Get Into Action and Create the Domino Effect with Tina Marx

Welcome to True Grit and Grace, a podcast designed to empower you to claim your resilience and thrive through life's challenges. I am Amberly Lago, a mindset coach, fitness expert, and bestselling author. Each week, I'll dive deep with the world's brightest thought leaders and elite performers to share tangible tools and practical advice to inspire you to keep your eyes on the prize and forge ahead. So get ready to conquer your fears, heal any trauma, lead with your heart, and elevate your life with grit and grace.

Hi, and welcome back to the show. Thank y' all for being here today. I have my good friend Tina Marks with us. She's a certified holistic life coach, ordained metaphysical minister with a master's degree in metaphysical counseling, and she's received her second year science of mind certificate certification. Girl, you. You're amazing. You have been so studying and practicing the teachings of metaphysics, spirituality, and Eastern philosophies for, like, two decades. And we've talked for a while, and I know that you are, like, slammed. Have 40 sessions with clients at least a week. You are coaching and helping so many people. So I just appreciate you taking the time to be here with us to share your wisdom. And you are the author of a couple books. I just finished reading your book this the Domino Effect Fear versus Nine Principles for Resurfacing in youn Own Life. Girl, I love this book because, number one, it was easy for me to read because of the way you've outlined it, but also, I. We connected instantly when we first met, but I think one of the reasons is we grew up so much alike. So thanks for being here. And can you tell us a little bit about you and how you grew up and how. How that really, I think, inspired all that you do today and teach other people?

Absolutely. And thank you so much for having me on. It's absolutely my pleasure. And I would always make time for you. So. Yes. You know, it's funny because when we first met, I did say, you know, and this is before you read the book. It's when I had you on my show and I had read your book, and I was like, wow, we share a lot of similarities. And at that point, you hadn't read my book, so it was like, you're kind of going on my word, but now you see what I'm saying, right?

Yeah.

And in many ways, we grew up differently. We had, like, father issues. I read about it in my book. I was not, you know, sexually abused by my father, but I was emotionally abused by my father. And, you know, he would hit me. I would never, like, put me in the hospital or anything like that, but it was more of the emotional abuse. And what I write in that book, and what I really, really want people to understand is that a lot of people think if you have money, okay, if you're raised with money or you look a certain way, or that your problems disappear. And I write that in the intro of my book, is that I had everything that a person would want in regards to material things. I mean, I grew up on a private golf course. I had a tennis court. I mean, I had private tennis lessons and horseback riding and dance lessons. I mean, seriously, tennis camp every year, private schools, all of that. But it didn't ever make me feel any less alone or afraid because my father. Nothing was ever good enough. And I just felt stupid and scared and unwanted, like, all the time.

So that's why I really felt compelled

to write the book. And I even say in the book, when I was writing the book, I didn't think I was writing a book. I was just heavily journaling and getting things out, which I have found in my life just to be so cathartic. Seriously, it's changed my life. And I slipped away from that after writing that book for many, many years. And now I'm back on track, like, every day. It's funny, I didn't do it this weekend. I'm like, it's the weekend, and I

do feel a little bit off.

I mean, I got back to it this morning, but I'm telling you, just even a day or two, it's almost like my meditation. Because I've got to be honest with you, I don't meditate. I like to think I do. And I tell everybody else to do it because I know it's a great way to connect you in the spirit and yourself and your subconscious mind. But my way of doing that is really. Is journaling.

Well, I love that. And it is cathartic. And I really encourage everyone and all of my clients to write it out. I say write it out, even if it's something that you don't want. If you think somebody's going to find. You know, I just had a session with a young girl, and I could tell she was, like, didn't want her mom going through her journal or her diary. And I said, well, write it out if. And sloppy, where no one else could read it. Maybe you can't even read it later. But there's something about getting the thoughts from your head and getting, you know, pen to Paper that's very healing. And it was the same experience for me when I wrote my book. I thought that I had dealt with a lot of childhood traumas and I did not realize until I started writing my book that, oh wow, I really haven't dealt with this as much or healed from it as much as I thought that I had. And it's, I always think about, you know, it's sometimes pressure as a mom because I want to raise my children knowing that they can come to me and talk about anything. You know, feeling loved and feeling safe and secure. Especially now with what's going on in the world. It's hard because I know things that happened when I was a kid affected me up until now. You know, until we peel those layers back and heal that. And I was, you know, the relationship you had with your mom, the loving relationship and then the fear relationship or not good enough relationship that you had with your dad, I so related with that. Your mother said something you wrote in the book, it says, your mother said life has change. If you're feeling stuck, stuck in your life, chances are you probably need some change. But a lot of us feel stuck right now. A lot of us. You know, I've got people that are working really hard and they're like, oh, I can't sustain this. And I have some people that are just bored out of their minds that I work with. But a lot of people feel stuck. How do you get unstuck? What would you suggest for someone to do?

Well, first thing before I forget, I

want to go back to the person that you're coaching who said that they didn't want their mom to read that their diary. Well, my dad found my diary in high school and not only he read it, he xeroxed it and made a copy. Okay. So I for many, many years did not write in my journal. So now what I do to this day now I live with my 16 year old son who has no interest in reading my diary. But I still, for me to feel safe after I write it, I tear out the pages and I tear them up and they either go in the trash or they go in the toilet. So it's really because I never liked, I don't go back and read it anyway. Right. So it's all like you said about getting it out.

So, and then that is such a good tip.

But with this young girl, she actually is a cancer survivor, she's so brave and she's got a lot of, lot of stuff going on. But I told her, I said, you know, you never know. My journal became part of my book. There are actually pages from my journal in my book. But I totally get that where you. I had an ex boyfriend read my journal, and after that, I didn't write my journal for years, and I let that stop me from writing in my journal. So I love that you say write in it and then tear it up and throw it away, you know?

Yeah. But if she. If she thinks it may turn into a book, then, you know what, like you said, whether it's messy handwriting or, you know, like for somebody's name, you can just put the first letter. You know what you're talking about. Right. I mean, you know, your own language that somebody else isn't going to know or just in broken sentences. So anyway, I just wanted to add that so far as getting unstuck, okay, for me, I believe in the ebb and the flow. And I think we're really too hard on ourselves sometimes when things are just going. They're just snapping right into place. Feels so good. It feels like we're moving forward and now it's finally happening, and then all of a sudden, it feels like everything just stops. Right. I mean, you and I were chatting before we got on, and I said last week it was just like hiring somebody, firing somebody, rehired them over the weekend. I'd be like, everything's falling through the cr. You know, but that's not being stuck, but getting unstuck in regards to the ebb and the flow. Sometimes you just need to kind of go inward and ask the universe of God. I mean, that's really what's changed my life in the last couple months. I mean, I have absolutely surrendered myself to God, the universe. Dr. Aaron and I were talking last week about the word God. And I was saying, you know, it's been very difficult for me to get that word out of my mouth because of my judgment on that word, of other people's judgment on that word. So for just for everybody listening, it's not necessarily in a religious connotation. I just believe that there is an energy, a power greater than us that we work in unison with. And really, it's this divine intelligence that really is the greatest power there is. And so I've surrendered myself to that. So if I'm feeling stuck, I turn it over. I say, what do you want me to do?

Where do you want me to go? What do you want me to say? And to whom? Gabby Bernstein actually is the one who gave me that prayer. And I say that in the morning, you know, so if you just kind of focus on being of service to other people and getting outside of yourself, I think that's one of the fastest ways to get unstuck. And also being out in nature.

Yeah, for sure. And it's so funny, we were talking about Dr. Aaron, and I said that we finally had some girl time and got to hang out on Saturday. And I believe in a higher power, too. I believe in God. And that is I had to surrender. And I asked God to come before every interview, before, anytime I step on stage, before I work with a client, I always ask God to come in and speak through me. Turning it over. I tried to do it on my own, and it just didn't work. I needed to believe that there was something bigger than me that was going to see me through the hard times. And we were just talking about when I was with Dr. Aaron, I said, yeah, you know, and being in nature is where I connect most with God, which is so different from how I grew up, where I went to church every Sunday. I didn't feel as connected as I do when I just go in nature. And so, yeah, whether you call it God, universe, whatever you call it, I do believe that that is what I do. Turn it over. So I think that's such great advice. So many people are in fear right now, and you talk a lot about faith versus fear, but how do you choose that faith to keep moving? How do you get out of the fear?

Well, kind of. What's the option that, you know, the option is after I wrote that book, I went to an even scarier place. You know, was about three years ago, for two full years, everything was taken away from me. God just took everything away from me. And now looking back, I understand why. Because it was like I did not feel good enough. I did not feel capable. I did not feel deserving.

Right.

And so it was like God, the universe, whatever you want to say, said, I'm going to show you how capable you really are. I'm going to show you how worthy you really are. I'm going to show you how deserving you really are. And I was faced with that question, Amberly, like, the minute I opened my eyes, I was in terror. And there was just a voice inside of me that said, just keep going. First of all, you know, I have my son. Honestly, if it weren't for my son, and I'm just going to be really transparent, I don't know what would happen to me. I don't know if I would have had the courage and the strength to Keep moving forward. Because it was such a dark time for me. I mean, talk about anxious. The only time I was at peace was when I was asleep. And the minute that I opened my eyes, it was just terror and fright. And so again, I have these principles in the book and it all starts with remembering who you are. We forget, okay? So as I say, any child that comes into the world, they know exactly who they are. They're confident, they're joyful. It's what I describe as our true nature, okay? And that is what we're all, whether we believe it or not, we're all trying to get back to that place because that is the only way that life is really worth living is having that kind of nature and attitude towards life.

Right?

Because when we get older it's just kind of, you know, everything just starts piling on and you can't do this. And you know, I talk about the conditioned mind and the faith based mindset or the ego mind. And just like my mom and my dad, my book and actually when I wrote that page I was like, it was just a aha moment because you know, my father was the person saying nothing was ever good enough. You can't do this. Who do you think you are? That's our ego mind. That or the devil, whatever you want to call it. And then there was my mom saying, oh God, you're so good at so many things, it must be hard for you to choose. And you know, that's your faith based mindset or your God mindset. So it's like, which one are you going to listen to? You have to first of all become aware that this is going on. There's going to be a war in your head and it's always going to be there because we're human beings, okay? But whatever. When you feed becomes stronger and becomes louder. So if you're feeding and buying into the negative self limiting beliefs, that's going to get stronger and that's going to. And that I've been there, I was there most of my life. So the recognition and the awareness is the first step. And then, you know, taking steps like journaling, like affirmations, like gratitude. The more you're grateful for, the more you are to be grateful for. And you know, I just shared this on my Instagram and it's something that has just worked so well for me because I was the type. Because you know, my mind can go back to that place very easily because that was more ingrained in me than not, right?

So like the minute I think that it's easier. People can. You can hear all these nice compliments or talking about Instagram. You can have all these great comments on your feed and get one negative comment, and that's the one that'll stick. And you're like, oh, my God, I can't believe they said that. Well, you know, and it's hard because I feel like we can hear all these nice things, but those negative ones want to stick to us. Like Velcro.

Yeah.

Until we say no more, I'm not going to have that. And so what I. So what I do, Amberly, the minute out my eyes now, I started this about a month and a half ago. I just started consciously said, I, I love my life. I love my life, right? And so whatever you say, your mind goes to attach and make sure that that comes forward in your life. Right. Well, now, I kid you not, the minute I open my eyes, whether I wake up in the middle of the night or I wake up in the morning for the day, the first thought in my head is, I love my life. I love my life. Because now I've reprogrammed and my day goes that way. Searches for ways for me to love my life. And I.

It's not powerful. That's powerful. You know, I've changed something as well. I've changed a couple of things. One thing I've changed is instead of waking up and saying, oh, I have to do this, I say, I get

to do this totally.

And it just changes, like, because it puts you in a place of, I am grateful that I get to do so many things. Instead of saying, I have to do something, I get to do something that changed. And another thing that changed for me is I used to say, because I live with chronic pain every day and talk about pain, I would say, because my pain, I would say it is mine. And I'm like, no, this isn't my pain. Pain is pain. Because of this pain or the pain, I don't want to own that. So I want to release. Having that pain is. That's not a part of me. It doesn't define me. So those couple of things have really changed the way my day goes. But I am going to start waking up saying, I love my life. I love my life.

I love my. Yeah, and I love. I love the fact that you do that, too, because you're not owning that. You're saying, it's pain, but it's not necessary. I love that that you're doing that. And now you are such an inspiration. I mean, I could ask you the same thing. And I think I will. I mean, how do you get, you know, through your days with. You've got constant pain from the minute you get up?

Yeah, it is. And, you know, I think the thing that scares me the most when I get in fear, because I'm not in fear a lot. Like, yes, I get nervous before I go out and speak on stage to 2000 people. Or now I get more nervous when I'm doing a webinar and there's technology. And I used to say, see people? And now it's just like I'm looking at my face, which is not. I don't really want to do that. I'm like, I want to see people. Not like speaking to myself. But when I get in fear, it's not about sharing my message. It's not about getting in front of the people. My fear mostly comes from. Oh, my goodness, how bad is this pain going to get? Is it going to make my brain foggy? Is it going to make me so sick? Or, you know, is the pain going to get to be so bad that I get nauseated and throw up? Because that's a reality for me and a lot of people that live with a chronic illness, especially with chronic pain. Pain to me is as normal as someone else breathing. Like, I live in it every day. And if I didn't get my mind right, do things to take care of my body, like yesterday I had some kombucha drink that had so much sugar in it, I didn't realize it. And that flared me up and made me in more pain. And so I think getting your mindset right, how you start with your day. I love my life. I start my day with mantras, writing in my journal, getting grounded in gratitude. Like, those things are so important because if I feel like I can, I used to just hit the ground running, you know, I would just get up and go. And I can't do that anymore. I have to give myself enough time to wake up, let my brain wake up, get grounded with my morning routine, and then I'm able to get through the day a lot easier. If my pain gets worse, I can go back to distraction. Works. If I stand in one place, it kills me. So I'm like, I want to keep moving. And you talked about something earlier. You talked about when you were going through your hard time and your son was your inspiration to keep moving forward. I think that's important. Whether you are dealing with chronic pain like me or any kind of pain. We all have pain with whatever you are Dealing with is to look at what is your purpose, what is your why? Because when we have a purpose and we can be of service, that is what really pulls me out of pain and fear.

Totally. Totally. That that would be, you know, that's the first direction you want to go. If you're feeling. Feeling sorry for yourself, it's like there's always somebody that has a circumstance that is worse than yours. You know what I mean? It's.

And.

And that's what the gratitude list, too, is just for you. It's interesting that you said that you can't do this stuff anymore. Amberly, there's so many things in my life because I just like, you hit the ground running. All I heard my whole life was, tina, slow down. And I would say, how am I supposed to slow down? I'm not even getting everything done going at this speed. Okay? But I did have, like, with my hand. I had an accident with my hand. And there's, you know, the universe, if it wants you to slow down, it's going to make you slow down and think about it. Amberly.

It's like, that's not what life's about either. It's not about rushing through life. You know what I mean? I had a spiritual coach do this exercise on me once that I want to share really quickly, which I just thought was so profound. And I think that everybody can relate to this. I was on the phone. He says, okay, just carry me around the house. Walk around your house at your normal pace. So I'm walking around at my normal pace. And he's like, okay, so now slow it down a little bit. Now what do you see? And then slow it down a little bit. And then he got me down, so I felt like I was walking so slowly I could be walking backwards. Right. What this exercise did was I wasn't seeing most of things when I was

walking at my normal speed.

Do you see what I'm saying? How many opportunities are right in front of you? But if you are going too fast or you're just got blinders on, you're going to miss them. And people go, well, I don't. Nothing's opening up for me.

Well, it could be right in front

of you, but if you're not present, you're going to miss them. You're just racing to the next. You're putting your body through, like, your central nervous system. Mine was shaking shot, you know, And I really believe that's one of the reasons that I got cancer was because I was so stressed out. So you got to really be careful with that and become more present.

Yeah, it's interesting that you say that, because I worked with a spiritual coach. You know, I was trying everything to get out of pain. Going to the top doctors in the country and spending thousands on medical procedures and Eastern Western medicine. Some, you know, crazy stuff where people would wave wand over me and cut cords and drip oil, like some crazy witchcraft kind of stuff. Anything when you're in pain and you're like, I just need to get out of pain. But when you said that, it made me think about. There was this one spiritual teacher who said, what was your life like when you had your accident? And I said, oh, it was great. My career was booming. My relationship, like, it was great. You know, I was going at a fast pace and this. And she said, well, I think that you caused this. This accident happened because you caused this. You needed to slow down. And I got really angry. I was like, why would I cause SUV to hit me like I was? But then it really made me kind of wake up to everything happens for a reason. I'm not saying that or would wish that on anyone by any means, but it has taught me to. I mean, my whole TED Talk is called the pace of pain. It teaches others and me, because I'm still learning how to pace through pain. But I think what you said is so important because we can get caught up in the rat race of life and feel. And I realized for a long time, I was like on a hamster wheel. I was just going, going, going, but I wasn't stopping to really enjoy what life had to offer. And so now I really. And I think that's one thing that journaling helps me with. It helps me slow down and appreciate the moments. I was looking back through pictures, trying to clear out my phone, and I was like, oh, my gosh, I barely remember that book signing, and I barely remember going and getting on that stage. And like, everything was just so one thing after another that I feel like I didn't even get to soak in the excitement of what was going on. And so now, Brandon Burchard, I listened to one of his podcast episodes, and he said something about, you teach people your pace and how fast you want to go. Like, if you teach people that, you know, you show them that you're going to get back to an email right away, then they know, oh, okay, well, he's going to get back right away. But if you say, I really don't have the time, I'm going to get to that email within 24 hours. Then you teach people that they'll get back. To me, it may take 24 hours, but they'll get back. And so we, you know, we fill our own plates. And I remember that all the time. Like, I'll be like, oh, my gosh, I have a full plate. I'm doing so much, and I'm overwhelmed. And I'm like, but I'm the one who filled that plate.

Exactly.

So it's up to us to go. Okay, wait. What is healthy? How can I keep a healthy mental, you know, state of mind and keep my body healthy? And let's talk about your cancer. So how you were diagnosed with cancer and what that felt like and how you got through those moments.

Yeah. You know, I had just finished the

Domino effect, Fear versus Faith. It was already back from the editor. It was ready to go.

And I said, I have to include

this in my book.

And I write it in my book. I remember staring out. I was on the phone with my doctor, and he told me on. He said, I really don't want to tell you this on the phone, but, you know, had called and said. And he was so sweet, and he. I was staring out the window, and I hung up the phone. And I remember I didn't feel scared. I felt sad. I never once said, why me?

It was just.

I felt a sadness. And I really don't even know where that sadness came from, to be honest with you. But I was filled with faith. And I said, just what you said. My mom always taught me to believe that everything happens for a reason. And I had gotten this point in my life especially. I just wrote this book, okay? So I'm not going to be a hypocrite. I'm not going to say, do this, and I believe in this and then do the opposite. Do you know what I mean? I mean, here I am writing this book about faith. Basically, I do believe. This is kind of piggybacking on what you just said. I believe you do ask for everything in life in order to shape you, to get you to where you really, truly want to go. Now, maybe the motorcycle accident for you, maybe you would have put a different scenario, but you still asked to be into this state where you can help. You can help people from a much different level, Amberly, than you could before the accident. Right? So I feel the same way about my cancer. And I was filled with face. My doctor suggested that I do radiation and then to follow up with a drug called Tamoxifen. It just did not resonate with me. And everybody thought I was out of my mind for not doing this. Three books came to me because, you know what? When you're really open and you're searching and you're kind of like, show me, universe. Show me, what do I need to know? I read three books. One of them was the PH Miracle, which is the Alkaline diet. And then one was Dr. Steven Gundry's book. And then the other one was Suzanne Sommers book Knockout. That gave me more reinforcement to go, no, this is not right. And I went on the alkaline diet, and I started drinking the water, and I read up on tamoxifen. The first two sentences said, it's a carcinogen. I said, now why would I do. Then I got onto a path, started reading all of Kevin Trudeau's books about how he used to be on the big pharmacide. And, you know, this. You know, I don't want to go too much into that, because we could talk about that forever. But I do believe that a lot of the pharmaceutical drugs, I mean, they're. They're. They harm you more than they help you. And so I was willing to take a chance, and I didn't. You know, that was in 2011, and I had. It's not returned. And I'm so grateful that I didn't do that to my body, you know, because that is. I was just having this conversation the other day. I said, people that do undergo chemo or radiation, and I'm not saying there's one size fits all, but it does take a toll on your body. And I think a lot of people miss. I mean, if there's other options available to you, it's up to you to research that. Because in the end, a lot of this can take your life, and people don't put it together because it's years later, but it compromises your immune. If you catch something 10 years later, they never trace it back to the fact that you had chemo or you had radiation. And that's what caused your immune system to deteriorate or be compromised.

I couldn't agree more that it's not. Everyone's the same. And it's the same for me. Living with complex regional pain syndrome. What works for me may not work for someone else's pain. Like, I've tried everything, and I tried, you know. Well, at one time, I was on 73. I counted them out. 73 homeopathic pills a day. And I was on 11 prescription medications. And I was like, I'm done. I just stopped taking everything, like Everything. Then I could gradually see, okay, well, what are my next steps, maybe? And so for me, mine is what I put. Like you, what I put in my body, what I drink. Like, I cut out alcohol, cut out sugar, although if I have it, occasionally, I feel it in my body, and I think sugar is the devil, and I think that it's addictive. It's one of the biggest addictions that no one talks about. And so I just love that you were your own advocate, you listened to the doctors, but you did your own research. And I think that's what we have to do, no matter what, is be your own advocate and do what's best for. For you. And how did you get through that sadness, though? When you were feeling sad, what did you do to overcome that?

I got into action. You know, I got into action, and that's why starting to do the research, starting it, to learn about this, learn about the disease, learn about pros and cons of not doing it and the risks I have. And the worst thing I've done to myself in this lifetime is spend too much time contemplating and being in a place of paralysis because I'm in such fear. I mean, I could sit there for days, weeks, months. Not anymore. But, I mean, that's because the longer you sit with it, the bigger it goes. That fear, it gets bigger and bigger. You know, any fear, the minute you look at it and you start facing it, it's not as terrifying as if you sit with it. You know, it gets. It just gets bigger and bigger. And you understand that this is all an assignment. Do you know what I mean? This is how we grow.

If we don't.

If we're not faced with any uncomfortableness or any fear, I mean, really, Amberly, how are we going to grow? Because we're more comfortable. I'm not moving. Are you? I'm comfortable. I'm sitting right here. Right? It's like, yeah. So again, that's part of the program. And I tell all my clients, I said, lean into it and, you know, don't resist it. Trust me, I used to resist it. And you know what? Resist will persist, right? And if you lean into it and embrace it, knowing that you're going to get through on the other side, a better and more empowered version of yourself. That's what keeps, as you say, like, you know, your grit to keep going, right? To keep moving through it. I mean, and that's, again, what we're really asking for.

You know, we're asking to be a better version of ourselves. And then, you Know, in my book, I also, one of the principles is I say face one fear daily. It doesn't have to be a huge one, you know, like jumping out of an airplane or, you know, even if it's like, oh, I don't really want to call that person, it's going to be an uncomfortable conversation. Whatever it is. If you face one fear daily, you have less to be afraid about. And I think that this is the main disease in our world today is fear is, you know, we get trapped behind the fear, and then we just can't do anything. And, you know, seriously. And we are just so much more powerful than we give ourselves credit for.

And that's where the God comes in.

Have a talk with God. What do I do? You know, you're confused. Your relationship with God. That's what meditation's for. That's what your journaling's for, you know.

Oh, and, you know, whenever I'm in fear or I don't feel like I know the answer to a question, I pray on it before I go to bed. I really pray on it. And when I wake up, I know the answer. It comes to me. I just. Right away, the first thing I think about. Sometimes it surprises me what the answer is, but I know the answer. In those moments where I've been in fear or sad or really in a lot of pain, I used to isolate and that really, I felt like I'm the only one going through this and no one understands. And I think sometimes as an entrepreneur, for me, anyway, it's easy to isolate, even through my work, because I can get so in this bubble of right now, you know, being on Zoom all day with clients or webinars or interviews. And then I'm like, oh, my goodness, this is it. Sometimes is really hard to juggle everything with virtual school, being the lunch lady, spending time with my daughter, making sure I take time to exercise, getting social media, I mean, creating a post and keeping up with comments, that can be kind of difficult. And sometimes I feel like isolating. And one of the things that I think really helps is to do what you said, like to reach out to somebody, to call someone. Even if I'm feeling like, oh, gosh, I don't know if I want to send an email to that person that I might be turned down. And if I don't ask, I never know. You never know.

Exactly. And that's the only regret. That's.

Regret is what you don't do, what you don't reach out for. Right.

Exactly.

Exactly.

You know, Amberly, I Want to say one thing too, about the power of prayer that just blew my mind recently. And I think that everybody can relate to this, whatever experience you're going through, because this just illustrates God, the universe, okay? Because we like to put ourselves in this box and go, well, if, you know, if it doesn't relate to our five senses, it doesn't exist, right? That's why a lot of people don't turn to God or turn to the universe. I used to smoke cigarettes and I put them down for 17 years. And then when I was going through all this, I had a boyfriend that was smoking.

And you know, I'm like, I'll never go back to smoking, only just have a hit. You know what I mean? I was just sure enough then I went through this and I was smoking every day. I mean, I was waking up to it. I mean, full blown again, right? And I've been struggling with it. I pick it up, I'd put it down and pick it up. And I'm just going, I cannot do this anymore. And I just prayed over this and I said, I can't, you know, and every time I'd relapse, it was even worse because it tells your psyche, I'm never going to do this. Do you know what I'm saying? More, you try and do something and then you don't succeed. You create this doubt in your mind, like, I'm just not capable of doing that. And then of course, you know, the

society is backing you up and shame comes along.

Oh, shame and guilt.

Yeah.

And society backs you up, going, oh, well, it's the hardest thing to quit. It's harder than heroin to quit. So that kind of keeps you stuck in it, you know, or it validates why you haven't gotten, you know. And I was going to go to hypnotherapy anyway. I prayed over it and like magic, the desire was lifted. And it's been five weeks now. And I'm not white knuckling it. It's gone. When I'm telling you it's gone, it's gone. And I'm not saying it hasn't entered my mind. I haven't had a craving. But I now, this is what I think. I go, man, I would be so upset with myself if I picked up. You know what I mean? I've come this far. It's, you know, a little bump in the road. It's not like I can't live without it. So anyways, pray over things that you feel like you can't control. And trust me, you will, you will get the power, if you really believe it, to be it to come.

Well, you know what, thank you so much for sharing that because I know there's probably a lot of closet smokers out there. I mean, I was a closet drinker and the only thing that lifted my obsession for drinking, I've been sober now for four and a half years was God. I prayed and it was miraculous. Along with a lot of work that still goes into my recovery and the tribe I call my God squad that we get together and we, you know, share.

So important.

Yeah, it's so important.

We were talking about that. So important to have your tribe right. So not just people, I mean people that you really like can talk deeply with that can understand that it's a safe place to fall, not just shooting the shit about nothing.

Yeah. And you know what, that's so true. And you know, I think when you are honest and authentic, that is when you find your like minded soul sisters or your tribe is when I'm so grateful for you. You and I connected and every time we talk we're like, oh, let me connect you with this person. Yeah, let me, you know, oh, I'm going to share your show. I'm going to. And that's what it's all about, you know, is reaching out and connecting like that. I love that you have your nine daily principles and you've talked about a couple. Can you share just a few more?

Sure. Order is very, very important. I share about order. There is a quote I heard a long time ago like messy house or messy desk, messy mind. It's very true. If you have clutter, if all your space, your living space, wherever you're surrounding yourself, your environment is cluttered, your mind's going to be cluttered. Ok. And what happens when you're. When you feel cluttered, you feel confused. I mean, you know, you're just making it much harder on yourself, you know, so you want every. Your space, your environment to be clear, take it to another step is like inspiring quotes and everywhere you look. I interviewed Brian Breach and he was the.

I love Brian. He's on the. He's on the True Grit and Grace show too.

Oh, is he?

Yeah, he shared that like wherever he looks in his place or he'll look at a painting and that's inspiring because it brings a story to mind or he's got, you know, just quotes around the house. I mean for me, if I'm going through something difficult, I'll put post its around just wherever I can see it frequently throughout the day. Again, to go into my subconscious mind,

you should see my. Yeah, I've got something over my desk that says, you've got this. My business cards even say, you got this. Then I have inspiring things and affirmations and a stack of my favorite books. And so I do the same thing, and I think it's so important. And I've got post it notes as well. And I am the same. I like having a nice place to work. But I also. I don't know if you do this when I start sometimes to get stressed or overwhelmed or I find myself in my closet rearranging and cleaning out my closet, and I have to stop myself and say, okay, wait a minute. What's really going on? Why am I cleaning out and rearranging my closet? What needs to be rearranged in my life instead of my closet? Because that's kind of a coping thing. I noticed. I'll do. And so a lot of times I'm like, okay, wait, I don't need to be, you know, cleaning off, dusting my shoes in my closet. I need to be taking action steps on building that next course instead. And I think that's so important. Important to have that clean desk, have clarity. I even write out what my intentions are for the day, what my goals are. I think that's. If we write things out, then we can take action steps to do to reach our goals.

Yeah. You know what? It boils down to one thing, Amberly. It boils down to honoring yourself. It really boils down to honoring yourself. And that was the talking to myself that I gave myself with. With the smoking, because I was looking. And it's like, it's a reward at the end of the day.

Oh.

You know, and it's not a reward. I'm hurting myself. You know, you really have to start questioning your behaviors, and it's really honoring yourself. What are you putting in your head? What are you putting in your mouth?

What are you putting on your body?

Everything. I mean, you know, going in your closet, maybe you needed to clean out your closet so you can put on clothes that make you feel better. I don't know. Because, you know, you and I, we can get into, like, if it's not about work and it's not about being productive, then that's a waste of time. Well, no, it's all about balance, too. Right? Because your soul and your spirit need things other than work, work, work. Like we were talking about. I said, I'm taking myself away for four days. My spirit needs to play. And have fun and be in a different environment and surrounded by just beautiful vineyards and central coast, and that's where I'm going, and I'm honoring that.

You know, I could say I've got

too much to do, but you know what? I know that I'm going to reset, and when I come back, it's going to be like a clean canvas, and I'm going to go at it with even more energy and passion and enthusiasm than I am right now.

And I think I'm so happy you brought that up. I mean, my post that I did today was all about mom guilt and balance and what's really important in life. You know, I got in bed last night with my daughter, and we have our cuddle time, and we have time where we talk about what was the best thing that happened today and what is one thing you're grateful for. So we kind of end our day with gratitude as well. And so she rolled over and she said, mom, I need attention. And I was like, oh, I've been working a lot. Which is, you know, it's easy to become a workaholic when you love your work and when your office is now in your home. So it's really creating that balance and the boundaries. And, you know, I came downstairs one day and I was on my phone doing something, and Ruby was like, come on, let's go for a scooter ride. And I said, ruby, I'm working right now. I got to get this done. And she goes, well, if you're working, go in your office. And I was like, oh, good point. There you got Missy. And so I feel like we learn so much from our children. She taught me. She said, I need attention. And so instead of, you know, having that mom guilt, I'm like, I am not going to let my guilt rob by joy. Instead, I'm just going to spend some time with her.

You ask the question, don't ask the

question if you don't want to hear the answer.

Exactly.

Let me tell you something. I'm a single mom, Amberly, and it's like, I've had that. And truly.

How old's your daughter?

12.

12.

Okay. So my son is almost 17 when. When she becomes 16. 17. She's driving and stuff, and you hardly ever see her.

There's going to be a pain in

your heart going, it's really over, you know.

Well, I have a 25 year old.

Huh? I have a 25 year old. Oh, that's right.

So you've already been.

I know that day is coming. So that's why I am, like, soaking in all the moments that I have with her in the cup.

Maybe you need to hire some help, Delegate. Time to delegate, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

And you know what?

For people like you and I, that. That's a challenge. But you know what? You don't want to, like, put your head in the sand when it's. When it comes to your family or things that are important to you.

Yeah. And it's so true. You ask, and you get the answer. And it's what I needed to hear. So this morning, I did delegate. I've hired someone who's amazing to work alongside me. And it's scary when you're like, okay, here are all my passwords. And this morning, I actually told her. I was like, I have a really crazy day. And I said, I need your help. Can you go through my emails? And that's a huge growing experience for me to go to. Turn it over. Like, okay, I'm delegating. I'm turning that over. And I gotta trust that everything's gonna be okay. It takes a lot of trust. But if I want to have time with my daughter and be the lunch lady and help her with homework and be a working mom, that's what you have to do.

That's what you have to do. And, you know, it's temporary. It's temporary, Amberly. You know that. You know what I mean?

It's not forever.

And, you know, one thing my husband's really good about is not reminding me not to take things too seriously and to enjoy life more.

Yes, exactly.

Have fun. Like, don't get. So when I look back at things I'm doing, I'm like, why was I so nervous and worked up about that? That thing that I had to do? I could have just had fun instead, like, choose joy.

How about enjoying the process? Okay. This is something I got to remind myself all the time. When I get there, I'll be able to relax a little bit more when

you'll always be chasing you, always do it.

Because you know what? I am there where I was striving to be a year ago. Have I slowed down? No. If anything, I'm stepping on the gas even more.

But you know what?

No, it's like, that's why I think it's really important. Time blocking is really important. That's helped me a lot, Amberly. It's like, you know, this is the time for work. This is my downtime. This is the time for my son. This is the time I get on the phone with my best Girlfriend at the end of the day to, like, kind of recap the day and connect. Otherwise, the day really can get away from you. And it's a balancing act. It's really.

It is.

I mean, that is probably. Living in the gray is probably the most difficult. It's very easy to live in white or black, but living in the gray. But you know what? The first step is always awareness.

Okay.

So being aware of your thoughts, being aware of your self talk and seeing what's in front of you. How's your life? You know, there's a saying. If you don't like what your life looks like, start paying attention to what you're thinking.

Mm.

Right.

And to the people that you're surrounding yourself and.

Oh, definitely, because I went through that. I shared that with you this year. I had to cut out six people that were like my inner circle. I left myself with one. And that was a process because I was like, what? I go to pick up the phone, I'm like, oh, no, I'm not talking that person anymore. And then what happened? You know, that there's cliches for a reason. You know, when God closes one door, he opens another one. It took a while because I think God, the universe, wanted me to sit and just be with myself for a while. And now, like you, I mean, the doors are opening to the tribe that my soul has been calling and that, you know, I have no hatred, no anger, nothing to the people that I'm no longer, you know, involved with. I just. Our energies didn't match anymore. We weren't going the same place anymore, you know, and. And you just recognize that for what it is. And I think a lot of people do this. They stay in a relationship where it's not suited for them anymore. They hang around the same people because it's familiar. And then they wonder why they're not growing and they're. Why their life is not moving forward. You know, the people is. Exactly.

And it's so true. You know, we grow and evolve, and sometimes other people stay stuck.

Yes.

You know, and I want to keep growing and evolving. I want to just keep. That's. To me, I love learning and growing. You know, you get resistance when you have people that you're not hanging out with anymore. You. They might try to make you feel bad, you know?

Exactly. Yeah, that does. If you're moving forward. I mean, think about it. I've been there. If somebody was moving forward and I wasn't doing the work to move forward, I'd rather spend my energy talking badly about them. I'm just being transparent. You know, I'd find every reason to make them wrong and me right. And, you know, you could just take that energy and put it into yourself and do what they're doing. There's also a saying, if you, if you're not willing to do what that other person did to get there, then shut your mouth no matter what it is. Right.

It's true.

But you can't, you can't be pitiful and powerful at the same time. Joyce Meyer. That's a. I love that saying.

Oh, I love her.

I do, too.

Powerful at the same time. Well, I always say you get to choose. You can either be the victim or you can be the victor.

Love it.

And you know what? I think we need to choose to be the victor. And I think so many of the tips that you have shared are so helpful. Thank you so much.

My pleasure. That's what.

I just adore you. And I love every time I get to talk to you. And I love your book. I've got parts highlighted and pages bent. Tell people where they can find your book and reach out to you.

Okay.

My book's on Amazon, so the name

of the book is the Domino Effect.

Fear versus Faith. And best way you can go to my website. But you know, email would probably be the best. Tinamarks with an X tvmail dot com.

Okay, awesome. And if you're out doing cardio or something and can't write that down, don't worry, this will be in the show notes. You know what? Watch her Instagram too, at Tina Marks on Instagram.

Yes, I'm having Amberly on.

Oh, yeah, that's fine. You're on.

You're just waiting. That was the person I said I

fired over the weekend and then rehired

over the weekend was my video editor. So it's a little backed up, but I think you're like fourth in the queue. So I think in the next two weeks or so it's going to be released, but I'll be promoting it on my Instagram, which is tinaperiodmarks M A R X. You can follow me there. And my YouTube channel is Tina Marks TV as well.

Thanks so much for joining us this week on True Grit and Grace podcast. If you like it, please rate it or share it with your friends.

That would help too.

If you're not yet on the newsletter list, come over to Amberly Lago.com and jump on it. While you're there, you can grab a free downloadable gratitude journal. And you might just want to check out my book or even check out my monthly motivational membership. Thanks again for tuning in, and we'll see you next week.