Finding Joy in the Middle of Change

Last night it hit me.

Ruby is really leaving for college.

She was packing up her room, and I found myself following her around asking WAY too many questions while trying not to cry.

“Are you taking your shelf?”

“All your candles?”

“Even your Breyer horse collection?”

I could feel the tears coming as I watched all the cute decorations from her room disappear into boxes.

And then I saw one labeled:

BEDDING AND BOWELS.

I looked at her and said, “BOWELS?! How are you ready for college when you still need me to help you spell BOWLS?!” 

And just like that, we were both laughing. Thank God for laughter in the middle of the hard stuff. This whole season feels so bittersweet.

I’ve seriously been pacing around the house while my husband seems… EXCITED?! Even Nugget is confused about why Ruby’s room is disappearing one box at a time.

And somehow this feels different than when Savanna left for school. When Savanna left, I still had Ruby at home.

Now it feels like an entire chapter of my life is closing.

And I know I’m not the only one walking through change right now.

Maybe your baby is leaving for college too. Maybe you’re changing jobs, moving, ending a relationship, starting over, grieving what was, or stepping into something new that you prayed for…and now that it’s here, it feels a little scary.

Change can be exciting AND heartbreaking.

We don’t have to pretend it isn’t hard in order to find joy in it.

Here are a few things helping me right now:

I’m flipping the script on my thoughts. Instead of, “It’s over,” I’m reminding myself, “Something new is beginning.”

There are new memories ahead. New adventures. New ways for our relationship to grow.

I’m taking the pressure off. I don’t need to be everywhere and do everything right now.

Social media can wait.

I want to be PRESENT at home with her while I can…and soon, present for the road trip into this next adventure.

Presence over performance.

I’m keeping God close. This may feel uncertain to me, but it isn’t uncertain to Him.

God has a plan for Ruby. He goes where I can’t go. He’ll be with her when I’m not there to remind her of a million things or ask if she remembered her bowls. 

And that gives this mama some peace.

I’m reaching out instead of trying to do it alone. Connection has carried me through some of the hardest changes in my life, and I’m leaning on it again.

Maybe that’s what I’m learning in this season:

Joy isn’t always jumping up and down because everything feels wonderful.

Sometimes joy is laughing over a misspelled box while your heart is breaking a little.

It’s trusting that an ending can also be a beginning.

It’s letting yourself feel ALL the feels and still looking for what’s good.

So if you’re walking through change too, I hope you’ll remember this with me:

We can miss what was and still be excited about what’s ahead.

Both can be true.

And somewhere in between the tears, the boxes, the uncertainty, and the “bedding and bowels,” there is still joy to be found. 

And if you’ve already walked through sending your babies off to college—or another big life transition—I’d LOVE your advice.

Seriously. Hit reply and tell me what helped you.

Because this mama will take all the tips, prayers, and encouragement she can get right now.

Here’s to finding joy through every chapter…even the ones we aren’t quite ready to turn.