Step into the transformative world of the True Grit and Grace podcast with your inspiring host, Amberly Lago. Today, join her on a journey of personal triumph as Amberly discusses triumph over burnout, emphasizing the vital role of establishing boundaries and prioritizing self-care.

In this episode, Amberly vulnerably shares her recent encounters, prompting profound reflections on the significance of self-compassion and the enduring effects of past traumas on one’s sense of self-worth. Through storytelling and practical insights, she illuminates a pathway toward resilience and cultivating self-love.

Key Moments:

Navigating the terrain of overcoming past trauma and nurturing self-worth. (07:12)
Immerse yourself in mindfulness and meditation techniques. (14:07)
Discover the art of setting healthy boundaries. (18:32)
Learn the liberating skill of saying ‘no’ with confidence and conviction. (24:22)
Uncover the secrets of resilience and the transformative power of self-care. (34:13)

Join Amberly in this empowering episode as she imparts wisdom, weaving a tapestry of authenticity, growth, and the relentless pursuit of true grit and grace.

Links mentioned in this episode:

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(00:00 – 36:00) Amberly Lago: Hey y’all, I am so fired up because the Unstoppable Success Summit is in my hometown, Dallas, Texas this year. We are going to be coming to Dallas April 19th and 20th, 2024. So come join us. Look, success is built on relationships and this is not some big, huge conference with thousands of people. This is an intimate, a very exclusive experience on purpose so you can build those meaningful connections So you can rub shoulders with people like, oh my goodness, I’ve got John Gordon, Ben Newman, Rachel Luna, Rudy Ricksteins, Henry Amar. I’m speaking. There are mastermind members taking the stage. And so getting in the room is key and getting in the right room. can help you achieve unstoppable success. So if you spend your time with people who see your potential, you’re more than likely to reach it. So make this year, make 2024 the most unstoppable, most successful year possible. Level up your business, level up your life, get the clarity, gain the confidence, get the real tools taught by people who have already paved the way for you. and I can’t wait to see you there. So get ready to ditch your limiting beliefs and stop listening to fear and go after your dreams. Go to and I can’t wait to see you in Dallas. Okay, see you there. Thank you for tuning in to the True Grit and Grace podcast. I’m Amberly Lago and I’ll be sharing inspirational stories of resilience and empowering ideas to elevate your business and your life, ignite your passion and fuel your purpose. Hey, Amberly here and I wanted to, it’s been a long time since I have done a solo cast and I have a really important message I wanted to share because something happened and I, y’all, I was so embarrassed and actually like it, you know, have you ever had that feeling where you’ve been done something and you’ve been so embarrassed and even filled with shame about it and like you feel it in your gut? Oh, I have to share this with you because, you know, I had to learn to let that go. And I had to learn to really get still and quiet and, and think about what was my part in this. So, you know, what happened was a couple of weeks ago, I got really sick and I went to urgent care again. had a really bad infection and the doctor came out and she kind of shook her head and she said, yeah, you have a really bad infection. The only thing that we have that’s really going to treat this, um, unless we can just take you to the hospital and put you on IV antibiotics is a high dose, 10 days of Cipro. If this doesn’t work, you’re going to have to go to the hospital. And I’m like, oh, Give me the Cipro. I’m going to be fine. And she goes, okay, but I have to tell you, there’s a lot of side effects with Cipro. You, um, a lot of things have been happening. People have been bursting their tendons and this and that. I’m like, You know, I’ve been on it before. I said, I’m going to be fine. I was really like, just give me the medicine. Let me get out of here because I got things to do. And then I’m thinking, OK, I got the medicine. I was like, well, she didn’t say not to, you know, to rest. I’m like, so I’ve got things to do. I gave three virtual keynotes, three in a row, like back to back to back. I’d taken medication on an empty stomach because, of course, I didn’t give myself time to to eat or take care of myself. And then I had a little break and I had one more thing I was doing. I was helping a friend with her book and we were going to go on Instagram live and I was going to help promote her book. And by the time I got to the live, I, my body started shutting down. Like I’ve got a lot of grit. I love grit. When you got grit, you just don’t quit until your body does. And my body was starting to shut down. And then my mind was shutting down. I was starting to slur my words, couldn’t think right. I was not myself. I got off the live. I didn’t even make it to the bedroom to lay down. I made it to the sofa and like passed out and woke up to text messages of people saying, Amberly, are you okay? Like that was not you on that live. Like what is going on? I was mortified, humiliated. I was like, Oh my gosh, what is wrong with me? Why do I keep pushing and pushing and pushing? And why is it so hard to give myself grace? And I feel like for so long, so I don’t know how many of you have felt like this, but you’ve been in survival mode and I don’t want to survive anymore. I want to thrive. And I read this quote from Maya Angelou. And it really hit me. It says my mission in life is not to merely survive, but to thrive and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. I think I’m going to pin that on my wall because yeah, I don’t want to just merely survive y’all. We’re not here to just survive. We’re here to thrive. And so, you know, there is a lesson and a blessing in every time we make a mistake and every time we fail and every time we disappoint ourselves or others. And instead of Staying in that shame and that embarrassment shine a light on it and then say okay. What can I do differently? What is the gift? What is the blessing there has to be something I can do to change this and so It was really a big deal to me because it’s one thing when I push myself and I end up flat on my back in pain or sick, but when I disappoint a friend that I’m trying to support with her book and I show up making a fool of myself, like, I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to be that person. I want to be the example of health and wellness and I want to make an impact. And your impact is only as strong as you are healthy. And I get that. And so it was really a wake up call for me. And I really had to do some journaling about it and ask myself, why is it so easy for me to give others compassion and show up for others and just be there for others and give others grace? But why is it so hard for me to do the same for myself? And I really think I’m going to get real with y’all. I really think it comes from this deep seated belief that I just, you know, don’t feel like I’m worthy of it. Don’t feel like I’m worthy of giving myself the care or the compassion. And I think that when I really go back, I think it stems from a really when I was really young and I finally got the courage. Actually, I was being sexually abused by my stepfather. And I finally got the courage to go to my dad and tell him, Hey, dad, please don’t tell anybody. You can’t, you have to promise not to tell anybody. But, and I told him what was happening and I was scared to death, but it was really a cry for help. And you know, My dad kept his promise. He didn’t tell anyone. But it was really a cry for help. And when he didn’t do anything in that moment, I thought, wow, I’m not worthy enough of being protected or loved or cared for. But I also thought in that moment, if I’m going to take care of myself, it’s up to me to do it. And I’m just going to have to fight my way through it and just work hard. And that’s what I did with my stepdad. Next time he came in into my room, I kicked him and fought him and hit him. And he was a big guy and I was so little. And I remember pulling his hair and I fought him off of me and he never touched me again. The psychological abuse still went on, but he never touched me again. But that deep seated belief that it’s up to me and I just have to grid it out. I’m not worthy. I thought I’d done so much healing and therapy and read the books and done the self-development. But y’all, healing is, I don’t think it’s linear. And I don’t know if you ever completely heal. I think it’s a journey. I think there’s a lot of layers. And I think that will always be triggered. But I think the important thing is to ask yourself, OK, why am I being triggered and what can I do next? And so I thought, it’s up to me to, yes, take care of myself, give myself permission to take care of myself, but also reach out to others. And so I wanted to share a few things that have been helping me in case you’re the kind of person that maybe you have past trauma and some hard things that you deal with. Maybe it’s hard for you to give yourself some grace. I was just talking to one of my really good friends. She’s actually a member of the mastermind. And she’s like, you know, I took a long nap and I woke up and I was like, why was I beating myself up for taking a nap? And I said, I get it. Like, you feel like you have to prove your worth or prove that, you know, you don’t have time. You got to do things. You got to prove yourself. And it’s like, you know what? No, we, We are worthy. We can take a break. We can take a nap. You are worth taking care of yourself. And when you take care of yourself, you are better equipped to take care of others, of your family, of your clients, of your friends. And so, you know, we all know, you know, that like how to take care of yourself, moving your body. I know that moving my body, it moves my mood. It gets me strong. Why are things like moving my body and mindfulness and getting enough sleep, taking my supplements? Why are those things sometimes they go out the window? So first of all, yes, moving your body, always talking about that, how it moves your mood. I know that it really helps me. I think that if I didn’t move, I wouldn’t be depressed. I know I would because I remember after I had a cesarean and I couldn’t work out for like six weeks, I started getting depressed. When I was stuck in a hospital bed after my motorcycle accident, I really got depressed. And in fact, I turned into a full-blown alcoholic when I could not control my pain, and I started trying to self-medicate with alcohol. And so this alcoholic needs to do things so I don’t ever pick up a drink again, because I know that I’ve got my alcoholism. It’s just like, in the background, doing push-ups, waiting for me to slip. It’s always there. And so I have to do things to make sure that I don’t slip into unhealthy habits and I have to stick to being consistent with healthy habits. And so ask yourself, what are the things that you know that are your non-negotiables that you need to do to help you be a better parent, be a better person, be a better coach, be a better leader, be the best person that you can be. So for me, yes, moving my body, that’s non-negotiable. And I was getting so caught up in the past, like when I was so embarrassed of showing up on Instagram, a total mess. And I was getting so caught up in the past, like when I was so embarrassed of showing up on Instagram, a total mess. anxious about the future. I mean, y’all, I got a big annual event coming up. The Unstoppable Success Summit is coming up and I am so excited about it, but there is a lot behind the scenes that I’ve been working on between nine mastermind members that are going to take the stage, five speakers that are flying in to take the stage, three panel speakers and another panel with three speakers. It’s a lot of moving parts and I want to add as much value and I’m excited, but it’s a lot. I’m also writing a new book. That’s a lot. I’m also moving this podcast to a new studio. It’s a lot. And so I know we all have a lot going on and then dealing with my health stuff. It’s been a lot, but I was so, I was getting anxious about it and I had to go, okay, how can I be more mindful? Because at night I was getting into bed. I don’t know how many, uh, How many of you are like, yeah, I get into bed and my mind just goes and goes and goes. Well, I tell you what has really been helping me to be more mindful is breathing. And I’ve been doing, I’ve done box breathing. Um, you can look that up if you don’t know what that is. It’s super simple. I’ve done it in the car, but what has been helping me as something even more simple than that is focusing on my breathing. When I start to get anxious, focus on breathing in. So I’ll breathe in for three seconds. Try it with me now. Just breathe in. One, two, three, and breathe out twice as long, six seconds. One, two, three, four, five, six, and again breathe in, two, three, and breathe out. I’m telling you, if you do that a few times, it helps. It gets you in the moment. I’ve been using the Calm app. I’m not affiliated with the Calm app, although I really think they should sponsor this podcast. But I get in bed sometimes and I’m just, my mind’s going and I am terrible about meditation, but the Calm app, they have 10 minute meditations. They’ve got 25 minute meditations. Uh, night before last I got into bed and I put on the Calm app. I did the meditation and I’m telling you before the 25 minute meditation was up, I was, I was out. I was asleep. My husband woke me up. for the third time in the middle of the night. And I was like, honey, I’ve got a big day tomorrow. I have to sleep. You don’t understand. I have to sleep. And I started getting angry. My heart was racing. And I put the calm app on again and I used it and I was able to fall back asleep. And I’ve really taken sleep as like a part of my business strategy. And I also use the aura ring and I wake up and every morning I look how much deep sleep did I get? Because that deep sleep. is when your subconscious mind recovers, your body recovers. So it’s so important that you’re getting, yes, the REM sleep, the light sleep, that deep sleep is where your body is recovering. So I’ve made that a part of my business strategy. Also supplements. Y’all, my hair was falling out. And I just got three inches of my hair cut off. And I’m trying not to freak out about it. But I had gone to this doctor who had put me on supplements. And so I was like, something’s not right. And with the medications he put me on, I went to another doctor and the doctor, this other doctor was like, Well, yeah, your hair’s falling out because I don’t know what that doctor put you on, but he put you on testosterone and you have too much testosterone. And that’s why your hair’s falling out. And that’s another reason why you’re feeling anxious. You need to go to the gym and lift really heavy weights because you’ve got too much of this, this, this. And so I’m encouraging you go, go to a doctor, but don’t just go to any doctor. Don’t like, I trusted this first one because I came through a friend. I didn’t look at their credential. I didn’t look at anything. Get a second opinion about a doctor. Go get your blood work done. Do a panel of blood work and see where you are. See where your hormones are. See where your thyroid is. See where your cortisol levels are. Because you want to be in your optimal health. So you can be the best that you can be and serve in the best way. You have to be the healthiest that you can. So I am on supplements now for gut health. I just started taking, again, I love this immunity shot. It’s a wellness shot by Trulene. I will put the link because this, it’s got turmeric, Vitamin C, ginger. I mean, it’s filled with nutrients, of pure nutrients. And I’ve been drinking two of those a day. You should only drink one. I mean, you only have to drink one. I’ve been drinking two a day and I drink one first thing in the morning. And it has, it’s amazing. I feel so much better. So I’ll put a link to that so you can find that in the show notes. I just sent a package of it to one of my other friends who has been struggling and he also has CRPS. It’s not for someone who just has CRPS. It’s for you, especially if you are, have a very, you know, lifey life. I like to say, if you have a lot of events coming up, if you’re traveling, I’m telling you, this is what’s helping. So we all know those things about sleep and supplements and mindfulness and moving your body. But one thing that’s really, I changed right away. is I thought, I have got to respect myself by setting healthy boundaries. And when I say healthy boundaries, it doesn’t just mean with people in your life. I always say, yes, man, you got to cut out the doggy downers and stick with the puppy uppers. Really pay attention to energy because energy is everything and everything is energy and you can feel somebody’s energy. Are they energy vampire? Do they suck the life out of you? Or do you feel uplifted when you’re with them? Like really pay attention to that. Not just the people in your life, but the people that you follow on social media. So if you’re following someone on social media and nothing against them, but they just trigger something in you or they make you go into like comparison mode or they’re not inspiring, Do an inventory check, bless them and block them. Sometimes you just got to press unfollow. So really take inventory and I want you to set the boundaries. There are people in your life that, yeah, family members you might have to see, but you know what? Go to their house instead of having them over to your house. set a boundary and say, you know what? I can be here for 30 minutes or set time limits to how long you’re willing to talk to them on the phone. You have to protect your energy. You have to protect your peace. I’m super excited. Speaking of protecting your peace, because the one and only Trent Shelton is going to be coming back on the podcast. So stay tuned for that. He’s coming back on. We’re going to be talking about his new book that’s coming out all about protecting your peace, but setting boundaries. I had to get, you know, I have a mastermind with 18 amazing women who I love. I love these women. I love coaching these women. I also have other people that I could, clients that I coach. And so as you, if you can imagine, I’ve got text messages that are going off a lot, voice memos that are going off a lot. And I can literally be on my phone 24 seven. Seriously, I get messages at one o’clock in the morning, three o’clock in the morning, five in the morning. So what I had to do is set a boundary and I had to set work hours. And so I encourage you, especially if you’re an entrepreneur and like your work hours or like it, you could, it could be never ending. Decide when are your work hours. So I have decided my new work hours are 7am to 6pm. And that might seem like a long work day. And some of you who are very successful are being, are going to be like, I work from 8 to 12 every day. Those are the times that I’m going to be able to text back or check emails, those things. Because I found myself texting clients at 10 o’clock at night or at 5 o’clock in the morning. I had been taking coaching calls at 5.30 in the morning. I thought, when is the time that you’re setting aside for yourself? I know in the morning I need time for my morning ritual, but I also need time to sleep. So if I’m taking a coaching client at 5.30 in the morning, that means I’m going to have to get up around 4, 4.30 at the latest in order to do my morning ritual of time with God and prayer and writing in my journal, doing a little bit of reading, setting my intention. So I’ve decided to, I went into my, if you have a Calendly, Go into your Calendly link. This is what I did right away, y’all. I went into my Calendly and I changed my work day. So I set my hours different of when people can actually do a coaching call with me. I ended my coaching calls, like you can’t get on a coaching call with me now after four o’clock, like I’m done coaching at four. I think it’s really important. When are the hours? You might be a night person. Maybe you want to do your coaching at night, but decide on when that is and really set up your calendar to reflect that. I’ve also decided, and my daughter helped me with this, and I’ve shared this before, that when I’m in my office, I’m working. when I am outside of my office and with a family, I’m with family. And my daughter helped me with this because, um, one day I walked out of my office and she was trying to talk to me and I was on my phone. I’m like, just a minute. I’m just finishing up this email. And she’s like, mom, if you’re still working, then you need to go back in your office. And I was like, okay, well, I will just, I will get right on that. So set up your work hours, change your calendar. Also, you might want to decide on what days you’re going to take coaching calls. So I have a day that I do podcast recordings. I have a few days that I will take coaching calls. I also have a day that I will do podcast interviews, because thankfully, and I’m so honored by this, I get a lot of people that ask me to be on their podcasts, and I’m truly honored by that. But it’s not just, you know, an hour of an interview. It’s you get set up, you put hair, you do your hair, you do your makeup, you mentally prepare for it, you’re on the show, then you end up talking to the guests for a little bit. It can be an hour and a half. I’ve even, it’s even taken two hours. So decide and get very discerning where you want to spend your time. So ask yourself, what is moving the needle on your business? What is moving the needle on your health? What is the moving the needle on your life? And anything else, you need to start cutting out. And I know it can be hard. But another thing that I have done is I’ve started saying no. It seems a little hard at first. I don’t know. It seems a little hard at first. I’m an overcoming people pleaser. But it’s easier to say no than it is to say yes and then start getting resentful for saying yes and having to do something that you don’t want to do. So say no. And, you know, I really respect Amy Purdy. I love Amy Purdy. I did a podcast takeover for her. Gosh, it’s been a couple of years ago. She was going through surgeries and she had reached out to me and said, Amberley, could you take over my podcast while I recover? And I was like, you bet you got it. I’m there for you. And then, um, I had asked her to be on my podcast and she sent me a message out of the blue the other day. And she’s like, Hey Amberley, I just want you to know, I still want to be on your podcast, but I’m really taking time off to take care of my mental and physical health. I was like, wow, I thanked her for that. I said, thank you for sharing that with me. Because somebody with her luminous success, for her to go, wait a minute, I need to take time off and work on myself, like my mental and physical health, that really gave me permission to go. I need to do the same. We all need to do that. We all need to take care of our mental and physical health. So learn to say no. When you say no, you’re saying yes to yourself. You’re saying yes to your mental health. Yes. To your physical health. Yes. To your business. Yes. To your goals. Yes. To your family. And so learn to say no. I have also started getting more discerning and more intentional about the things that I’m willing to do. And I don’t think about the time that it takes. I think about the energy that it’s going, that I’m going to have to like, That it’s going to take the energy that I’m going to expend. Is that the word that I’m looking for? Y’all dealing with a nerve disease, CRPS takes a lot of energy because you’re in pain constantly. It’s there all the time. It can put you in fight or flight. it can suck the energy out of you. And so I do everything I can to increase my energy, to do things that are intentional, that, you know, are not going to completely drain my energy. Now I think about how much energy is it going to take for me to do that event. So I have gotten a lot more discerning. I love speaking at events. I was just asked to speak at an event and it was in Florida. I knew some of the speakers that were going to be there. And I knew, I know what their speak, they’re friends of mine. I know what they charge to speak and they charge like five times as much as I charge to go show up and speak on a stage and give a keynote. And so this a company asked me to speak at their event. And they’re like, yeah, our event is all about health and wellness, resilience and grit. And it’s about turning pain to purpose. And I was like, wow, you’re speaking my language. That’s what I speak on. I was like, this is my speaking fee. And they came back and they offered me like a tenth of what my speaking fee was. I mean, like a tenth. It wouldn’t even cover the work that I would miss by going there. It was, I said, no, and it wasn’t because of the pay, because there are oftentimes that I will speak for free for, for universities or charities, nonprofits, something that really fills my heart. It was the fact that the energy that it was going to take me to get on a plane, fly there, give it all I had to that audience to be away from my family. And the fact that they were paying someone else $50,000 and they wanted to pay me $2,500, what that would do to my self-worth. So I said, thank you. I’m wishing you a great event, but no thanks. So get discerning on what you’re willing to do and what you’re willing to put your time, effort, and energy in. One last thing, and this is a little hard, but social media. I have had to stop pressuring myself about social media. I don’t know about y’all, but social media can be a love-hate relationship. I love it because I love connecting with people and I love being able to keep up with friends that I don’t see all the time. support my mastermind members on all their posts, and I love sharing exciting things that are going on, as well as struggles that I’m having and how I’m getting through them. I love social media. I have the Unstoppable Life Women page. I’ve got the True Grit and Grace page, as well as my main page, Amberly Lago Motivation. I’m creating all of that content on my own, and it’s me answering you back, commenting back. Now, I have an amazing assistant, Jennifer. She listens to the show. Jennifer, I love you. She helps me so much with my True Grit and Grace page. Holy moly, I wouldn’t have, I couldn’t do it all without her. I’ve got a great team. I’ve got a graphics designer who does design the graphics for the true grit and grace page, but everything that you see, like I’m posting all that stuff on my main page. And sometimes I don’t know about you, but I can start to get anxiety about, Oh my gosh, I didn’t post yesterday. I got to post today. I got to come up with content and what am I going to post? And I want to make this really good. And I have decided. Pressure’s off. Like if there’s other things that I need to do that are going to move the needle on my business, there are things that I have to get done. I just got to take the pressure off and also progress, not perfection. You know what? I, I, the other day I flipped the camera around and did a selfie. I had no makeup on, had my gym shorts on and a sweatshirt, my glasses on. You can see the scars on my leg. And that post got more interaction than a beautifully curated video done by my amazing graphics designer. By the way, he’s amazing. But people want real and authentic. They won’t want perfect. I know I don’t want perfect anyway. And so progress, not perfection. And you know, I just did a post this morning. Uh, well this is, this podcast is coming out a few days, but I said progress, not perfection. These are some things I want you to remember. to hold yourself to a standard of grace and not perfection and give yourself the best chance. How can you do that? By starting to really Protect your peace. Set boundaries. Believe in yourself. Believe that you are worth giving yourself some compassion and some love. Purpose is what guides you, and your passion is what drives you. So remember your why. Remember why you started. Start doing all these things that I’ve just shared with you so you don’t get burnout because I’ve been on the road to burnout. I think I’ve been burnout before. I don’t want to be there again. So start taking care of yourself. And I want you to celebrate your small victories along the way, because when you get burnout, it’s because the amount of energy and all that you’re doing, you’re not getting enough reward that’s coming in as you are the effort that you’re putting out. So celebrate your small victories along the way and I want you to repeat, repeat when you have a moment of doubt, repeat this to yourself. Just say, I believe in myself, I believe in myself, I believe in myself. And I want you to remember that true resilience is finding the courage to move forward and choosing to live a life filled with laughter and love. Even when things don’t go as planned, y’all things won’t always go as planned. But true resilience is deciding to choose the courage to move forward. Choose you. Choose you first. And I know that sometimes that it’s hard. Man, it’s not always easy over here. But you can choose to have joy through the journey. You can choose to build upon the joy despite hard times or pain, choose to build upon the joy. And remember, comfort never makes great of a story as courage does. And, you know, easy does not make you proud. Doing hard things makes you proud. So keep on keeping on. With that, if there’s anything that grabbed you or touched you, please share this with a friend who might be struggling with some self-doubt or struggling with giving themselves some self-love or self-care and make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss any episodes because I’ve got some exciting news coming up for you. We’re rebranding the whole show y’all. It’s going to be big. I can’t wait to share this with you. And, um, come see us in Dallas. VIP is officially sold out, but we do have some general admission tickets left. I think we have 20 tickets left. I’m not kidding you. This is a smaller event on purpose. So grab your ticket, that link, go to unstoppable success That link is in the show notes. And again, if screenshot this and share it on your. you know, social media, whether you’re, you know, listening to it on Apple, Spotify, wherever you’re listening to it, your favorite podcast platform, share it on Instagram and tag me at Amberly Logo Motivation or True Grit and Grace. And when I say that, I always share it in my story too. So I appreciate you. Thank you for listening to the show. And one last thing, I encourage you to reach out. Don’t do it all alone. You don’t have to do it alone. You are never alone. You’ve got God on your side for sure. And if you’re in pain, remember, God does not waste pain. I always say, I have this written on my computer or a sticky note. I anchor myself to God. Ask God to walk alongside you. And I have one other thing on my desk. Well, I got a lot on my desk, actually, a little reminders. I have this little stone, and it’s got a frog on it. And it says, smile, you are loved. And a frog to me represents fully rely on God. I can start relying fully on myself, and that’s wrong. I need to fully rely on God. Remember, you’re not alone. So thank you for tuning in. I will see you next week. Have a great rest of your day. I’ll see you next week.