Stop Overthinking and Finish Your Biggest Goals with Jon Acuff

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Welcome to True Grit and Grace, a podcast designed to empower you to claim your resilience and thrive through life's challenges. I am Amberly Lago, a mindset coach, fitness expert and best selling author. Each week I'll dive deep with the world's brightest thought leaders and elite performers to share tangible tools and practical advice to inspire you to keep your eyes on the prize and forge ahead. So get ready to conquer your fears, heal any trauma, lead with your heart, and elevate your life with grit and grace.

Hello and welcome back to the True Grit and Grace podcast. Today on the show I have John Acuff here and I've been so excited to have him on y'. All. He's the New York Times best seller of seven books. He speaks all over the world. In fact, he was just featured not long ago in Inc. Magazine is the top 100 leadership speakers in the world. He's got a podcast and he's got my favorite book here, right here. It's called Soundtracks. And if you are ready to stop overthinking and Ready to transform your life. I'm not just saying this. My, my thoughts are never the same since I have read this book. So welcome to the show. Thank you for being here.

Yeah, thanks for having me. That's such a. That's such a kind intro.

Well, I have been reading your book and I've got tons of pages. I've got highlighted. But you know what? Your book on Audible, I have to say is my favorite book. I mean, my favorite book because I'm sure a lot of people have told you. They did have. A lot of people said, I felt like you were talking to me.

Yeah, I try to do it as a conversation. A few years ago, the first time I recorded an audiobook, I had to rerecord the entire thing because it wasn't conversational. So I really Learned, you know, 10 years ago, you have to imagine you're having a conversation with a friend on a road trip. So imagine how a friend would talk to you if they are in the passenger seat of the driver's seat. So that's how I approach sharing the content. I try to add bonus stories and ideas and so, you know, yeah, I want it to be really funny. I want, I love when people say, I was on the treadmill at the gym and I had to get off because I was laughing so hard. And they weren't expecting that from a book that's ultimately hopefully going to help you work on your goals, change your life. And so, yeah, that's how I approach it. And I have a good time. I have to change some words. There's words I write that I can't actually say. Like the word rural. Eventually the sound engineer was like, dude, you can't, you don't even know how to say that. We changed, we changed it to country road instead of rural road. Like rural. Rural road is hard. So it's a funny random experience to record it. But yeah, I love that I get to do that.

Well, it was incredible. And I really did think, I felt like you were talking to me and I was at the gym actually listening to your book and I would have to stop working out to take notes on my phone. Yeah. And I just printed them out this morning. So I've got pages of notes and things that I don't ever want to forget. But my experience with my Audible book was not very fun. Like I was in this little booth and at one point I like busted out of the booth and I was like, I just need air and I just need to do some push ups. And the sound engineer Looked at me like, oh, my gosh, we got a crazy one here. And I did. I took some breaths, did some push ups and went back in. But for my next book, I am going to do my book, try to do it exactly like you did. I don't know if I'll be is funny or if anybody can be as funny as you, but you crack me up. And I wondered, I would love to see one of your talks at an event. Are you doing. This is curious. Are you doing any events that I could.

Yeah, I mean, that we could do ones. A bunch of live ones are coming back. You know, it's still kind of a squirrely, A squirrely time right now. So you're figuring out, is it virtual, is it live? So, yeah, I usually do in a normal year, like 40 to 50 events and so. But I did a comedy night maybe two years ago. I actually did two nights and that was just a blast. So I've always. I grew up.

So you did that.

You did.

Okay.

Oh, that explains it. But that's my favorite. My niche is definitely, I use humor as a vehicle for truth. So, like, I love that Chris Rock says there's some things people won't listen to unless they're laughing at the same time. So I try to really go, okay, how can I use humor to make this idea even stickier? So there's, you know, I write my ideas in layers where it's like, I get the idea right, the words aren't right. I'm just, I'm writing, writing, writing. If I need a quote, I just write, need quote. If I stop to go look up the quote on the Internet, I'm gone. Forget it. Like, I'm out. I won't get back to the writing. So I'm writing right? Then another layer would be like personal stories from other people. Another layer would be, okay, how do I add humor? Another layer would be, how do I make sure it's positive? Because I tend to lean, kind of like Counting Crows, mopey right out of the gate. So I create my ideas and layers and I'm constantly adding another layer until I have the words right. I have the idea right. There's humor there. It's sticky. I consider my job. I'm a handle maker. I put handles on ideas so people can take them and use them in their lives. We have enough ideas in the world, we don't have handles on them to pick them up. And so I go, okay, how do I put a handle on this idea? So that's kind of my process. But humor is definitely a big part of it.

I bet it would be so much fun just to sit with you and brainstorm about putting together a presentation or a book idea or.

It's fun. I think it's a really neat process. And I've written seven books, so it's not an easy process. I think a good book always takes good work. But I've. I've got some things figured out where I go, okay, that's what this needs. That's what this needs. And so it's been fun to kind of mature in that process and help other people.

Well, this book definitely helps other people. Soundtracks. And in it, you say it was like a secret that you had this system that you use. It was something that you used, and it helped you get to New York Times bestseller, helped you move to Nashville. And then you're thinking, oh, well, maybe it just works for me, or, I don't know if this would work for anybody else. And then you started to share it. You got it scientifically, you know, studies on it. You've got somebody with a PhD who you actually studied 10,000 people and tested these new affirmations and things like that on. A lot of us are in fear. And you say that it's kind of like we think of the things that we say over and over. Our overthinking is like, that's a personality trait. But you're really like, it's a sneaky way of fear seeping into us. And so how can we stop that? What's a secret weapon to kind of nip that in the bud right away when we get to overthinking and we get in fear?

Well, so one really easy way and teaches you three things. It says, retire your broken soundtracks. And a soundtrack is just a repetitive thought. It's a phrase I use for repetitive thought. Retire your broken ones, replace them with new ones, and then repeat the new ones. So often they become as automatic as the old ones. And so if you said to me, okay, John, how do I even identify a broken soundtrack? The easiest, fastest way is to write down something you want to do. Write down a goal so you could write down, I want to have my own podcast. I want to join a mastermind. I want to have a kid. I want to move to la. I want to move from la. Write down a desire you have, and then listen to your first thoughts, listen to your reaction, because every reaction is an education. And so if your first reaction is, you're too old, who are you to do that? Nobody would listen to that. Somebody's already done that. You don't have the skills, you don't have the money, whatever. If those thoughts aren't pushing you forward, there's probably a broken soundtrack that you need to go in and say, okay, I'm not, I didn't even know I was listening to that. I don't want to listen to that. What am I going to do with that? But that, you know, that exercise again, it can be any size goal takes 30 seconds, 60 seconds. And you'll pretty quickly identify if you have some broken soundtracks.

Wow. Well, you know, sometimes we don't even realize we have these broken soundtracks. And something that will happen that will trigger one of those soundtracks. And it's sneaky how it comes in, then all of a sudden it starts growing and growing and growing.

Well, every time you listen to it, it gets easier to listen to it the next time. So the reason I'm a stay at home mom can, you know, or a working mom can drop their kid off and be five minutes late to pick them up later that afternoon and feel like I'm the worst mom in the world. She's five minutes late and goes, I'm the worst mom. The reason she can feel that and the reason she can ignore that she got them ready for school, she worked a full day, she's running a business, all these things she can ignore. All this evidence is she's listened to I'm the worst mom a thousand times. And so it's really easy for that one to start again almost automatically in a second of being late. And so, yeah, the longer, the more often you listen to it, the easier it is to listen to it again. Which is why it takes some work sometimes to retire some of the broken ones.

Yeah. It's interesting, after I had to kind of analyze my own soundtracks and then how I was reacting to my husband. So yesterday I bought some supplements and they were kind of expensive. I mean, they're like 75 bucks. And I've been home sick with the vid getting over it. And so my husband, I said, can you go pick these up? I've already paid for them. And he goes to pick them up and he goes, oh my gosh, you paid so 70 or 75 bucks for these supplements. And my soundtrack was, I'm not worth it. I don't, I don't deserve such expensive supplements like that started playing. And so then I started telling him, so you don't think I'm worth it? You don't think I'm worth it?

Yeah, yeah. And then you Go way into a bigger conversation over a supplement.

Yeah. And he was like, where is this coming from? And I was just like, oh, oh, gosh. And then I started and I'm like, oh, my gosh. Okay, John's book. I need to fix that soundtrack. I want to fix that. And so I don't know about anybody listening, but I know that when I'm a little more run down or a little more tired or maybe I haven't eaten properly or slept enough that those sneaky soundtracks can come in that are not positive ones that I want to hear. And before I know they're just starting this whole soundtrack, you, you talk about in your book, how to turn the dial down when you start to get those soundtracks that are really loud. How do you do that?

Well, so that was an idea. I was, I was talking to a friend of mine named David Thomas, and David Thomas is a counselor here in Nashville. He runs, he's part of a counseling center for teens and children called daystar. And he's brilliant. And I was telling him about these ideas and negative soundtracks and broken soundtracks. And he said, john, the problem is people want there to be a switch. They think, okay, I've got to find the switch that'll make me never experience stress again or I'll never be fearful again. I have people all the time say to me, john, when did you stop being afraid? And I tell them, well, I'll let you know when it happens. But it hasn't happened so far. I don't like when people say, you can be fearless. I don't think that's true because at every new level you do something new, there's new fear. The first time I spoke to 10 people, I had 10 person fear. I've never done that. What if I said the wrong thing? But then I worked on it, got over it, and then I spoke to a hundred people, a hundred person fear. And I had to work on that. Thousand people, thousand person fear. 10,000 people. 10,000 person fear. And so he said, john, people want to find a switch to turn off the fear, turn off the stress, turn off the negativity. So we run around and we run around and go, ok, yoga, that'll do it. And we try yoga really hard and intensely. We go, it's great. And then a month later, the stress comes back. We go, oh, it wasn't the switch. And we go look for something else. It'll be a diet, it'll be a book, it'll be a guru, it'll be a whatever. And you keep running around with the switch mentality, said, the truth is it's not a switch, it's a dial. When your dial gets to 11 and it's going to because life is challenging. You didn't plan to get Covid like three months ago. You weren't like, I bet, like, it'd be great if when I talked to John, I could also be coming off of COVID I'll schedule that. There's so many things in life that are going to knock you over because that's what life does. Life is big, bigger and messier and more beautiful than we can even imagine. But we don't control it. And so he said, when things get to an 11, you have to turn down the dial and you have that ability. And so what that means is you go, I like to proactively say, and I teach this in the book, what are some turn down techniques? If I had five things, three things, 10 things, 20 things that I know, oh, wow, my dial's at 11. And I want you to have a list. A physical list matters because the worst time to come up with something that reduces your stress is when you're in the middle of your stress. You're not going to be creative in that moment. So I'd much rather you pull out a piece of paper, it's almost like break glass in case of emergency, and you go, oh, that's right. I feel better when I'm outside and I haven't been outside in a long time, or I feel better when I go to the beach or when I talk with my spouse or, you know, when I listen to an audiobook or, you know, whatever's on your list. And it's your list. Not like your things would be unique to you, mine would be unique to me. So that's what a turndown technique is.

Well, I love that. And I think that everybody does have a list. They just really need to go back to that list. Sometimes we forget.

We forget. We a hundred percent forget. And like, here's the thing I tell people all the time, fear comes free. Hope takes work. Fear comes free. Hope takes work. You don't have to look for negativity, it'll find you. We've all been in the grocery store in the middle of the day and all of a sudden your brain goes, hey, remember that time you messed up three years ago? Like recently my brain brought up that I had ruined somebody's surprise birthday party. There was a woman I worked with, she sent out an email. I skimmed the email. She buried the lead. In my defense she should have said, surprise party, up top. But I ended up telling her husband. I went to the surprise party with my wife. We walked in, she stopped the music and said, this is John Acuff, the guy that ruined the surprise party. And I was like, hey, Everybody, that was 20 years ago. And my brain the other day, I was like, hey, remember that time you blew that surprise party thought? You want to think about that? You don't have to look for negativity. But hope takes work. Positivity takes work. And so that's what it means is to go, okay, how do I put in that work? How do I find? Because you will forget good stuff. Everyone listening to this right now has had a season in their life where things were a little healthier. Like, maybe they're eating a little better and they are walking a little more, running whatever. They were journaling, whatever. And then for whatever reason, they stop doing that. And then when they start doing it again, it's like finding an old friend. And you go, wait a second, why did I. Why did I stop doing this? This is one of my turn down techniques. So you will 100% forget them unless you're deliberate.

I think it's so important to be deliberate. Unless you are, things will, like, your health might start whispering to you, oh, you better start getting back to that list, then it'll scream at you. And so now I'm like, okay, I'm. I hear you. I need to, like, get to my list. Because so much of our thoughts do. I think it all starts with mindset. And I think a lot of people are looking for a quick fix for so many things. For their pain, for their struggles, for. For their fear, for all of that. And it's so much about what you do every single day. And I know you had a practice. You started, like, looking in the mirror and maybe driving your wife crazy a little bit. I don't know. But I think I would drive my husband crazy. But do you still look in the mirror with this practice? Tell us about the practice first.

Well, and I didn't want to.

Thanks for saying that, because I don't really want to, but if it works, I'll do it.

Yeah, that was my attitude. I mean, I'm, you know, I'm pretty sarcastic. I grew up when it comes to, like, positive thinking around stuff like Saturday Live. Like, I'm good enough. I'm sorry, smart enough. Doggone. And people like me. Or like, you know, serenity now on Seinfeld. So I had this attitude kind of of like, positive thinking. Positivity is dumb. It's cheesy. And there are some terribly cheesy motivational people on Instagram that I'm just like, ugh, I don't like. It's the dumbest. But then I kept talking to all these really successful people that I looked up to, and if I would get them off camera, off mic, and I'd go, hey, what do you think about affirmations? They'd be like, okay, is anybody looking? Like, I got a little pep talk I give myself every afternoon, or like, I got a couple words that are my mantra, or I got a couple. And I was like, oh, no, I'm going to have to explore this. So I did. And so I went to what I think is one of the godfathers of modern motivational thought, Zig Ziglar. And I had the chance to have lunch with he and his wife and his son before he passed away a few years ago. But he has a set of affirmations. So I said, I'm going to do these. He. It's a simple set. It's in the morning and at night, it's the first thing when you get it for bed, the last before you go to bed. And I said, I'm going to read them in the mirror, and it's going to feel dumb and it's going to feel cheesy. And then the more I did it, the more I started to go, wait a second. This starts to make sense to me. And here's my personal experience. It was like, when I went to have a reaction or a thought, my brain just grabbed the first song that was on the top. And the more I did this, the first song that was on the top was I'm Confident, I'm Humble, I'm Generous, I'm Kind. You know, all these things that I was practicing saying with zigs. Affirmations. So then we studied it. Mike Peasley, the PhD who helps me research books, we studied what I called a new anthem. These 10 statements that we came up with. And so, yeah, it was really fun to see that have a positive impact. And so. And yeah, you mentioned my wife. It drove her crazy. Yeah, I put that in the book that she was like, you can't do that in the bathroom. We share. Because, like, it's ridiculous. And I don't know if I can make out with you later when you're like, I'm strong, I'm confident. And like. So if anybody right now is listening to this, being like, that sounds so cheesy. Yes, I agree. I 100% agree. But I'm like, you. Like, I don't care if it works. Like, who am I trying to impress? Like, I remember I learned that lesson. I read a hundred books one year as a, as a personal goal, and I would post about the books and people would go, oh, like an audiobook doesn't count, or, oh, that children's book doesn't count, or, oh, you know, a comic book or a graphic novel doesn't count. And I would kept, I kept saying, well, this is the John Acuff Personal Reading Challenge. And so who gets to decide what counts? Is it. Is it John Acuff? Because I feel like I should be the only judge and jury on the John Acuff Personal Reading Challenge. So, like, who gets to say what counts? I get to see what counts. So I don't care if other people understand it or if they think it's cheesy or whatever. If I see benefit in my life, then I'm going to explore it and I'm going to experiment. I'm going to tinker and see, okay, wow, how high performance can this trick, then this tip, this tool make me? And how can I teach other people? Like, and if. And that's where it gets fun, is where you go, I tried it in my own life and it worked. Like, right now I'm in the middle of trying a time management system that's been phenomenal for me, but I've only done it six weeks, so I'm not going to write about it yet. But once I have more evidence, then I'm going to go, oh, okay. I think this would help other people. And so that's kind of my process. And that's what happened, the affirmations. Even though, again, I went in with an attitude like, this is the dumbest thing ever. It's so cheesy. But I don't know what to tell you.

It works well for you guys who get the book. It's on page 153. And I think even in your audible book, you have a down. And one thing that I love is in your audible book, you, again, you're talking to me in that book. But you're. When you're, It's a conversation, you're talking and you're like, by the way, if you're listening to this, you can download all of this right now and you give us that so people can, even if they're listening, they can get those downloads.

Well, I'm sure it's, I'm sure you've seen the Same thing as an author. More and more people are listening to audio because a book is the last single function form of content. When I listen to a book, I can do the laundry. When I listen to a book, I can make dinner, I can go to the gym, I can commute to work. You can't do that holding a physical book. So I really appreciate that for a large growing number of people, walking around the neighborhood while listening to an audiobook is how they want to enjoy content. So I as author, want to make sure that I do everything I can to make that a really fun process for people. So if I have a PDF because I, you know, like, if there's an illustration from a book, I want you to be able to go download the PDF for free because the audiobook, people shouldn't miss that.

Well, that everything that you have thought through for the whole process was, was amazing. I was like, oh my gosh, this is like a blueprint for me for my next book. Seriously, I'm gonna just do exactly what you did. I'll give you credit. I'll be like John. But I'm like you. When something works, I don't care how silly or how crazy it might seem, if it works, I'm gonna do it. I mean, I've been sober now for years and when I first went to my sponsor, I didn't care what she told me to do. I was like, okay, if that's what I have to do to stay sober and you're telling me I'm gonna do it. Some things I didn't really like or I didn't really go, I really am excited about this, or I really hate doing this. I mean, I, I was like, if it works, obviously I, it works for you. You. You know, she'd been sober, she's been sober for over 20 years. I'm gonna do it. And so, yeah, I'm like you. So I love the affirmations. Actually, I have my favorite affirmation and it is on a post it note on my computer because I believe that they're, they're powerful when you get to, to say those things. Because, yeah, those negative thoughts, the, and negative comments that people might say, man, they stick like Velcro.

Yeah, yeah, totally. And there's plenty of those around. And so, yeah, I think you have to actively work against them and not just hope that you remember something positive, but that you actually work on remembering something positive.

Yeah. So make a list. Also make a list of things that, that really bring you joy, like, and fill you up for me that's going outside, that's spending time with, you know, my kids, with my husband, but make a list, working out. And it's sometimes when you're in a tough situation and you can't do those things that it makes you a pretty. Appreciate those things even more.

Yeah, totally.

For sure. You have five borrowed soundtracks, and this is one of my favorite things in the book, when you tell the story about borrowed. But so can you explain a little bit about borrowed soundtracks?

Yeah. So it can be intimidating for somebody if you go, hey, just write down new soundtracks for your life. Like, it's intimidating to go to a blank piece of paper. I always tell people I don't believe in writer's block. I believe in idea bankruptcy. I never go to a blank piece of paper alone. I always bring ideas with me. I'm collecting ideas. I'm collecting ideas. So I would never tell a reader or a listener, hey, just go to a blank piece of paper and good luck figuring out some new soundtracks. That's overwhelming to me. It would be overwhelming to other people. So I say, you know, start to pay attention to stuff that moves you. Start to, you know, start, like, from anywhere. And the model I use, Dorothy Parker, who is a writer, her definition of creativity is creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye. And what she means by that is, you have this wild mind. We fill it up with lots of different topics. You fill it up with a song lyric or something your kids said or a billboard you said you saw in, like, you know, in Beverly Hills or whatever. You fill it up and then you have the discipline to see the connection between them. So that's what I try to do. So just for instance, yesterday I interviewed Kathy Heller on my podcast.

Oh, I just had her on my podcast last week.

Yeah, she's fantastic.

Yes, she is.

My podcast is called All It Takes is a Goal. So we were talking about goal setting, and one of the things she said was, I do two things. Free and expensive. Free and expensive. She said, like, I do a ton of free content, but if you then are going to get access to me and my, like, it's going to be expensive. And I love the idea of free and expensive. Free, inexpensive, like, so I wrote that down in my journal. So that's what I mean by borrowing. I try to go, okay, am I paying attention to the world, to what people are trying to teach me from people I respect, from songs I hear? And then I actively collect it and I go, okay, I don't know where I'll use this, but I But I might someday. I'm a big believer in we're going for quantity initially, not quality. I think we miss a lot of great ideas when we self edit before we even write them down, where we don't even give the idea the chance to go from our head to a piece of paper. I think every idea deserves at least 10 seconds of paper. And so that's what I do. I collect a bunch, and then I've got, you know, I'm able to borrow from other people and go, oh, this Kanye thing was interesting to me. Or this other line was fascinating to me. That's kind of how I live my life. And then once you do that, you'll start to see them everywhere and you'll realize, wow, the world has so many smart, creative, talented, generous people that I can learn from.

Wasn't Kanye's My life is dope.

So the Kanye story, I saw that on the Jimmy Fallon show, on the Tonight Show, Dave Chappelle was telling Jimmy Fallon about a time, the first time he knew Kanye was going to be a star. And Kanye was kind of unknown at the time, but he was with Dave Chappelle watching some skits that nobody had seen before, like Rick James, all these skits that would become famous. And he got a phone call, and he's like, hold on a second. And somebody clearly wanted Kanye to go do something. Said, no, I can't do that. I'm at, you know, the Dave Chappelle show, watching skits no one's ever seen. And he paused and he said, because my life is dope, and I do dope. And then he hung up. And I love that idea of, like, because my life is dope. Like, that's what I. So I use that one to push against. Must be nice. There's this internal broken soundtrack that I have to push back against, which is, you know, like. I don't know, like, imagine like an old woman. Then you go, oh, this thing happened. I live in LA. Or, oh, this thing. I bought $75 supplements, whatever. And somebody goes, it must. Must be nice to have $75 for supplements like this. Shameful, guilty. You know, success. And so I would rather go, yeah, my life is dope. It is like, I can't believe, like, I, you know, I get to do this thing. And. And that's one that I constantly remind myself of because it's so easy to. And part of it is the Internet's fault. Like, humble brag is a phrase people use to tear you down. So if you go, oh, my gosh, I'm so excited about this thing that just happened. People go, oh, humble brag. And you go, no, no, no, no, no. I was celebrating that. Like, wow, the podcast is doing well, or, wow, this thing. Like, and they go, must be nice. And it's all this. We'll share in each other's misery. But people have a really hard time when you start doing well online. And I just. I don't want to accept that. I want to be excited. Like, I don't want to be braggadocious. But there's a big difference between being excited and being arrogant. And my life is dope. Helps me remember that.

I love that I drove the same old truck. I love trucks. And I had the same F250 for years, and I finally got a new car, and my husband was like, oh, well, don't post about that.

You don't like, is it a dope? Like, what are you. Do you share about it? Is it a secret?

Well, I don't think it's a secret, but my. I'm going to start saying my life is dope. It's a. It's a Tesla. I've never been a car car girl, and I've always had a truck. I mean, we go to the barn every day with. My daughter's an equestrian. I finally get this dope car thanks to my teenager who researched and researched and researched it, and she finally convinced me to go test drive it. And I cried during the test drive, by the way.

Loved it that much.

I loved it that much because it has autopilot. And my right leg. I have, you know, 34 surgeries on my right leg. It's really hard to push. I can drive with my left leg, but it's kind of a pain in the ass. And so the guy goes, okay, go ahead and put it on autopilot. And I'm like, I didn't have to touch the steering wheel or anything. I said, are you sure it's going to stop? We're in stop and go traffic here in la. He goes, yeah, it's going to stop. And it stopped. And my leg was really hurting that day. And I remember just feeling this sense of relief and freedom.

Oh, that's awesome.

Freedom. Like, I can drive anywhere because I don't have to drive.

It'll drive forward leg day, bad leg day. You have a lot of freedom.

I've got the freedom. And so I started crying, and the guy looked at me like, oh, my gosh. And he goes, I've never had anybody cry during a test drive before. And so I bought the car, and I was. I was really excited about it for more reasons than just like, look at me.

Oh, sure.

It was like, no, this is freedom to me. But my husband being. And, you know, he's. He didn't. He. I don't know what he meant, but he's like, well, don't post about.

Well, he didn't want you to get, you know, like, Internet people to slam you over whatever. Like, that was a protective statement. I mean, yeah, he's very protective.

He's a. He's a cop. He's very. That. He's a very protective. And he. It's really hard for me when I share anything, and I'm. I'm an open book, so. So I share a lot through my podcast and through post. And he's always just like, please don't get me on camera. Please don't share. Please don't tell anything.

My wife's greatest nightmare is being on camera. So whenever I get her on, everybody is like, that was a big deal. Jenny. Jenny made an appearance. So she's like, you can do all the stage time you want. I'll be backstage. Like, so it's. It's funny how I think a lot of couples are like that.

Well, that's nice to hear. Thank you for sharing that with me. Because, yeah, my husband does not like it at all. And I have a red carpet event coming up, and I'm like, I get to interview people on the red carpet. I was like, oh, my gosh, isn't this exciting? And he goes, no, I don't want to go to that. Why would I want to go to that? And I'm just like, okay, stop the soundtracks in my head, because it can turn into something not so nice.

Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, I, like, we had that conversation just the other day where somebody was. We have another couple friends, and the husband was trying to get the wife to do one of his favorite activities. And Jenny said, that would be like, John, if you asked me to go running. She hates. Hates running. She goes power walking with friends all the time. She's in great shape, but she can't stand running. And it would be wrong for me to go. She's not right because she doesn't like the same thing I like. Like what? You know, like, who wants a marriage like that? I want her to have passions that I don't share and vice versa. And so I think sometimes when we give our spouses the freedom to do that, we go, oh, that's right. Like, or even sharing an idea. I always tell married couples, like, don't expect them to mirror your excitement because, number one, it's your idea. Number two, you've probably thought about it for six months. You gave them six minutes to react. You know, number three, they might be processors that are different. So, like, there's a lot of times where a spouse would go, look at this thing I want. And they. And because the other spouse doesn't mirror their excitement, it becomes this big fight or, why don't you support me? Or, I thought you'd be into this. And so there's so many ways sharing an idea with a spouse can go kind of sideways.

Thank you for saying that. Yeah. I remember when I first. They called me to be on Today show there, and they called and said, megan Kelly wants to interview you. And I was like, megan Kelly? And I. My husband was the first person I called, and I'm like, honey, oh, my God, they want to have me on the Today show. And he goes, you're on your own. I'm not going to New York. That's. I'm like, I'm not doing that. And so I was like, okay, well, I'm going, click.

What? Any adventure, though?

Yeah, well, he called me right after, and he's like, you know what? That. That is actually cool. And I said, you know what? They want to fly you out, too. And he goes, oh, well, okay. Yeah, that is pretty cool. Okay, Yeah, I can do that. But it's so good for me to hear you say that. We get excited about something. Like, I wrote my book for months and months before. It was the build up to that point where they wanted to interview me for that. And. And it's so good to hear you say, well, we've had months to prepare for something. They've got a few minutes, and we can't expect their reaction to be the same. And I also have to pause and kind of put myself in their position and where their thoughts may be coming from and what. What they must be thinking. And also about Kanye. Yeah, I. He built a place right down the street from us, from our barn, and we got invited to go to one of his gospel.

Oh, fun, fun.

It was so much fun. And so they were like, okay, yeah, it was really a beautiful ceremony. It's in the middle of, you know, outside and this amazing music. And. And they're like, okay, don't video, though. You cannot video this. And I was like, okay. And then I look around, I'm like, I see other people kind of video in here. So I think I'll video a little bit. I was like, they came by really quick. Stop videoing. I'm like, okay, sorry. Sorry about that. But he was really, really nice. I mean, he got down on his knee to meet my daughter. She was like, in heaven. And. Yeah, so. Yeah. So I'm sure you've got to meet some really interesting people.

I haven't met Kanye, but that's that feel I met. I met Michael Jordan as a child, when I was a child, not him as a child, but I've never met Kanye. That's. He's. Although, in Nashville, you see country music stars all the time. You're just not supposed to talk to them. Like, you're supposed to pretend like they're just normal people. Nashville is one of those. I don't know how LA is, but at least in Nashville, it's kind of an unwritten rule that, like, you don't bother. Like, if Sherry. If you see Cheryl Crow at the grocery store, like, she's a lady at the grocery store. It seems like that's kind of the Nashville way.

Oh, really? Good to know. Well, I feel like it's kind of like that in la, or maybe I just. I see so many celebrities here, all that I'm used to it. You know, you see them at the. At the market and stuff, and so I don't think about it, but I remember my mom coming out here to visit one time, and she was like, oh, my gosh. And freaking out over seeing somebody at a coffee shop. I'm like, yeah, mom, they come here all the time, you know, but it's different. Yeah. To drink coffee. Yeah. Who are some of the people that inspire you? Some of your favorite books? Because I know in your newsletter sometimes you. You send out some of your favorite books and stuff like that.

I just read the Inner Game of Tennis, and I absolutely love that it's a book about mindset, and it was super challenging and, like, just genius. And that's. He's a West coast guy. I forget the name of the author, but Inner Game with Tennis. I'm reading I Hate Running and you can too. And I love this book. It's really. It's so good. And I'm. I'm a runner, but it's illustrated and it's funny and it's interesting, and so. And the title. I Hate Running and you'd can too, is so fantastic.

Such a great title.

The Slight Edge. I just read that the other day. I'm in the middle of clockwork, and so, yeah, I usually have a couple Books going at a time. But the question I always ask people is like, what's the book you've given away more than any other book? And the one for me, the answer to that one for me is the War of Art. I've given more friends Steven Pressfield's the War of Art than any. I mean, other than my books. Because I have books in the trunk like MC Hammer. So if you see me around town and go, hey, it's John, I'll give you a book. Um, but the War of Art is up there for me on Most Given Away.

I'm just laughing because you said MC Hammer. That was the very first music video I danced in when I moved to L. A.

Which song?

Can't Touch this.

What you should with that. You buried the lead. You should have been like, I'm so glad you're on my podcast. Also, I was in you Can't Touch this. That's hilarious. What other videos were you in that you danced in?

Oh, my gosh. I was like the token white girl in that video. I know. I can. I can move. I can shake a tail feather. I can do some hip hop, tap dancing. I was on Townsend Television when that was out for a while as one of their dancers, Melissa Etheridge, John Brannan. I did a ton of industrials and music videos, but MC Hammer was probably my favorite. I think part of it was I had so many people that were like, you will never make it as a dancer in la. You know, I'm from a small town. They're like, you will. You'll be back. You're going to run out of McDonald's coupons and you'll be right back. And I. A month later, you know, I had saved up twelve hundred dollars, packed my little Suzuki Samurai, and a month later, I auditioned for that and got it. And let me tell you, everything changed. You know, I was. I did that video and I came home and there was a line of cars around my mom's house to be like, yeah, we know her.

We know she'd make it. We knew she'd make it.

We knew she'd make it.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That's so funny.

Yeah, it was. It was so much fun. But, yeah. So I want people to also be able to sign up for your newsletter because I want them to get, you know, have the ideas that you have. So where's the best place? And I'll have a link. So if you're running right now on the treadmill or you're driving, you can find in the show notes the link for the book, his. All of his books. But also, will you tell them the best place to find you and to get your books and maybe sign up for your newsletter as well.

So the newsletter is Acuff Me Newsletter. So Acuff Me newsletter. I have a podcast called All It Takes is a Goal. If you want to start and maybe just listen to one episode. Colleen Berry is somebody I interviewed. You've probably never heard of her, but she. She lost her job in the middle of the dot com bust. She was a documentary filmmaker. She had to take a bunch of jobs to survive, and one of them was as a receptionist. And she decided, I'm going to change my mindset, I'm going to change my soundtracks. And she did, and she's now the CEO of the company. So she went from receptionist to CEO. And so if you want an example of somebody who did it, somebody that will encourage you, that's a great podcast episode. My books are sold everywhere. And then I'm John Acuff on Instagram, Jo N and Twitter and all the social media channels.

Yeah, John, your podcast is amazing. That. That was the episode that I actually listened to.

Yeah, she's amazing. Like, I was taking notes about my own life with some of the stuff just. I mean, she, you know, just to see. And it took a while. Like, I don't think there's anything that's amazing that happens overnight. It takes time. And her story was so encouraging to me that, you know, so that would be the one. I'd say, like, start there and then, and then go from there.

Yeah, it's so good. And I love. In your book, you talk about resilience. You say, we think of resilience as having the toughness of a Navy seal, but really it's the opportunity to begin again when things don't go as planned the first time. I love that.

And that's happened to everyone. Everyone listening to this podcast has had something this year not go as they planned it. I keep telling people, like, when it comes to making plans, three days is firm, three weeks is fuzzy, three months is fictional. And that's hard. Like, I can tell you, three days from now, this thing is going to happen. Three weeks, little fuzzy or three months, it's fiction. And that's hard for people. And so everybody, Everybody has needed some resilience this year.

Oh, that is such a great way of looking at it. I mean, I had a friend last night that I was on the phone with, and she was saying, well, when are you going to the hotel? The Event starts on the 21st. Like, she was going over details of this event, and I was like, the whole idea of this event is just be cool. Like, we don't know there. Just be cool. Like, you know, just, like, you gotta just.

Yeah.

Just roll with it. We don't know what's gonna happen.

It's not easy. It's not easy, but it's. It's where a lot of us are right now.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I am so glad that I got to talk with you. I have just enjoyed your book so much. And the book cover, it matches all of my branding too, so.

Yeah, I love bright colors. I. Bright colors make me happy. So I think that's something we share, is that bright. Bright colors are fantastic.

Yeah, I love it. And one more thing before I forget, I loved your acknowledgments in the back of the book, too. I got, like, a little teary eyed when I read that the best part of you opening for Dolly partner was getting going.

Yeah, it's true. It was amazing to come down from the crowd and see my kids and have, you know, my two. I've got a. She's not rising. She's a senior and a sophomore in high school. And so, yeah, I don't take either of those people that I get to spend a lot of time with, whether it's my wife or my daughters for granted. It's. It's super fun.

Oh, that's so special. And Dolly Parton, I have a T shirt with her face on it.

I love the queen. She's there. She is amazing and was the sweetest person. And, yeah, that was. That was super fun. And she's a Nashville icon. And so that was. Yeah, I. I have nothing but good things to say about. I don't know anybody who says bad things about Dolly Parton. She's like one of the few people on the planet that I think universally people are like, yeah, she's. She's awesome. Like, she's. She's found a way to build this amazing empire. That helps. I mean, she's given away, like 100 million books. I could talk about Dolly all day.

I love her. We'll do a whole nother podcast.

That's one more thing we share.

Yes. Well, thank you. Y' all make sure you check out the show notes and if there was one part that was your favorite part in the show, screenshot it and tag us on instagram @amberly Lagomotivation. And John, it's spelled Jo N. Just so you know, on. Yeah, on Instagram and thank you for listening in. And John, thank you so much for being here and sharing your wisdom.

Thanks for having me.

Thanks so much for joining us this week on True Grit and Grace Podcast. If you like it, please rate it or share it with your friends. That would help too. If you're not yet on the newsletter list, come over to Amberly Lago.com and jump on it. While you're there, you can grab a free downloadable gratitude journal. And you might just want to check out my book or even check out my monthly motivational membership. Thanks again for tuning in and we'll see you next week.