me to that next massive opportunity.

Yeah. I always say, do something that scares you every day. And for me, whenever fear comes up, I'm an action taker. I have to do something. And that's what makes me feel better. Like, whatever it is, whether I have fear. Like, I want to talk about your TEDx, too, but when I got called to do the TEDx, I thought I would be so excited and jumping up and down, and let me tell you, fear took over. I'm like, I've got 14 minutes to share the most important message of my life. Oh, my God. And, you know, my husband was like, what? You speak all the time. What's the big deal? Why are you even worried about this? And I'm like, you don't understand. This is a TedX. Like, the pressure is on. And then they were like, don't talk about your accident too much and don't talk about God. And I was like, okay. And they're like, you're gonna be talking to a bunch of scientists and students, so keep that in mind. And I'm like, oh, God. And so you just recently did your TEDx, and it's. It takes a little while before they get it out on YouTube, which is so annoying. It is.

So how long does it take?

It took, like, three. Three months.

You're kidding me.

I think it was like three months. Wait, maybe. Maybe it was less than that. No, it took a while.

Okay, that's frustrating.

It took a while. And so someone else that had done a TEDx had told me it takes a while. So just know it takes a while. So, yeah, you're expecting. Especially in the world that you came from, where everything is fast. Fast and immediate. You're like, you gotta wait. I guess they have to go through and double down on checking everything.

Right?

But I was nervous, and the only thing that helped me was to take an action step whether that was to get up and go practice my talk one more time or go exercise, like go to the gym. That helps. And I always do push ups before every time I walk out on the stage.

Wow.

It just helps. I don't know what it is. And they make fun of me backstage.

Like, what? Look at that. Well, that's an anchor, right? If you do something every time and that's going to take you back to that same place. I run a playlist that I only listen to right before I take the stage. You're doing pushups. My anchor is my playlist. And so when I hear that playlist, I know I'm about to go kill something. I'm going to kill a speech.

I love that. Since I was a kid. Now that you've said that, before I went on stage to perform, dancing, I would do pushups. And so I'm doing that.

That's great.

Yeah.

The longer you do it, the better. And it just going to give you more credibility that what you're doing is about to be fantastic.

I love that. Were you nervous when they told you, hey, Heather, we want you to do a TEDx.

Okay. My situation is a little different than yours. I pitched myself to a hundred different TEDx operations trying to land a top. Couldn't get one. I met a woman, she saw me speak in an event. She came to me after and said, you need your own TEDx. I said, I've pitched a hundred. Can't get it. She said, tell me what you're pitching. I said, I'm pitching that I'm a great speaker and that I'm great at this. And she said, okay, you're making it all about you to make it about the theme that they have and how your big idea fits their theme. I didn't know that was great advice. So I pivoted. Anyways, I ended up rethinking relationships was the theme of the event that I did two weeks ago. And my rethinking relationship, that was the thing, the overarching theme of the event. And my talk is entitled the MeToo Movement, Misstep or mistake. And what I'm diving into is the relationship between the movement and. And focusing only on men and instead broadening that movement to also focus on the biggest villain a woman will ever meet at work, which is another woman, and the relationship between women at work.

And I cannot wait to hear it. And always now when I hear the word villain, I'm going to imagine you saying you throw water on the villain. Water on the villain.

That's Right. That was the story when I was at Gala Wines. That's right. But I will tell you at my TED Talk, I speak all the time. I've spoken for 20 years for corporate America, for every day, if not at least every other day I spoke. And for the, you know, past two years, out of my own, I speak huge audiences. I was the most scared I've ever been for any talk in my life was a TedX.

You were too.

Well, because what you explained is accurate. There's all these controls that we're not used to. You cannot leave this circle area. You're not supposed to speak about this. Don't circle. Don't make it about your life. Don't make it about your message. Make it about the big idea. It's very different than going to give a speech at an event where you're empowered to give your message. They'll tell you the goal and you, you on your own create that opportunity and that discussion to reach that goal. This is so directed to me. I was afraid of not being authentic. I was afraid of not being me. And then this was the kicker. The morning of the event, we had to be there at 8:30am and I was there in my sweats with my hair in a ponytail, wet hair, not ready, with eye patches under my eyes so that I look good later. And they said, why do you look like that? I said, oh, I'm leaving to go get ready. I don't go on until 1. And they said, you're not supposed to leave. I said, well, I am.

Oh my gosh, are you serious?

But this is just semantics. So I said, you know, well, I'm leaving. So that's irrelevant to me. I'm leaving. I'm going to get ready. I had a hair and makeup person waiting at a hotel down the street for me because this is going on YouTube. I'm not going to just roll in like nothing. So they said, all right, well, Heather, you're the first speaker for the day. Why don't you take the stage right now and we'll do a mic check. You know, everyone's there. I said, yeah, of course, no problem.

I do have eye patches on. Under your eye?

Yeah. Oh, and I have no makeup on and my hair is wet and I'm in sweats. So that's how I go through any dry run through. That part doesn't bother me. But when they had me go out there, they miced me up. They shut all the lights off. They had all the speakers and a bunch of all there's like, 100 volunteers. And I just wasn't prepared at all for this or thinking about it. He said, just start giving your speech. When I think I've heard enough, I'll tell you to stop. So I said, okay. So I kind of was clowning around, and I came out laughing and stuff. And then he's like, get serious and give your speech. Which I was not ready for. I hadn't listened to my playlist. I hadn't looked at my shoes. I have a whole procedure that I go through to get myself in a mindset, and I hadn't done any of that. I wasn't dressed properly. Like, so suddenly I'm on the stage, the light shining on me, all the lights go dark, and he cues me to start. So I start, and I start fine. And things are going fine. I'm speaking for a couple of minutes, no one saying stop. So I'm thinking in my mind, I have to give this whole speech right now. Think about this. All of a sudden, I just stop, and I can't remember what the next thing is. I'm supposed to say, I don't even know where I'm going. And I stopped, and I said, oh, my God, I don't know what I'm supposed to say anymore. And this was halfway through my presentation. And so the guy that's in charge of the whole event starts laughing hysterically and goes, oh, God, Heather just forgot what she's talking about. All right, Heather, you're fine. You can go now and go get ready. But for me, I've never been at a loss of words in my entire life. I was just at a presentation the other day, and a whole slew of tables had a domino effect, Glasses smashing everywhere. And I made it into a big joke. Like, I just keep talking through anything. Yeah, but this dynamic was so different and controlled, and it was so bad. And then I got off the stage, and a woman said to me, oh, my gosh, you remind me a friend of mine. He was a kicker in the NFL, biggest game of his life. And he missed the kick. Oh. I looked at her and I just said, this is not helpful. Right?

That would not be.

And I said, so I'm gonna excuse myself. And that's when I left. And I went and got ready the hotel, and I went into panic mode like I've never done before. When it finally was my chance to go out on the stage, my anxiety was so high, which never happens. It was such. And then backstage, everyone was panicking because you're with a bunch of speakers that don't speak, and they're all freaking out. And the energy was so negative. And I just. In my mind, I started panicking, thankful this person, someone handed me lavender, which I love and I've always used in my career to calm me down when I get angry at work and I smell that lavender. And it helped me calm up a minute. And then I thought to myself, I heard them call my name. And I said to myself, I close my eyes and I said, if you don't go out there right now, you will regret this for the rest of your life. If you go out there and blow it, you will still be so proud of yourself. And I just said, I'm going out there and if I blow it, I don't care. And I walked up and that was it. And then I killed it. I think. I mean, I don't know, I haven't seen it, but I think I killed it.

I think, I know you killed it. I know you did that. I had a similar situation where I got there. I didn't know that I was going to do the full talk. And I hadn't done my pushups or

done, right, your routine. Of course, I hadn't even thought about

what I'm supposed to say. And they're like, okay, you. And I had also kind of practiced going to stage right, going to stage left. And they're like, you need to stay right here in this little circle.

Oh, yeah.

And I was like, oh, my God, it was so crazy. And I will just share that. I too, was like, this is a TedX talk. It's gonna be on YouTube forever.

Forever.

I am getting my hair done. And it was so hard to find hair person in Berkeley. Apparently they don't do their hair a lot. They don't do a lot of blowouts. It's not like LA or Miami. Like, they don't do that. And so I found someone and they did my hair. It's raining, but I like, put like a plastic thing over my head. I get back to the hotel room. I know my hair doesn't look good, but I walk into the hotel room, my husband's there, and he goes, oh, my God, you look awful. You're going to have to just wash your hair and start over. And I was like, I have to be on stage in 30 minutes. I don't think I have time to redo my hair. And I started crying. So now my makeup's coming off. And I walked in the bathroom and talk about lessons from our children. My daughter Ruby was there and she Goes, mama, don't worry about your hair. She goes, people are here to hear your message. Don't worry. They don't want to see what you look for.

I love her.

I know.

No.

And that just like. Oh, my gosh. Okay, you're right. It's about my message. It's not about my hair that looks horrible or my makeup.

It just all came off, and I

feel like my puffy, bloodshot eyes out. Yeah. Yeah. But it isn't a moment that is unforgettable. Once you take that stage, there's something very magical and just honorable about having that opportunity. And so when I saw that you were doing your TEDx, I was like, oh, my God, I can't wait to hear. And people ask me all the time, how did you get to do a TEDx? And the curator found me on Instagram.

Isn't that funny?

She had been following me for a while, and she was watching everything that I was posting. But not only that, she was watching what I was commenting to other people and how I was commenting to her, because I had no idea she was a curator. And so when she reached out to me, I was like, I didn't even know if it was real, but I had pitched another TedX and didn't get it. And it's interesting how, you know, we can want something and really fight to have it and fight it and fight it and fight it. And I just kind of let it go, and that's when it happened. And, you know, I think sometimes just letting go and keeping our intentions and focusing on our purpose is when all the magic happens. And you definitely have so much magic happening in your life right now and a lot of things going on. What would you say your main purpose is?

My main purpose in life? To be my son's mother. 100. There's no doubt about that. This kid is, like, the most amazing thing in the world. I guess, second to that. The mission I'm on now is really just to empower others to move beyond their adversity and understand that they can create confidence within themselves. They can leapfrog their villains, they can overcome difficult situations. Because if I was able to figure it out and I was able to write a book, which is complete insanity, anyone else can, too.

And I have to say, like, I am obsessed with a book. I told you before we started the podcast. You guys, seriously, this book is amazing. It is, like, just your everyday tips on how to be confident, how to move forward, how to have courage to do whatever you want to do in life. I was taking notes. I had notes everywhere. Like, I'm serious. In my car, on my office, in the bathroom. And I finally, like put them all together and I was like, okay, I just have to get a highlighter and make a highlighter because I've been listening to the Audible. This book is amazing. But if you somehow don't know who she is and don't already follow her, follow her on Instagram at Heather Monahan. And more than that, your podcast is amazing.

Thank you.

I think number 17, right?

Number 17 on Apple Podcasts. Yeah, it's business, it's amazing. It's insane. It's been six months. I'm mind blown about it. But yeah, it's definitely resonating. And so one of the things that we do unique, I partner with Podcast one and they're directed to me was, hey, why don't you open the show each week with your personal struggles, what you're going through, how you're dealing with your challenges, where you're at, your life. The middle portion, you're going to interview whoever you're interviewing and then your close up, you'll answer questions that people DM to you. It's a great, you know, format. It's worked out really well.

I love it. And in fact, I had done a whole first episode because I've recorded everybody else. And that's all great. It's all waiting to launch and I've got all those recordings, but waiting on my intro recording. And I spent spent an hour in my closet recording because it's the best sound with all the clothes around and everything. A little like closet with. And after I listened to your podcast, I was like, nope, that's not my first episode. My episode's going to be totally different because of you. So you have impacted my life in so many ways. Not just with your book, but your podcast. And I've been following you for a long time. Instagram. And that's how someone told me, you've gotta go check out. My good friend said, you've got to see, you've gotta meet, you've gotta know. Heather Monahan. She's amazing. And so I started following you. And then I'm so honored to get to meet you here tonight. And thank you so much for being on the show. Where can people find you? What's the best way for people to find you?

Yeah, I'm on LinkedIn a lot. LinkedIn's probably my primary platform that I'm on. I'm on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter. I'm everywhere on social media. Heather Monahan. My book Confidence Creator is on Audible and on Amazon. Definitely check it out. Check out the reviews and my podcast is called Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan. You can just type in Heather Monahan or Creating Confidence anywhere that you get your podcast and you'll be able to check it out.

Okay. And we'll also have all of that in the show notes so people can click on and go right to it. Definitely. You don't want to miss it. It's amazing podcast. Thank you so much for being on and sharing your wisdom and just steps to having more courage and confidence. And thank you for being here.

Thank you so much. I appreciate it.

Thanks. Thanks so much for joining us this week on True Britain Grace Podcast. If you like it, please rate it or share it with your friends. That would help too. If you're not yet yet on the newsletter list, come over to Amberly Lago.com and jump on it. While you're there you can grab a free downloadable gratitude journal. And you might just want to check out my book or even check out my monthly motivational membership. Thanks again for tuning in and we'll see you next week.