I have worked with a lot of incredible coaches and mentors over the years. But I have to say, the work I’ve been doing with Alejandra Crisafulli over this past year has been some of the most transformational of my life. And I knew the moment we sat down to record this episode of The Amberly Lago Show that I had to share her with all of you!
Alejandra is the creator of the 180 Method, an award-winning master coach with over 21 years of experience and someone who has done her own deep healing work. She spent years building businesses, coaching clients and using every self-help tool in the book. She hit a wall so hard, she ended up in the hospital, convinced she had nothing left. That season brought her to God, and what came out of it is a method that I truly believe is changing lives in ways that nothing else can touch.
Here is what struck me most from our time together.
You’re Not Trying to Get Better. You’re Trying to Prove Something.
Alejandra explains that most of what drives our hustle, our people pleasing, our perfectionism and our need to overachieve, comes from a core identity. A belief so deeply rooted that we don’t even realize it’s running the show. For me it was not enough. Every time I didn’t get the response I hoped for, every time an opportunity fell through, my brain would tell me I wasn’t good enough. Once you understand that you’ve been spending your energy trying to disprove a belief rather than heal it, everything looks different.
The Two Parts of You That Change Everything
Here’s the distinction that I genuinely think has shifted something in me at a cellular level. Alejandra teaches that there are two parts to every human being. The human, where our ego, patterns and core beliefs live. And the being, our spirit, where God lives. The 180 Method is about reversing the direction, moving from living out of our human and coming back home to our being. When healing happens at that level, you don’t have to keep proving anything. You just become who God designed you to be!
Surrender is a Decision Not a Defeat
Surrender is one of the most powerful and courageous decisions you can make. It’s a decision, not an action. When you decide to surrender, you cut off every other option. You stop trying to fix yourself and outrun the feelings that are asking to be felt. You have to feel in order to heal. The mask we wear to pretend we’re fine, never leads to freedom. We have to surrender.
If something in this resonated with you, please don’t scroll past it. This conversation is exactly what so many of us need right now. Tune in and let Alejandra’s wisdom meet you exactly where you are!
About Alejandra Crisafulli
Alejandra Crisafulli is the creator of the 180 Method, an award-winning master coach, global speaker and passionate advocate for bringing God back into the center of healing and personal development. With over 21 years of experience and more than 5,000 clients coached, she helps entrepreneurs and leaders break free from the cycles that keep them stuck and step into the life God designed for them.
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Transcript
Amberly Lago (01:02)
Maybe kind of break down for someone to realize what their, maybe one of their core beliefs is.
Alejandra Crisafulli (01:09)
And when I say one identity, it’s like everything in this physical world has an identity. So like my pen, it’s a pen. That’s its identity. And we uncovered that your identity is not enough. Good. Not good enough. Worthy. Not worthy enough. Not valuable enough. Like we can just insert, you know, those pieces that go into the identity.
Amberly Lago (01:31)
can understand why it’s hard for people.
Alejandra Crisafulli (01:35)
I love distinctions because they’re powerful. There’s a difference between succumbing and surrendering. And surrendering is this beautiful act where you do give it to God, but we don’t often know like, well, who am I surrendering to and what am I giving up kind of thing. The hustle and grind comes from a core place, either your identity or some of these, the core beliefs that we’ve kind of touched on today.
That’s where it comes from and you’re trying to prove again that you’re not these things. And so when healing happens, there’s no longer that proof. You don’t have to keep proving. You naturally become who God has designed you to be.
Amberly Lago (02:13)
Welcome back to the Amberlee Lago show. I am so happy you’re here. You know, we’re going to be talking about resilience, joy, faith and building a life that’s truly unstoppable. And this is going to be a powerful conversation with one of my really most cherished, loved friends. A powerful conversation about faith, identity, healing and success and how they’re all connected.
Today’s guest is someone who brings together business brilliance and deep spiritual healing in such a powerful way. Alejandra Crisafulli is the creator, did I say that okay? You did. I just like to say your name because it’s so pretty. She’s the creator of the 180 Method, an award-winning master coach, a global speaker with only over 21 years of experience in coaching, training and leadership development.
Y’all, she’s worked with more than 5,000 clients, including me, trained hundreds of coaches, helped entrepreneurs ⁓ into multi six and seven figure businesses, and built a multimillion dollar coffee company alongside her amazing husband. But what truly sets Alejandra apart, I think, is this, is that she teaches that personal development without a connection to God can keep you stuck.
in a cycle of always searching and searching and her decide to heal approach invites people to separate the ego, how we see ourselves and I think ego is edging God out from being how God sees us on so healing becomes deeper and more permanent. So Alejandra, I love you so much. Thank you. Thank you for being here.
Alejandra Crisafulli (04:05)
goodness. Thank you for having me.
Amberly Lago (04:07)
Well, this
is a treat because I usually see you every Wednesday morning and my gosh, it’s Friday and I get to see it.
Alejandra Crisafulli (04:15)
Look at us. Look at
Amberly Lago (04:17)
And I usually see you roll out and don’t have makeup on and I put red lipstick on just early. It is because you’re you’re on Pacific Time. I miss that Pacific Time, to be honest with you. But I just have to tell everybody how much I love you and how long I’ve known you. So we met originally, I think it was in 2019, I think.
Alejandra Crisafulli (04:24)
Morning my time.
Amberly Lago (04:43)
And we were at an event and we were placed at the same table. And throughout this event, ⁓ the whole entire event, every time there was something funny that we thought, we thought that was funny. Maybe nobody else did, but we would collect, look at each other throughout the whole event. Like, yep, I understand that. Yep, I got that. It was just instant connection.
And we stayed connected and then you were in. I launched the unstoppable life mastermind when the world stopped back in March of 2020. I went ahead and launched it. You joined and then things were all shut down and things started to open up a little bit more. And so I thought, well, I am going to put 10 K down and rent this beautiful house in Malibu for all the mastermind people to come.
be together in person and then they introduced another strand of this crazy ⁓ thing. And I was like, ⁓ my gosh, I don’t know what to do. I’ve already put the money down and everyone showed up and it was such a magical time. But I also said, we’re each going to give get up and do five minutes, like a five minute. I think it was five minutes. Was it five minutes?
Alejandra Crisafulli (06:00)
Five minute, five minute presentation. Yep.
Amberly Lago (06:02)
And you got up and blew everyone away with your talk that you said that you changed or didn’t even think about what you were exactly going to share. And everybody I think was sitting there with their mouths open like, what? We never knew this. And I have been to when I came and hung out with you in San Diego, you took me to one of your coffee houses that you sold.
But at the time you had several businesses and you were like, you know what? I’m changing everything. I’m not doing that anymore. We’re going to sell that. And I’m going to go lean all the way into this coaching because I know it is something that God has called me to do. And now you are changing lives. And so I just wanted to tell everybody about that moment, about how you had shifted everything.
And now you are just making an impact. Y’all gotta follow her on Instagram. I’ll put the link in the show notes and in the caption on Instagram. But like blowing up, like it’s becoming bigger and bigger and bigger. And now you have other coaches that work with you and you were so kind and you said, Amberlee, you know what? I appreciated being in your mastermind.
Can I try, you know, do you want to try this coaching with me? said, yep, I sure do. So I was like, sign me up. I want to try the coaching and we’ve been working together now for how long?
Alejandra Crisafulli (07:37)
I think a in January, but we’ve, you know, with the travel schedules and all of that jazz, you know, so yes, it has been a year. ⁓
Amberly Lago (07:39)
Has it been a year?
And you’ve put up with me for that long.
And you know what, you’ve been that safe place for me to really do deeper healing and personal work and which affects every part of your life. So it has affected my relationships, the way I lead and the way I run my business. And so first of all, thank you. And I just wanted you to be able to share some of what you do because I’m always about providing value to the listeners.
And I want them to get a taste of how they can use your method in their life so they can truly become resilient and unstoppable in every way. And so can you share a little bit though, like how you even got into the work that you’re doing and what exactly it is?
Alejandra Crisafulli (08:43)
Yes, oh my goodness. Okay, thank you for that, by the way. I just love-
Amberly Lago (08:48)
I love you.
Alejandra Crisafulli (08:51)
Okay, so ⁓ I actually got into the coaching industry when like life coaching wasn’t even a thing, because it’s been 22 years now. But I started off as a business coach. ⁓ you know, it was during a time in my personal life where ⁓ I was just encountering so many different blocks. I was
just in a place of not enough, not feeling good enough, not feeling worthy, ⁓ and was just weighing heavily upon me. And you know, we all have a past, we all have reasons why we believe the things that we believe about ourselves, but it was at a time where it was very heavy upon my heart and my spirit. ⁓ And I just remember like being with business owners, entrepreneurs, very successful people that
They were struggling personally too. And it was like, we couldn’t get beyond those like personal struggles to actually work on their business. And so I was going through a lot personally and it was affecting my business. then they were going through a lot personally and it was affecting their business. I’m like, gosh, you know what? There’s something here. You are your business. Yeah. And if you’re not working, then your business isn’t going to be working. It’s. Yeah.
Amberly Lago (10:12)
So true.
Alejandra Crisafulli (10:14)
And I hadn’t really put those two together. And again, back then there wasn’t any, there was no social media. There was nothing to like look at to put these things together. And I did not know God at this point in my life. So I ⁓ was thinking like, okay, there’s gotta be something out there then that helps me. And of course therapy was the thing at the time of like, okay, so I’m going to go to therapy and
I will never forget this. The therapist was like, you’re depressed. okay. ⁓ So I think the best thing would be to just, put you on some medication and get you like on a right path. And that’ll be like, basically the thing that’s going to make the difference.
Amberly Lago (11:02)
Yeah, let’s just put a bandaid on a bullet hole. just not address the gorilla.
Alejandra Crisafulli (11:07)
It was so shocking to me and I’m like, wait, what? That’s the solution? So it’s like, no, no, no, no, no, no, there’s gotta be a different solution. And, ⁓ God placed into my life again, I didn’t know him at this point, but as you look back and you see all these points in life, he had placed a woman in my life who worked for this company that was in the salon and spa industry and they did business consulting and they had just launched this life coaching program. And.
I just happened to be at one of her events that she was speaking at and I went up to speak with her afterwards and she was like, we’re hiring a life coach and I think you would be perfect for it. And I was like, oh, what’s a life coach? I have no idea what you’re talking about. What is that? Cause my life is a mess and I’m looking for something. So anyhow, that’s how I like started into my journey. ended up, they hired me as a life coach. I had to go through their whole training.
program and curriculum. And it’s really ⁓ where I started to recognize, okay, there are these key components within ourselves that aren’t just directly connected to like limiting beliefs. Like people talk about those all the time. There’s something more deeper, ⁓ more rooted than just limiting beliefs. ⁓ And we talk about a core belief in the 180 method. But at the time I was like, this is making sense.
And I feel like I need to bring this out into the world. And so I started to do that. And eventually, Amberley, it got so heavy, so hard. The self-help industry is very hard. can be very heavy. And I got to the point, and this is around that time where I was like, I’m done. I’m selling it out. Like I’m out of this. I don’t want to do this anymore.
That it was like more of just carrying the burden and pretending like it was all great and utilizing all these self-helpy tools. But nothing was actually helping long.
Amberly Lago (13:15)
And that all gets so too heavy to hold after a while. it starts to, well, for me, I’ve been there before and it, everything started to crash. My whole life started to crash.
Alejandra Crisafulli (13:30)
Absolutely, absolutely. And for me, it hit every aspect of my life, my marriage, my way that I parented my daughter Mia, and my health. And my health is the one that took the biggest toll. ⁓ I got really sick and I ended up in the hospital. And while I was there, I had a massive panic attack, thing I’d never experienced before. And I got stuck in that attack.
to the point where like my anxiety level was like a level 12. It was so bad. And then it led to insomnia because I couldn’t sleep because I was so anxious. My nervous system was just on high alert all the time. And talk about being humbled in those moments because here I was like, I’m helping all these people. And I had a very big chip on my shoulder. And I thought that
You know, I was exempt from life, even though I was taking on all this, it was very heavy and burdensome. was like, well, I’m helping people and I’m doing the stuff. yeah, I was just super humbled and brought to my knees at this point. Cause I could literally not get out of that whole cycle that I was in no matter what technique I use, no matter what, you know, ⁓ tool I had in my belt from the years of coaching, nothing was helping.
Amberly Lago (14:53)
Well, I mean, I’ve been there where I had a panic attack and I actually, I was in San Diego and I, ⁓ at the time I didn’t have the car that I have now. I had a big truck and so I actually took the train cause I knew it’d be easier to drive with my leg. It’s hard to drive that far. And so I took the train and I was at a conference, spoke at the conference. Didn’t feel like I was stressed at all. Went to a little coffee shop to grab something to eat, to take on the train.
I’m standing there, go into a full blown panic attack, which I had never had one before. I didn’t know what was happening. I thought maybe I was having a heart attack. I broke out into like not just sweating a little bit, completely drenched. I started to like black out. And I guess I must’ve looked pretty scary because.
Alejandra Crisafulli (15:37)
Leap on sweat.
Amberly Lago (15:48)
People from behind the counter at the coffee place came around to help me and they gave me a Coca Cola to drink and sat there for a little bit and thought, well, I guess that wasn’t a heart attack. get, I’m going to make my train. Let’s go. And I kept going and it’s like, hello, there’s a sign. And I feel like our bodies will tell us they will whisper and then they will start to, to shout and shut you down. That’s what happened to me anyway.
And it is very humbling, but I feel like sometimes I’m hard headed and I feel like I need to be knocked over the head to slow down or to listen. And in fact, you know, I just broke my foot and my mom was like, well, maybe that’s God’s of slowing you down. And I said, well, I would appreciate a little love note instead next time. And she said, he knows you probably wouldn’t read it. And so,
What did you start to do to go, okay, I’m humbled. I’m listening. God help me.
Alejandra Crisafulli (16:53)
Yeah. Well, up until that point, I didn’t know God. So that was the point where I actually met him was in that deepest, darkest place. And I’ll tell you, the reason that I started to seek was because I was recognizing everything that I had learned, everything that I had done that was very traditional self-help model style was not working. And even the program that
I had taught for many years to other clients who had had success. I had stopped using prior to this, but I started to like, okay, well, I got to get back into it and I’ll just do my own program. And it was not working. And so I started feeling like, okay, what, what is the missing piece? And I instantly, I remember having this thought, I’ll never forget the moment I was in my bedroom.
on my bed and I was just sitting there like, what am I missing? And then I heard the word God. Wow. And I was like, oh, okay. Oh, I just got the chills. I didn’t.
Yes.
Amberly Lago (18:06)
I love him. ⁓
Alejandra Crisafulli (18:09)
God, that makes me tear up. And I was like, okay, but who is God? Like, who is God? So that’s when I started to like really seek who, who is God. And like, I grew up Catholic. I never knew God. I never really understood religion because it was very religion based. I got very disillusioned with it and just wanted nothing to do with it. And so.
I just, that’s why I said like, didn’t know who God was because I just was so like, that’s not for me. ⁓ but as I started to seek him, I began to develop a relationship with him and I knew I needed to just pick up a Bible. And so I started to pick up a Bible and read, and there’s so many like,
just miraculous stories through that whole journey, Amberlee, that I could share with you. But for time sake, I won’t get into all those, but just like these beautiful, just miraculous awakenings. And through that whole process, he’d not only started to work on me and my healing, but this program that I had delivered to clients, it was like he had given it, was giving it to me the whole time.
It was just missing the core piece, which was him. And so I started to dissect this whole program and, and insert the missing piece because ultimately at the end of the day, he is our healer and we have to actively participate in the healing. And if we’re missing that healer and we’re just trying to heal, it’s never going to be long lasting, which was exactly what I was experiencing.
⁓ so what became the 180 method, ⁓ is literally a reverse in direction. So many of us and women specifically, this happens for men too, but goodness, women just take on the burden and the responsibilities of all of life, whether that’s in business, mothering, you know, parenting, being a wife.
being a friend, being a sister, whatever that is. And we tend to take on these roles of ⁓ hero and perfectionist and people pleasing and overachiever and driver. it is heavy to do all of that, but it’s all to cover up what is underneath and that true healing that is long lasting that I’m talking about only comes when we get out of a 360 cycle.
doing the same thing, you’re doing the same thing, even doing a whole lot of work on yourself and trying to make changes, but you only end up exactly where you started. And then you’re kind of like, what’s wrong with me? What am I doing? so that’s what the whole 180 method is about, is really breaking the cycles.
Amberly Lago (21:06)
Hmm.
I want to dive into that, but before we do, I want anyone who’s listening to get some direction on, I love that you said, I didn’t know God. I grew up in the Catholic Church. I always felt a little bit different growing up. I always felt more connected to God when I’m out in nature, still do. ⁓ And what would you say to someone who wants to know God and has been told that
That’s the way, that’s their healing, that’s their breakthrough, but they don’t know. They don’t know how to pray. They don’t know how to connect with God. What’s the first thing that they can do?
Alejandra Crisafulli (21:52)
Very
good. The thing is that he wants us to connect to him. So he does the heavy lifting. The first thing you have to do is just have a desire. That’s it. It’s a desire that then leads to a decision. So the desire to want to know him will lead to the decision of seeking him. And then it’s if you are
genuinely in that place of desire and genuinely have decided that you want to seek him. People are going to show up in your life that will be like, hey, that’s, have this devotional book and I don’t know why, but I felt like I should give it to you. Or, you know, Hey, there’s this thing that I’m going to a church and I know maybe you don’t like have gone to church before, but I just thought I would invite you. felt like I should like.
He will start placing people into your life, but the hardest part is the desire and then the decision. ⁓ and then if you’re feeling like, no, I want a little bit more than that. I, I recommend starting with something like, ⁓ I love this devotional. don’t, I don’t, do you have this, the Jesus Calling devotion? Yeah.
Amberly Lago (23:07)
I have, yeah, I’ve got it on my shelf over here.
Alejandra Crisafulli (23:10)
Okay,
so that was the first thing that like I knew I needed to read the Bible. Like I just had that knowing that that’s what I needed to do, but I was scared to. I was scared I wouldn’t understand it and was just like, okay, that’s a lot. So I went to Barnes and Noble and here’s what I mean about these things that he places in front of you. And I was just there like, I don’t know what I’m looking for. I’m just going to go look and see if I can find a book.
And I walked through the door and right in the center, right when you walk in the door was this Jesus Calling book on those tables that they have displayed. They’re like books of the month or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. I was right there and I was like, ⁓ and it was just an easeful way to like start to know him relationally versus through religion.
Amberly Lago (24:00)
I love that. I love that. And, ⁓ you know, I love to start my day with prayer and reading out of my favorite devotional books before I do anything. And this morning I got up and I was in a hurry and I overslept a little bit and I got up and I realized, ⁓ whoa, I forgot to start my day with prayer. And so
I’ve started it with prayer. And so I want, I’m just sharing that because I still practice and I try to have smart feet is what I call and doing the things, but you have the opportunity to start over any time of the day, you know, and, ⁓ and starting just being aware. And I remember when I got sober, my sponsor, the first thing she said was the first question she asked me was, ⁓
do you, are you willing to believe in a higher power? Are you willing to believe in God? And I said, yeah, I’m willing. And so I love that you said, if you have a desire and then you make a decision, like if you have that willingness and then you start to be open, I think you’re right. Like you start to say, I had somebody come up to me the other day, it’s on my shelf over here and they handed me a baby Jesus.
And I was like, ⁓ thank you. said, no, it’s just a little Jesus. And she said, because everybody needs a little bit of Jesus in their lives. I love it. I love it. Then I get in the mail, this cute little frog reading a book, sitting on a chair, because I always say fully rely on God. And so now I have that on my desk. So now I’ve got frogs kind of all over my office. People are starting to send me frogs.
Alejandra Crisafulli (25:27)
as Jesus loves you on it.
Amberly Lago (25:53)
But it’s a good reminder. So anything you can do as a reminder. And so you have taken me through this whole thing and gotten down to my core beliefs. And I think that it’s really important to share the difference between limiting beliefs and like, what are we all have the core belief and you get down to when was it that you developed these core beliefs and then what can you do?
to heal that and shift that. It’s there and it might be triggered, it might come up, but you give alternate ways to process things. And Alejandra, you have helped me, I just wanna tell y’all. She’s helped me go down to those core beliefs of why I’ve done certain things and…
how I have handled things in my business, in my relationship, in like all the things that I do when you were describing as women, we do all these things. And I was like, you’re describing to me right now because yesterday I was on coaching calls all day, then took Ruby to the ER. She’s still sick. ⁓ Yeah, we’ve been going through the flu over here, but I think she’s getting better. And then,
taking the dog out for a walk and feeding the dog and then getting back on another call. And it’s like my husband’s like, did you take Ruby the ER? Did you pick up her medicine? And I’m like, why is it that I’m not saying, honey, you’re retired. Can you go do that? What is that? Why, you know, and so you break that down. But just like yesterday, I got in that cycle and I want to do all the things, but I also have to take care of.
Alejandra Crisafulli (27:32)
Yeah. Yeah.
Amberly Lago (27:45)
myself which a lot of times I think a lot of women put themselves last on the list. So where can someone start today if they’re like my gosh I am so resonating with doing it all or people pleasing or not feeling like enough. Where do they start. Can you take us through like a little bit of how they can start to shift that.
Alejandra Crisafulli (28:08)
Yes. ⁓ Okay. There’s some key things to start to shift it. And one of the main things, and this is not going to sound logical perhaps because we like to live in logic. ⁓ The ego, as we talked about earlier, you said edging God out, loves to live in that place of logic because it can understand it. And the ego wants to edge God out.
Amberly Lago (28:32)
Okay.
Alejandra Crisafulli (28:36)
and take on a role that is not meant to be the ego, which is to protect us. It just wants to protect us and keep us safe and basically play God. That’s not its role. ⁓ So there’s so much that goes into resisting the things that we believe about ourselves or think about ourselves or view ourselves through.
Amberly Lago (28:47)
Mm-hmm.
Alejandra Crisafulli (29:04)
And y’all like this is, I don’t know how this is gonna land for you, but I promise like, and if you are open to receiving what I’m about to say, it can make a huge shift in your life. ⁓ Which is, let’s use the example of like, I’m not good enough, okay? So in traditional self-help, it would be taught to like, let’s change that belief. Let’s…
Put it into something else and let’s talk about how good enough you truly are. Let’s bring in all this proof and positivity that can show you how good you actually are, how important you are, how valuable you are, how worthy you are, how loved you are. Which makes logical sense because at the core of who we are, the core of who you are, of course you’re good enough. You’re more than enough.
But if you try and shift it, change it, make it better, put a positive spin on it, there’s always going to be an element of resistance. And whatever you resist will persist.
Amberly Lago (30:19)
Isn’t that the truth? You focus on it so it shows up more in your life.
Alejandra Crisafulli (30:24)
Exactly. So it’s like in order to not be this thing you’re trying to not be or prove that you’re not that thing, you’re only making that thing stronger, bigger, more present through resisting it. So the key isn’t to like think positively or, you know, do these things to make yourself feel better like
be the pleaser, the fixer, the hero or overachieve or have massive success kind of thing. The answer is more about take ownership. Ownership of those things. And we’ve talked a lot about ownership. ⁓ So I feel like I need to explain another piece, Amberlee, but I don’t want to go too long into this.
Amberly Lago (31:16)
No, I want you to explain another piece because you really broke it down for me. I think I was in tears and I’m like, ⁓ I don’t want to look at this stuff. I don’t want it because healing is not easy. If it was, everybody would do it. No, but I do want to go back to what you said, because I want people to have the example and of like, once you resist, whatever you resist will persist because
Alejandra Crisafulli (31:33)
Exactly.
Amberly Lago (31:46)
Like for instance, one of my core beliefs is I think we boiled it down to, well, I’m just not good enough or worthy enough. And then every rejection, I would go, see, I’m not good enough. They don’t want me up, see, they haven’t paid me yet. Maybe they don’t want me for that job. ⁓ see, they haven’t signed that contract yet. Well, they didn’t get back to me about coaching. See, I’m just not qualified enough.
It’s like you start to search out those things. And so I just wanted to give that example because once you explain that, I’m like, yeah, I have those thoughts. Like I don’t even realize I have those thoughts, but it creeps in and it stems from that. And I know exactly where it came from. But maybe kind of break down for someone to realize what their, maybe one of their core beliefs is.
Alejandra Crisafulli (32:42)
Yeah, it’s fascinating because we don’t have like unique type beliefs. what I think you’re referencing is the original illusion. Because we have core belief and then we have an original illusion. And the limiting beliefs kind of fit all into both of those. So explaining what an original illusion is, is that it’s an identity, one identity that you take on in your life.
based upon things that are happening and stories that you’re buying into or believing about yourself. And when I say one identity, it’s like everything in this physical world has an identity. So like my pen, it’s a pen, that’s its identity. ⁓ So we are the same. We have identity as well. And we uncovered that your identity is not enough. And so then you can insert anything into that. Good, not good enough.
Worthy, not worthy enough, not valuable enough. Like we can just insert, you know, those pieces that go into the identity. And it’s almost like this identity is like glasses that you put on and it’s like everywhere you look, this is what you see. That it’s like, see how you were saying like, see there it is. See that’s because it’s the filter, the glasses in which you’re wearing.
Uncovering what your identity is can be challenging and that’s where it’s like, you know, we would need to do a little bit of work to uncover that. But I will say this, if you’re curious and you want to seek it on your own patterns, patterns will reveal what your identity is, but you have to take enough time to be still with yourself to recognize the patterns on your own.
which is hard for us because we tend to ⁓ walk in the autopilot most of the time. But if you’re willing to recognize patterns, those patterns, you’ll start to see a thread that threads each one of the patterns together. And that thread will then most likely be the identity that you’ve taken on. And like the glasses you’ve
Amberly Lago (34:38)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, and so some of those patterns as an example is like people pleasing, like always make sure you’re taking care of everybody and everybody’s happy. ⁓ It could be the fixer of the family. It could be like getting straight A’s in school. It could be overachieving and wanting every accolade out there. Those sort of things. Being the yes girl, being that like.
Running yourself ragged to where you have driven yourself in the ground just to take care of everybody else and almost like prove yourself that see, I can do it.
Alejandra Crisafulli (35:30)
Exactly. And that’s that resistant part I was talking about. Like, see, I am whatever enough or worthy or loved or we’re trying to prove that we are not the identities that we have. It’s like my pen trying to prove it’s a pencil.
Amberly Lago (35:45)
huh. ⁓
Alejandra Crisafulli (35:49)
It’s like, it’s a pin. Now here’s the part I want to explain because this can feel very like, okay, great. Well, we’re just kind of like, I want to say screwed.
Amberly Lago (36:00)
Well,
good luck with that. You’re smooth.
No. So basically you are screwed. But yeah, no, I’m saying that about myself.
Alejandra Crisafulli (36:15)
Here’s the thing, guys. There’s two parts to us as a human being. There’s the human and then there’s the being. And we’re both while we’re here in this fallen world. And so the human part is what we’ve been talking about. It’s where the ego lives. It’s where you have all these beliefs, these thoughts about yourself. It’s where behaviors like people pleasing or fixing or overachieving or being driven, know, control, avoidance, defense.
those kinds of things. It’s where all of your emotions come from, beliefs stem from. So all of that is part of our human. The being is our spirit. And this is where God lives within us. This is our direct link and connection to him. And it’s what we truly are. It’s who we truly, what and who we truly are. Daughter.
made in his image. And there is nothing broken, not enough, unworthy or anything in our beingness. It’s who God actually designed us to be and how he meant for us to live with him before sin took over the world, you know? ⁓ So when we’re born, we’re totally connected to this being part of ourselves.
But as life starts to develop and we start going through different experiences and we have trauma in our life, and it’s like we slowly start to disconnect to that and the human part of us develops more. So the reason why I wanted to explain that is because going back to that, whatever you resist will persist and us trying to prove that we’re not this identity or any one of your beliefs that you might be holding on to.
It’s okay to actually stop resisting those things and take ownership of them. Like, you know what? I am not enough. My human self is not enough, but my true self, which is my being, I don’t have to prove anything because I’m made in his image. I am like, I’m daughter. Like, ⁓ I’m so loved. I can’t even fathom the depth of love I have.
he has for me. so ownership becomes this beautiful thing where you can like own that you’re unworthy or not. And this is where it sounds illogical, like, but it’s coming from that human place, your true self being. You don’t need any that.
Amberly Lago (38:54)
How do you start to shift that? Because I hear you and it makes sense and I mean, it totally makes sense. But when you have gotten so set in your ways of being, you know, hard on yourself and not thinking of yourself as I am worthy, I’m daughter, I don’t have to prove myself. How do you switch that? Do you ever yourself fall into, uh-oh, I’m.
stepping into some other patterns, I need to switch this over. And if so, how do you do that?
Alejandra Crisafulli (39:28)
Yeah. my gosh. Such a great question. Yes, I do that all the time. I shouldn’t say all the time. It happens less and further and farther between when it happens, when there’s healing that has occurred. ⁓ Healing of those experiences that led to the disconnection from our being. ⁓ when it does happen also,
there’s an ability of jetting out of that quicker, faster. So the how part, ⁓ and this is where I love to like teach and go deeper into it, because I’m just gonna give like a 30,000 square foot view here. But the how piece of it is, and this, I don’t know how this will land, but let me just say it, surrendering.
This is why all that work I had done without knowing God, like when I talked about He is the healer and then you actively participate in the healing, it’s because everything I had done through the self-help, self-improvement, self-empowerment, self-development, like it’s all self-driven, which is all ghetto-based driven. I was excluding the greatest power from my healing.
to be able to stop resisting and just recognize who I truly am. So it’s a surrendering and you know, people struggle with surrender because they think it’s something like it’s an action that you have to do. It’s not y’all. It’s a decision.
Amberly Lago (41:12)
And I think sometimes people think it’s giving up or giving in and it makes them weak. But I’m I this is so powerful. Alejandra, whether you are talking about breaking patterns that are driving you into the ground, whether you’re talking about this surrender because you’re hanging on by a thread because you want to get sober.
or whether it’s like you are drowning in your to-do list in your business ⁓ and trying to scale it to seven figures or six figures, this is powerful. And how to to surrender and looking at surrender in a different way. There is such peace and surrender. There is freedom in it. There is weight off your shoulders. I am so grateful that I don’t.
have to do hard things alone. know that I’m never alone, that I can ask God to walk with me. So I think it’s powerful. And when you can shift your mindset to that, it’s powerful. But I can understand, I can understand why it’s hard for people.
Alejandra Crisafulli (42:22)
Yeah, yeah, we think, yeah, it’s something like you give in how you were saying, there’s, I’m all about distinctions. I love distinctions because they’re powerful. There’s a difference between succumbing and surrendering. And surrendering is this beautiful act where you do give it to God, but we don’t often know like, well, who am I surrendering to and what am I giving up kind of thing? ⁓ Or we think that it’s weak to surrender.
It’s one of the greatest, most powerful and yes, vulnerable things to do because you won’t be in control then at that point. it’s a decision to surrender and listen, there’s, there’s power in deciding. When you decide something, you basically cut off every other option. We’ve talked about this. The word decide comes from the Latin word decere, which means to cut off or kill off.
So when you decide, you kill off every other option and you decide to surrender, that’s the action. The reaction is the natural, surrendering of things. ⁓ And that’s the first place. Cause when you surrender, you will then step into the next part, which is grieving. And grieving is typically connected to loss, but it’s not about loss. Loss is about feeling. It’s about expressing your emotions.
I was at a coffee shop yesterday and I was just doing some work and there was this lady who was with a girlfriend and she was talking about her pretty painful divorce. And they were like right next to very tight little coffee. It was hard not to overhear their conversation. And this woman is talking about how painful her divorce was, but she had a smile on her face and she was like, you know, but what am I going to do? I’m just.
I gotta just keep moving forward and I’m fine, I’m okay. And it was breaking my heart because you could palpably feel she was not okay. She was not fine. And she had on the mask. This is that whole resisting part. She was not allowing herself healing, which is…
surrendering because when you naturally when you make the decision to surrender then naturally your emotions start coming out and if she could have just let herself feel what’s there that’s healing y’all you have to feel in order to heal
Amberly Lago (45:02)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Alejandra Crisafulli (45:04)
You’re just dealing with it. They’re huge difference. Another distinction. Healing versus dealing.
Amberly Lago (45:11)
When you actually let those feelings, those emotions rise to the surface instead of putting that mask on. And let me tell you, I was good for most of my life about putting the mask on and saying, I’m fine and everything’s good. And to the point where my hair was falling out, I was not fine. And I really
you know, did deep healing through sobriety. And a lot of what I work with you and we work together is I’ve told you before, wow, this work reminds me a lot of the work that I’ve done in sobriety ⁓ because it’s bringing God into, you know, I couldn’t stay sober without God in my life. And so it has been so powerful and gone
So well the work that I’ve been doing with you has is just been so well to do that along with my 12 step program I think it’s I really think it’s strengthened it but to finally deal instead of dealing with the feelings and healing those feelings I didn’t cry for years for years. I did not cry It was like I remember the first time I cried in front of my oldest daughter and she goes mommy
didn’t know you knew how to cry. And I was like, ⁓ wow. This is not just affecting me. I am setting an example for my children. And thank goodness I decided to heal, which I love that that’s your Instagram handle decide to heal. ⁓ because now I cry all the time, you know, and it’s like, I want to show emotion and I want my kids to know that they can decide to heal. They can show their emotions.
What would you say to someone out there right now who is putting on the mask? They’re saying they’re fine, but they’re not. They are feeling heavy. What can they do right now today?
Alejandra Crisafulli (47:21)
I mean, I think the biggest thing is like ⁓ making a decision and a decision based on how is this serving you? Keeping on the mask, how is it genuinely serving you? Because we don’t do things unless we get some kind of benefit from them. Like if we don’t have a benefit, then we’ll stop doing it.
Amberly Lago (47:44)
Maybe they think it’s easier.
Alejandra Crisafulli (47:46)
Exactly. There’s so many like core reasons why it’s easier. It’s familiar
Amberly Lago (47:52)
It’s familiar is a big one.
Alejandra Crisafulli (47:54)
The brain loves familiarity. The ego wants you to live in familiarity, which is basically the comfort zone. It’s comfortable. And that’s why, like, we don’t typically change unless things get, so painful that it’s like, okay, now I actually have to do something. That’s the whole, like, you’re not going to listen if God gives you, like, the little love note. like, ⁓
Amberly Lago (48:18)
Yeah,
no the pain the pain pushes you and now I get to wear this sexy Love it. ⁓ Look in my socks my socks say Jesus loves or Jesus gives joy
Alejandra Crisafulli (48:35)
yes he does.
Amberly Lago (48:39)
Just for today, I wore these. No, I didn’t even think about it. I just put them on. They’re my favorite socks. ⁓ Yeah. So that is such good advice though. ⁓ Actually, I think that it would be a good decision because we’re going to go deeper on this in a webinar that we’re giving too. ⁓ We’re going deep on that.
Alejandra Crisafulli (49:01)
We’re
to go deep on that and deeper into the teaching pieces of like the how of what you’re talking about. Yeah.
Amberly Lago (49:07)
Yeah,
we’re going to do that. So I will have the link in the show notes and we’ll also I’ll shout it out on social media. So make sure you’re following me at Amberlee Lago Motivation and make sure you’re following Alejandra at Decide To Heal. You’re going to love her videos anyway. Girl, you’re going viral nonstop. Yeah. What the
Alejandra Crisafulli (49:29)
I know it’s amazing. listen, I’m like in awe of just what God is doing. And the gift of, listen, that breakdown where I was literally about to my knees was the hardest thing I’ve ever walked through. And I’ve been through some hard stuff. That was the hardest thing. And I would do it over again to be able to.
get to reach more people and get to help them heal and meet Jesus in a way that they’ve never been able to meet him before if they know him to deepen their relationship with him. And like get out of the whole 360 human pain cycles.
Amberly Lago (50:17)
Yeah, and you know what? I really believe that it’s because you can feel when somebody is so aligned and so like, it is obvious to me with everything that you teach, every time we have a conversation, no matter if we’re sitting at an event together, we’re on a coaching call, we’re having, ⁓ well, your food wasn’t that good at that.
Alejandra Crisafulli (50:43)
wasn’t
that great. Whether we’re having a like mediocre lunch.
Amberly Lago (50:48)
company
was great. The conversation was great. But you are so living your purpose and helping so many people. And I you know, we have a lot of entrepreneurs that listen to the show and a lot of people that are building businesses and actually struggling because they are trying to get more clients. They’re trying to get more customers. They’re trying to open up the shop or launch the course.
How can bringing something like this into their lives start to get them more aligned and feel an ease with some grace instead of just hustle and grind?
Alejandra Crisafulli (51:29)
goodness. The hustle because the hustle and grind comes from a core place, either your identity or some of these core, the core beliefs that we’ve kind of touched on today. That’s where it comes from. And you’re trying to prove again that you’re not these things. And so when healing happens, there’s no longer that proof. You don’t have to keep proving it. You naturally become who God has designed you to be.
And that’s exactly the shift that I’ve been able to make on my social media. Because listen, as an entrepreneur, both brick and mortar and also having my coaching business, service-based business, it was hard before because I was doing it all alone and I was doing it from a place of proving myself. And when the healing had taken place and I actually did
like start doing the work for me again. That’s when the social media started to blow up. We mentioned this at the beginning, you are your business. And so if you’re constantly trying to work on you or make yourself better or prove that you’re not these things, it’s only going to show up and how you’re showing up on camera or
showing up in even copy or content you’re trying to create on your website or how you’re showing up as a leader with your team, the way that you’re communicating things. And I think we haven’t touched on this part, but like the fraud identity of like, I want to be authentic. I want to show up authentic, but there is some kind of block that is there that the mask just will not come off. And when healing happens, the mask comes off because there’s nothing you’re trying to prove.
trying to show.
Amberly Lago (53:24)
You
can that, you can feel that through a post. And I know of people who claim to be doing certain things, and I hate to say this, but I know they haven’t done those things. And I know, it burns me up actually, because I’m just like, what? You’re saying that if you do this one thing, you’re gonna have,
Alejandra Crisafulli (53:29)
yeah.
Amberly Lago (53:54)
this long gorgeous hair, you were on a call with me when you were getting hair extensions, like what? You know, or, or, drives me insane. It really does. And they’re honestly, I will say, you know, there, ⁓ I just did some video content and I love my videographer. He’s part of a family. He’s awesome. And he’s like, Hey, let’s try something new.
Let me just do these questions and have you answer them. And he was asking me questions that I’m not used to answering. And they were kind of not feeling like an alignment. And I’m like, well, shoot, let me just go for this and talk about, do you know, I have not been able to post them because I don’t feel like they’re alignment. Yeah. I’m like, okay, that was a try, but that doesn’t feel alignment. So look, I posted something with me being silly on dancing around like a silly person.
That was more in alignment with what is actually going on in my life right now, know? Keeping it real. And there is such relief and freedom when you can do the healing and be in that alignment. And I’ll tell y’all, it’s been a process. you, we’ve worked together for, I think, about a year now. We’ve known each other for a lot longer. And I can see the gradual shift in the, like this year just feels totally different.
Like I am just like, I’m saying no to things. Like I’ve said no to big opportunities where in the past I was like, I can’t say no to that. I have to do that. I can’t believe this person is messaging me. Why? I can’t say no to them. I’m just like, no, I can’t do it. I could, but I won’t.
Alejandra Crisafulli (55:43)
Right. For what? Like what for? What is the benefit and the cost? You know?
Amberly Lago (55:53)
So this work really is beneficial for not just your relationship with your loved ones, your children, your team, how you handle your business. I mean, when we started working together, I let go of a couple of people. And that was hard. And I’m like, ⁓ this is going to be hard, Alejandra. They’re like, let’s talk it through. What are you going to say? Like, you know.
And so I can’t wait to go, my goodness, I can’t believe we are already out of time. And I didn’t even get to all these questions. I might have to just add you back.
Alejandra Crisafulli (56:28)
Goodness, I know.
That was great.
Amberly Lago (56:35)
You know what, we will do the webinar and go deeper. So with this resonated with you, I really want you to look at the link that I’ve dropped in the show notes and join us for the webinar. But also, what is the best way for people to reach you? How can they work with you? I will drop that link in the show notes as well. But tell us the best way to reach you and our next steps for what.
What should they do for?
Alejandra Crisafulli (57:07)
Yeah, yeah. But best way to reach me is through my Instagram page, is at Decide to Heal. ⁓ And then I think just this webinar masterclass that we’re going to be doing is the best way because I want people to know like, it is genuine. is like, my mission is to bring God back into the self-help industry and to help people heal at the core, the root. I always envisioned a necklace, like a tangled necklace.
And you know, when you’re like trying to untangle it and it’s just like not working, but if you can find that one core piece and just kind of like pull on that, the rest just naturally unravel. That’s what I’m about. And that’s what I want people to know and recognize so that they, know they’re in good hands.
Amberly Lago (57:54)
Yeah, they are in good hands with God and with you, actually. Like I just have to say that because I love you so much. I love you. ⁓ And I can’t wait to see you again. ⁓ And I can’t wait for the webinar as well. So we’ll put that that’s in the show notes for you. But I want to just do a real quick. We have a couple of minutes. OK, real quick rapid fire. Just because I just like. OK, OK. Just first thing that comes to mind.
Okay. Warning routine, coffee and prayer or coffee and planning. ⁓ One scripture or truth you come back to often. ⁓
Alejandra Crisafulli (58:27)
Coffee and prayer.
Proverbs 3, 5 through 8, which people don’t go all the way through 8 typically, which is, in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, and all your ways submit to him and he will make your path straight. Shun evil for this will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. Of that part of like, this will bring health to your body.
and nourishment to your bone. I’ve like peeled my bones when I say it so I always come back to that of like ugh.
Amberly Lago (59:14)
⁓ I just got goosebumps again. That was perfect. Okay, biggest lesson in the last year.
Alejandra Crisafulli (59:25)
Okay, recently, we recently, you know, built a home and moved into it and there was lots of change and shifts and change, no matter like how much healing I’ve had, what was brought up during the whole transition of change was a deeper layer of healing I didn’t know was there that I needed. And so it was more of like a learning of reinforcement of we’re never done because healing, here’s the true learning.
Healing is growth and if you’re not healing then you’re not growing they go hand in hand when you heal you grow when you grow you heal and I never want to stop growing. Yeah ⁓
Amberly Lago (1:00:09)
Me too, and I’m so glad that you said, mean, I’m like, I’m not the only one because I always think, man, I thought I already worked on that. I thought I healed that. I thought I was done with that. And then I’m like, nope, there’s another layer. Yeah.
Alejandra Crisafulli (1:00:23)
And you have healed that level, you’ve just grown to the next level and there’s a deeper layer of healing there, which is a beautiful thing because you can’t do what God’s calling you to do, bringing the old stuff that was dormant inside of you that still needs healing.
Amberly Lago (1:00:41)
Mm, that’s so good. Okay, what brings you the most joy right now?
Alejandra Crisafulli (1:00:45)
Ooh, I love the outdoors too. And I’m all about walking. Like if I can be outside walking, like doesn’t matter where I’m like all about it.
Amberly Lago (1:00:55)
You know what, maybe you just sparked an idea. I wonder if I could start recording. We’ll do the podcast as we walk.
Alejandra Crisafulli (1:01:04)
I love that idea.
Amberly Lago (1:01:07)
I know I just signed to be at a studio again, but now I’m like, maybe I’ll do the podcast as I’ve got a little walking pad back here, but no, I like being outside. That would be cool. Get those steps in. Yeah, I love that. Yes. well, Alejandra, this has been such a powerful conversation. Thank you so much for being on the show. Y’all follow her, decide to heal.
Alejandra Crisafulli (1:01:18)
⁓ love it. I love walking.
moving the body.
Amberly Lago (1:01:35)
me at Amberlee Logo Motivation. Share this on your social media, tag us. I love when I see that because I’ll reshare it on my story. Let’s spread the joy, the hope, the resilience and God in our lives. I love that you remind us that healing isn’t just about improving ourselves. It’s about reconnecting to who God already says we are. ⁓
Please share this with a friend that spoke to you who needs healing and clarity as a reminder that they’re already deeply seen and known. And thank you for tuning in. Alejandra, thank you again. Thank you. Well, until next time, keep choosing joy, keep choosing healing and stay unstoppable. Thanks for tuning in and we’ll see you next week.
Alejandra Crisafulli (1:02:15)
Thank you.
