Learning From the Lessons that Failure Teaches with Dr. Cheryl Lentz

Thank you for tuning in to the True Grit and Grace podcast. I'm Amberly Lago and I'll be sharing inspirational stories of resilience and empowering ideas to elevate your business and your life, ignite your passion and fuel your purpose.

Hello.

Thank y' all for tuning in to True Grit and Grace. I am so glad you are here because I have a real treat for you today. My good friend, Dr. Cheryl Lentz. And if you have ever had a fear of failure or if you are in the middle of a failure or life is tough, you are going to love this episode because she is known as the academic entrepreneur, but she has a saying, failure has no alibi. We are going to talk about how to fail faster so you can succeed sooner. But also about her amazing story of all that she has overcome and what a big failure over 30 years ago taught her and really led her to having these top best selling books. Now she helps other people get their books out there. She speaks on stages. She's got a TED Talk that is unbelievable that you'll have to go check out. But I'm just so excited to have you here. Thank you so much, Cheryl, for being here. It's so good to see you, Amberly.

It's wonderful when you and I get together. It's nothing short of magic. I just wish we lived closer in there. So thanks for having me. This is absolutely fabulous opportunity.

Oh my goodness. Well, we thank you. We met for the first time in person at Secret Knock a while back and and it was instant connection. And I think that people who have gone through similar things, you really each other on a deeper level. So I know you talk about failing and failing faster and you've achieved this luminous success and yet you are still like humble with confidence if that is how I can describe it.

Thank you. I don't think I'm done yet. And it's really interesting because I don't see myself the way everyone else is. It's like I've done a few things and it's. But I don't think I'm done yet. So thank you.

Oh, I think this is just the beginning for both of us. We are just getting started. Yes. Right. Well, I would like to go back a little bit and how we really connected heart to heart and our soul is because you have experienced a lot of physical ailments and challenges and yet still pushed through and made it out the other side and learned a lot of lessons. And so I have a lot of questions for you. We have a lot of Listeners that there are entrepreneurs, they may want to write a book or they may have a book or they might be going through a failure. But a lot of people are like, well, how do I do these things? And how did she overcome being sick, not feeling good, and still achieve success and have this joy and good vibes and light around you? So can we start by you sharing a little bit about in the beginning how your health was really kind of failing you?

This has been a long story. I'll try and bring a current. But my health started from the day I was born. I almost died the day I was born. I had collapsed lung. And I was christened in the hospital by a Jewish doctor who kept me through college because I was one of his miracles. I wasn't supposed to make it. When you have those challenges. And I've been told three more times throughout my life that I was supposed to be checking out. I'm always amazed, going, I'm still here. And I always feel the need to whisper. But it was a. What really helped me was when I was in college and two things. My friends never treated me as if I was ill. They always treated me as quirky. Cheryl just had her stuff, right? We would have more parties in the emergency room and the medical things than anybody I knew. That was just part of me. And they accepted me and they loved me for who I was, even with all the medical stuff that came with it. And the second part was learning to be able to accept some of those failings when I didn't know how. And this was something my parents tried to teach me in high school when I was valedictorian. And I really became a bookworm because my physical health couldn't do the rest of it. So I did it here. And I remember my first C in calculus because I was perfect student, right? And I get my first C and I'm like, oh. And then my F, you know, and it went on the refrigerator door. And I could see this. Now I have perfect grades. If I would have gotten a buck for every A, I'd be a millionaire by now. But that was never the goal because it was expected. And I just did it. But when that first F was there, I still remember that. And that was my parents attempt to. What I try and do now is that failure is just part of life if you can't learn to fail. And I'm like, what do you mean you have to learn? Yes, you have to learn. We don't like it. I see kids all the time who are in sports and they don't have that sportsmanship because they throw the bat, they throw their helmet, they cry, they get upset. It's that anger that we have inside. And I will tell you that when I started, I was really resentful because everybody else got to be healthy and I didn't. I never knew what healthy was like from the day I was born. But it has two choices. And you know this more than anyone. You have a choice to either play the victim or to get busy. And there was an exercise, one of my professors did my. I think it was my either my freshman sophomore year at the University of Illinois, and it was a legacy exercise. And they asked me, if you had to write your obituary today, what would it say? And I started writing, and it wouldn't say nothing. I had done nothing at that point of going, man, if I died tomorrow, which I had been told I would, that I will never have left my mark on the world. And I couldn't have children. I have two failed marriages. And there was all these things of that image we have in our head. And the medical stuff was always a big part of it. And so I made a choice there to rewrite my obituary going, this is what they're going to say about me. And every time I earned another degree, my second master or my first master's, my doctorate, I kept upping the ante. And now if something happened to me tomorrow, I don't think I'm done yet. But there's going to be something to know that Dr. Sheryl was here. I've done something with the world. And much of it had to do with overcoming my medical, because I didn't want to be defined that way. You and I met because I had told you my story about being in a wheelchair for nine months, that my body finally said, you are done. We are going to, like a computer will say, I have had enough of this. If you are not listening, we're going to shut it off. And apparently, I've been giving all of these messages, but I became the professor to protect myself from pain. I lived here. When I started moving into my heart is where magic happened. But I had to feel the pain, and I had to look at the idea. It's like, all right, look at the wheelchair aspect. And I was actually at secret knock in the wheelchair. And I don't know if you know that part in there. And I was on the dance floor in that wheelchair, and my mind was, if I'm going to be in this damn chair, I'm going to see the world with Being in this chair, because it is not going to stop me. And eventually, I started living my dream and started living my purpose and living all the messages that I'm going. You mean y' all have been talking to me this whole time? Yeah. I made a choice, and the choice was not to have my medical define me much the same as you have. We could have stayed in that hospital bed. I could have stayed in that wheelchair. I vowed not, and now I have. That have happened. Yeah.

Well, you know what? It's so much about your mindset and how you see yourself, and I love that exercise of actually thinking about, what would your obituary say? But you know what? I think that you and I are a lot alike and that you were talking about. We had so many parties in the er. I mean, my hospital room was. I had my own fridge. I had, you know, a chair for the nurses to come sit in, and they would, like, talk to me. The nurses would all come in and we'd do, like, a little dance party. I would be in the hospital bed. But it was because I was like, I am not going to just sit here and sob. And it's okay to have that pity party, but you just can't stay there.

Exactly. And that was the hard part, is I remember kind of a voice that came to me when I was in the wheelchair is, you have a determination to make today. Are you going to let it define you? And then I vowed, it's like, I'm getting out of this chair, and I am never going back. And I started slow. And you know what the slow is? I mean, I would do 10 seconds on the bike, and the next day I would do 12 seconds. And it took me years to do what some people might do in five minutes. I'm still not there. And now, last summer, I took up the bicycle, and so I was able to ride. I haven't ridden this year much. I kayak, I dance. I do all the physical things that I was never capable of. And people are like, you are nothing short of a miracle. The doctors don't quite know what to do with me because I'm a Mayo Clinic misfit, much like you. They're like, well, this is what this says. I'm like, that's not what it says for me. I will not allow them to define what it is. And while I'm not perfect and my health is not great, this is taken a lot of work to get to where I am. And I hope this is just the beginning. So what it does say is, when I stopped thinking and accepting this. And I moved into my heart and started listening. God's like, oh, there's so much more than you. But in order for us to help others, we have to go through that journey. There's no substituting for that. And you don't understand unless you've been there. And the dark side is a hard place to be. But like you, you don't stay there. I've had my share of pity parties and I vow that you can choose that or you can choose to be happy and joyful. And I'm not always this put together and I'm not always this joyful. You know that you have to work at it. You have to make a choice every single day, even when you feel lousy. And I know who to call and I know the strategies and I know how to reach out, but I don't stay there. And that's the part is you've got to have the future thinking. And that was part of what that exercise now still remind me of. Who do you want to be and how do you want people to experiencing you? And I want joy. And I think right now, particularly in Covid, there's too much anger. There is too many people who just can't figure out what to do and how to channel their frustrations. If we can make that choice, that despite what's going on in our lives, we choose joy is an easy no. But is it far better than the alternative? It's far easier to be happy in your situation than sad. So let's go and have a party. Let's go and have a beer. Let's go out dancing. Let's do something that's going to be a positive shift in the world. And you'll be amazed how your attitude, it doesn't change what happens in your life, but it does change how you see it. And if we can frame it, because that's the whole point of my book. But failure has no alibi I can't take credit for. That's a Napoleon Hill phrase. I just used it as the title of the book. I'm a big Napoleon Hill fan. But here is it is. As a man thinketh, so he is. If you think you're a failure, you will be. If you think you're a success, you will be. Either way, you're right, it's your choice. And that was my lesson going well, guess then, darn it, I'm going to be a success story. And however I define it, because that's just so much happier place to be than to have to choose the alternative and to lose the anger, that was the hardest part for me is to lose that edge and to lose that anger. And when everyone says, oh, we'll just let it go, they don't teach you how to. They expect you to be able to know how. And I didn't for a long period of time. And now I have techniques that I know. But most of it starts here. When you ignore the voices in your head, you do a different soundtrack and you get into your heart and you realize love's the answer every single time. And if you can, choose to love yourself. Despite what I've been told by my husbands, ex husbands, by ex boyfriends, the fact that I was broken. And Amber, I believed it. Until one day I said, no, I am not broken. I am the way I am.

Oh, my goodness. I. And those voices. So those voices, those labels, they will come from doctors, from ex boyfriends, from ex husband, or even from yourself.

Oh, yeah.

And I will never forget. So I was at an event, and I'm on the red carpet, and this photographer recognized me. And do you know what he said? He said, oh, oh, yeah, you're that broken girl. Oh, he actually said that. And I feel like everything just got silent. There's cameras. I'm on the red carpet taking pictures. And he says that. And I was like, no, I am not broken. I am here. And I was like, huh?

Exactly. You're like, watch me.

I am here. And I think that's one of the most powerful things that you can do is just say, this is who I am.

And I think part what helped me is when the doctors told me I couldn't that. And I remember reading that in your book. Just tell me. I can't. Watch me. Because I am going to prove you wrong. And that's where that stubbornness comes. Part of me, that Taurian as a Taurus, that ability, but it's also fighting for yourself. And I'm looking that I was drowning, I was dying. I was not going to be here. And it was a. You could make that choice. And I said, no, not for me. I didn't have everything I wanted because I'm not married, I don't have kids. There's an awful lot in my life I don't have. And I could choose to focus on that or I can focus on that. Watch me. I'm here.

Yes, yes. Well. And focus on what you do have and what you can do. And gratitude helps me with that every single time.

That was the hardest part, when I had to be grateful you know, when you're after surgery, you're like, I'm grateful for being. And you're doing it through gritted teeth until you can actually learn that I am grateful for surgery and mean it sincerely. But that took an awful lot of. I'm not happy, you know.

And you know what? I think that it all. All the emotions serve a purpose. So I think that it is. Yes, it's great to have an attitude of gratitude. It's sometimes hard, not always easy. And, you know, I was just talking to my mentor and coach. His name's Bedros Coolian. I think it's so important, no matter what you're doing, to have mentors and coaches and invest in masterminds. And I was talking to him, and I was like, gosh, you know, I'm so upset. I'm doing this one speaking event, and I'm the token female speaker, and there's all these big, you know, named guys, and. And, you know, they're like announcing John Maxwell, announcing Ed Bylette, and they didn't even announce me. I'm just kind of in the shadow in the background. And he goes. He goes, good, keep that little chip on your shoulder about that. And then you bring thunder to the stage. So I think that he said, look, it's great to be grateful and have that attitude of gratitude. But he goes, do you think when there's a mom trying to lift a car off of her baby that she's grateful in that moment? No. She is angry. She's full of adrenaline, she's determined and she's upset, and she lifts the car miraculously off of her kid. You know, so sometimes we have to use those emotions in the right way and focus them where we want to go. But one of the things that I love about you the most is that you don't let your illness define you or your medical situation define you. And that's what I choose to like. I'm very careful. You know, I had a friend of mine say, oh, it's so hard to travel. And I was like, yeah, I'm traveling right now. And believe me, it's really hard to travel with pain, with complex regional pain syndrome. And a lot of people don't even do it because you get on the plane and everything swells and you flare up. I said, but I don't focus on that. I focus on the destination and the people that I'm going to get to meet and just showing up the best way I can. And then also, when we talked about this a little bit before we started Recording is like, what can you do to take care of your health? And I think that you are such a great example of being an entrepreneur, but knowing through your experience that that health is foundational and so healthy mindset and healthy body. So I would like to backtrack a little bit to something you said, like with your head focusing on that soundtrack that you're playing over and over. And John Acoff, who wrote the book Soundtracks, was on the podcast, and I love that he wrote a book about how to switch up that soundtrack in your head and focus on what you can do and what you do have. So what would you suggest to someone who is stuck in this loop of only focusing on what they can't do, that they can't do, the things that they used to be able to do, that they maybe they can't drive, that maybe they can't go out to their favorite bar or can't meet with their friends or whatever it may be. What would you suggest for them to do to get out of that kind of negative thinking?

Well, there's two things that worked for me. One of it was volunteering. When you realize that somebody's always got it worse than you, somebody will always have it better than you. But the point is, is I have to. That attitude of gratitude is like, I am very grateful for the things that happened to me because this is where it could have been. And when I get out of myself and realize, here's the statement, and it's magic. It's not about me. That is such a powerful phrase to realize that is not about me. It's about my ability to serve based on what I've had. Is our gift is life that God gave us. What we do with it is our gift back to him. And my gift back to him is not to wallow in this. And so I go and I look at the volunteer aspect of it, because volunteering will give you some things that a job you can potentially get fired with if your medical stuff didn't work. So when I was getting over whatever it was I was going through at the time, I would get into the volunteer. And I'm usually in the dog world because I do Siberian husky rescue. And part of that is the ability to look at what can I do in a way that I'm not going to endanger somebody's job, but I can volunteer. And then as I get stronger, then I went back into the workforce. But that taught me the amazing gift that I may not be able to do what I want, but I can always do Something and that doing something made me feel valuable, that I still have. Can be of contribution, right, Dr. Gregory. Be of contribution to somebody else whether I could do what I. They don't know what you couldn't do. They only know what you can. So that's the first thing is volunteer and put yourself in a position of service. And the second one is to be able to look at writing all the stuff. You want to make a pro con list? Fine. Write down everything you can't do. I always have this challenge with God that I'm like, God always, always said no. That's what I focused on for a long time. And then I put the, well, what did God say yes to? And I would have that. And then I would start smiling going, you know what? There's a big joke of being able to say good and bad is context. Somebody broke their leg and, oh, that was bad. But yet when the army came in to recruit for people and they weren't recruited for the army because of conscription because they broke their leg, it was a good thing. So it really. It's a great joke and I ruin it every time. But the point is, is that it's context. It's not good or bad. It's whether we have it. So some things that were really bad at me at the time turned out to be amazing gifts that strengthened me six months later. So my hope and my prayer is now is God, give me the grace during the crisis so that I can hold my head high when I don't understand it, I can't see the good. And I just want to get through it with as much grace and elegance as I can and then realize going, it was always life happening for me, not to me changing that mind shift. But that's tough when you are in the bowels of hell and that 3:00am and you know those pain and you know that stuff and you just. Pain makes you crazy. But when you have to shift it, then once you make that shift, the rest of it follows like dominoes. But it's tough until you do. And so I would keep scorecards or my little index cards. When I couldn't do it here I was like, pick up your cards and read messages to myself to get me out of that funk. And those are the things that happen. But service is all about you can always do something for somebody else. When you get out of your story, you become part of theirs. It's an amazing magic that happens.

Oh, my goodness. I was just having this conversation with my dad, who's going through a lot and he's using a walker. And so in fear about, you know, having to use a wheelchair. And I'm like, dad, you know, focus on what you can do. He's like, well, I can't drive. And I said, well, I couldn't drive for a while either, but I figured out a way that I could with my right leg up on the dashboard and with my left foot and my broken arm propped up on the side, which was. I was like, honey, my. You know, my husband being a cop, I'm like, is this legal? He goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fine. I'm like, cool. But, you know, you just figure out what you can do. And being of service is magic. And I don't. If you can take any way, anything away from this conversation today, take that away. Like when you are in. Just the other day, I have to tell you, I was driving, came back from my doctors in L. A and I had a prescription for Lyrica to pick up. And I'm still. This is the last prescription I'm on. It's Lyrica. It's for nerve pain. And now I guess they've classified it as a controlled substance even though it's not a narcotic. And it's crazy what you say put out there in the universe, a lot of times come true. I've been saying for a long time, I'm going to be off this medication soon. I don't want to have to take any medication. But it does help me. And I'm, you know, don't anybody go out there trying to take Lyrica just because I'm taking it. But it took me about two years before I agreed to even be on it. And it does kind of help with the nerve pain from crps. Well, they wouldn't fill it at the pharmacy because they had given me two months worth. And that's too many pills and blah, blah, blah. Anyway, the pharmacist was just not very nice. I got in the car and I was crying. Not because I didn't get the prescription, because the way that he made me feel, he made me feel like I was a freaking drug addict. And I was like, what has this triggered? And I was like, it's triggered shame that I'm doing something wrong, that I'm a mess up, that I'm broken, that all these things. And that's why I was crying. And you know what helped me through that was first of all, like, I really had to go, what am I grateful for? What am I grateful for? And what I was grateful for? In that moment, I had to go way back and that I could drive because I was like, well, I'm on the 405 and I can drive and I'm driving a long way. And before I couldn't even do that. So I'm gratitude, I'm grateful. I can drive. Then I'm like, okay, I'm still crying. Like that didn't really work. And so I called a friend to check on her and see how she was doing. And just being able to talk and see what she was going through. She had it a heck lot worse than me.

And that's the only part is taking that impetus to make that call. Because we sometimes think we're a burden and we don't understand that we are a gift to others. And sometimes we need to let them help us the way we help them. And that's tough for us. Control type A personalities. We like to be of service to others. It's hard for us to back off and say, I need help and I'm willing to call somebody. And the person you call, I guarantee you they're going to be honored. The fact going you chose me of all the people you have in your phone to be able to have that opportunity. But you have to reach out. And a student taught me this years ago. A closed mouth does not get fed. And if we need to feed ourselves and take care of ourselves, it's okay to ask for help. That's not a sign of weakness. It's a sign of strength. But oftentimes we forget that part. So good for you.

Yeah. And you know what? It connects you on a deeper level.

That's how no one said that we had to go through this alone. It doesn't change things, but it does make you feel like you're not doing it alone. And it makes us feel better that we're having someone that walks with us. Even hand in hand. Remember, foot spins footprints in the sand. Right. When it gets too tough, the Lord will carry us because we can't do it ourselves.

Amen.

That's. Sometimes we have to recognize that it's okay not to be perfect. It's okay to be flawed. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to cry. So long as. What did you say? So long as we don't stay there. It's okay to be there. It's okay to be sad. Sometimes we have a lot to be sad about. And sometimes you have to grieve. You and I talked about that in your book. And the grieve a part of you that you may never have. Okay, let's grieve about it. That's it. I couldn't have children. I'm never going to be a mom. I get it. But I'm a doctoral mentor. I have 93 grads. So I'm kind of a different kind of mom. It just looked a little different. And so we have to look at how do we frame it? We could see we didn't get what we wanted. Well, we kind of did. It just didn't look like how we thought it might. So if we can have that ability to take ownership up and say, you know what? I am a mom. I just don't have kids that live at my house with my last name. There you go.

And there you go. And some moms would be like, man, why didn't I think of that?

I can't take credit of it. It wasn't intentional, but it's all how we see it. And that's what you say is that mindset. I could see myself as broken or I can see myself. What an incredible gift. Because had I been that way, I might not be. Actually, no, I would not be where I am today. And I will give you the best piece of advice. I had a friend and I were talking, and I had always thought that I would go back in my mind and say, oh, if I could only give myself my advice. Right When I was back in college, when I had those really big failures. Oh, I would have liked to have shaken myself, right, and told myself something. And my friend's like, honey, I wouldn't tell myself a darn thing. He used a little expletive. I'm like, seriously, I am who I am today because of everything that's happened to me. So if I give myself advice and I change it, I wouldn't be where I am today. I would tell myself, buckle up and enjoy the ride, baby. And I'm like, wow, that was such a revelation for me because I was always thinking I could correct my mistakes. I could do something different if I only would have known what I know now. Then he's like, no, you didn't. But that's made you who you are today. So don't give yourself advice. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just be grateful where you are in the journey. And like, yes.

And I think that everything that I've been through and failures and mistakes and tragedies, actually, it prepares you to help someone that might be on a journey that's similar, that hasn't made it quite through the other side. Yet I think that our mess really qualifies us to help someone. And you know what? I've taken a lot of my failures and my messes and things I've messed up with. And now I've put together this mastermind for women and I can teach them, hey, you can do this and it'll get you from point A to point B faster. But don't do this thing over here. I did it. I lost a lot of money on that thing, you know, so everything is a learning experience. And, and it really, you can look at it as, yeah, I'm, I'm a mess, or this, I feel like a failure, or whatever you're thinking. But even for me, not being able to get the medication, it's like, well, Amberly, you moved to tec Texas. You need to find a doctor here in Texas. And how about maybe this is a chance to try something totally different. You've weaned yourself off so much, so it inspired me.

Like I'm.

You see me drinking my shake, I'm doing like a three day fast and I'm seeing if that brings down the inflammation and all that. So I think it's being resilient is being open minded to new possibilities. And I think that you are really the definition of resilience because you do have that stubbornness. You do have that a little bit of like, ooh, I'm going to prove, prove myself. You are driven with love and you are passionate and purposeful. And so I really think everything you do is the definition of resilience. But when you are in a place, like, I guess I was kind of in a place of. And I got out of it by using certain things. But when someone is in a place where they're like feeling like a failure and they have that in their body and they're kind of stuck there, how do you release failure from your body? And, and what I mean by that is like, you know, we hold. There's a book called the Body, the Body Keeps the Score. I think that's what it's called. It's on my nightstand. But we keep so much of that trapped inside of us. How do you release that?

That was the hardest part for me is because that's when my body shut down. When my body. And that was the combination of my TED talk of being able to. My body decided I was not living my purpose. And it said, if you're not going to listen, and we've given you messages after messages, we're going to shut you down. And so it finally Brought me to my knees. We all know what that is. And when you finally hit rock bottom, there is nothing more you can do. The only way is up. And so learning to let go is doing some things you really don't like to do is I had to look myself in the eye and accept it. That's where the failure has no alibi came from. I had to own it. Because my body remembered every stupid thing that I did, every failure that I had that I would not learn from. The stupidness wasn't what happened. The stupidness was the ability to not learn from it. And I would ignore it. And how many people do that? We forget about it, we ignore it, we avoid it. It doesn't happen because we don't want to feel the pain. When I made the choice that's going to be hard for me. When I made the choice to live through that pain and accept my role in what I did to make those choices, my body finally says, ah, she gets it. She now can accept it and forgive myself for it. Because I accepted what people told me. That failure that I had in college, that set me on a whole different path. When my professor told me I wasn't good enough, I believed it. I wasn't stubborn back then. I didn't challenge it, I accepted it. When my ex husbands told me I was broken because I couldn't have children, I accepted it. And I assumed that I was not worthy because of all the wonderful things I've been there. Many people have said, well, I'm a failure because I'm a woman who couldn't have a child. You know what? It was not my choice. I would have liked to have had the choice, but medically it wasn't going to happen. And it's amazing how we react to things. But even for the woman who would have chosen not to, it's still that choice. And my body, you're right, it held it onto because I was so angry. My body remembered it and it's fine. That's like Cheryl, you got to forgive yourself, accept what you did, what your role was in this. And now we're going to move on. But in order to move on, here's the part your listeners aren't going to like. It's going to be painful. I went through a really hard time for many years. I had to go within myself. I went through therapy. I worked with several therapists. I had to deal with all the things that happened to accept it. And I used to want to hide it and forget about it. You find a place for it. And you accept it. Because everything happened, even the rape that I had in high school, even the, you know, the illnesses that I had had, the pain that I had, they were all part of me. But I didn't want that part. So I became angry. Angry, right. But when I started to feel and let go of that anger, going, learn to love yourself. I'm a pretty cool person. It took me a long time to not believe that, but that's how I let it go, is I had to look at myself, accept it, forgive it, and then write a new ending. And as a published author, that's what I do, is I write a new script. Now, the universe doesn't always get the script I write, which I find extremely amusing, going, yeah, you didn't do your part. This is what I wrote. And it didn't quite happen that way. But the point is my choice. And that's where, no, I couldn't. I couldn't hide from my failures anymore. I had to accept them. And failure has no alibi. You don't get a second chance. If you want it, you're gonna have to work for it. And I went to the dark side for a long time, and now I've come out the other side. But that's what a lot of people won't do. There are no shortcuts. There are no ways around it. You can't avoid it. You can't forget about it. You gotta just face it. And that's the hardest pain that most people don't want. And if you can face that pain, that's how I got to the other side, because we'll all eventually face it. Question is, if you intentionally face it, it goes a lot faster and it's a lot more in depth, because it's our choice and you experience it. And I really learned the lessons from pain, which is an odd thing to learn, going, what are you trying to teach me? I would have conversations with myself and God, and God would just finally give me that smile I've been looking for. She gets it. She understands it. This is what you need to do to get to the other side of it. And I stayed stuck for a long time because I didn't want to feel the pain. You know what that pain is, whether it's physically or emotionally, we bury it. We avoid it. And I know a lot of friends that are still there. The only reason I can say I am sitting here before you is because I was willing to face it. And it was a really dark time. But now, when pain comes again and it's never going to be over completely. I will know how to handle it, how to speak for it, how to be able to know that. Nope, this is not how I define myself. This is not my legacy. These are pieces. But I am no longer broken and I no longer see myself that way. Now I don't still quite see myself the way you all do. I'm still working on that part. So I want to let you know, still flawed, still a little bit human here, but that's the part that I want to let them know, is you got to be willing to have that strength. And that is probably the resiliency piece. I am stronger than I ever thought possible. Probably one of the strongest women outside of you that you will meet because I wasn't willing to give up or give in. But that's where my stubbornness. So again, some have to forgive a little bit of that edge because that kept me to survive and how I've become on the other side. And so don't always be so quick to disregard that part of your seat. It's not, maybe not the most positive part, but sometimes survival is all we've got and you just love yourself through it a little bit more. And here I am, certainly not done yet and not perfect, but I've learned a whole lot that makes life a lot easier.

Well, you know what? Perfect is boring and overrated anyway. And may you always stay human. That's what connects you. I mean, seriously, you know, you've really turned pain to purpose and continue to do that. And I have conversations too as well, like, okay, I've learned these lessons. I don't want any more of this pain. But I actually, I think about my default is when something is happening or didn't go the way that I had planned it or I wanted. Wanted it to go. I'm like, okay, what is this teaching me? I know that there is a lesson in this. What. What do I need to learn from this? And even when my daughter and I got last year, we were both hit by a car going through a crosswalk. When I got in the back of the ambulance, my first thought was, well, I was. First of all, I remained calm, did not shed a tear. I was like, I don't know, like that. I was just like, like, let's make sure she's okay. I was sitting up, she was on the gurney. And, you know, my first thought was, not why me? It was, what do I need to learn from this?

Because you and I do believe there's divine intervention. I know it's Hard for some people. Well, why do bad things happen? It's not a question that we choose bad things to happen, but when they do happen, there is mercy, there is kindness. There is lessons, if we choose to see it. But oftentimes our first thing is like, oh, man. I mean, I can tell you just stuff going on in my life right now, I just kind of like, all right, there's obviously still something here. And that's why I want to through the challenges, go through it with grace and elegance and kindness, knowing that it will be revealed in time. But we want to know now. And I'm impatient, very impatient. And sometimes it's funny, because God will smile at me and just pat me. My head go, oh, isn't she just precious? It's like, you want me to tell you. It's like, I don't have the need to tell you. Remember, I'm God. You're not. I'm like, oh, isn't she cute? And I still to this day, want those answers. That's my natural curiosity. But I am trying to move from, well, why? From a asking, well, why me? To why not me? I have become who I am because of all that's happened to me. And it's hard to be grateful for dark times. But if you are, you will make that those dark times weren't in vain and that there is a purpose. And it's funny, you will know this that, you know, a year later, two years later, somebody walks into your life that you could not have helped, helped had you not gone through that path. And it makes it all worth every step.

It sure does. I am. But you know what? I am. We are so much alike. And I. Patience is hard for me. And you and I were talking on the phone. Oh, gosh. You and I were on the phone talking right after I moved to Texas. And I was like, the Internet here's not fast. Everything's slow. And I was like. I was venting to you, saying, this is hard. I've got two Internets, and they're really slow. And you said to me, and, girl, I heard you. You said, well, Amberly, maybe you need to slow down a little bit. And I was like, I don't want to slow down. I like going fast. You know? But you say in your TED Talk, to move faster, we need to slow down. So how does slowing down get us to our next step?

This is interesting. I have a friend of mine who let me watch a movie that I finally understood what it meant because he has a very unique way of seeing the world. He's absolutely brilliant. But he showed me a movie called for the Love of the Game, Kevin Costner. And it's about a pitcher that's on the baseball mound where he's able to slow the crisis down. He's able to distract himself. And the way they made the movie finally made me understand what my friend's been trying to tell me of being able to have that focus, concentration, that he could blur out the crowd. He wouldn't even hear him anymore, anymore, and slowed down so that life went in slow motion. And he tells me, and others have as well, that that's how a crisis, and you've said that yourself, is that in the crisis, it's like life just started moving slowly so that you could catch up enough to manage it, as opposed to going that chaos that we often have a thousand miles an hour. And so I'm learning. When I saw that movie, it just hit me like a freight train. When they showed Kevin Costner on the mound. And you could see his thoughts, thought process in his head, where it was like he's hearing. Suddenly the crowd just fades. And then he hears silence in his head. And then he becomes this keenly aware focus, and he just starts throwing the ball. And he's remembering things in those moments when you've got 500,000 people or however in a baseball stadium cheering him on, he doesn't hear this. He hears his father giving him the advice that said, you know what, Billy? Let's just slow down. Just take a breath, just play catch. That was the advice. And he was just about to throw a pitch, a perfect game, right? And that's how he slowed his mind down, to channel his father in that moment, to be able to shut everything else out, to slow life down. And then he hit the perfect pitch. And then, you know, it's a perfect game. And then the crowd goes wild and all the other stuff happens in there. But that silence in that moment is what. What fascinated me and how I'd love to learn how to master that skill. Because when we need it in those dark hours, we need to silence those voices. We need to just go into ourselves, go into our heart and find that strength. And now I can see how someone else has done it. And that movie was brilliant. I should have watched it years ago. So I just saw it about six weeks ago. And that's when I think when people need to look at it is it doesn't matter what the rest of the world says. It matters, how do we cope? And my way of coping is actually Water. I go out on the kayak quite a bit. And that's how I do it is on the pitcher's mound that he did is I go out and I just be grateful. I will talk to the ducks, I will talk to the agreets. I need silence. I need to hear nature. I need to be on water. And it grounds me to slow me down so I can fill me up and then go back to the world. Because we know the whole airplane thing, right? Put on your mask before you put on others. I'm no good to anybody else if I'm no good to myself. And if I can slow down that moment, get all the stress out, I don't want to hear about the calgon take me away and the 20 voices and all the things that went wrong in my day, that day, right? I want to just stop and say silence. And I don't think many of us are willing to deal with silence because that was one of the most magical moments for me when I finally had to stop the voices and deal with me. And that wasn't very easy. But most of the time we're reactive, right? The world's going a million miles an hour. We're a firefighter. We're just bringing our extinguisher and putting out fires all day long. And it's easier because we don't have to think, we don't have to anticipate, we don't have to plan. The minute that stops and you start leading your life now, you're responsible. And that's the part a friend of mine doesn't like. He goes, it's easier if I can blame you. If you're in charge, then I get to blame you. If things in my life go wrong, it's like, not my responsibility, it's yours. So there's another technique is I had to stop the voices. I turned off the music, I turned off everything in my world and I went deep and silent. And it was scary because I didn't like what I found. But the only way we can manage it is if we listen to it. And you can't listen when chaos is going on. So if you can shut out the world like this movie and just slow it down and deal with yourself and have those conversations, it's painful, but that was the only way I do it. And now, even now, I will go back into the world. I shut off my music, I go on the water and I just. Just ask the world what the lesson is. And there is that calmness that I have never experienced anywhere else. And that's only within the last few years. I maybe some might call it contentment, I don't know, but it's just a feeling of peace.

It's serenity. And I find my, well, calmness, my peace and connect with God in nature. I love nature. That's my favorite thing. But, you know, you might be in New York City listening to this, or a place where you're like, I can't get out in nature. I'm in a conference at a hotel and things are pretty crazy. Or, you know, you're in a high rise or whatever it is you can find that. You can always find that place of quiet and tranquility.

And let me tell you, it's here and it's here. It's not where we are. And that was the hardest lesson. Like the Pitcher Mountain. Shut it all down and have your happy place because you need it. And we bring it with us, but we don't always access it. So if I can't be on the kayak, I go here on the kayak and have that serenity. That's been a skill that has been amazing to learn, everly amazing.

And you can learn it. And I just have to tell you something funny that happened yesterday. I'm always, like, always kind of smile like, God, what's your plan today? You know, so I get to the airport yesterday. I was supposed to fly out in the morning. And I get there, I get there. I've already turned in my rental car and everything, and they're like, your flight's canceled. I make it through security, and I'm like, I guess I'm camping out here all day until I can get a flight back to Dallas. And I'm get through security. I'm putting my shoes on, and I look over and there's this little old man. He's probably about 80, and he's a monk. And he's just looking at me, smiling. And I smiled back and I said, hi, how are you? He said, I'm good. Can you help me? And I said, sure. What can I help you with? He said, well, I'm on this flight. And he had a screenshot of the flight, same flight that I was supposed to go on. I said, oh, I'm sorry. I said, that flight's been canceled. I said, have you rebooked another flight? He goes, oh, no, no, no, I haven't. I said, well, we need to get you to somebody at American to help you. We end up walking through the whole airport. I felt horrible. He was walking kind of silly. I Was feeling kind of bad because I'm like, we couldn't find anybody. No one was at the American Airlines counter. So we end up walking and walking. And I looked and I said, I'm sorry, I'm taking you for this extra long walk. He goes, no, this is good. He goes, I walk every day for one hour, and I didn't get to walk today. And today I get to walk with you. And I know. He was so sweet. And then he started talking to me about meditation. And I feel like God just put him in my life to remind me. Today's gonna be really hard. But you can find a place of quiet. You can meditate. Even at the airport, you can still have your serenity through this little monk that I was walking in his flip flops in the big orange row. Walking through the. Then we get. And people looked at us like, we started so we couldn't find anybody at American. We walk up to security, and security is looking at me like, you guys are the oddest thing. Like, what is going on? And I said, I'm sorry. He needs help making sure he can get on another flight. We can't find anybody. And they said, well, you're going to have to go out and go through the counter. He goes, well, what do I do? I said, well, you'll have to walk through and just take a left and go to the counter. I said, but I. I'll stay here because I'll have to go through security. And he goes, oh, oh, it's okay. I'll see you in a little while. But I just thought, what? There are signs all around us. We just have to slow down enough to see. And here I was. You know how it is when you're going through security. You're like, hurry and put your belt on. Hurry and put your shoes on. All this stuff. And I look up and see this little monk smiling at me. Well, right after that, we said goodbye. I'm walking through, and it's the airport in this part of. The airport's, like, deserted. And I see this door, and it looks closed because they have, like, a liquor license thing. Like, they're going to be getting a liquor license. I'm like, what is that? And I thought, I'm going to go see what that is. Not that I wanted liquor. I could see there was no liquor in there. They had their, like, trying to get it. I walk in. It's a lounge. It was amazing. I feel like, wow. I got to spend the day in this lounge in a comfy chair. I set up an office. I did some exercise every hour. Like, I would get up and do squats and stuff. They had breakfast, they had lunch. I was able to, like, just calm. Had I not met the monk and slowed down enough to see him and walked through the airport and then been in such a great place of feels good when you can help somebody. I maybe never would have found that little door that looked kind of abandoned. But I had the curiosity to go, what's in there? So I ended up getting a lot of work done. And it was an amazing day. So I think if we slow down enough and for people like me and you too, that, like, you like that type A that you like to go, go, go. It's hard sometimes, but it really is hard.

That was one of the lessons I had to learn is, is to be able to God, show me the messengers for me. Show me the messages. And I remember being in airport once. And, you know, you see the numbers above because I usually fly southwest. And you'll see the number, you know, the screens. I'll have digital phrases. And every now and then I get message from the universe. And one of them I will never forget. I've got a picture on my phone that says, you're already there. Hang on. I'm sitting there going, can anyone else see that? I mean, is that. Because it was like there was a message on the screen just for me. And like you said, I mean, there's so many messages, if we're open to see them, that every now and then I checked chuckle or somebody will say something that'll be like, oh, my gosh, that is just so funny. And you know it's meant for you.

Yeah.

And so I have a friend, Michael, who does all these amazing things that occasionally things will come out of his mouth. I'm like, how do you do that? How do you do that? And it's being open and receptive to people that are put in your life to give you those messages if and only if we are willing to listen. And most of the time, that's my bad habit is I'm going so fast and so fast, and sometimes I don't even listen when I'm going. It's like, cheryl, did you hear what we just said? Stop, rewind the vcr and then go forward. But that, I think, is the most important, to have a monk deliver that message to make you a reminder to be able to say, take time to smell the roses. Take time. And you were rewarded, in my opinion. When the universe says, I sent someone for you to help. And you answered the call. When we can be of service to others, we become service to ourselves. And now you were gifted with this wonderful fauna Vilange. That's where you and I both know this. You give first and then you get. And what is zig Ziglag? If you help somebody else get what they want first, then you will eventually get what you want. And that's where it is. You may not see it that day, but pay it forward. And that's where I'd like to be on a mission of kindness. It's like try in those moments when you're. And you're all of the delays and all of the stuff and everybody just gets angry and our tempers flare, is to take a moment to do that one breath and to be able to offer a kindness to somebody, you'll change their day. You'll change your day and you might just change somebody else's. If one person just did that. Can you imagine the domino effect? But it's hard to remember. And sometimes I'm not as kind as I could be. And the universe will remind me.

Oh yeah.

I think it's amazing that you would have such a blessing. You can say, well, thank you. I needed that reminder today. And you were open to see it, welcome it and participate in it. And that's amazing magic.

Yeah, it was pretty magical. I was. I tell you, I loved walking through all the airport, you know, looking for

an American because you're really tall.

Oh, he was so cute. He was tiny. And I was like, I kind of wanted to take a selfie with him, but then I was like, okay, I don't. That might be weird, but yeah, it was like there are lessons all around us and we just have to be open and to receive those, to receive those messages. So one last question for you. What are some regular practices that entrepreneurs can include in their daily routine to overcome failure?

I think part of it is making the intention first thing in the morning. When I get up in the morning, I am not always Susie Sunshine and I have to work at it. And so when the first thought I have in the morning that I can have the intention today is going to be a great day. God give me the grace and elegance today to be able to handle whatever happens. When I remember to say that purposefully and to put out this positive things, the day goes differently for me. So I have to sometimes remember and I haven't actually have a note sometimes next to me if I remember to be able to say, what are you doing first thing? Because that first thing sets the tone for the rest of the day.

Oh, it does, Cheryl. I just. I caught myself this morning. I slept a little later than usual because I got in so late. And the first thing I, you know, I grabbed my phone and I almost listened to a message, and I'm like, no, nope, stop. And so I sit back here on this chair, and I did my, you know, reading. I did my gratitude practice, but I had to stop myself. I was like, yeah, you got a crazy day. But I need to get. I need to set the tone for the day and the intention.

And it could only maybe be five minutes, sometimes 30 minutes. I try and meditate first thing, or I say a prayer, or I send an intention, and I don't always remember it. And when I don't remember it, it's not as ingrained of a habit as I'd like. I want it to be as first thing in the morning is breathing. And when we can send that, you can have a different opportunity because then you're more receptive. It's like having your dials for, like, the radio or the TV tuned in to the right frequency. And if you can have that and start calm. But if I calm because I'm late and I slept in or something didn't happen, I'm off to the races. I can just feel myself out of balance and out of frequency, and it's like this freight train that I can't stop until the day's over, going, yep, I'm going back to bed. We'll try again tomorrow. Because it just didn't quite work out that way. But to give yourself a little bit of grace, that we're not always perfect all the time. And sometimes I don't like the fact that I'm human and I'm less than who I'd like to be. So. But if I can start that first thing and have the habit, because I know you do meditation, you do reading, you do things. We set our mind right. The rest of the day will go better. If we forget about it, then we have to find a way to stop right in the middle of that chaos. And we don't like to do that because we're reactive. But if we can stop. Don Maxwell calls it his thinking chair. That you physically go and you pointed to that chair, to a space that you will do me. It's like, I remember some days I am running to the kayak. I'm like, I don't care where I need to go. There was one day I just sat in the kayak because I couldn't get to the water, I'm like, I needed to have that trigger, and I just had to be there so I could change that space. Because, remember, wherever we are, we forget. But if we can get this, your mind doesn't know the difference whether you're actually there or you make it be there. And I have to remember that because I always think I have to be on the water. It's like, no, I have to be on the water here whether I'm physically there or not. Immaterial. So I think we need to remind ourselves. And the more you do this habitually, the more you're going to miss it, because there are parts of me that I feel weird throughout the day going, oh, I didn't do my meditation today. I am off center. I'm off balance. I'm off. It's just. You're off. I think we just need to take the time because we don't always put ourselves first. And I think a few minutes every day to have the, you know, the meeting with the big guy and just whether. Whether it's spirit, whether it's the universe, whatever you call your divine, that you have to check in with them a little bit and realize, like I said at the beginning, God does a better job feeling God than I do. He doesn't feel the need to check in with me. And he just passed me on my head going, do I need to remind you you're so cute? That's not what we do. Your script doesn't always follow what everyone else wants to do. And if you can just accept things for where they are in the messenger, you'll be more at peace, regardless of what happens. That's the piece I'm still working on.

Well, you're amazing. We just touched on some very important points. But there's so much more to your story. I mean, there's so much more that you do. I mean, I. We've talked about you coming in and speaking to my mastermind because you publish books. You not only have all your books, but you help others. You do book collaborations. So many things for other people. You're constantly being of service. But you guys, check out her TED Talk. But also, how can people get a hold of you? Do you have some programs that they can do? What's the best book that you really. Is it Failure has no Ally?

That's my favorite.

That's your favorite? Okay, y' all go on.

And I did it in conjunction with the TED Talk. And I remember that the universe was like, you've got to get this Done. You got to get this done. And so when TED Talk, I mean, I did my TED Talk, I did the. It was all during COVID and the book, and it had to come out that week. And I remember, I don't think I slept for five days, but it had to be there, and it is.

Well, your TED Talk was amazing. And you believe it.

It was in silence because we had to recreate the stage in Illinois. I wasn't on the stage in New York, even though I'm part of the New York TED Talk for Farmingdale because of COVID So we had to do this. And I performed to an empty stage of like a thousand people at the Bavarian Opera House here in Southern Illinois. And it was hard because you and I feed off of the energy of the audience when it was me and the producer. And that was it. I had to imagine the audience in my head, and it was just crazy. Just crazy.

Wow. Well, you know what? I was invited to do another TED Talk, and it was going to be virtual, and I like virtual. And I said, well, do you send, like, something I can put in the background that says, you know, TEDx, whichever one it was, or do you send a little, you know, red circle to stand on something to get me in that? They were like, oh, no, we don't do that. And I was just like, I know I really don't love speaking virtually as much as I do in person. And I had so much going on, I chose to pass on that one because, you know, you do a TED Talk because you want to be standing on that infamous red circle.

And that's the one. I want to do one again when I'm actually with people in the crowd this time. I didn't get it the first time in there, but it's such a different experience. And I've watched her and that magic, because it has to be scripted, it has to be memorized. And so it's a whole different way of speaking because I usually speak way extemporaneously more. It was a different skill set.

So, yeah, I think I'd like to do it again. It's totally different doing a TED Talk, and I felt a little robotic with mine. It was. It was my very first talk was my TED Talk, which is kind of crazy, but yours was amazing, and you would never know there wasn't an audience. And I loved your dress too, by the way.

Just have to say, oh, yes, that is my afraid, absolute favorite part of it. And this is where I. This is a technique. I will also give you your Audience, which is really kind of funny. I tell my. And I warn my friends, the longer the dress, the longer the day. I will actually and did during COVID get dressed in my long gowns, my long dresses. Put on the TED dress, just because how I dress changes my mood. I'm in a fancy dress today. I know you can't hardly see it in there, but my mindset is different. And so if I'm going into the closet and I'm putting on the long gas, you know, it's been a hell of a day. But that's part of another thing, is that we change our outside visual. We can change the inside. For me, it's dress. I teach differently in a business suit or a long dress or a fancy dress. I got my blue, and you and I are in the same color, which is really.

Yeah, but I do the same. Even if I like, I get on. I get up and I put on my workout clothes. You know, I'm like, I'm going to work out today. It tells my body, okay, we're feeling good. You're going to, you know, you're going to. To work out. You're going to move your body. You're going to feel good. So I do the same thing. Like, you know what?

When I'm on the radio and no one sees me, I have a regular radio gig on Thursdays. And there I will get dressed up. And it's funny because the announcers will say, all right, we got to see what you're wearing today. Like, no one's going to see, but they will know. And she said, cheryl, when you have that red dress on, you were just magic. Like, I don't know what's so magical about my red dress, but that's the part that I think sometimes you have to give your mind external clues. And if you have a dress, you feel like a million bucks in that TedX dress. Oh, I can't tell you it was a find of a century, but I feel magic in that dress. Then put on those dresses and make yourself feel better. That's the joy. And sometimes we need that external trigger. So I'm all about that. Would love to have the date to actually take me out in public. But if I can't, it's okay, because I have a red dress I found in Italy. I can't wait to show you because it's fabulous.

Oh, my goodness. Well, all the male listeners, if you're seeing this on YouTube, check her out, this hot mama. And then where can these future dates find you? I mean, oh, and the people who want want your book.

You're so sweet. I do like them tall though. I will let you know that, you know, it's got to be 6ft or taller. I'm a pretty tall drink of water. DrCheralentz.com is my website or Dr. Cherylentzmail.com so very easy to find me. I do have quite a few programs for publishing and coaching and editing and a lot of other things that I do. But if I can be of service, please ask because that is what we do for helping us sometimes to help why we have been to the dark side. Now we can help you get through yours faster. I'd be an honor and privilege.

You guys. She just gave you her email. That's the kind of person she is. She is always there when she contacts me. How are you? How can I serve you? What's going on? Thank you so much for so much wisdom on the show and just friend in my life too. So you guys reach out to her and if you're out and about the these will be in the show notes so you'll be able to find all her information and everything we've talked about in the show notes. So check it out and take a screenshot if you're, you know, watching on YouTube or you're listening on your favorite platform and tag us on Instagram. When I see you tag me at Amberly Lago motivation. I always share it. So if I see it, I share it. So that's how we build our community. Cheryl, thank you for being such a light in the world and thank you for dropping the love bombs here on the show and everyone else, thank you for tuning in and we will see you next week.

Thank you so much, Amberly, you're absolute light in the darkness as well and I'm so grateful to be part of your world. Have a good one. Bye. Bye. Sam.