Amberly Lago [00:00:00]: Hey, thank you for being here. I’ve got some good news for you. I’ve been excited to share with you. The Unstoppable Success Summit is happening in Irving, Texas, April 30, 2026. And I want to see you in the room because I know one room can change everything. I just feel like you’re one room, one conversation, one connection, one collaboration away from everything shifting in your business. You’re your mindset in your future and so get in the right room. Join us in Irving and learn insider knowledge from top business owners. Amberly Lago [00:00:36]: We got 12amazing speakers. You’ll network with people who will elevate you and learn proven strategies to eliminate guesswork. You don’t have to do it alone. So join us in in Irving. And you know what? It’s for a good cause because proceeds are going to be donated to Call to Freedom. So this won’t just be impacting your lives. It will be helping so many women who have been surviv of human trafficking. So let’s be unstoppable together. Amberly Lago [00:01:03]: This isn’t just another event. It’s an opportunity to change everything and really have unstoppable success. So go to go.amberly lago.com forward/uss2026 and I will see you in the room. You can also find that link at Amberly Lagomotivation on Instagram and in the show notes. Okay, I will see you in Irving. Welcome to the Amberly Lago show, where grit, grace, and joy connect you to unstoppable success. Amberly Lago [00:01:37]: Hey there. I am so excited that you’re here today because I have one of my favorite, favorite people on the show. Y’ all are going to love her. Kendra Cook is with us. She’s a TEDx speaker, business consultant, best selling author of Embrace Empower, Evolve. She runs retreats. She just had one. And I’m excited to go to her retreat in March. Amberly Lago [00:02:02]: She also has the daily. Well, I have it right here. It’s amazing. It’s helping me keep organized because she is so she. I, I want to call you the organizational queen, but, but if y’, all, if you, if you’ve ever felt like you were doing everything right, like you are just hustling longer and you’re checking all the list and all the boxes, but you still feel overwhelmed, disconnected, or maybe even like you’re trying to hold it all together on the outside, but on the inside you’re like, this is not working. I’m excited that you’re here because I have Kendra, who has been through so Much transformation, health, financially, in her relationship, in her marriage. And so she did not choose to just give up. Instead, she chose to slow down. Amberly Lago [00:02:53]: And in doing so, she discovered a new rhythm for life. And so, Kendra, thank you so much for being here, because I know a lot of us are feeling stretched thin and we’re searching for peace. And I love you. Welcome to the show. Kendra Cooke [00:03:11]: Thank you. Amberly. What an honor. I’m so excited to be here. Amberly Lago [00:03:14]: Well, you know what you said right before we started recording, I don’t know this. I couldn’t join, and I think this is, like, the third time we’ve tried to make this happen. Kendra Cooke [00:03:24]: Yes. Amberly Lago [00:03:25]: So, you know what that tells me is that we have got something really powerful. You’ve got something to share that’s going to change lives. Because I feel like resistant resistance comes when something very powerful is. Is happening. And so I have so much to. To, like, I showed you. I’ve got, like, four pages of questions. I know we won’t get into all that. Amberly Lago [00:03:48]: Maybe I’ll have to have you back to the show. But I want to start where you were years ago, where you were addicted to the chase, to the money, to the accolades. And on the outside, everything looked perfect. The family, the clothes, the career, everything. But you were kind of living a double life. Can you take us back to that point? Because I can relate to where there was a point where I was feeling like I was trying to hold it all together and hold it all up, but on the inside, I was like, this is not working. Can you take us back to that point? Kendra Cooke [00:04:25]: Yeah. I think for me, honestly, Amberly, it’s. I think it’s social media. I think it’s, you know, the fear of failing. It’s. I can do it all. Look at me. And the truth of the matter is, I couldn’t. Kendra Cooke [00:04:38]: And so I had a thriving real estate business. I had a good marriage, what I thought was good. I had a great child. We were connected in the community. But the truth of the matter is I was burning the candle at both ends. I couldn’t take care of my family because then I was guilt. Feeling guilty about letting my clients not being handled, you know, their business not being handled. I was failing my family by trying to give my business everything because it was a. Kendra Cooke [00:05:07]: A new, fairly new business. Right. And so we pour our heart and soul into it. So I made a lot of promises to everybody else, and I was the last one on the totem pole to be taken care of. But what I found was my solution was to sneak out of bed at night and leave my family at home. And because my husband had asked me to remove our computer from our house, because I would go into my office and I would work, gonna do one thing, one more task, one more email, and find myself in there. Two or three hours come out, and everybody’s in bed. And so he finally just says as an ultimatum, that computer’s gotta go. Kendra Cooke [00:05:42]: So when you’re home, you’re present. When you’re at the office, you’re present. So I moved it. But I honestly. I say this all the time. I don’t know. But I was driving home, and something came over me that said, you know what? When everybody goes to bed, you can just go back to work. Nobody will know. Kendra Cooke [00:05:56]: And so I started sneaking out of the bed at night with. From leaving my husband to go to work. And I lived a double life for a long time until I got caught. And it was just trying to serve two masters. Right. And trying to be all things to all people. And the worst people that were getting the worst of me was my family and then myself. Amberly Lago [00:06:17]: Yeah. And you know what? People listening might think just sneaking out to get to work. But you know what? To me, that. That’s addiction. And we’re. We’ve. We’re all addicted to something. I mean, there’s people that are addicted to Tik Tok, people that are addicted to Doritos. Amberly Lago [00:06:34]: Like, there’s always. I was addicted to alcohol. That was my solution. Your solution was, okay, I don’t want to upset the family. I want to keep my. You know, I want to make everybody happy, make my clients happy, make the fit, and keep the family intact and. Okay. And that was your solution. Amberly Lago [00:06:51]: And it’s. It. To me, it’s, like, amazing how we talk ourselves into, well, this is the best way. And now stepping out of that, do you go, oh, my gosh, Kendra, what was that? That was crazy. Like, that was. Kendra Cooke [00:07:07]: Yes, because for me, I felt like I was taking care of everybody. But when my husband. When I got caught sneaking out of bed at night, my husband said to me, and I never thought of it this way. I thought, gosh, how dare you, you know, reprimand me or say I have to stop working so much? But his concern came from a health and wellness standpoint. And he said, you know what? One of two things is going to happen. Either you’re going to have an accident, fall asleep behind the wheel and crash your car, or somebody’s going to abduct you coming out of an office building in the middle of the Night in your pajamas. And he was right. So, you know, you think you’re serving everybody, and nobody knows, but it was. Kendra Cooke [00:07:49]: It was a hard crash and fall, and it truly was addiction. Because when people say, oh, you’re doing great. You’re the salesperson of the month, and you’re giving to all these charities, and, you know, you’re dressed to the nines everywhere you go, they don’t see behind the curtain, you know, that my life was a mess. An absolute message. Amberly Lago [00:08:08]: Well, how did you. What was. How did you stop? Because there are a lot of people out there that are struggling with something that it. And I always say, if, If. If you don’t. A good question to ask yourself is, how’s that working for you? And really, how is that working for you? Is it hurting you or helping you? And in that moment when you got caught, what did you do? What shifted in order for you to start to recover and heal? Kendra Cooke [00:08:41]: Yeah, for the first thing is I hit my knees. I’m a believer. And I was like, lord, I’m about to lose everything. My family, my household, you know, the whole nine yards. And I’m going to be outed in the public, too, where everybody thought I was all of that in a bag of chips. It was about to just all come crumbling down, right? The house of cards. And so first I prayed, and I was connected to someone who was a business coach. And again, it was a divine intervention where somebody said, you should meet a friend. Kendra Cooke [00:09:10]: And I said, I don’t have time because I’m burning the candle at both ends. And they said, he’ll buy you lunch. And finally I was like, okay, it was a favor for somebody. And he ended up being the answer to the prayer. And he said, you know, I’m part of a coaching company, and we work on finances and time management and lead generation. And the truth of the matter is, I thought I had a time problem. I really had a money problem that came out through the coaching. So when I started working with a coach, you know, the first few questions led me to the issue that I wasn’t only addicted to the power of the company, the power of my family, the power of making a ton of money and looking like I have it all together. Kendra Cooke [00:09:49]: The issue was I had no money. And so I, in my head, probably knew I was, you know, robbing Peter to pay Paul and chasing. And if I. If nobody caught me, then I’d never have to out that I had credit card debt and we owed the IRS some money, and. And so I just kept working Harder. I’m like, it’s kind of one of those things that you say, when I get paid next month, I’ll pay my taxes. Or when I get paid next month, I’ll pay the credit card off. And something happens every month. Kendra Cooke [00:10:15]: You have a blowout or your kids get sick or you need a new roof or whatever. And so it was just being on the hamster wheel of grind, grind, grind, grind, grind. Yeah. And so when all that came out, I went in thinking I needed help with time. I came out thinking it was way bigger than that. Wow. Amberly Lago [00:10:35]: So what did you do first to start to get your money? Like, check your money out and go, oh, my gosh, my finances are crazy. Because that’s always a scary thing. Like, for me, I’ll be honest with you, at the end, like, when we’re doing our taxes and I have to, like, because I have Johnny and I have our. We have a joint account, but we also have our sev. I have a business account. And at the end of the year, he sees, like, how much I invested in my business, like, especially with my annual event, and I’m like, oh, here. Here are the numbers. Numbers don’t lie. Amberly Lago [00:11:10]: Here you go. That’s scary. Was that scary for you? Did your husband have any idea? No, he didn’t have any idea? Kendra Cooke [00:11:20]: No, he had no clue. I was in charge of the money. And so what? One of my first assignments was go home and do a P. L. And at the. At that time, this was in 2005, I didn’t even know what P L stood for. Let’s be honest. And I’m like, well. Amberly Lago [00:11:38]: All those events, profit and laws. Kendra Cooke [00:11:40]: Are you profitable or are you losing money? And so step one was to go home and write down all your expenses and write down all your income, your projected income. And what I realized was we were one bad month away from bankruptcy. I was spending 40, a little over $40,000 a month to run my company before I ever took a dime home. And I had billboards and shopping carts and moving trucks and all the things that they tell us in sales that you have to do. And so I did all that. And again, I’m just selling houses to pay the bill, to pay the piper, right? And so once I figured out what my expenses were and that we were. I had put my family in a really, really bad position. I had to start calling these companies and saying, hey, I’ve got to cancel these contracts. Kendra Cooke [00:12:28]: Like, I. I can’t afford them. Paid some penalties, you know, sold the truck, all the things, and I thought, gosh, I’ll never sell another house. You know, all my businesses coming from all this marketing, and the number two thing they had me do was track where all my business was coming from. So assess your financial situation and then assess the leads. And what I realized was no one called me and said, oh, I see your name on a billboard or I see your face on the shopping cart. What they said was, you sold my neighbor’s house, you sold my boss’s house, you sold my mom’s house, and I had 100% referral business, and I didn’t even know it. So I’m spending all this money chasing, which is the first question you asked me when we started today. Kendra Cooke [00:13:09]: I was chasing business when all I needed to do was just pause and continue to provide good service and attract it. And so that was the turning point in my career. I got rid of all of the marketing, you know, per se, as far as, like, big marketing, and went to marketing to people who already knew, like, and trust me. And my business just continued to grow up to selling over 360 houses in one year. Amberly Lago [00:13:32]: That is unbelievable. And so important for so many people who are listening. If you’re listening and you get a million emails, you know, in. In your inbox is a million different PR companies or. Because I get it every day, probably five different people. That’s through email. The dms. Oh, my goodness, they’re just filled with people. Amberly Lago [00:13:57]: You know, be on the COVID of this magazine for $600. Be on the COVID of this one for $2,500. Which I. You know, when you’re launching something, sometimes it’s great to have that pr, but the right pr. But I think it’s so important what you said. Know where your leads are coming from. Kendra Cooke [00:14:17]: Yeah, because. And there are good sources of lead gen out there, but if you’re not tracking it, you’re not making sure that the investment that you’re making is giving you any rate of return. And again, I didn’t track my leads. I wasn’t tracking my money. I wasn’t tracking anything. I was just in the. In the hamster wheel of I’ll just keep burning and churning. And when you hit the pause button, you’re like, gosh, I could really build a good business if I pay attention. Kendra Cooke [00:14:40]: Pay attention to the lead source. Pay attention to your money. You know, pay attention to your time. Are you putting time with people who can benefit you? Are you wasting time, again, with the wrong people that doesn’t benefit you or behoove you to spend Time there. So I would say, gosh, assessment, awareness and assessment are two big keys that I wish somebody would have taught me when I first started. Amberly Lago [00:15:03]: Oh, my goodness, yes. That’s so good. And not just with money, but with people. That’s important to say. And not trying to be harsh, but it’s like today I got on a call with someone, and it was supposed to. It was somebody I met at an event, another speaker, and it was supposed to be like a coffee chat, which I don’t do those a lot of times. But I was like, okay, we’ll see how we can collaborate or, you know, anything. The moment I got on the call, he’s trying to sell me. Amberly Lago [00:15:33]: And I’m like, I thought we were going to chat. Like, I thought we were, you know, colleagues going to chat. And you’re just trying to sell me your program. It felt so icky, and I felt like I was being held hostage. So now I try to be better and more discerning about because time goes so fast. And I feel like that now more than ever because this is Ruby’s. She’s going to college next year. Any moment I have with her, I’m just like, okay, that’s gonna have to wait. Amberly Lago [00:16:04]: I gotta go. If she wants me to run out in the backyard and go look at the pond that she dug up, by the way, and made a pond in our backyard, I go, but I think that’s so important to take a good, hard look now. Do you have a system that you use every week to help you? Kendra Cooke [00:16:22]: Why? I do. It happens to be this little book right here. Over here. Yeah. So, you know, for years, I was super unorganized and scattered. And, you know, people would come to my house. They’re like, oh, you’re so organized. I’m thinking, don’t open the closet because everything will fall out. Kendra Cooke [00:16:39]: And, you know, at some point in time, I realized that chaos costs. Cost us money, right? And it cost us time, which time is money, too. So I was like, I need to get my stuff together. I need to figure this out. And so I just started becoming the queen of to do lists. Like, I write everything down this in my quiet time in the morning, this morning. It’s kind of funny because it’s laying right here. But it’s my 2026, first quarter to do list. Kendra Cooke [00:17:04]: Like, I got a couple closets I want to organize. I want to hang a rack on the wall. I mean, just things that are always just simplifying and organizing are my keys. But I wasn’t always that Way. Right. So it kind of takes the. You got to hit the bottom before you figure out a system. But so I became a real taskmaster as far as putting on a list, checking a list. Kendra Cooke [00:17:23]: I am a visual learner, as most salespeople are. So if I can write it down and I can check the box or cross it off, it’s a sense of accomplishment. Right. So as salespeople, we want to win. We want to win. You know, that was the hardest part about getting out of real estate sales was I can’t ring the gong every day and win, but I can still have wins. So. So for me, when I have a to do list and I check it off and I’ve done my best, I can go home with a clear conscience. Kendra Cooke [00:17:53]: You know, I’m not checking my phone all night or whatever. So went from taskmaster to having a notebook for everything. So notebook I take notes in and then, you know, my journal and then my daily devotional. And so I started traveling, you know, several years back, and my carry on bag weighs more than my suitcase because I got to take all my books and. Amberly Lago [00:18:13]: All right, I’m with you. We are so much alike. Yeah. Kendra Cooke [00:18:17]: Yes. And so I’ve just been dreaming for years about if I could just create a place where everything could come to one book and simplify my life when I’m not at home. And so you mentioned earlier I do retreats. I was at a retreat in March this year, one that I was hosting, and a young lady who, a dear friend, and we’ve done some things in the past together. Her big takeaway was, I’m not going to wait anymore. I’m going to go and create the. The journal or the planner that I want to create. And I looked at her and I was like, we should talk because it is on. Kendra Cooke [00:18:51]: My five year vision that hangs on my door was to create a planner. So within two weeks we were on the phone and we just started throwing ideas. I want this in there. I want this in there. And we both just had the same ideas. And so we collaborated and created the daily. Well, something I’m probably one of my top 10 things I’m most proud of in my life because I think that as high achievers women, we wear the house hat and we wear the work hat, and we wear the spiritual hat, and we wear the health hat, and we, you know, we wear all these hats. And then how do we bring all that into one place and make sure that we’re celebrating our wins and holding ourselves accountable and being organized and so the daily well. Kendra Cooke [00:19:31]: Is it so you can live your entire life in the daily well, you can hold yourself accountable. Amberly Lago [00:19:39]: I love it. I love it. If you’re watching this on YouTube, I think it look. Yeah, the Daily will. No, but when I say I love it, I seriously do love it because I’m like, you look on my desk. I’ve got my planner, I’ve got my notebook, my journal, I’ve got my notes, I’ve got my sticky notes that I love to write stuff down and then cross it off and then throw it away. That it feels so rewarding. You and I are a lot like that. Amberly Lago [00:20:11]: Alike like that. But I really am looking forward to having one place. One place to have everything where I. Because I am very visual. I had an assistant once that told me. Cause I carried this paper calendar with me. She told me, you got to throw that away. You don’t even look at that anymore. Amberly Lago [00:20:34]: You only look at your phone. Well, guess what? Yesterday I spoke at an event. It was a virtual event and it was in my paper calendar. But I didn’t have a calendar link. And if I wouldn’t have called if it wasn’t there, I would have forgotten about it because they forgot to send me a calendar. Kendra Cooke [00:20:51]: Yeah. Amberly Lago [00:20:52]: So that’s why there’s something about when you write something down for me anyway, it helps me remember. Kendra Cooke [00:21:00]: Yeah, it sticks in your brain. And you know, when we were doing this, I mean, Julie had some incredible ideas because I love a notebook. I take notes on every conversation and every call because I always want to refer back to it. And so the back of it has tons of notes. So even if you just take the daily well with you, you can take notes in your meetings. We have an index page where you can log what page those notes from the meeting are on. So you can always find them. We added the pathway to prosperity which if you are trying to get a handle on your finances. Kendra Cooke [00:21:31]: Very simple budgeting plan in this book for anybody who has never done a budget all the way up to somebody who’s very sophisticated with their budget. Just a way to place to be aware of our finances. So eliminating that chaos. It just. Can I just say. Amberly Lago [00:21:46]: Can I just say one thing that I would probably change if. Yes, it says get it done in the book and in Texas we say get er done. Kendra Cooke [00:21:55]: Get er done. So. Amberly Lago [00:21:59]: I’m kidding. I wouldn’t change a thing. But I love that it says get it done. Kendra Cooke [00:22:04]: Yes. That’s your to do list. Right. Those are your non negotiables for the day. I think that, you know, like you said, sticky notes and notebooks and pieces of paper flying everywhere. And we were very intentional about making it six months. So, you know, you can keep these for years and years and years because all your notes are in there, all your budgets are in there, and you can put them on a shelf and refer back to them. So they are six months. Kendra Cooke [00:22:27]: So they don’t get overwhelming. They’re not so big that you can’t cover them, but you can manage your finances, your day to day, your birthdays, your activities, your notes. I mean, your daily routines, everything. Now you can do it all in one place. Amberly Lago [00:22:42]: Well, I love it because, you know, there’s a part in it says start strong and you’ve got movement, fuel, hydration, mind fuel, sacred pause, and daily dose, which those are all so important. And when you are an entrepreneur and you are, like on a zoom marathon all day, or you’re just go, go, go, go from event to event to event to event, sometimes I need to be reminded. Like, I need to be reminded. Hey, Amberly, you. You didn’t get to the gym today or did you get on your knees and pray? You know what I mean? So I, I love this. I’m so excited. In fact, I even bought one for my assistant because. And I’m like, who else needs this? I think everybody in the mastermind needs it, by the way. Kendra Cooke [00:23:35]: Oh, I love it. It’s. Yeah, it’s just the organization. And that’s what I say. You know, I really want to provide solutions to eliminate organizational chaos. And organizational chaos could be with your money, could be with your time, could be with your health, could be with your notes, your meetings, whatever. And so that’s really where it came from. And I’m so honored that Julie Davis and I did that together. Kendra Cooke [00:23:54]: And so you can follow us on daily well, planner on Instagram and. Or you can go to my website, Kendra Cook, and order those if you need them. Amberly Lago [00:24:02]: Yeah, I’ll have those in the link I’ll have. Or in the show notes. I’ll have those links for y’ all in the show notes in case you’re out driving or you’re out for a run. So you can grab that. But there might be some people sitting here going, oh, well, that’s good for them that they could slow down and pause or have a sacred moment. I can’t. I just have to go. I’ve got five kids. Amberly Lago [00:24:25]: I’ve got a business, I’ve got a side hustle. I got this. That they. I can’t slow down. What Advice could you give to them or a suggestion you could give to help them slow down, start small. Kendra Cooke [00:24:40]: Everybody has five minutes. I’ll tell you, I have done many times, step back from social media, because when you look on your phone and you realize how many. How many hours you spend scrolling social. And if you remember, Amberly, when you and I started working together, you’re like, you got to have an Instagram page. I’m like, I don’t do Instagram because what I did is I had to remove myself from. From it because it is a time suck. Right? Amberly Lago [00:25:06]: Well, it can be. And you have to do it in the right way. And instead of scrolling, instead of consuming, you have to make sure you’re creating. But I agree. I mean, when I first started it, I was. I’m no doubt. No, no kidding. I spent like three hours a day on Instagram alone. Amberly Lago [00:25:26]: But I was in the process of. I didn’t have as much work as I do now, and I was in the process of building. So I was intentional about making connections. But, like, yeah, for you, when we started working together, I was like, okay, Kendra, we gotta do something about your Instagram. Like, we got. We gotta do something about. Kendra Cooke [00:25:45]: We gotta do something. Amberly Lago [00:25:47]: And you have. And now you’ve got somebody that even has helped you create some things. And it’s beautiful, but it’s important because. Kendra Cooke [00:25:57]: Yeah, that’s what I was going to say for. For me, when you encouraged me to do it or demanded, whichever, however you want to look at it. You know, what you said to me and I said to you, I don’t want to get sucked into that. You know, listen, part of my book, I talk about active comparison and acceptance, and those are two things that I’ve struggled with my whole life. Quite honestly, I can look like all polished and put together outside, but it doesn’t mean I’m not struggling on the inside with comparison or am I accepted in this circle or whatever. So for me, you said, you really helped me with that. And you said, limit your time. Set a timer, Give yourself time to follow people and, you know, seek people that you want to follow you back, but do it with intention. Kendra Cooke [00:26:40]: So when you talk about, hey, I don’t have five minutes. All of us sit in our car, whether it’s in the pickup line at school or, you know, waiting for them to bring your groceries out or wherever, you can start with five minutes. Like, that’s all you have to give yourself is five minutes. And sometimes it’s just, turn off the radio, roll down your window, listen to the birds sing, listen to somebody mowing their grass. We bought our house in Tampa with 100% intention that I would sit on the back porch. I’m an outside nature girl. I love it. And. Kendra Cooke [00:27:10]: And so a lot of times in the middle of the day, I might only have 15 minutes, and the only place I want to go is to the back porch. I don’t take my phone. I take my bottle of water, and I just sit there. It is so calming. It’s a good reset. So the pause can be as little as five minutes. You know, sitting in the quiet when you first wake up, you know, first thing that pops in your head, Gratitude, you know, and then just quietness, stillness. The house is still quiet in most instances. Kendra Cooke [00:27:35]: We as women get up long before a lot of our other people in our house, but it doesn’t have to be long. And what you’ll find is you’ll become addicted in a good way to the five minutes. And then you can go to 7 and 10, but start somewhere. Start small. Don’t. Don’t give yourself. Oh, I have to sit still for 30 minutes. If you’ve never done it before, you can’t, you know, So I would say start small. Amberly Lago [00:27:56]: Yeah, that’s kind of like asking somebody who’s never run to go run a marathon. Kendra Cooke [00:28:01]: A hundred percent. Amberly Lago [00:28:01]: And so, yeah, those baby steps and, yeah, I tell you what, this morning was so nice. It was, like 35 degrees here this morning, and it was our first fire in the fireplace and my favorite time of the day. Well, I love the morning time when I have that quiet time and it’s just me and God and I can journal. And I like to start my day that way before I look at my phone, before I do anything, because I feel like it gives me. I feel more grounded, and I feel like I can get, you know, everything done I need to do throughout the day when I start that day. And I love having that quiet time at night before I go to bed, too. Yeah, it’s so, so important. Well, you know, we talk, you talk. Amberly Lago [00:28:50]: I love your book, by the way. Embrace, empower, evolve. So many good quotes in here. One of them that I love is no one else’s acceptance is necessary when God has already chosen us. And that is really powerful. Especially from what you said earlier about. I sometimes feel like, you know, that I get the comparison or not. I think everybody does, especially with social media. Amberly Lago [00:29:22]: You know, it’s just human nature. And so how do you encourage people to really start to step into their confidence and their power? Kendra Cooke [00:29:35]: Yeah, for me, you know, I came from a broken home at 2 years old, moved, you know, 21 times before I was 18. And then I had a failed first marriage. And, you know, married somebody thought that that was the end all, be all. And. And it wasn’t, not on my half, but on his. And so just had always walked away from, you know, taking care of myself first to take care of other people. And. And for me, I will tell people, protect yourself with something. Kendra Cooke [00:30:04]: So whether that’s journaling both times. You know, in high school, I started journaling really early. In high school, I wasn’t the prettiest and I wasn’t the popular, and I wanted to be accepted so bad. But you couldn’t tell anybody because you didn’t know who your friends were. Well, FYI, that’s still the same. As an adult, it’s very hard to be vulnerable with people and know that your secret is sacred, right? And safe. And so for me, I started journaling at that point in time. And then the same thing as I went through my divorce. Kendra Cooke [00:30:32]: It was everybody picked aside. I don’t know why they felt like they had to, but you would say something and then it would get back to the other camp. And I was just like, you know what? I need a place where there’s no judgment, where there are days I want to cry and cuss and pray and vent and it’s safe. Nobody knows what I’m going through. And so I turned back to journaling. I’ve been journaling ever since, probably 40 years. And so when you talk about how do you start and what can you do to protect yourself and empower yourself is start journaling. And I don’t mean only bad stuff. Kendra Cooke [00:31:04]: Stuff like, you know what? I look hot today, or I’m proud of myself. I didn’t hit snooze. I got up on time, right? If you keep the small kept promises to yourself, like, if I’m getting up at 5, then my butt’s rolling out at 5. Not 5, O5, not 5, 10. Because I kept the first promise of the day, and it was to myself, right? And celebrate those victories. When you journal, a lot of people are like, how do I start? I don’t know how to write a paragraph. You don’t proud of myself today. You know what? Go get it, girl. Kendra Cooke [00:31:33]: You look amazing. High five your damn self, whatever it is. You know, sometimes it’s just a sentence or two, and then there are other days, things can just pour out. Start small. Find a safe place to write. Journaling is amazing. I have. I know. Kendra Cooke [00:31:48]: You journal on your phone. It’s a system that you create. Amberly Lago [00:31:53]: You know what, though? It’s different when you journal and it’s actually written out. Kendra Cooke [00:31:58]: Yeah. Amberly Lago [00:31:59]: And I did that the other morning. I didn’t do it this morning, but I did yesterday. And let me tell you, I. I kind of write in chicken scratch in my journal because I. Years and years ago. I’m talking over 20 years ago when I was dating this guy. I’ve journaled since I was 8 years old. And I had this boyfriend who read my journal, and it was like reading my diary. Amberly Lago [00:32:25]: And after that, I didn’t write in my journal for a long time. I didn’t write at all. I was like, I’m not going to write. I’m not going to tell anybody. And so now I find that when I write, I still write like chicken scratch. So I know what it is, you know, but nobody else can read it. And so it is a safe place. But it’s also important to find those people in your life, to have those sacred friendships, to have that person, person that you can trust, because we. Amberly Lago [00:32:58]: You don’t have to do it alone. I mean, I think it can be very lonely as an entrepreneur, especially when you start to get to different levels to the people that you can trust. How do you go about finding the people in your life that you can confide in? Kendra Cooke [00:33:17]: Yeah, I think it starts with longevity. Right. I don’t know that my very next person I meet I’m going to tell my deepest, darkest secrets to. So I look for longevity. I’m also looking for how they live their life, whether that’s on social media or in their family or whatever. You know, as a Christian, I look for their biblical background. You know, a lot of times I know there’s people that have had bad episodes and, you know, you know, issues in the church. But I will tell you, I start with the. Kendra Cooke [00:33:46]: I’d like them to have a Christian foundation. I would like them to. For us to have something in common. Right. I. It’s. It’s very hard for me to relate to somebody who’s never struggled. Not that I don’t. Kendra Cooke [00:33:57]: I’m glad they’re blessed. But, you know, when I’m like, oh, my gosh, I’m feeling weak today. Oh, my gosh, I’m really struggling with acceptance. They’re like, oh, I never have those issues. I’m like, we probably don’t have a lot in common. Right. So, you know, you and I spend a lot of time together helping each other, but I’m looking for women who want to help other women. I was on a zoom earlier this morning with someone, and I just said, I don’t know where in life. Kendra Cooke [00:34:23]: It got to the point where women shouldn’t elevate other women or collaborate or, you know, assist each other. And so I’m always trying to connect people and I. When I put that somebody in my contacts, in my phone, I put all their quality in the notes. Like, this person I have, this person is really good in this. They’re looking to land the speaking event. They, you know, they wrote this book because when I want to refer or connect somebody, I want to give you all the accolades. Like, she’s a believer. She’s a book writer. Kendra Cooke [00:34:53]: She has, you know, a background in X and she’s looking for Y versus just. Hey, Amberly, I want you to meet Kendra. Like, I want to be the elevator to other people that I want them to be for me. So I’m looking for some commonalities. I’m looking for, you know, the belief system that’s behind it and then how they present themselves. You know, how you show up for others. Amberly Lago [00:35:14]: Do they keep their word? Kendra Cooke [00:35:16]: Do they keep their word? Amberly Lago [00:35:17]: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a friend of mine who, who would make introductions for me all the time, and he would. It would. I’m not kidding. It would. And I appreciate introductions. I love introductions. But his introductions would be like, jane, meet Amberly. Amberly Lago [00:35:32]: And I’m like, it would be a text message. Jane mean Amberly. I’m like, who’s Jane? Jane who? You know, so. So I like to make an introduction and, you know, give their website, tell what they’re about, tell why I’m making the introduction, give their Instagram, handle what you know, because you people have very eventful lives. They’re packed schedules and if they’re getting. You want to know, okay, why are you in air? Do. Introducing me to this person. Like, how can I help this person? Yeah. Amberly Lago [00:36:09]: So I’m grateful that Amy P. Kelly introduced us, which is like a cool story. Y’ all were at an event or something. Kendra Cooke [00:36:18]: We were. She was speaking and I was at the event and my book was coming out three days later. And so the host of the. Of the event connected us and said, hey, you guys should meet and hang out. And so. So Amy and I were just stand talking. Then we ended up sitting together and we were just asking each other questions. I knew that she had written a book before and her book had just come out. Kendra Cooke [00:36:39]: Difficult conversations didn’t have to be get difficult and so she was speaking on that later in the event, and when I was introduced to her, they said, kendra has a book coming out Monday. So she was asking me about my book, and we were just chit chatting, and then she said, you know, do you follow anybody? You know, who are you? Who are you liking? You know, that kind of thing. And I said, oh, gosh, I started following this lady like six months ago, and I’ve already signed up for her event. And she said, who is it? And I said, amberly Lago. And she just listened to me. And I was just going on and on. I’m just like, I love the fact that she’s raw and she’s real and she’s authentic, and, you know, she shares pain, physical and mental, and, you know, just all these things. And then she just looked at me, just sort of big smile on her face. Kendra Cooke [00:37:22]: She’s like, would you like to meet her? And I was like, yeah. And, you know, you don’t want to look all weird like, oh, yes, fangirl. But I was like, yes, I would love to. But I have to tell you, you know, the people that you surround yourself with are exactly what I was saying. Like, they do what they say they’re going to do. Because how many times have we been promised a connection or an introduction, and it never happens, right? And so I have to be honest that I’ve told Amy this. I know I’ve told you this, but, you know, the event was over, and I was driving to my next location, and I was like, I wonder if that’ll ever really happen. Will that happen? I mean, is she a woman of her word? I knew she was a Christian, you know, all the things, but I was like, you never know, right? And then would you be receptive to take some crazy girl that you don’t know who’s already signed up for your event, you know, just out of the blue. Kendra Cooke [00:38:14]: And so anyway, Amy honored her word, connected us on Instagram. Um, that. That night, and I have to tell you, I went to dinner with my sister, and I kept looking at my phone. She’s like, what are you doing? I’m like, well, I got connected to this person, and she hasn’t responded. And it was kind of funny. So that night I went to bed, and the next morning. Nor should you have responded, by the way. It was a Saturday. Kendra Cooke [00:38:38]: And so Sunday morning, I get up and I’m getting ready for church. And you responded. You’re like, here’s my cell phone. A friend of Amy’s is a friend of mine. And when can we talk? And I was just like, dry up the mic. I was like, wow, this. This is what I hope to find in other arenas, is women who help other women grow and get connected and empower us to get out there and do what we love and what we’re passionate about and not sit back and wait because we don’t have those people to. To embrace us and. Kendra Cooke [00:39:07]: And empower us and connect us. And so the rest is history. I was like, we had our first con. I was like, can you take me as a client? Will you coach me? And you were like, do you want to know my price? I was like, no. And you’re everything that I thought you would be. I mean, I’m like, gosh, I’m so inspired and I’m changed and I’m better, and you’ve pushed me and you’ve made me uncomfortable and you’ve supported me and love me. So you and Amy, perfect two to them. And I’m so grateful that I met her and then you. Amberly Lago [00:39:37]: I’m so grateful for you. And I mean, I look at how much you’ve done, how much you’ve accomplished in this past year is unbelievable. It’s transformational in. In what you’ve done. But I’m so grateful for Amy, too. And, you know, Katherine Gordon is the one who introduced me, and Catherine’s. One of my best friends, introduced me to Amy and Julie. And when you have good women in your life like that, who do they? They say that I’m going to do something, and they do it. Amberly Lago [00:40:10]: And I do that sometimes to a fault, though, because, like, I will say I’m going to do something, and I push myself. And then there’s sometimes when I have some health challenges from CRPs, and Johnny will be like, you don’t look good. And I’m like, nope. I said, I’m going to be there. I’m going to be there, you know, and is there any time. Are there times in your life where you’re like, okay, Kendra, I’m pushing too hard. Like, I’m gritting it out. I need to give myself some grace. Amberly Lago [00:40:43]: Are there times like that for you? Kendra Cooke [00:40:45]: A hundred percent, yeah. And one of my very first coaches, who is my mentor still to this day, she gave me a homework assignment, and she said, I want you to write down your three main jobs, and if somebody asks you to do something and it doesn’t fit in job number one, job number two, or job number three, then the answer is no until you buy your time back and really get your Vision working and get you in a place of where you want to be. Like get your vision and your heart and your head connected. And that was probably like one of the big game changers for me in my business, because I was saying yes to everyone except myself and everyone except my family and everyone except the things that, you know, was really would bring me joy. And so this may sound a little harsh, and I don’t mean it to be, but I still have three jobs. If it doesn’t make me money, if it doesn’t save me time, or it doesn’t bring me joy, then the answer is no. And the joy is my empowerment space. Right. Kendra Cooke [00:41:48]: I love when I say bring me joy. Am I helping other people? Am I elevating other people’s mission? Am I connecting people? That brings me so much joy. And the timepiece is what can I do that’s more efficient or that fits in with my vision? And you have to remember, when we do things that don’t fit your vision, it’s taking your eye off of your prize. It’s taking your eye off of what you want to accomplish. And we, we only have 24 hours in the day. We all have the same amount of time and we don’t know when that time’s gonna run out. So I wanna be very intentional about where I put my time. And then the money piece is just the vehicle. Kendra Cooke [00:42:25]: I, I gotta keep the lights on, right? And I gotta be able to change people’s lives and fund charities and help my kids. And so those are the three things. And that came from figuring out what my main three jobs were when I owned a business as a, an entrepreneur and a salesperson. And today I still own my own business. It’s just a different business. But I still need to keep myself in check. So I would highly advise pick three non negotiables, your main three jobs. And when people ask you to do something, just run through that in your brain. Kendra Cooke [00:42:54]: Does it fit job 1, 2, or 3? And if the answer is no, it’s just no, right? It’s not no because it’s not knowing. Then it’s not no. And I will. It’s just unfortunately it doesn’t work for me right now. And I work on that all the time because I’m a recovering people. Please. Amberly Lago [00:43:11]: Yeah, it’s hard. It’s hard. Kendra Cooke [00:43:14]: And so I don’t want to let people down. And I want everybody to be my friend and I want to take care of everybody that asked me. But the honest to God truth is we can’t and so when women start putting some boundaries on our time and our talent and our energy and our power, then we get to be in control. When you give up all that as a people pleaser, you might as well just give somebody your checkbook and your power and your energy and your vision, because now they’re in the driver’s seat and you are not. So I hope that answers your question. Amberly Lago [00:43:44]: Mic drop moment right there. That, yes, that is powerful. And you know what? I’m an overcoming people pleaser for sure. And I, I just really had decided. I mean, I woke up in the middle of the night, like, shot up out of bed, and I was like, I’m done. Like, I want to simplify things. Things are going to be simple. And you know what? This is the first. Amberly Lago [00:44:11]: Well, this, this episode’s gonna be coming out a little bit later, but it’s Halloween today. Happy Halloween. And this is the first Halloween I think I’ve ever, ever not had a party because I just want it to be simple. I just going to put Nugget in her bumblebee costume and we’re going to go have fun. But it’s hard. What do you say to someone who’s a. They’re in the middle of people pleasing and they feel like they have to say yes to all their friends, to, you know, their husband who wants attention and wants some extra loving. And then their job was demanding. Amberly Lago [00:44:46]: Where, where, how can they start just writing their three main jobs? How do they start to feel empowered to say no? Kendra Cooke [00:44:55]: I love that I would tell you. Write down all of your jobs. What are all your jobs? Wife, you know, people pleaser, mom, CEO, speaker, author. Write them all down and then prioritize them, right? And so when I say make money, I know that I make money for my family, my future, and for charity, right? And so I have three little subcategories under there, right? So if your family is number one, that’s your number one job, is being a mom. Then what are the three subcategories under there? Hey, I want to pick my kids up at school. I want to do X, Y and Z. And so then we can start when you tell me, well, I’ve got to go to the grocery store. I got to do this. Kendra Cooke [00:45:37]: Listen, we, I can, I can help you with that. Set up a grocery order and swing through and pick them up, have them delivered to your door, right? So what happens is when I really I ask them in the main three jobs, and then I’m like, well, what are the three subcategories? And then what are three more? And we start looking at what you can eliminate and you can outsource. There are so many other resources from when I was raising my kid 27 years ago that I didn’t have, and I wish I had, but I. We use those now, you know, as adults. We all use these services that are out there. So you gotta go super deep into all the things that you think you do. And then what can we outsource? Right. I mean, a testimony to you is you said you have to do your social media for six months. Kendra Cooke [00:46:20]: You have to understand where. How to do it. You have to know what the content is. You gotta know your avatar. I mean, you coached me on that. And at the end of that six months, I think six day, six months in one day, I was like, I need a company. Like, I did my assignment, I knew what I wanted so I could instruct somebody else to do it. And that’s really what that exercise does. Kendra Cooke [00:46:38]: Like, what are you doing that you can outsource? That somebody can do 80% as good as you and then outsource that bad boy. I don’t know why we think we’re the only ones that have to bake the cupcakes. It just buying them at Publix is the same as me making them at home. They’re still with love. They came from my checkbook. Right. I just didn’t have the time to do it. And so it’s funny that you said that about Halloween, because Greg and I have on the calendar that we’re going to do a Christmas party in Tampa. Kendra Cooke [00:47:04]: We’ve only been here two years. Last year, we just did our neighbors, five households around us. Well, we’ve met a lot and more people since we’ve been here in the last two years. I’m like, we can’t not invite everybody. So either we’re going to do a big one or we’re not going to do it at all. And he’s like, how long do I have? And I said, till tomorrow. So we’ve given ourselves a deadline. Do we want to spend our time and our energy there, or do we want to not? And so those are the things that I would tell you, right? The jobs. Kendra Cooke [00:47:28]: Do your subcategories and keep digging and see what you can start outsourcing and buy back your time. It is so precious and it’s fleeting every day. Amberly Lago [00:47:36]: Oh, that’s so powerful, Kendra. I could listen to you talk all day. You are such a great speaker. I mean, well, you’ve been speaking for years and you are all across the country on stages. You do so many virtual webinars, companies hire you to speak for their company, like, all year long. And so you’re such a great teacher for that. But it’s such a good reminder for me to hear, too. Like, I always say, delegate and dump. Amberly Lago [00:48:05]: Like, what can. What am I. Like what am I spending time on that somebody else can do? And what are the things only I can do? That’s kind of what I look at. And I also look at energy. How much energy is it going to take to do something? What is something in your book? I mean, you’ve already given us so many powerful practices from your book already, but is there something about embrace and power evolve that you could. That if there’s one thing you’re like. And don’t forget to do this. Kendra Cooke [00:48:41]: Yeah, I mean, you know, I’m super passionate about money literacy because I was raised in a single family home. And so chapter four is my. I have two favorite chapters. My favorite chapter is what’s in your name? You know, you came in this world with nothing, and you’re leaving with nothing. So what’s your name gonna stand for when you’re not here? That is so much power for me. I want my legacy to be way bigger when I’m not here than I what I did when I was here. And so that is probably my ultimate favorite chapter. But as far as everybody needs to spend some time, I. Kendra Cooke [00:49:11]: The money matters is such a game changer. And I, you know, I wanted to break some generational curses. Right. Coming from a single family, I never knew if we had a dime or a donut. You know, money. I know money was always tight, but. And I didn’t do without anything. I don’t want to lead anybody in that direction, but I just knew that I wanted to teach my kid money matters early. Kendra Cooke [00:49:34]: Right? And so just some really easy general practices around having money conversations with our kids. And I know, you know, when we first started out, Greg and I were like, we want Corey to have all the things that we didn’t have. And after we realized we were one bad month away from bankruptcy, it’s like, whoa, pump the brakes. You know, we’re living a big fat lie, and let’s fix that with our kid because we didn’t want to take him down that path. So I would just tell you, you know, don’t shy away from many conversations. Teach our kids super easy practices early in life, because that’s my number one proudest moment is my kid. You know, I mean, he’s 27. He has a fabulous career. Kendra Cooke [00:50:13]: He owns his own home. He bought a car out of college, paid it off in two years. He has money in the bank. He’s set. I don’t have to worry about him not saying I don’t, but I don’t have to worry about him. And I know that Greg and I came into our relationship with so much debt, and I’m very transparent about that in the book is, you know, if you’re in that situation right now, that chapter is so easy, tactical, just little tweaks, listing your debt from the big, the smallest to the biggest and just start knocking them out and become your own bank. Right. I mean, we’re all going to have a hard time, right? Somebody’s going to need a roof. Kendra Cooke [00:50:50]: Kids are going to need college money. Why not borrow it from ourself versus going to pay 31 or 39% on a credit card or having to take out extra mortgages on our house. And I just think if we can help our kids learn about money and we can fix our money issue. I mean, it, it, it’s the evil. It is the devil. Money issues are the devil. It causes divorce and distraction and, you know, discernment and all. I mean, just, it’s just, it’s bad. Kendra Cooke [00:51:17]: So I love the money chapter. I was very vulnerable in the whole book, and that one is very raw and real for us. Amberly Lago [00:51:22]: Yeah. And you know what, Kendra? We could do a whole episode just on financial literacy. I mean, that’s what your ted. TED Talk. Y’ all gotta watch her TED Talk. Hopefully it’ll be out on TED by the time this episode comes out, but because it’s powerful and everybody has a different relationship with money. And I mean, in fact, that’s why Johnny and I have separate accounts, because I balance a checkbook different. He doesn’t balance checkbook. Amberly Lago [00:51:52]: I know exactly how much is in there. And I never have credit card debt. And I say never. I don’t ever want to have credit card debt. Now after my accident, we had $2.9 million worth of medical expenses, and I never want to be in that place again, you know, and so now I like, I like having things paid off. I like. And I mean, I don’t know what’s right or wrong, but I just know I don’t like paying interest right either. Kendra Cooke [00:52:20]: Yeah, that’s my money that I’m giving to somebody else. So when you become your own bank, it’s, it’s wonderful when you have your runny rainy day fund, something happens you just brought from yourself. And then when you have a good month, you just pay it back, you know, and there’s no interest on your own money. So it. It is a game changer. But that’s very passionate about that and I love that. So that chapter in the book’s a good one. Amberly Lago [00:52:40]: Oh, Kendra, I have three more pages of questions. I’m not even kidding. I need to. I’m going to have to have you back on. I. You’re just so amazing. You’re so wise. I am so excited about your retreat. Amberly Lago [00:52:57]: I get to see you. Well, I’ll get to see you in. Well, I think if I don’t get to see you, like, every couple of months, I have withdrawal. So I have to make sure I get to see. Because I feel like I do get to see you, like, every couple of months. Yeah, but in March, you were having your retreat. Now, I have always been away and haven’t been able to participate or be a part of one of your retreats. And I just kind of have a little bit of fomo. Amberly Lago [00:53:23]: When I see like all the food and the gathering and the fun and the hiking and the yoga and the learning and the brainstorming and the swag bags and the smiles, I’m like, oh, I want to be there. But in March, actually, are there any spots open? Kendra Cooke [00:53:45]: It depends on when this airs. So reach out. Probably won’t be, but reach out. We’ll see what we can do. One of these to one soon. How’s that? Amberly Lago [00:53:54]: Yeah, yeah, that’s. Yeah. Because I know they, like, go quick. Like, you don’t even really even have to advertise them. That goes way back to when you were, you know, selling houses. Like, you’ve just got that referral, that word of mouth people. When you have something that you’ve created that’s so good, people are like, I want in. I want to know. Amberly Lago [00:54:15]: So I’m excited about that. So where can people find more information about your retreats, about your book, about the daily well that I love and all that you’re doing? Kendra Cooke [00:54:29]: Yeah, just on my website, Kendra Cook dot com. And you can follow me on all my social is just my name. Kendra Cook. It’s Cook with an e. And our Instagram is Daily well Planner. That’s a separate page for just the daily well. Once you buy the daily well, we’ll get. You’ll get a reminder that you got to order them because they’re each. Kendra Cooke [00:54:46]: They get. They’re only six months at a time. But I keep my speaking calendar all of My information on the retreats and everything is on the website. So easy to find. Amberly Lago [00:54:55]: That’s awesome. So wait a minute. I will get a reminder when it’s time to reorder. Kendra Cooke [00:55:00]: Yes, you will. Amberly Lago [00:55:01]: Oh, you’re so organized. You’re so organized. I love that you’re going to give me a reminder. Thank you. You’re amazing. Oh, my goodness. And you know what, y’ all take a screenshot of this. Whether you’re watching on YouTube or you’re listening on Apple or Spotify or wherever, take a screenshot and tag me at Amberly lagomotivation and Kendra at Kendra Cook and show her some love on ig. Amberly Lago [00:55:26]: And thank you so much for being here, Kendra. I’m so grateful for you and. And your wisdom and your friendship, and I just love you and thank y’ all for tuning in to the show. It’s because of you that you have made this show a top 1% podcast. And you know what? Send me a DM on Instagram or email me@infomberlylago.com and let me know who you want on the show, what you like about the show. I like hearing from you. So until next time, thank you for being here. Thank you again, Kendra, and we’ll see you next week. Kendra Cooke [00:56:04]: Bye, guys.