Mastering Modern Midlife with Catherine Grace O'Connell

Welcome to True Grit and Grace, a podcast designed to empower you to claim your resilience and thrive through life's challenges. I am Amberly Lago, a mindset coach, fitness expert, and bestselling author. Each week, I'll dive deep with the world's brightest thought leaders and elite performers to share tangible tools and practical advice to inspire you to keep your eyes on the prize and forge ahead. So get ready to conquer your fears, heal any trauma, lead with your heart, and elevate your life with grit and grace. Hello, I'm Amberly Lago, and I am so excited to have one of my good friends on the show today. We met a while back at an event where Maye Musk was talking about her book, and it was instant connection, instant love. We sat beside each other the whole night, and we've been friends ever since. I have Kathryn Grace o' Connell with us here today. She is the host of Mastering Modern Midlife. She's an incredible blogger with a huge blog and following not just on her blog, but on social media as well. She's got a digital media agency called Forever Fierce Media. And y', all, she's on a mission to assist women at midlife and beyond to believe in themselves, to reinvent, to rewire, and to be relevant and to create the life of their dreams. And so welcome to the show. Beautiful. I'm so happy to see you.

It's finally here. I mean, amazing, amazing, amazing. Oh, I know, right?

We've been trying to get this going for a while now. I swear. Like, actually, we've been trying to get this scheduled for over a year, and we finally made it happen.

Finally. Yeah, we had a few things. I had to move in there. We had a. Yeah, we had a few glitches in there, so we kept having to put it on the back burner. But I am so excited to be here now because this is when it was meant to be, and it feels so right and so divine and so perfect, so. And it's really gotten. Given us some time to get to know each other even better, even deeper on so many levels. So I have such great admiration and respect for you, the beautiful work that you do, but also you as a human, so you're amazing.

Oh, well, thank you. I feel the same about you, y'.

All.

Before we started, I was just telling Katherine, I was like, it is feeling a little chaotic and been crazy, and my computer wasn't working. And I was like, I was just looking forward to seeing you because you have such a grounding effect. You're so you really practice what you preach, but you've learned, you've really learned the hard way because you've overcome so much. You've had health struggles. And this podcast is all about turning tragedy to triumph and the struggles to success and how you get there. And so before we get into how you discovered your superpower and how you show others to really shine and tap into their superpowers, can we go back and just talk a little bit about before your life before, when you were pushing and pushing and you were all about the grit until it really kind of drove you into the ground with your health? Can we go back there and visit that so our listeners know that there is a different way, there is a better way of being resilient. Because I think we all need that reminder sometimes.

Absolutely. And you know, your whole platform is on resilience. We don't find out how resilient we are until we really. Sometimes that grit is like, so like you said, it's the pearl. Like, oh my God. Ultimately the luster shows and the beauty shows, but sometimes it takes some rough stuff. So for me, I am turning 60. I have had decades and decades of. I've been on an interspiritual personal growth path for 30 plus years. Thank God I had a massive toolbox because I had gone through some really rough stuff. So when I was a young girl, I was sexually abused. So all I really knew was abuse that was familiar to me, not on a conscious level, but on an unconscious level. So I continued that pattern right into a 20 year marriage that basically broke me into a million pieces. So that the universe tends to send us signs. The signs got louder and louder and louder. I was in and out of the hospital. He would leave me to die. I'd have surgeries by myself, have my ole insides reconstructed, spinal meningitis, 11 spinal taps, always alone. I never had a partner. So to me, there's nothing lonelier than being in a relationship when you're alone. So it was devastating. Then I lost a child. I was pregnant, the baby was dying. I had to terminate the pregnancy. So I had like one knock after another and it was like the light was just going out. And at the end, I literally had a breakdown. We were going through a very, very difficult situation. I was working full time, I had my kids, I'm dealing with the renovation. The whole stock market crashed. I'm paying for it all, working at it all, moving us. I mean, it was so many things at once. And I broke. I literally broke. I went into a Catatonic state. Couldn't get out of bed for two weeks. Lost £16, couldn't barely talk. It was like.

And how old were the kids at this time?

So I was 45 at the time. So my daughter is literally, when I turn 60, she turns 30. So she is 30 years younger than me. So she was 15. So high school. It was a very difficult time for the kids. Very, very difficult. But the flip side of that is it was a very clear sign that it was time to leave. It was time to leave an unhealthy situation. And one. You know, it's one thing to be abused as a child. It's another thing to be abused as an adult. For the most part, we do have choices. And I stayed for my kids, but I wasn't, you know, I needed to leave for myself. So, yeah, it was. I. My doctor basically said, you got to get out. You don't get out, the next thing is going to kill you.

And, you know, a big realization for me as you were sharing that as well, is, you know, I, too, was sexually abused as a child and then went into my first marriage, was very abusive, and I took the abuse and I took it until one day he raised a hand at me in front of my daughter, who was only one year old. And I've never really shared this on the podcast before, before. And so I hope. I don't know, I hope my daughter doesn't hear this or maybe she's old enough where she could hear it now. I've never wanted to say or do anything to hurt her, but that was my sign to leave because I thought, I want to break this cycle. I don't want my daughter to think it's okay, that this is how a woman should be treated. Sometimes it takes another person. Like, for you, maybe it was your doctor that was like you having a professional opinion. Someone say, this is not right. In your gut, you probably knew this isn't right.

Yeah, my poor gut went through a lot. Yes, absolutely. So, first of all, I want to go back to what you shared. So, number one, thank you so much for sharing. Thank you for your courage and vulnerability. It is so interesting that we won't take those steps sometimes for ourselves, but we will do it for our children. Right. Someone outside of us is so clear we need to take care of them and protect them, but we don't always put ourselves first. So hopefully we're shifting that paradigm. And for me, it was. I had a bubble around my kids. They didn't know what was really going on. Like it was all hidden. So it was really. Once I filed for divorce, there was no hiding it anymore. Cause the abuse went out of control, escalating to the point of trying to break me. So I could not leave. So that was heartbreaking for me. But I do think, like you said at the beginning, you know, there's grit and there's grace. Now I listen, you know, I pay attention. I do put my needs not always first, but I'm not, certainly not going to put myself in a situation like that. And it's interesting because I've never shared this story. If you're going to share a story. I had gotten into a very short term, long term relationship with another man. And that was. This was in my. After the Lyme disease, I met someone. And I thought he was very nice and kind until I got on a plane to go meet him. And let's just say it was ugly. And he sexually assaulted me. And I got the hell out of there as fast as I could. And I realized that that was another one of those signs. I could have taken a path. He was very wealthy. I was going to be taking care of for life, you know, all the money in the world. And I was like, oh my God, this is the universe sending me a sign. This is, you can go on this repeat path and you can be taken care of financially and live the life of Riley and sell your effing soul, or you can wake up and go, no more. And I was like, I literally, I snuck out, grabbed my bags, hid in a hotel, got on a plane and got myself home. And I've never spoken about it. It was so clear to me that it was the universe saying, okay, have you learned your lesson? And I'm like, I got it. Learn my lesson.

You know what? Thank you for bringing that up. Because I feel like there are always signs. And there's so many times that I'm like, I'll say something like, I need to work on my self worth or I need to work on my boundaries. And no joke, right after I say that out loud, I feel like the universe just sends me all these toxic people for me to just set healthy boundaries with, you know?

Oh my God, we were just talking about this.

Yeah. Really? Yeah. And I feel like if you aren't quite sure that you got that lesson, the universe will make sure you got it. Cause we're going to send you another lesson until you understand this and you've got it. And so I love that you were like, I got this loud and clear. That's not My life. I choose grace. I am listening now. And that is a part of my book and the podcast is I knew grit. Well, and it sounds like you knew grit not just to push through an abusive marriage and the work that that took to keep your kids in a bubble, to make sure that they were. And they didn't know that that took a lot of grit because on the inside, that probably was very hard for you, but on the outside, you had to hold it all together. Like, I got this. And you just was like, I'm going to grit my way through this. And I'd love to talk more about the grace part and how you started to give yourself more grace and take care of yourself. When was enough enough? When you was at the doctor telling you, you gotta get out of this. You're gonna. The next time you're not gonna survive it, or when do you think enough was enough and you started to really take care of yourself?

Yeah, it was really clear, obviously, in that moment. So what happened was when I had this breakdown, my actual MD lived next door to me, and I went in to see him in the midst of a breakdown, and he's like, it's okay, honey, you just ran out of gas. Just go home and get some sleep. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you kid. I was literally in a catatonic state. So I switched doctors and went to this new doctor who could see clearly. And so obviously this is my next door neighbor who's now attached, has this story about, oh, everything's okay. And I'm like, no, I need to go to somebody who actually can really help me. And so I went to this doctor, brought all my medical records, and it literally was. He was like, you're 45 years old. You have the medical file of an 80 year old woman. If you don't get out, you're literally not going to make it. So he had me do Krav Maga. Like, you know, right away. It was like, you need to empower yourself. You have been effing beaten down. So I did.

And you know what? That's what I did. I did Krav Maga. I'm a yellow belt.

And Croft. Amazing. Amazing.

Well, you know how hard it is to get a belt in Krav.

Oh, my God. It was the first time I. I like, you know, took the guy's ear and flipped him on his back. And I was like, I'm so sorry. And he's like, you don't apologize. I was so used to apologizing for Everything. So, you know, that was really a wake up call. It wasn't. The doctor needed to slap me around. But what was interesting is the forces around me. Let's say I didn't grow up in a healthy family. So they all tried to keep me there. The marriage worked for them. He was a big name, we had the right clubs, we had all the right everything. On the outside, it didn't matter the way I was treated, it mattered the way it looked. So there was immense pressure for me to stay from my own mother. I had to leave. That's why I left Chicago. I left, I closed the door, left everything behind, went out to la. Fresh start. I'm like, none of this is healthy. That was when it really was a. It's like, okay, if I'm really gonna survive in this world, I gotta take care of me and I gotta be okay. So I went out to do a deep dive inside of myself and go, okay, how did this happen? And make sure that it never happened again. I wanted to examine every belief on the inside, every story I told myself, every negative projection, every disempowering thing that was holding me back. Clean them, clear them, get rid of them and, you know, really find that authentic self that was there waiting for me all along. So that's the grace part. We need grit, we need friction. I mean, no question that serves us until it doesn't, right? We need those challenges. We need to be able to show that ourselves, we're resilient. We've got all those incredible, you know, inner strengths to push through. But eventually universe goes okay. Really, you think you need more and more, but you don't. Eventually it's time. Like that's a choice, right? There are times we need to be resilient, times we need to have that friction. And then there's times when we can remove ourselves if it's an unhealthy situation of something that's not serving us anymore and say, okay, I choose me, I choose grace, I choose an easier path and we can do that. And like you said before, we're in a really unique energy right now. CAYMAN ENERGY WORKER the light on this planet has gone up immensely. So when you say that you have an intention. When you are aligned, that universe is going to show you stuff like that, you're going to manifest like that. Be it, like you said, toxic situations just to show you something or positive things, but it's going to happen like that when you intend something. So all of this is working for us and just be really, really mindful I mean, to all the people out there right now, your intentions are going out like that and things are going to come back to you really quickly. So be really clean and clear with the universe. If you want to choose Grace, you can choose Grace. Put it out there and it'll come back.

I love that. And choosing an easier, softer way that it doesn't have to be so hard and that we get to choose how. What pace we want and how we take care of ourself. And I'd like to go back to something you said about how you had to really look within and start to. To change those stories that you were telling yourself. And I think that that's something that we all, you know, we all have these stories that we. We tell ourselves and for a long time and still sometimes that story creeps up and I have to take a look at it of I'm not good enough or I'm not smart enough or who am I to go speak on that stage or who cares what I have to say or, you know, trouble finding my voice. And you know what? I just had one of my friends, he was on the podcast, Perry Nicholson. I love this man. He's big. Shout out to him. He's got a company called Stop Chasing Pain. And man, this man practices what he preaches and he goes out of his way to help people. And he had me do like a brain scan and answer all these questions. And it was like a four page thing. And I turned it in and I'm like, okay, now you know everything about me. Here you go. And he set up a time on Memorial Day to talk to me. And he was like. I said, should I be scared? And he had said, no, no, but we're gonna. I've learned a lot about you. And one of the things that he said, there was something in my brain, maybe some trauma, past trauma, probably from some kind of abuse, whether it's sexual abuse or something where I might have trouble using my voice. And I was like, what? That shows up in that brain questionnaire that I did? And so I love that your superpower is how you found your voice. But how did you start to change that story of disempowerment to one of an empowerment, like a story of you are. Because you. I see all your social media and you're in. Before we started recording, I was like, I see all that you do and you shine in real life and on social media, y', all, she's. What you see on social media is what she is actually in real life or even More, because I feel your energy more when I see you in person. But how did you change that story?

Well, I started honestly with obviously the first situation. The breakdown is one thing I got myself out. But the interesting thing is I think thought like leaving Chicago, leaving all that behind, everything was gone. The door is shut. I'll go over here. New beginning. No, no, no, no.

It doesn't work like that, does it? It'll come after you.

The Buddhist monk that says on his book, you know, wherever you go, there you are. Right. Even though I physically left, I changed my environment. Great, wonderful step. But I still took me with me. And with me came all of the things in here. All the things in here that I was told that I believed. It's one thing to be told something, it's another thing to attach some meaning to it. A mean, right? So I. It was Lyme disease, you know, as I had Lyme disease that almost took my life. I was diagnosed in spring of 2014. I had it for over 10 years. There were two cases of spinal meningitis that were 10 years apart. That's how the doctors traced it back over 10 years. So by the time I had, it was in my brain, stuck in the brain, I was a dead woman. I literally within a month of treatment, bedridden, three to eight hour seizures a day, unable to walk under 100 pounds, all my organs shutting down, near death experience, boom, within a six month period. So it was fast. And so it was after I survived the near death experience. It's not like, oh, all of like the light came and I was healed. No, no, no, I'm still here. And I had actually been praying to leave. And I'm like, okay, I've suffered enough. I am done. And the universe was like, no, you're not. You're still here. So there's a reason you're here. And so this was 11, 11 14. I left my body, spring of 2015. I was doing a lot of inner work and I was working with an empowerment coach who was really helping me. But I would like anything else. You go up, you go down, right? You go up, you go down. And this was a down period again because I still had a lot of despair. I was alone much of the time. I couldn't really take care of myself. I couldn't drive. I could barely walk around the block. Like, I'm used to being independent. I was completely dependent. So my daughter came over one day and she's like, mom, what would you do if you were well? And I'm like, I Travel. I travel the world. I'm like, what? Like, where did that come from? So people with chronic illness, as you know, you're dealing with a lot of whole community of people, yourself as well. Pain. This suicide disease that you have. My God. So when you're in that state of particularly late stage Lyme disease and you're desperate. I was desperate. So most of my time was spent on the computer, and it was spent searching for protocols. I had. My protocols were morning to night. I mean, literally, I. I was popping things every five seconds. I was giving myself six shots a day. It was craziness. So my whole day was spent focusing on illness. So you're focusing on illness. You're focusing on all the horrible things that are happening to you. How the heck do you get well? You don't. So I made a decision in that instant. I went, okay, that's it. I'm done. This is in me. I can travel the world. Okay. I can't walk around the block, but I've got a dream in here. So I grabbed my computer in that moment, and I started creating a bucket list. My daughter brought me over a bucket list diary. I called a travel agent. I started planning trips around the world, and before I knew it, then she started taking pictures and social media. I just started following the steps. And it wasn't easy because I was still really sick. But I decided in that moment, like, you're talking about a story. I was going to tell myself a new story. There was no more illness story. Since that day, I never, ever have spoken about Lyme disease. As far as my being sick, no matter what happened to me, I would not go backwards and go, oh, my God, I'm afraid, like, nothing. Lyme was gone.

Well, you know, I think that's a big. It's really important to bring up that you said you didn't focus on that because I don't want to focus on complex regional pain syndrome. And I'm actually a little torn. So maybe you can help me with this, because I love my community that I've built around chronic pain because I love to help people, and I want to give tips and tools on how to shift their perspective and how to be the healthiest versions of themselves. And there's something pulling on me because I have a support group that I've created on Clubhouse, and I love everybody in that group. I mean, it's a smaller group. There's only maybe 40 people, but they're there, and it's very positive. But there's a part of me that I almost feel stuck. Like, I don't want to look at or talk about or think about complex regional pain syndrome at all. So when I'm running the support group and here we are on a podcast about. About you, and I'm asking for your advice.

No, no, no. This is perfect. This is. Because I totally get where you're going. And I can. I can. Absolutely. Yeah.

Well, it's. It's tough because I'm not sure if you were ever in any support groups for Lyme, but I was for crps, and none of them. They were all depressing and they brought me down and very victim mindset, the ones that I was in anyway. So that's why I thought, well, I'll just start my own and I'll have a place where we can all offer tips and solutions and we can celebrate our wins along the way. But there's a part of me that's like, oh, but I'm going to talk about CRPS again. It's hard, and I'm kind of struggling with what to do because like I said, I love these people there, some of my really close friends. But I so resonate when you were like, I don't talk about it anymore. It's done. I'm. I'm only focused. I've got a different purpose and a different path, and it changed your life. So my big question.

What would you.

What do you suggest I do? Any tips?

Well, yeah, absolutely. I will not never give advice, but I can tell you that obviously there is a deep voice inside of you with some wisdom that is guiding you right now into a good place. So this is what I learned the first year on social media. I had hundreds of line people reaching out to me for help. I sent my cell phone to everyone. I spent hundreds and hundreds of hours of my time helping these people. Almost nobody got well. Eventually, I made the decision to leave. And this is a different situation than yours, but this is where I'm going with this. So eventually, I saw this woman's post on social media. I had. I had. I mean, I sent her. I can't even tell you how much stuff had been on. I was her. She's like, yes, I get it. I. And this. She put this post on social media and she goes, I never let go of this disease. I will never let go of it, because it was her story. So she was attached and she was keeping it alive. And I was like, okay, that's it. I'm done. So for me, it began to drain me. And so Lyme is different. Than what you're doing. But I would tell people, there's two circles. There's a light circle and a dark circle, and they don't connect. So when I left Lyme and I would coach other people to do this, leave it here, and come into the light circle. You cannot keep a tiptoe over here because you keep the energy of illness alive, and it's going to drain you. So over here in the light is where you want to be focused, live. So even you will rarely hear me speak about Lyme, other than it's something that happened to me in the past. There's no energy. There's no attachment. There's nothing. It's just a story. It's something that happened. But I don't even put a post out there. It's not to get any kind of attention. It's to tell my story. This is where I was, and I changed it like this because I changed the story and I made a decision, I was going to leave that behind, period. That energy was gone, done, cut off. And all the stories with it were also going to die with it because they weren't serving me. And I have watched probably 99% of people with Lyme stay in the dark circle. I would go in the support groups on Facebook, I would get blasted for saying something positive. Blasted for. But I was like, great, that's your story. I'm going to go out of here, and I'm going to live my. And I'm going to watch you guys do what you do, which is just stirring negativity and staying in that dark pool, it's a choice. So it doesn't mean you can heal everything that way, but everything is energy. So if you're talking about it, even posting about it in support groups about it, again, I'm not telling you what to do, but I'm telling you there's a voice inside of you. So there's only so many hours in the day, only so much energy we have. So if there's anything in there that you can make a choice and not drain you, you can still help people, but you don't have to be in it all the time.

Yeah, that's helpful. I think it's important to listen to your voice, your inner voice, your inner wisdom, Listen to your gut. And I think that when you grow up in an abusive home, you learn to not trust your gut. And it's a. It's a long process to learn to listen to that voice and trust your gut. And it's taken me a long time And I still struggle with it sometimes because, you know when you're little and you say, well, this can't be right. And they're like, nope, it's right. It's right. You know, and it's clearly not right. And so you're like, oh, I guess I'm just. My inner gut's wrong. Your inner gut is never wrong. It's always right. Your gut knows it is always right. What would you do to suggest to someone how to start listening to their gut and trusting their gut a little more?

Well, the more quiet we get, right? For me, I got really quiet. I'm bedridden. How much more quiet can you get? Like, all alone. What do you think happened last year? All of us, it's like suddenly we're on this global lockdown, and all of us are like, er, hit the treadmill. We gotta pause. That's a gift. So many of us are just racing and running and proving and pushing. So how can you listen to your gut? Stress is like this. Our gut listen. We have to be like this. We have to be open and receptive. So we have to have our insides de stressed and open to be able to have a pathway so we can listen. We gotta get off the treadmill. We gotta stop pushing. You know, our voice is there. Our bodies are always talking to us. If we aren't listening to the voice inside, our bodies are gonna start talking right, or all of a sudden, it's gonna be illness. You're gonna get a louder voice until you listen. So, again, grit and grace. The illness is the grit. Listening to the voice and getting quiet is the grace.

Mmm, powerful. I need to listen to that grace a little more. I mean, because I love to just go and push. And it's not always easy to slow down. And I think a lot of that comes to when you have to ask yourself, well, why is it that it's hard for you to slow down? What are you trying to prove? What are you. What hole are you trying to fill? What you know. And so I know for you. You. You were you. Like I say, you've got this grounding feeling about you. What are some of your daily practices that you do so you don't get on that treadmill of life and just go, go, go and grind yourself up to where you're pushing, pushing yourself to where you're not healthy? What are some things you do so you can stay healthy? You know, tap into your grace and live a life of joy instead of just go, go, go.

So I have a pretty deep spiritual Practice. And not every day is the same. Lately, my daughter had given me the Artist's Way for my birthday. So I've been doing that in the mornings. And the Artist's Way is a program where you start off with morning pages. So you know it. So it's. It's not so much journaling, it's more unconscious. And it just gets that inner guck, like the minute you wake up and you just go. You don't think about what you're writing and you just get it out. So then you have space to fill with positivity. So I start my morning with that. Generally, I try to meditate, I listen to inspirational. I have a whole bunch of inspirational people that I listen to. David G is a favorite on Insight Timer. So I go on the app. He has 40 days of meditation. He created the Oprah programs. He did our event, you know, fiercecon. He's wonderful. He taught the Chopra center meditations for 10 plus years.

And what's his name again?

David G. D A V I D J I. So if you go on Insight Timer and you pull up David Zee. 40 days. I think it's called the 40 days of meditation. So basically, in those 40 days, you get a taste of all these different forms of meditation. One day it's mindfulness, one day it's meta, one day it's a deep body scan, relaxation. So you get a little taste of everything. So you can see things that resonate, maybe things that don't. And he always tells a little story in there, and they're short. They're not. Some are 10 minutes, some are 20 minutes. But it's a wonderful day to just wake up, maybe get the gunk out, then fill yourself with something that feels really good. And I head out. In nature, I'm a nature girl. I'm a barefoot nature girl. Nothing more grounding than being in nature. I was not grounded most of my life. I literally think I just told the story the other day. I didn't feel my feet until I was going through Lyme disease and I had a healer get me into my body and I was like, ooh. It was literally the first time I felt my feet. Because, you know, with trauma, you leave your body, right? You disassociate. I was so disassociated, but didn't know because I didn't know the feeling of being firmly in my body. And all of a sudden there was this whoop and I was like, oh, my God. I mean, my feet felt like concrete bricks. So we can do that for ourselves. And we do that grounding anytime. We're in the present moment because we're in the past, we're not present, we're in the future, we're not present. The only time we can change our life is in the present. So if we think about it, if we're worried about anything, regrets about anything, we're in the past, we're not in the present, we're not grounded. If we're not present, we can't be grounded. If we're worried about the future, stressed about something, again, we're not present, we're not grounded. So in those moments, do something to bring you back to center, whatever that is. Maybe it's just laughing about something. Maybe it's opening a spiritual book and just flipping to a page for that message you need. Maybe it's heading out to nature. Maybe it's going for a run. Whatever it is. Sometimes we need energy lifted. Sometimes we need energy being brought down. It really, it's up to, like, you back to listening to that inner voice and that intuition. What do you need in that moment? Do you need a lift in energy? Or do you need your energy tamped down? So whatever it is to bring you back into balance and centered and grounded. So for all of us, it's going to be different. Have a toolbox ready. Whatever that is for you, have it on the ready for you in those moments when you need to ground and be present.

I couldn't agree more. I mean, I swear I had to come up with a toolbox because I only had one tool before. And that was really just run anytime. Stressed, sad, anxious, anything, I would just go for a run. And when I couldn't do that anymore, I'm like, whoa, I gotta figure things out. I'm losing my mind. And so it's been a lot going on. And just yesterday, I'm like, I was reaching for different tools in the toolbox. I was like, okay, I gotta pray. Okay, I'm gonna read these. These inspirational quotes. Oh, I've gotta just have quiet time. Oh, I've gotta lay down and close my eyes. Like, I was trying. I was reaching for every tool. And I love what you shared about grounding, because that's where I feel the best, too. That's where I feel the most in. In present is in nature. And so sometimes in the middle of the day, especially if I've got a lot of zoom sessions or something, I take my shoes off and I just walk through the yard barefoot. And one of the things that has really been, I think, help Keep my sanity is, you know, we go to the barn where we keep our horse.

And I was going to go. Horses were my necks. I'm like, nothing more grounding than a horse. Nothing.

There is. There's something about. I can just be like. Like my energy on, like on fire, my mind racing all over the place. And I go to the barn and I give our horse a hug, and it just. It's like I can breathe again. And, you know, just. I went to the grocery store and this is how I knew, okay, I'm not in the present moment. So I go to the store. I was in a hurry. I have a big bag of clothes I'm donating. And so it's right by Air1. I donate the bags of clothes. I'm on the phone. I have a friend that just had surgery. So I'm talking to the friend. I go in the store because I just found out my daughter's coming to visit. I'm trying to hurry and buy some stuff. I come out to the car, I push the trunk, and I look at the bumper and I'm like, wow, I didn't. My bumper looks kind of funny. Open the trunk of the car. I'm like, whose backpack is in my trunk? And I look up.

Not your car.

It's not my car. And see, when you have the Tesla, when you get close, it just unlocks. Well, the guy was in his car with his keys. So it just opened up and I was like, oh, my gosh, I am so sorry. He said, yeah, you're one aisle over. He said, I saw your car and I was parked one all over in the exact same spot. And I was like, I'm so sorry. Here, I'll. I'll shut your trunk for you. Just shut his trunk. And I was like, oh, my God. And I was like, this is a wake up call. Hello. I was getting into the car, like,

yeah, that's an out of body. That's not a trauma. Out of body. That's a very not present out of body. So we all have those moments. I had just gotten your beautiful Tesla when I met you. I was like, oh, my God. You had literally your husband.

I had just bought it, like a few days. Actually, I'd gotten a couple of days before I met you. And so it was the first time I was actually able to drive that far because of my foot. So it feels like freedom for me.

I totally hear you. And I too, was a runner. So I think when I read your book, I think we might have talked about that briefly. But I also. The universe grounded me. I blew my knees out. So I'd been running for, I think it was 20 years. I would run, like, anywhere, seven to 15 miles, every single solitary day for 20 years. And that meant Chicago, meant zero degrees, meant freezing eyelash, whatever. It didn't matter. I didn't realize how much I was addicted to that because obviously it's all those endorphins.

It is, yeah.

That was my therapy. Because I didn't have therapy.

I didn't have therapy. That's what it was for me.

I ran everything out, and I couldn't run anymore. And that's when the illnesses started. So that was my coping mechanism. The universe stopped it in an instant. And I was like, oh, my God. I got sicker and sicker and sicker because I had nowhere to channel all that stuff. So I had to find some healthier. Obviously, now it's like yoga, all these other things that I do, but I don't have to have that addiction, you know, where it's. I loved it. I mean, there's nothing like that runner's high. But I needed to find other ways, healthy ways to not only channel that energy, but to make healthier choices in life. So I wasn't building up all that. Like, I was in such an abusive situation, and I could only work it out in here, and I needed to get out of that and put myself in healthier situations and, you know, learn. Like you said, I didn't need all that friction. There was a better way to live, Right?

Yeah. So you went to healers, you did meditation, yoga. You started figuring out all these other ways. And I think that's so important to share that you were so willing to do whatever it took to get better. And I think it's really important to highlight that, because a lot of people want to get better, but they don't want to, or they want a transformation, but they don't want to do all the work to get to the transformation. And like I said, you really worked at figuring out different tools for your toolbox. So what are some of the tools that you use that have been the most effective for you in helping you heal and find that inner calm?

Well, first of all, I found that sort of natural healing path. When I had my daughter, I almost bled to death. So I ended up going to a natural chiropractic, acupuncture, long story, but I was on crutches. I couldn't walk two sessions with them, and the crutches were gone. And I was like, oh, my God. There's something to this. So that's what took me down that path. And then I lost this baby, and it took me down a deeper path. And I realized there were a lot of ways for us to learn how to work naturally. Right. So for me, I love the natural path. I'll choose anything more holistic, integrative any day over popping a pill. So that's how I started amassing that toolbox. And so I started getting trained in a zillion different modalities. I'm an energy work. I've worked with, yes, wonderful healers, wonderful mystics, wonderful shamans. But more importantly, I've also done the training, so I can do it for myself. Rarely now do I ever work with anyone. Not that if I'm in a pinch, yes, I will call someone. But for the most part, I've learned to do it for myself. I find that's the most empowering thing. There's nobody's energy that's going to be more pure than your own working on you for me.

So can you tell me how does that. I don't have a lot of experience with that kind of work, and I would love to know, like, what does that look like? If you could explain how that process is. When you say you're a light worker, just explain to everybody listening what that means.

Sure. So what it really means. Okay, we're all light workers. We all have light. Some of us have more than others, depending on how much stuff we've cleared out of ourselves. But I literally, I have worked with healers who can see light coming out of my hands. So for example, I'm a Reiki master teacher. When you do Reiki, you draw symbols onto your hands. I can do a transmission, and then you can do it for yourself. So you can take your hands. There's different ways to do Reiki, both on yourself. Distance, all kinds of symbols you can use for that. You can take your hands, put them on different body parts. Like you're talking about your stomach. Maybe your stomach is nodding up. You can do that, and you can send the energy to yourself, to your stomach, stomach. I'm also trained in like, eft, but there's some. EFT is Emotional Freedom Technique. Really, really simple. TIP is Emotional Freedom technique is where you start tapping. You like tap on all these different parts, you know? Right. But there's also a trick where you can just go like this, and you can go right into your center chest. You've got your thymus here. Your thymus is the center of your immune system. You can thump your thymus, and that will boost your immune system. But if you need eft, you can just take this area. You can gently stroke it, you can gently tap it, and then you can say some positive things to yourself and you'll instantly calm yourself. It's like an EFT shortcut.

Wow. I like that. I learned about tapping years ago. And I mean, we're talking 20 years ago, long time ago, when an ex boyfriend of mine got into that and he got trained in it and was trying to do it with me, and I'm like, okay, dude, let me tap, you know? And I was like, I don't know if this works, but you're really cute, you know? But then I learned about light work. When I went to do, I thought I was getting a massage and the whole session was energy work where she was, you know, doing, you know, Reiki. Reiki. How do you. I don't even know. And afterwards I was like, oh, well, I thought you were going to rub my shoulders. I think it's like being open to those things and believing that those things can work too.

Yeah.

I think you have to.

What you're talking about. Yeah. So all it is is we're aligning. We're always either aligned or not aligned. So we're aligning and then allowing energy to come through us. Right. So it's really important if you're working with someone that you're aligned energetically with that person because you are literally allowing that person to go into your energy field. Really, really important, which is why I do it for myself now. But there's. There's energy. We're immersed in energy. There's energy everywhere. So all you're doing with Reiki is you are literally allowing through that symbol, that energy to travel through your body. And you can do it for yourself.

And that energy, you can feel it. I can. Anyway, I think. I honestly think that's one of the reasons when I first met you, it was a crowded room, there was a lot of people, and I mean, yes, you're drop dead gorgeous, and so who's not going to notice you? But I was like, it was your energy. We. We connected and we were just like. We were like, okay, we're together. We're soul sisters. Yeah. Did you feel that way? I mean, I really.

The minute I saw you, I was with Julie and I was with Nancy and I was like, there was just something about you and. And we're like, oh, my God. Yeah. We had to, like, we spent the entire evening, like you said, side by side. I wanted to get to know you. Yeah, it was really special. It was a connection for sure.

Yeah, it was a. I've got goosebumps right now.

Yeah, they call them God bumps. They call them God bumps. I just. Yeah, it means you to me. You hit on truth when you say that. And, yeah, there was an instant connection. There was something bigger and greater going on there, bringing us together. And, yeah, here we are again. So who knows, sister? Maybe we got some really cool things ahead to do out in the world.

Well, you know, you've got some really cool things. You have an incredible show. And I know we're almost out of time, but I wanted to talk about. Because you're. I know it goes so fast. Every time I've talked to you on the phone, it's like, oh, my gosh, I could talk to you all day. But your show and the way it's produced is beautiful, by the way. And you've had some huge guests on your show, and I'm so honored that I got to be on your show. But you're doing so much. You're doing right now, 60 days to 60. You've got your incredible podcast. You. You're. I told you, every time I look on Instagram, I'm like, what's she doing now? She's got another blog. Oh, Mopsy Monday. Oh, like, there's. So I want to know how. What inspired you to start your own show?

So actually, I had launched a social service campaign. That's what sort of started me down this whole blogging path. And. And then one of the women who was in it, she'd been on the Today show. She had a radio show in la. So I went. She asked me to co host with her. We ended up taking over the show, turning it into video. Then we left the studio and did on our own, because I wanted to do full video. I didn't want to just do a radio show. So. And then we just started. Like, we have amazing guests. I mean, they just literally start just showing up in my inbox. So I was very fortunate to have this sort of story and. And be very, I guess, immersed in the inspirational community. So I've had a lot of the Hay House authors on some of the biggest. And it's just a natural, I don't know, attraction. So anyway, that's how it started. And over time, we've evolved it. And over the past year we were trying to do it because in la we mostly had guests in person. Most of it was in person shows, which I love. That's my number one favorite. But we had to pivot to all, you know, virtual shows.

Yeah, everybody did for sure that I was doing all my interviews for the podcast in person until Covid 2. I'd even flown to.

I know last time you were on, you had gone to Vegas.

Vegas, yeah, yeah, Vegas. Then I'd gone to. I'd flown to Dallas to interview Trent Shelton. And so I was traveling a lot to get guests in person. There's a. It's a different. I mean, you can still feel the energy when you do it by zoom. Thank goodness for zoom. But I know everybody had to pivot, and it's just a little bit different when you're doing it that way.

But, yeah, we would get on a plane and literally go and film shows with people because, you know, we wanted to be in their environment and set. So, yeah, Mike, I didn't have to do the tech end. He does a lot of work on the tech and to make it look gorgeous. And so I'm very fortunate to have a tech person, because I am not a tech person. I love the interviews. I love, like, you know, authors. I love reading the books. I love learning their stories. I love the human connection. But I'm not a techie.

Oh, I know. I always say, hire your weaknesses and focus on your strengths. Yeah. And. But I love how you empower women to, like, be their authentic self, be their badass self, like, tap into their superpower and really own it. And what is one thing you could share with someone who might be struggling with, you know, I'm almost 50 going into, you know, your. Your skin starting to change, your body starting to change. How do you adapt and do that gracefully? Is there a way. Is there something that you would share that would empower women to age gracefully?

Well, I. I was really surprised in my 50s. I'm like, Whoa. I'm, like, coming into myself. I'm finding my voice. I've never seen had confidence my whole life. Like, where did this come from? So for me, getting older, yes, the skin changes kind of suck. Yes, the hormones kind of suck, all those things. But if we don't focus on that and we focus on the inside, we focus on, like, that authentic self. It emerges like, it will emerge if you allow it to. And particularly at midlife, you can't hold it down anymore. So we're talking, like, grit and grace. Grit is the ego side. Grit is the authentic self side. That's the beauty. And when people say, okay, you know, I am turning 60, I know that I have a lot of light inside. That's what they see, that's what they feel. Right. So I am very fortunate to work with amazing brands and amazing companies. Right now is 60 days to 60. I'm using Strivectin. It's head to toe, nothing else. I don't have anything in my skin. I'm using it to show people that they can do this for themselves at home. But the 60 days to 60 for me was I was not feeling my best. I was not working out a ton. I got diagnosed with copd so they think I was an early Covid case. I have all this scarring.

You're kidding. I didn't know that you were diagnosed with copd.

Yeah. During this period. Yeah, I was in the ER and emergency. I had.

I knew you were sick, but I didn't know it was that.

Yeah. Oh, I long look like a COVID patient, so I didn't know that. I basically had one of the early cases. I had pneumonia and the flu. So I had severe respiratory issues and came up here and was diagnosed after being in the ER and urgent care. So these are the things. Getting older isn't so fun or having health issues, but there are things that you can do in the 60 days to 60 was a way for me to create something as I'm turning 60 to make it super positive to bring women into it. I have Casey Duke as my personal trainer. You're a trainer? I've never had a trainer. She trains Denzel Washington, like Lady Gaga, some of the biggest stars. So it's really fun. She's 66. She had a hip replace last year. So I wanted someone who understood an older woman's body and could help me because I wasn't feeling my best. So basically I'm doing this stuff from home. I'm also an inside out girl. So lots of really healthy food, nutrition, meditation, and I'm trying out lots of fun skin products to see what works. They have a crepe control. That crepey skin we talked about last time. Time there's products to help with that. So I'm trying them out. I'll tell you what works.

Okay.

Yeah. I will tell you what works.

Bring it. Because seriously, where the skin graft was on my leg, it's like paper thin crepe. It's crazy. But. And then you know what, honestly, there's some times where I'm like, oh my gosh, my skin. What happened? Oh, how'd that get so saggy? And then I'll look down at my scarred up leg and I'm like, you

know what perspective, perspective.

It shifts my perspective. And so I do think that it's. You focus on that inside joy. I think finding joy on the journey. But from everything you've shared, I see that the thing that you do, the magic in you one of the magics or the in you one of them because you're just so magical. I swear you're like you're a unicorn. I swear you are. You find purpose and a positive purpose whenever you know there's something like your diagnosis with copd, you could have easily gone like, ah, yet again another health issue. This sucks. Been like that victim mentality. But you're like, nope, I am the, you know, champion mentality. A champion for change. And you focus on something and, and what you can do. And I think if, if anybody can take something from our time together with this today on the podcast is put. What. What are you putting your focus on? Like really find something positive to focus on because that's how you become resilient, I feel like is really choosing carefully what you're putting your focus on. And you do that beautifully. And I am excited to watch this. 60 for 60 and I didn't know

that I'm taking my clothes off at the end. That is what the end game is, is in that that is huge for me because I am not someone, someone who wasn't even in front of a camera. So I'm flying down to Austin for a basically a very elegant nude photo shoot. I may have a tree or a branch here, but really to stand what I call an in my infant in this hard won inner self is so the outfit's going by the wayside. And I'm very, very fortunate to have some amazing partners in this who are just really cheering me on. So I think it's. I want to show a different way to age. I want to show a more beautiful, beautiful, graceful way to age, but also a fierce way to age. You don't have to like you said the copd. Great, I got the diagnosis. I'm on with my naturopath. What can I do naturally? Yes, I'm out of breath, huffing and puffing. But you know what? That stretches your lungs and prevents the scarring. So great. I'm out of breath. Keep going, keep breathing harder, keep running harder because it's just going to stretch those lungs. So yeah, there's always a good to everything and it happens for a reason.

That's powerful. If you could leave one thing with the audience today about resilience, what would that be?

Hmm. The lower you go, the higher you bounce. So always remember. Yeah. No matter what. That's the ultimate resilience. That's the. I've got the goosebumps, the God bumps now. So always know, no matter what, no matter how low you are, think about that. Like a boomerang. You go that high.

That's beautiful. Oh, my gosh. I love you, girl. You're amazing.

I love you, too.

Where can people find you? I want them to. To check out your nude photo. Just kidding. Now I'm gonna be looking for the date on that.

We're gonna check out the birthday party in my community in February. Midlife matters. Casey Duke will be there. We're gonna have a meditation with Michelle Pascal, who wrote a book with the Dalai Lama. It's going to be a big bash over in Forever Fierce. It'll be on my blog, kathengraceau.com. everything's on my Instagram. Katherine Graceau is my Instagram. Forever Fierce Media is my media company. Mastering Modern Midlife is my talk show. I'll be putting this into a book. I'm working on a book and a TED Talk right now. So lots of ways to find me. Yes.

That's amazing. And congratulations on the ted.

TED Talk. That's amazing. I'm working with someone right now who's getting me ready so I can.

Yeah, that's amazing. And so all of this, if you're listening and you're like, oh, wait, what? What was that? It's all in the show notes. So it'll be. And if you're watching this on YouTube, it'll be on the show and in the notes in or in the comments, too, on Facebook. And please, if there's a one part of this that resonated with you, take a screenshot and tag us on Instagram so we can see it and thank you, or even share it in our story and reach out and ask Katherine questions or just go check out her picture. 60 for 60. Let's do it.

Today's for 60, signs of the newsletter. Lots of giveaways coming, so lots of fun stuff. And I'll let you know. The crepe control. So far, I've had a great experience, and there's something you can do about crepey skin. Who knew?

Oh, okay. I definitely want to know about that. I'm going to check with you on that. Thank you. You. Oh, thank you so much for joining us.

Thank you. Thank you for having me. You're just pure delight and inspiration.

Oh, I love you. Thank you. Thanks so much for joining us this week on True Britain Grace Podcast. If you like it, please rate it or share it with your friends. That would help too. If you're not yet on the newsletter list, come over to Amberly Lago.com and jump on it. While you're there, you can grab a free downloadable gratitude journal. And you might just want to check out my book or even check out my monthly motivational membership. Thanks again for tuning in and we'll

see you next week. Sam.