From Surviving to Thriving with Rosie Acosta

Welcome to True Grit and Grace, a podcast designed to empower you to claim your resilience and thrive through life's challenges. I am Amberly Lago, a mindset coach, fitness expert, and bestselling author. Each week I'll dive deep with the world's brightest thought leaders and elite performers to share tangible tools and practical advice to inspire you to keep your eyes on the prize and forge ahead. So get ready to conquer your fears, heal any trauma, lead with your heart, and elevate your life with grit and grace.

Thank you so much for tuning in to the True Grit and Grace podcast. I'm Amberly and I am truly grateful that you tune in each week and if you find value in any of these episodes, please share it with a friend and I would love to hear your feedback actually through a rating and review. I want to know what you think about the show, any ideas you have for the shows. You can always shoot me a DM over at Amberly Lago Motivation and you can also suggest any future guest for the show or maybe you want to be on the show. So let me know Amberly Lagomotivation or you can always text me at 818-214-7378. I love hearing from you. It makes my day when I know that you heard an episode and it really resonated with you. I'm so excited to share today's guest because every time I get to talk to her, my cheeks hurt from smiling so hard. She just lights me up. She lights this planet, this world up. Her name is Rosie Acosta. I met her, gosh, almost two years ago and I'm telling you it was love at first sight. She's the real deal. She practices what she preaches, she walks the walk and she talks the talk and I love her. And she's not doing many podcast interviews at all.

All, I don't think at all right

now because she is in the middle of finishing up her book, which I can't wait. We're gonna have a big party when her book comes out. So I feel honored that she took the time to share her wisdom and her just nuggets of gold with us on the show. She is an inspirational speaker and before COVID she was traveling all over the country doing talks. Now she does them through zoom and she's a so she's sought out. She's a got a podcast called Radically Loved and it has been a dream of mine to actually be on her show and I finally got to be on her show. So y' all please Check out her podcast, Radically Loved. She is a yoga master. I swear. She is. Doesn't just teach yoga. She teaches other people how to be yoga teachers through her training that she does. And she teaches celebrities and famous athletes, and the list goes on and on. She's a meditation teacher and holistic health coach, and she is the. You know, she does Radically Loved retreats and conferences, and she's on a mission to cultivate deeper lives using yoga, meditation, and mindfulness. And I think we need so much of that right now with so much addiction going on and overeating and people just trying to cope with the pandemic. So I'm so grateful to have her here. So Rosie is going to go deep with us. She tells an amazing story of, really, tragedy to triumph, of turning pain into purpose. So without further ado, welcome to the show, Ms. Rosie Acosta.

Hello, y'.

All.

I have one of my favorite people on the planet here, Rosie Acosta. I love you so much. Thank you so much for being on the show. We've been trying to get this on the books for a while now, and we finally. It happened.

Yes, it finally happened. I'm so, so excited to be here. I'm so honored to be here. And I just. I've been looking forward to this conversation for a long time.

Oh, my goodness. I have to. Every time I see you, I, like, almost want to start laughing because I'm so happy. I'm not kidding. And you know what, y'? All, I have to say, Rosie is the real deal. She. From the moment I met her, and I've told you this before, Rosie, but when I first met you, I remember thinking, oh, my goodness. I was so nervous. We were at an event called Powerful you and speaking on the big stage, and I didn't know that many people there, and I was like, oh, my gosh. Rosie Acosta is speaking at this event. I might get to meet Rosie Acosta. Oh, my God. And I walked backstage, and we had never met in person. We had kind of, like, exchanged a little bit of stuff on social media, and you came up and you gave me the biggest hug, and I was like, oh, my God, she's real, and she's so sweet. And, like, I was like, it. When I say, like, love at first sight. It was like, I really. I'm gonna say, because, y', all, her podcast, Radically Loved is amazing. And I just told her, I said, I'm gonna just start saying I radically love you instead of I love you. Yeah.

Yeah. It just feels like it. It feels like it Goes a little deeper.

Yes.

I knew that you were like the, the yoga trainer to the stars and the celebrities and I knew all of that, but I didn't really know the backstory. And then when I heard you speak on stage, and then when I started to get to know you a little bit more, I was like, oh, no wonder she's so amazing. This show is all about turning trauma or tragedy to triumph and really turning pain to purpose and being resilient. And you are the definition of that, what you have been through. So I would love if you could just share with anybody who might not know your story yet, which there's probably most of the listeners already know you, but maybe there's.

Oh, maybe they don't. I never assume anything and thank you so much for saying that. It's very hard for me to take compliments in and so I just. Every time somebody talks about me in that way, I have to really just breathe into it and accept it and just be graceful. Thank you for that. For the people whom I've not had the honor of connecting with. I grew up in East Los Angeles during a very chaotic time. Probably one of the most violent times in LA history. It was during the early 90s, during the 92 LA riots.

That was the year I moved to LA, by the way.

So wild. You moved here?

Oh, I moved here the year that the riots happened. Yeah, it was crazy. I was like, welcome to la. Oh man.

That's actually the same year. Tori, my fiance, I always say partner, fiance. We've been engaged for like five years, we're never getting married. Side note, that's a separate topic. Next we'll get into that too. But yes, that's the same year he moved down here. So it's really interesting. So cool. Yeah, so it was obviously a very intense time. First generation Mexican American. My parents migrated here and so we lived in this really sort of kind of rundown. It wasn't necessarily an apartment complex, is more like a sort of duplex complex housing type of thing. But we had a small, little tight knit community, but it was still very in a not great area and we were surrounded by drug dealers and gang. Gang people. And it was just not a really safe place for children to grow up. And so I never really grew up playing outside. You know, it was always going from somebody's little apartment complex to the other. And the moments where we would be able to get to play outside, there would always. Something would always happen. I mean, there was a drive by shooting one time and there was a gang Fight another time. So it just seemed like every time I was out, I basically grew up in a very loving environment. But it was very traumatic. There was. I was in my fight or flight basically my entire childhood. And so what it did was it created. My parents ended up getting separated when I was about 10 years old, and I stayed with my dad, and we stayed in that same area until maybe a few years after. And now did you get to go

see your mom for visitation? Yeah. Yeah, I would see.

I would see my mom, like, every other weekend. I was always closer to my dad, so it was one of. My older sister lived with my mom, and I lived with my dad. And I've talked about this before, and my mom probably hates that I say this, but my parents were young. They were teenage parents, and so when they separated, they were probably just going through their own transformational moments.

How old is your mom?

My mom just wondering if I'm, like,

the same age as her.

She was born. I think you're younger than she is. She was born in 62. What year?

Okay, I'm born in 72, so just a little bit. Yeah.

You and Tori.

I was like, am I old enough to be your mom?

No, no, no. You. You and. And Tori, actually my fiance, are the same. Same age.

Oh, I thought when you said he moved out here at 92, I was like, he must be close to the same age.

Yes. So, yeah, he always gets. It's always funny. Cause he's like, I'm 10 years younger than your mom. Is that weird? And I'm like, no. Why is that weird?

Where.

You know, we started dating when I was 20, so I was in that environment, and my parents, when they separated, they basically put my sister and I in a room, and they made us choose who we wanted to live with, which is terrible. Don't ever do that to your kids. Everybody listening. Amberly, I know you would never do that.

That is a whore.

I'm sorry.

That's got. That's so much pressure.

Oh, yeah.

On a kid. Yeah. I mean, that was.

Oh, go ahead. Sorry.

No, I was just gonna say it.

Just.

That's so much pressure. And I mean, going through a divorce, when your parents go through a divorce, it was so much pressure on me as a kid. My hair was falling out, and I was like, I never want to do that to my kid. And the only thing is, it takes two parents that don't want to do it, or they can make it. Hell, yeah.

Yeah.

So you said, I'll go with dad.

Yeah. I mean, it Was probably the first. It was. It was my. At 10 years old, it was my first adult decision. And it was the first time I experienced having a heartbreaking experience because, oh, my God, I didn't want to upset anybody. And my grandmother was actually the one that was raising us because both my parents worked, and so my grandmother was my dad's mom. And so I also didn't want to leave my grandma. You know, I was like, I want to stay with my grandma. So.

So, yeah. And then by the time breaks my heart.

I know, I know. It's so sad. It really is sad. And I think I'm doing my coping thing, which I start laughing because I'm like, oh, that was up, but can we curse? Yeah, okay.

Let it out, girl.

Let it out.

Yeah.

Okay, great. So, yeah, that was sort of what created the catalyst to a very rebellious time in my life, because my dad then. Then the other heartbreaking thing that happened is when I got a little bit older, 13, my dad decided that I had to go live with my mom because he didn't want to have to deal with raising a woman, you know, because he's like, I just can't. I don't have the bandwidth to raise a woman. Like, you are going to need your mother, you know, because it's like, oh, why? Because I'm going to get a period, you know, type of thing.

But that's a hard thing to go through because I went back and forth the same. Like my mom. I don't even want to get into it, but it was over child support, so I was like, well, I don't want anybody to have to pay for me. I've got a job. I'll just go live with a friend. You know, It's a horrible, horrible thing.

Yeah, yeah. And it's very traumatic. I mean, it really does.

So an age where you were going through puberty, which is the most, like, critical. You're so emotional here. You're having to like, oh, now I'm going to go live with my mom.

And at that time.

Yeah, sister.

Yeah. And at that time, too, I was having a lot of issues with my mom because my dad had kind of brainwashed me that my mom was this, like, terrible person and she left us. And, you know, because it was my mom's choice to get a divorce. And so I went into this experience with my mother as my dad's ally. And I had to sort of be this go between now and I had to basically tell my mom all the ways that she was wrong in her way and yeah, it was a huge source of contention. Anything that my mom and I just, we were like oil and water. We didn't have a lot of money.

And how are you now?

Oh, we have a great relationship now. I mean, I really put my mom through hell. I was underage drinking and I was partying and I. Nobody told me what to do. I was like my own little boss. My mom worked a million hours. She worked at a USC university hospital as a environmental services admin person. Basically, they staff these hospitals with people to clean the hospitals, like nurses, housekeeping services, that kind of thing. But so she worked. She worked the graveyard. She was never around. So it really allowed me to get into all kinds of trouble and to become autonomous in my decision making. I thought I was an adult at 14 years old. So I was doing all of the things that, you know, kids that live in a big city that hang around the wrong crowd because you live in an environment where everybody's a bad child.

Can I just say, it's scary as hell because Ruby's going to be 13 and she has a friend who's only a couple of years older than her. And she said, mama, look at her on TikTok Rosie. I couldn't believe it.

No.

I was like, she's in lingerie. She's dancing in lingerie. What is going on? And I. And so Johnny, my husband, was like, ruby, just so you know, if you ever did that, I would kill you. You will die.

She's so good.

You'll just, you'll die. You'll die if I ever catch you doing that.

We got our eye on you, Ruby Eyes.

And you know what? She knows like this. Now I'm in my home office. She. Her bedroom's right next door. And a lot of times she gets tired of me being in my office for. You know, it's different when you go away to an office. They know you're at work, but when you're just right next door in the next room. So, like, she'll try to get my attention. And one of the ways she's got my attention today, she goes, mama, I'm just going to be listening to some really dirty music in the other room, okay? Girl, crazy girl.

So.

But you were the age where you started drinking and stuff. I'm sure you weren't that much older than Ruby. How old were you when you had your first drink? Eleven. Oh my gosh. Wow. Oh, yeah.

I'm like, no, by the time I was 13, I had a full on. Yeah, totally. I had a full On I was smoking pot every day. Like I already had my sort of routine, my prescription of bad habits,

kind

of coping with what things, feelings. You probably didn't even know what this was exactly. But I know you've talked about like having panic attacks and all the trauma and I would love if you just like, what exactly does a panic attack feel like? What is it? Because there have been times, I swear where I was like, is this a panic attack? Is this what this is right now? What is this?

Yeah, I don't know.

It is.

So I'm going to just say trigger warning. For people that have anxiety, I will describe it to a very specific degree. So if you are easily triggered by the description of panic attacks, you should probably maybe forward this a little bit.

But I, I just learned about trigger warnings.

Oh, you did?

My 12 year old warned me. She goes, mom, when you post pictures of your leg, you need to put trigger, trigger warning on there. I swear to God, I just learned that. So thank you for saying that.

I saw that you did that and I was like, oh, that's cool that she's doing. I mean, that's great. I mean, for me, I didn't know

my 12 year old was like, mom, you can't just post pictures of your leg like that. You got to put trigger warning. So I'm learning and now I'm learning from you. That's really good to know that that could cause.

Yeah, I mean, it can cannot. I mean sometimes people just talking about it or describing a physical experience, they can, they can start to have that experience. You know, for me, if I'm hearing, if I'm listening to somebody describe a panic attack, it automatically I have to go into my special place so that it's not triggering for me. So yeah, I was a teenager, I was getting into trouble. I ended up getting in trouble with the law. Like it was a whole thing. What set off the panic attacks initially was I was at a ditch party with some, I guess they were my friends, but they were a lot older than I was and I was smoking pot that I didn't know until later was laced with pcp. And so my friends, I was tripping out, of course, I was like just out of my mind. The friend that I was with ended up just taking me back home because they were freaked out because I was reacting. I was like, what were you doing panicking? Oh, it was just, I was having an anxiety attack. My full body with my heart was my. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. My heart would Be straight out of my hospital. Oh, I did. So they dropped me off at home, and thank God my mom was there. And she. Because she had been looking for me, so she didn't go to work because I was missing. So she ended up taking me to the er. And, yeah, I almost went into shock because I was having this complete, complete visceral experience. And so I moved through that experience. But what happened is that a couple of weeks later, I started to have these. The same feeling where I was. I would get scared, like, oh, my heart's beating fast. I'm scared I'm gonna have to go back to the hospital. And then I would induce a panic attack. So what a panic attack feels like. It feels like you can't breathe. It feels like your heart is beating out of your chest. Like it's gonna stop at any moment. You have sweaty palms. You. Some people, depending on how it is, like, your stomach might get really upset. You can throw up, you can have diarrhea. Like, you can have, like, a very visceral physiological response. You're basically in fight or flight. So think about. Imagine if you're at a library and you're just reading a book. In fact, this actually did happen to me. I was at the school library, and I was sitting there in detention reading. So I loved getting detention because I loved reading. So that was like, my way of just being like, I'll just go to detention, and then I would just sit there and read. Imagine you're sitting and you're reading a book, and all of a sudden there's a huge black bear that is coming for you and is going to maul you and eat you. So that instinctual, jarring, sharp thing that begins to happen, the fight or flight response that brings all of your blood to your extremities so that you can fight, flee, or freeze. So that happened. It felt very jarring to my system. And. And then I would just start, like, screaming that I needed to go to the hospital, that I was, like, going to die. And so. And it. Then it started to happen all the time. And then it went from. I was scared to go to school. I was scared to leave the house. I was scared to be by myself because I felt like at any moment I was going to die. Like.

And now. How old were you at this point when it got this bad?

I was about 15.

Oh, my God. That must have broken your mom's heart. Oh, it was like, see you going through that. Yeah.

And then we had, like, a terrible relationship. So it was really. It was really hard. It was very challenging time. And so I was able. They. I did get on medication for anxiety at the time, but what happened as a result of that, then I needed to get. I needed to get medication for depression, and then I needed to get medication for focusing. It was just. I kind of went down that rabbit hole because back then, all of these mental health tools and the things that we're now so much more educated on weren't really talked about before. Nobody talked about the importance of physical movement. Nobody talked about the importance of talk therapy. Nobody talked about the importance of prayer or positive reinforcement, any of those things. It was just not a thing. And so what ended up happening is one time, my mom, during this dark time, came home one day with a pamphlet from the Self Realization Fellowship. One of her friends at work had said that meditation helped with stress. And so at that point, I was just desperate for anything. I just wanted to do anything. I didn't like how the medication was making me feel, like, just terrible. I was gaining so much weight. I felt I didn't understand what the point of life was, especially growing up in the environment that I did. I was like, this world is a terrible place. Like, this world is an awful, terribly unjust, really fucked up place to be. Like, if there is a God, why would God do this? This is terrible. This is a terrible experience, you know, and. And fortunately we were able to turn that around. And I. I had my first, I would say, my spiritual awakening, I can call it, going to the Self Realization Fellowship in Hollywood. I took the bus there. I ditched school. I ditched school to go take the bus to this little meditation temple in Hollywood. And I sat there and I'm listening to this lecture and they're talking about all these different things, about how we're responsible for our own happiness and things like spiritual well being and talking about manifestation and the power of positive thinking. And I was sitting there thinking, wow, this is. This is cool. This sounds interesting. And as this woman is giving this lecture, I'm sitting there thinking, waiting for the guy. I'm like, where's the pastor or the person? Where's the guy that's going to come in here and do this meditation thing? And then 20 more minutes passed and I realized I'm like, oh, she is the guy. Like, she is the person. Like, this is incredible. I grew up with a Catholic upbringing where there was. You go to church and there's this experience where a pastor, a male pastor, comes up to the podium and starts talking to you about all the things that are important for your life and what's going to make you be successful or happy or what have you, why you need to listen to the rules. And so having a woman at the top of that podium, talking about happiness and connection and the power of positive thinking and just all these things that I had never heard before and feeling so desperate and the reason, actually, I should back up. But during this time, I was. I was having an existential crisis, and I was having this really apathetic feeling towards faith because I just felt like God had abandoned me. God had left me. There was no God, because God wouldn't allow all of these bad things to happen to somebody that, like, I never did anything bad to anybody. And if it's true that good things happen to good people, then why do bad things keep happening to me? And so, utilizing that same framework, going into that little lecture meditation space, and then having this woman lead us through a breath exercise, she told us to close our eyes. And the minute that I closed my eyes, my instinct was to open them back up because I was scared. I'm like, oh, that's. I've never been in there before. That's scary. It's scary in there. I don't. I don't want to go in there. So I kept my eyes open, but I was doing the breath work. And the minute that I felt my own breath and I felt my body, I'd never felt my body before. My body was a direct reflection of just survival. Like, I needed this vessel to do and move and consume things that are going to make it feel better.

Wow, that is powerful. Yeah. I mean, I relate to that so much because, I mean, for the longest time, I lived in survival mode, and sometimes I get caught up where I feel like I still am because I live with this stupid crps pain all the time. And I'm like, no, I am not living in survival mode anymore. That's not my life. But I so relate to that. And it wasn't until I was in my 40s that I was like, oh, no, it's safe to close my eyes and actually listen to my body instead of, you know, pushing through the pain or numbing out the pain or. But, wow, you were young. And you know what? I want to just backtrack to you. You skipped school to go. And I think there's a gift in desperation. And you were so desperate, you just were like, okay, I can either give up or give it another shot. And I think that there are no coincidences. I think. I think that things are kind of put in our path when we need to see them or when we're ready to see them. And thank God that your mom brought home that little pamphlet and that you skipped school that day and gave it a try. And I think that was such a blessing because it has led you on this path where you have been wildly successful. I mean, y', all, she's not just like a yoga teacher that like does things part time. She certifies people and teaches them how to be yoga teachers. She teaches celebrities and stars. Not that you have to do that to be a yoga teacher, but I mean, you've really taken it to a different level and now it's taken you on stages. Back when we were able to travel all across the country. Yeah. I mean, and it's true. Yeah. So when did you start thinking, huh, this is something I could do? And did you ever see it, your life, living the life that you live now?

Oh, no, no, absolutely not. No way I could. If you would have told my 16 year old, 15 year old self that I'd be doing this right now, I would have just laughed and said, absolutely, there's no way, no way that this will ever happen. It took another, I would say five years until I was about 20 for all of this to really begin to set in as something that I was utilizing for my life. I mean, I started practicing meditation more. I started learning about mindfulness and Buddhism and yogic philosophy and, and it wasn't until, yeah, my early 20s that I did my first yoga teacher training. And I just. My only intention behind doing my first yoga teacher training was to just deepen my practice of yoga to learn more. It wasn't necessarily, oh, I want to be a teacher, but by the time I got there, I was just so, you know, it's like when you find that thing that you really love, I mean, it can be like fitness. It could be self help books, it could be listening to podcasts. You find something, you just want to consume all of it. And you're just so fed by knowledge and different perspectives, different ways of seeing the world. And I was just taking it all in and felt so inspired to bring this type of methodology to look at risk communities like the one I grew up in. I'm like, what would my 13, 14, 15 year old self have done had she known these tools, had she known her value, had she known that she had a voice, had she known that there are other ways of connecting to the divine? Had she known that she is powerful beyond her wildest dreams. And that was my Intention behind teaching. And I just, just like everybody else, you know, I started from the bottom and just built myself up and it took a really long time. Some people that don't know my background, they don't know my story. You know, they just see, oh, here's this, another yoga teacher, another meditation teacher doing this wellness thing and talking about these really, you know, great topics. But it wasn't until I started to share my story that allowed people to see, okay, this person.

This really did change her life.

Yeah. And for the longest time, I didn't share my story because I was like, I didn't think it mattered. I didn't think it was important. I didn't think it was relevant. I mostly, and most of the time, you know, you talked about this on my podcast when you were encouraging people if they have that idea you're talking, you were talking about your book writing process and the path that led you to creating your book and birthing your idea and the whole experience. And how if people are listening to this, take it as a sign that this is your sign. Write that book, do that thing. I love being able to get those messages. And people don't think that their experience is important or noteworthy because it's mundane to them, because they live it daily. They don't think it's important. People always try to out tragedy each other. I mean, just to be, you know, I'm not going to slag on Clubhouse, but sometimes when I'm on Clubhouse, like listening, it's like I appreciate when people are sharing their stories, but sometimes it's like this, oh, I got to out tragedy the other person because that person suffered more than I did. Like that means I'm not important or I have to show that I suffered more or I suffered, you know, less or whatever. Like, this is a compare, like that's, it's a competition.

I. So I'm so glad you brought that up. Yeah. That's why I actually started kind of like a little support group on Clubhouse because I had was a part of, like trying to find a support group for people with CRPs just to connect with other people dealing with it. And it was like people trying to out pain each other out tragedy each other out. And it was like, no, we're just here to connect and support. And this is weird. I'm so glad that you brought that up because I think it is important that it's not about a comparison thing, that everybody has a unique story. And I think it, it allows people to really connect to you more when they know the story behind it. And I've had that before where I've gone to speak at a conference and somebody came up to me and in the bathroom, and she was one of the advisors for the panel there, and she was like, oh, you know, before you got up on stage to speak, I thought, oh, wow, just here's another pretty blonde here to speak. And I was like, oh, thanks. Thanks for saying I'm pretty. But, you know, it was just like, you never really know what somebody has been through, and most people have been through some pretty difficult times. So when you can share your story of what you went through as a kid, what you struggled with as a teenager, that you were arrested by the cops, that you, you know, that you had some hard times, but you were able to climb out of that, it gives other people hope that they can not only get through some of their hardest challenges, but you've really turned that pain into purpose, Rosie. You really. You really have. And now you're sharing that with people through your podcast. I love your podcast. Through retreats that you do, through your teaching, and through a book that you're writing now. So I can't wait to read your book. And I think that it's something. When you write a book, it's like birthing a child. For real. Like, you. It's for real. Oh, man, it's a lot. So I'm here for you. I know I'm here for you.

I'm definitely gonna, you know, need. Need that support. I know it. I mean, I just turned my first draft in a couple of weeks ago, and I. I know that there's going to be some back and forth, but.

Oh, you've already turned in your first.

Yeah.

Oh, God, that's amazing.

Yeah.

That was kind of a scary thing when I sent the first draft to the editor, and I was like, I haven't heard back yet. Is it that bad? They hate it. They hate it.

I'm like, do they want their advance back? Because I can't give it back to them now. When he's gone, that money is gone. Sorry, guys.

Yeah, no, they don't want it back. They're going to be like, actually, we want to do a whole nother book deal. We want to do more.

From your mouth to God's ears. Let's hope for the best.

Yeah. Well, I want to know before we get even more into the book a little bit, because I know, I know time goes by so fast with you, and I have so much I want to ask you, so I wanted to ask you for anybody that is. Look, I know so many people. I was downstairs earlier today going, God, I just want to sit and eat potatoes, like all day, all day potatoes. And I know so many people right now are turning to eating more, drinking more, dating more. I have a client that's like speed dating right now. How, I swear, how do you do that? I swear I'm like, okay, you go, girl.

That's great.

Yeah, you know, whatever floats your boat. But I mean, I thought of you because I know for a while you were like triggered and would like want to go to the food for comfort. And that's a very normal thing that people are experiencing right now. And they're even making like videos that, making fun of it and joking about it on social media where people can't zip up their pants. And I'm like, dude, no, this is real. We're in like a health crisis right now. We need some tools. So what's something you suggest for people to do that are like they're anxious or maybe they even have panic attacks?

I mean, thank you for that and for acknowledging that I've struggled with eating. I guess I can say that I've struggled with an eating disorder my entire life. That's wild. I don't really talk about that, but I definitely have had my experiences with that. I've always fluctuated with my weight. I've never necessarily been. I've got the Latin gene, so I'm a little bit just, you know, soft. And I love my body. I've no, I love my body. It's my God given temple and I love her. But I'm an emotional eater. That is the place. I go to the fridge. I'm stressed out. Oh, there's the pandemic. Okay, I need a cookie. I need a cake. I need food. I need some. I'm a vegan junk food junkie. So it's like I'm a vegan, but I will eat all of the vegan treats. Like so much coconut sugar, you know. And so it was really hard for me during the pandemic. I think I gained something like £20 during last year, which is wild.

Well, don't you think though, like, when you've been through as much trauma that you've been through, I mean, you're experiencing as a kid.

Yes.

Like gang fights, drive by shootings. And you're like, what the hell's going on? This is my normal, but it doesn't feel normal. And how are you supposed to cope with that if you haven't been taught any coping Skills. And so I'm sure you're just like, well, this is kind of comforting. I'm just going to keep doing this.

Yeah. Especially when you grow up with little abuelita, little grandma that's cooking for you

all the time that wants to feed you. It makes them happy to feed you if you're eating them. Happy.

That's right. That's right. It's the love language. So there's so many. So many layers of my. Of my sort of imbalance there. But, yeah, so. So I can absolutely relate with that. And, you know, I'm very fortunate, very lucky. I have a lot of people in my life that I can lean on and talk about this. And I do have. I have a coach, I have a therapist, I have a teacher, I have friends like you. You know, I have great people in my life that I could look to and get inspired. And I think one of the most important things that I will say, whether it's you're struggling with eating or you're struggling with panic attacks, is that every breath is an opportunity to choose something different. Every breath is an opportunity to not make that choice, to make a different choice. And for me, it was very basic. It's like, I don't have anything that's going to trigger my indulging habit in the house. And I love movement, I love moving my body, I love running. So I've rekindled since I've lost my not full £20 quite yet, but I've definitely lost the majority of the weight that I put on last year because there's a switch that will flip the minute that you find an intention that's worth doing more than the act of whatever the habit is, if that makes sense. And my intention was, I want to be. I just want to be healthy. I want to be. I just want to be healthy. And we've talked about this before. The underlying current for me has been this fertility journey that I've been on the last couple of years. The big intention behind me being healthy the last three years has been to get pregnant. And so since that was no longer the case for me, and I felt myself last year really rebelling against my body, and I'm like, oh, just. It doesn't matter. My body's not doing what I want it to do, so fuck it, I'm going to eat whatever I want. I don't care, and it doesn't matter. But I felt myself going down this really dark place really quickly, and I felt it. Unfortunately, I've been doing what I've been doing for so long that I know when I'm out of alignment because it resonates. It feels different when you're out of alignment.

It does.

Right.

That's the key. I don't think it's about balance. I think it's about being in alignment.

Yes.

And I can feel it, too, when I'm not. And I think that's when I want to eat. Sit there and eat potatoes. Because that's not like me.

Right.

But I want to do that or I want to grab a sugary drink or I want. It's like something's not right. And I think it's. I love that you said with each breath is your opportunity to make a different decision, a different choice. And that puts the power back in your arena. Like, it's up to you. You get to choose. Because sometimes, man, when that addiction takes over, it's like you can't. You can't even bargain with it. It's like it's an alien that comes and completely takes you over. And it's like the decision making goes out the window. I like that you talk about movement, because I feel like movement does move your mood.

Yes. And I can totally relate. I had my. I've had my experience with addiction, not. Not. Not only my own personal addiction addictions, but also growing up in a family of alcoholics, you know, and people in and out of aa. So I'm very familiar with Al Anon, with Alcoholics Anonymous. I love the 12 step programs. I think they work magic on so many people. I think there's definitely something to be said about that system, which I truly revere and respect. And I think that feeling, that imbalance when you're not aligned, it can act as a catalyst to begin something new. I think the problem is that we get overwhelmed. We put too much on our plate, and it's like, oh, I have. So I have £20. Like, I can't lose £20 in a week. So then you just say it and you just continue on the same behavior where if you think about it as more of a marathon. And I've run like four marathons, so as a fellow runner, I can actually relate it. Relate to that. It takes a long time to run a marathon, and it takes a long time to train. Train for many months, years. And at the end, it's like you get this payoff of being able to do this race. And I love the journey. Like, I'm all about the journey. People love the payoff. I'm like, give me 75 days. Like I'm doing the 75 days of wellness right now. I don't want to do the two week, I don't want to 21 days. I don't want to do 30 days. I want to do like months, I want to do a year. I want to be able to take my time getting to where I want to go because I know that the end is not the end, it's only the beginning of the next thing that you want to do. And so if you look at it as the long term, I'm taking care of my body and my health now because I want to be a healthy 40 year old and I want to be a healthy 50 year old and I want to be A healthy 60 year old. I want to still be able to go for a run. Like I want to still be able to be active and get on my roller skates and go outside and you know, do stuff. So I'm thinking, I love that because

I was at the barn with Ruby and I did a cartwheel and this little kid goes, wow, you know how to do a cartwheel? How old are you?

Oh my God.

It's like, thanks little kid. I'm not that old.

That is the best. That's awesome. Yeah.

Yes. I mean I think it is a long term, it's a lifestyle.

It is.

And you're so right about the £20. If you think of it as £1 at a time, just like, you know, for me it was giving up alcohol one day at a time, then it's not impossible, then you can do it. It's such a good reminder. Enjoy the journey because so many people are caught up in. Ok, well if I can just get on that stage or if I can just, you know, write that book or if I can just get that many followers, then I'll be happy. Or if I can. And it is about the journey because if you don't enjoy the journey when you get to that thing it's going to be a letdown because it's like oh well I did it. But well what's next? Unless you learn to enjoy the journey, right?

100%.

How are some of the ways you're enjoying the journey and being so healthy?

Oh well it's so funny that you say that because my best friend, childhood friend Eddie got me some karaoke mics for Christmas this last Christmas and we have been karaoking the shit out of our living room like and just me and Tori like having a full on concert like just. I haven't posted any videos. I guess I Probably should, but we start at like 6 o' clock and we're going all the way to like, I'm an early bed person but we've been staying up to like 10 o' clock at night just singing song and we're talking like all kinds of whatever, anything like, oh, whatever, yeah, let's sing some Metallica, let's sing some Lady Gaga. Like, let's sing some whatever, you know, whatever it might be. I mean, he's like a big classic rock super fan and I'm into different music than he is, but it's, but it's so much fun. I mean, I was singing songs from like the 80s, like love is a battlefield or you know, we're just like, we're really going, we're going there. And how I relate this to my health is this is all part of wellness. Doing things that feed your soul, that nourish you. And there's a deeper reason why I love the care. My dad's a singer. He's a vocalist, he is a performer. And so I don't like being on camera. I'm not like a showman type of person. Takes a lot for me. I can go on a stage and speak in front of thousands of people because.

Oh, I like that. But it's because I feel like I connect with people.

Exactly. And you're sharing your story and you're being of service. Like that's the thing, you know, as far as me being like somebody that wants. That's not me. I'm not that person. But somehow like the minute you get that microphone in front of your face and you start singing a song that you. From high school or that you remember from when you were a kid or something really fun. Yeah, it's just to me, I'm engaged in something that's keeping me fully immersed in the present moment. And if I can be fully immersed in the present moment and be fully awake and aligned, then I'm living my life. And to me that's the whole purpose of everything that we do. I don't believe in the whole, I'll be happy when I buy my first house. I'll be happy when I publish my first book. I'll be happy when I get the followers or I'll be happy when I'm on the New York Times. Like I have to be happy now because we don't know if we have tomorrow. Tomorrow is not a guarantee. We only have this moment right now. And this is something. I think we've talked about this before. Maybe we did a maybe during one of Henry's events. But I have this practice when I go to bed every night since I was a teenager. And before I go to bed, I ask myself, are you happy with the way the day went? If you don't wake up tomorrow, like, wow. If you don't wake up tomorrow, did you tell everybody that you loved? That you loved them? Did you do something that brought you joy? Did you see the sun today? Did you see the moon today? Did you see the stars today? Like, I go through this list of things, and if I, you know, like, I didn't text my mom or I have to respond to my dad, like, I get up from bed and I'm like, oh, I gotta just send a little. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Writing down, I'm supposed to call my dad today.

Oh, see, that's a sign.

See, I'm not kidding.

I wrote it down like it's a sign. Yeah. And I go through that process, and you know what? Sometimes I'm like, no, I'm fine. Like, I don't need to call that person or I don't need to tell that person. Tori and I have this rule that we don't go to bed angry. Right. We try to. Even if we're having a disagreement or whatever.

I don't like that. Going to bed upset. I. The worst feeling.

Yeah.

Ever.

Because you just don't know. You don't know, like, what's. What's going to happen. And so, yeah, I've done that practice forever, and it just puts things back into perspective. Like, I've lived such a full, rich life, and I am so abundant in love. I have so many incredible people in my life. I have so many things to be grateful for. And, yeah, I just. I believe in radical love, and that's the whole purpose of why I do what I do. And I have to stay in alignment with that or I'm not living my life.

I love that. And that's why I think you have so much abundance in your life, too, is because you're such a good person and you're so grateful and you're so thoughtful and so humble. Even with all the success that you've achieved and your accolades and everything that you've done, you're so grounded in gratitude, and it's just so beautiful. And we had originally planned on trying to do this in person before COVID Then Covid came, and we're like, okay, we'll just do the zoom. But I'm. I'm actually. It gives me, like, a little bit of relief to know that I'm not the only one that doesn't like the camera. I have videos. I'm supposed to have sent in, like, five videos. And I'm like. I just. I get, like, anxiety having to put just the camera right in front of my face and talk. But I miss the stage where I can connect with people. And I like going down into the audience.

And I've seen you. I've seen you do it.

I want to be with them. So I hope we get to do an event together like that again. Thank you so much for being here. I love you so much.

I love you.

Do you think you're going to plan any retreats?

Yeah, so I'm probably going to wait until early next year. I'm thinking probably during the time of my book launch. Beautiful place that we go to in Scotland. It's like one of my favorite places to go. It's called the Duns. Yeah, it's called the Dunce. Okay, you're already there. It's going to happen.

Okay.

Called the Duns Gay. The Duns Gay estate. It's like, it's part of this lineage of this castle is there. And you can hike everywhere, and it's this beautiful estate. And the rooms are incredible. You can. You can look it up. We should link the Henry's. Actually, I recommended Henry do an event there. Henry's done an event there.

Oh, wasn't it.

Or it got canceled? Yes, it got canceled. That's right.

Event. Right when Covid happened. And I was like, johnny, Henry's gonna go to, like, Scotland or something. I remember it was a castle.

Yes, a castle. That's right.

It's a castle. And I was like, oh, my gosh, I want to go. I want to go to the castle. And then Covid came. Yeah, that's.

Yeah, that's the plan. So a year from now, hopefully that'll be our first event. And we're. We're getting coordinated to. To put it up probably in the next couple of weeks and. Yeah. So that'll be the first event after all this stuff since.

Oh, it's gonna be booming because people are gonna be like, I can't wait to travel.

I know people are gonna be excited about. Yeah. Finally going places.

Yeah. Big book launch plans. Any plans?

We should talk about this, because I haven't.

I think we need to go big. I swear, I just want to help you go big. I say we get a group of people together and we make it the biggest party ever of all time. Yeah. I'm not kidding. I want to Rent some studio like Tony Robbins.

And, oh, yes, maybe he'll let us borrow his.

Yeah, if you think, I'll call him up and see.

Yeah, just give him a ring.

Yeah, you never know.

Hey, you never, never know.

You never know. Yeah. I'm so excited for your book. And y' all check out her podcast because I love it. I had the honor of being on her show. She's had a podcast for how long has your podcast been here?

For like six years, since 2015.

Oh, yeah. So tell everybody where they can find you.

Everybody. You can go to radicallyloved.com all of my info is there. You can follow me on Instagram, Twitter, Rosie Acosta, and on Facebook, it's Radically loved. Rosie, drop by, say hello, tell me who you are. I'd love to get to know you. Just, I'm so honored to be here and I love you so much.

Oh, I love you. And yes, I will help you plan any kind of book party. We're going big.

We're going big.

We're going big.

Guys. You heard it here first.

Thank you so much. I love you.

Thank you. I love you.

Thanks so much for joining us this week on True Britain Grace Podcast. If you like it, please rate it or share it with your friends. That would help, too. If you're not yet on the newsletter list, come over to Amberly Lago.com and jump on it. While you're there, you can grab a free downloadable gratitude journal. And you might just want to check out my book or even check out my monthly motivational membership. Thanks again for tuning in, and we'll see you next week.

Sam.