In this episode of True Grit and Grace, Amberly Lago is joined by entrepreneur Shawn French, founder of The Determined Society and Author of Unstoppable: The High Performance Mindset. Their insightful conversation covers the journey to success, the value of friendship, and the challenges faced by entrepreneurs. Sean, a mental performance coach, shares valuable insights on achieving excellence in sports, business, and life, offering inspiration and motivation.
Notes:
– Navigating Entrepreneurship and Peak Performance [01:46].
– Discovering Your Why [13:26].
– Exploring Identity and Personal Growth [16:47].
– Insights into Mental Performance and Overcoming Obstacles [23:09].
– Engaging in Brain Training Exercises [37:48].
– Unpacking the Obsession with Perfection [45:05].
Links mentioned in this episode:
Follow Shawn:
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Transcript:
(00:00 – 00:53) Amberly Lago: Hello, thank y’all for tuning in to True Grit and Grace. It’s Amberly Lago and I have a really good friend of mine on the show today and we finally had to hit record because we were talking for like over 30 minutes and I’m like, oh yeah, we’re recording a podcast. So I have Shawn French with us today. He is an amazing entrepreneur, the founder of The Determined Society, the author of a book that’s now available on Kindle. He’s got a top podcast and he’s a mental performance coach who helps people to level up in sports, business, and life. He coaches a lot of athletes as well as other entrepreneurs. But more than that, he has just been a good friend of mine that we can talk about the journey, the struggles, the struggles to success, what we’re going through. So Sean, thank you so much for being here on the show.
(00:54 – 01:14) Shawn French: Oh, I’m so excited. Thank you. And, uh, your intro has got me in my feelings because, you know, I know our friendship has been very special and we have so many amazing conversations, you know, on the phone and we really just open up to each other. And so I just, I’m, I’m grateful for our friendship and I’m, I can’t believe we’re even recording this episode. I’m excited.
(01:15 – 02:15) Amberly Lago: Well, I’ve been wanting to have you on. We finally made it happen. Just what you’re doing is amazing. I love how you show up also on social media. I binge your reels and your interviews. You’re amazing. Thank you. Before we get into a lot about your determined society and even your book, I want to go back where you started, because I like to share on the show, because sometimes people like you who make it look easy for entrepreneurs, when we know as entrepreneurs, sometimes there are struggles, and you have so much unstoppable success, so much grit, so much resilience. Was there an age, you know, when you were younger that something clicked and you’re like, I want to be an entrepreneur or I want to be a peak performance coach or a mental performance coach? Was there a time when you thought that’s what I want to be, that’s what I want to do?
(02:16 – 02:25) Shawn French: You know, it’s really funny, not as a kid, right? As a kid, I was focused on being a major league baseball player and no one could tell me any different. And, you know- Oh, can I stop?
(02:25 – 02:31) Amberly Lago: Wait, I gotta stop you right there real quick. Sure. Sean, did you know I just played in the celebrity softball tournament?
(02:31 – 02:32) Shawn French: No, you didn’t.
(02:32 – 04:21) Amberly Lago: I did and- Where? My gosh, it was crazy. Okay, so they asked me to play and I said yes, because it supports veterans. And then my husband was like, are you crazy? Why did you say yes to that? You don’t even know how to play softball. So I played last year and I mean, the pitcher for the Rangers was there, Dallas Cowboys, like famous athletes were there. And they asked me to come back again this year. Last year, I practiced every day with my daughter, hitting the ball, catching the ball. I was, I’m still a little scared of the ball, actually. This year I get there and we go to our teams and they want me to play second base. Oh, come on now. some of these people are serious about this game and they don’t, I mean, they’re professional baseball players. And I’m like, I’m going to get hit second base. I’m going to get hit in the face with a ball. And I was freaking out. My heart was pounding. And I went to the coach and I was like, you know, you might want to rethink this and have one of your professional athletes take second base. I said, cause I really care about the team. And he looked at me confused. And I said, no, seriously, you might want to rethink it. And I pointed down to my feet and because the nerve disease, I can’t even wear tennis shoes. So I had my boots on, on the baseball field. So I didn’t have to play second base. And I had a lot of my mastermind people at the game. They’re like, you can do it, play second base. And I’m like, no, y’all don’t understand. I don’t even know if I can throw the ball. I’m not. So I have so much respect for you that you know how to play baseball. I’ve just, I’m amazed by that. So I had to tell you that story because I’m scared of the ball. I want to hear about your experience with baseball. How old were you when you started playing?
(04:22 – 05:19) Shawn French: Man, you know, I start my first year, I was seven years old, but backing up, let’s back up. My uncle, he was, you know, a baseball player. My cousins were baseball players. They’re very high level baseball players. I’m talking division one, division two college athletes. And my uncle even, you know, signed a free agent deal with the Montreal Expos back in the day. So I had some amazing bloodlines, but even before that, my mom, Um, her father, uh, his name was Bobby Lee Doster grew up in Richmond, California, all American baseball player, all American basketball. And he was a catcher and he played in the all American game at Yankee stadium, hit a home run. And he was tragically killed when my mom was six years old. Um, they were in a car, all four of them, my mom, her dad, my grandma, and would have been my uncle. Um, they were driving in Northern California, drunk driver, hit him head on. killed my grandfather and killed my uncle.
(05:19 – 05:20) Amberly Lago: Oh my goodness.
(05:20 – 06:52) Shawn French: I say this because also my mom was six and my, and David, which would, which was my mom’s brother was, was eight and my grandma, my mom lived. And I say that because it’s just crazy how bloodlines go as far as athletic ability, et cetera. So I don’t know. I was probably a teenager and I’m sitting there and looking at these pictures at my grandma’s and it was, you know, it looked like me feeding a squirrel. And I’m like, Hey, why, why in the world is this picture black and white? They’re like, what do you mean? I’m like, well, I didn’t grow up in black and white era. Like that’s your, that’s your grandpa Bobby. Wow. So furthermore in junior college, I’m playing in ed at this, um, you know, a little bit of a fall ball game in my grandpa’s old teammates end up showing up saying, I look just like him. I played identical to him, the arm action, the way the ball left my hand. Like there was no difference between me and my grandpa Bobby. And so for me, baseball was more, it was a continuation of just family tradition. So for me, it was, there was no other option, right? No other option. And I fought and I fought and I fought, and you know what? My career was cut short because of injuries once I got to Louisiana State University. And then the major leagues was no longer, heck, the minor leagues was even no longer a thing. So it was tough to get through.
(06:53 – 07:03) Amberly Lago: Well, what did baseball teach you as far as like what you do now as an entrepreneur? Did baseball teach you some life lessons?
(07:03 – 08:25) Shawn French: Oh, absolutely. Baseball to me is the sport that’ll teach you more about life than any other sport. And here’s why I say that for the people that are listening that want some more context. If you fail in any other sport, 70% of the time, you are not successful. You are cut, you are gone. In baseball, there’s a lot of failure built in. It’s very uncontrolled. So you can fail 70% of the time, which means, let’s say you have 10 at bats, you get three hits, you get out seven times, you’re a Hall of Famer. Imagine going through and being 30% successful, but everybody thinking you’re amazing. And so what that did for me is it taught me how to really, just like your podcast, True Grit and Grace, you have to be gritty, you have to be determined, you have to be delusionally optimistic in that game of baseball, because if you are not, the lows will destroy you. So you have to have a short memory and you have to be able to move on. That’s the same way with entrepreneurship, especially in the space that you and I are in. There’s a lot of failure. There’s a lot of letdowns, right? It’s hard. So for me, if I wasn’t the baseball player I was, and the things that I’ve done in my life leading up to this venture, I would be done by now. But it taught me to keep it going. I will not stop.
(08:27 – 08:50) Amberly Lago: Well, speaking of not stopping, your book is called Unstoppable. Yes. I love it because as you know, my mastermind is Unstoppable Life Mastermind. My summit is called Unstoppable Success Summit. So when I saw your book, I was like, Oh my gosh. And now it’s available on Kindle. Yes. What inspired you to write your book?
(08:51 – 09:39) Shawn French: Well, I’ve always wanted to write a book. I remember sitting down in college, like, oh, I’m going to write my journey. And I would get the extreme ADHD and I wouldn’t write it. But for me, I wanted to chronicle my limiting beliefs, my journey in baseball and how it led me into just being a salesperson and an entrepreneur. And for me, it’s very simple, right? Successful people, they leave clues. They have a recipe for their success. You know, Ben Newman calls it the process, right? Or the standard. I call it the process. And I broke down everything that I believe to be successful, which is mental toughness, resilience, determination, right? Strategy, clarity, intention, visualization, all that stuff. And I wrote, well, I actually did videos, actually. I did videos.
(09:39 – 10:23) Amberly Lago: You’re really good at the videos. Thank you. Have you always just been in front of the camera like that? Because for me, that was really hard at first. I remember recording my first courses and sitting outside recording stuff and starting over and starting over and starting over and stop and then go. And my daughter was like, mom, that’s not how you do it. This is how you do it. And she was like, scoot over. And she sat down and she was like, hi, I’m Amberly Lago. And she just blah, blah, blah. And I was just like, Oh my God, she’s so good. You know, but she’s been in front of a camera her whole life. Was that hard for you at first being in front of the camera because your videos are amazing.
(10:24 – 11:29) Shawn French: Well, thank you. It was extremely hard. I remember when I was about to launch the Determined Society, it was just a Facebook group. It wasn’t even anything. And I remember, I was like, okay, I want to build some buzz around it. So, I’m going to talk about, hey guys, something big is coming. It was after a run. I was sitting in my driveway against my garage. The video to me now is repulsive. It was so bad. And I could just tell like my speech pattern wasn’t good. My inflection points were off. And then all of a sudden it started getting better and better and better. And to, I mean, it’s the same thing with my show. I can’t listen to some of my early episodes. I’m like, wow, I’m really bad. I’m really bad. And now, right? I mean, imagine in two years, I’ll go back and listen to these episodes like, wow, Sean, you were terrible. Right? I mean, it’s all about that growth. But no, I was never very good at videos. I’ve always been a good communicator because I care and I listen more than I speak. So I just you know, I like to have fun with it. And, you know, I like to have fun with it.
(11:29 – 11:51) Amberly Lago: Just putting in the, putting in the reps for those videos. I think it gets a little easier, but thank you for sharing that because I think sometimes, uh, looking at entrepreneurs who are doing videos or doing a podcast episodes and they’re posting reels and everything on social media, they make it look really easy. And it was hard for me. I’m like, oh my gosh, I suck.
(11:51 – 11:52) Shawn French: Oh my gosh. And
(11:53 – 12:44) Amberly Lago: And I have my graphics team who made some shorts for me for YouTube and I was like, can you send me those? And some I watched and I was like, where did they even find this video? This is terrible. Like it’s so hard for me to watch. So thank you for sharing that it was. hard for you at first, but now look at you and your podcast is amazing. I love how real you keep it with your audience. But talking about some of the points of your book, one of the things I wanted to ask you about is the determination. How would you teach somebody to have that determination who you know that they’re capable, you know that they have you know, a lot of good things to share with the world and an impact to make, but they don’t seem to have the determination. Can you teach that?
(12:44 – 13:38) Shawn French: I think so. I mean, first, you want to define what determination means to you, because it means something different. For Amberlee, it means something different to Sean. So there’s individuals that may not have the determination is because they don’t know what they need to be determined in. And they don’t even understand what it means. Right? So define what it means. Then also, okay, define what your dreams are, like, what do you want to do? Like, what do you feel? If you could, you know, rub a crystal ball right now, what would you say? And then you get that out of them. And it’s like, okay, great. Well, who do you need to become? Like, who do you need to become? And more importantly, though, why do you want to do that? You know, why is it, you know, Sean, why do you want to be a speaker? Why do you want a podcast? Why do you want to do all this? Well, for me, it was about empowering others, because I’ve been told my whole life I couldn’t do something. from people that I love, my father and my grandfather.
(13:38 – 13:40) Amberly Lago: And that was like motivation for me.
(13:40 – 14:36) Shawn French: Yeah. It’s like rocket fuel in a jet engine, man, let’s go. You know, so for me, I had to dive into why I wanted to empower people. And it wasn’t because I wanted to be on a soapbox. It was because I know how much it hurts to have somebody not believe in you and to be, to feel shame when you you know, a perceived failure happens. I wanted to tell, I wanted to show people that that’s a lie. And so that was, for me, that gave me all that drive. Have I taken breaks? Yeah, I took a four-month break, right? But the bottom line is, for me, building that determination for this brand, for me, it’s the point, like, I think a lot of people would have given up by now. I won’t. I’m just getting started. Like, this means all this adversity and all this The stress, there’s a diamond about to happen, right? The pressure’s here. So for me, that’s what it is. Define what they want and why.
(14:36 – 15:09) Amberly Lago: I think it’s so important to know your why. I don’t think we get burnout from doing the things we do. I think it’s when we forget why we’re doing the things that we do that we can get burnout. But if you are aligned with who you are and what you love doing and why you’re determined, I think that you can just keep going and you can develop that grit to keep going. So when you had people that didn’t believe in you, where did you find the belief in yourself to keep going?
(15:10 – 15:30) Shawn French: The delusion, the delusional optimism. I mean, like quite honestly, when my, my grandfather would say, well, what’s your backup plan? You’re not going to, what if you don’t play major league baseball? I’m like, are you serious? You listening to yourself? Like I, I literally just chose not to listen. Right. I chose not to listen. And you know, he was eventually right.
(15:32 – 16:25) Amberly Lago: Well, how did that feel when, like I know for me, my whole identity was caught up when I was in the fitness industry and I was modeling for shape and fit pregnancy and, you know, contributing articles and doing infomercials and videos. And my picture was on the label of vitamins at every CVS and Rite Aid. I mean, it was crazy. That was my whole identity. And to have that ripped away, I lost myself. I went into a depression and I had to figure out who I really was. Did you have a time after you knew you weren’t going to play in the major leagues because of the injuries that happened when you were playing baseball? Did you have a time where you went through a depression or you had to kind of reinvent who you were or how did you get through that?
(16:26 – 17:19) Shawn French: by making a lot of mistakes and burning a lot of friendships. I mean, oh my gosh, I tell you what, you know, I hope one day we can reconcile like my best friends from back home in California. I mean, I would do stupid things, you know, like being just out of depression, drinking too much. I didn’t care if, you know, someone had a boyfriend, you know, and it would be in the same circle. And it just put a lot of people in that, in the firing squad of like, Hey, did you know this happened? And they had to lie for me a couple of times. So like, why would they want to be friends with me anymore? I mean, I messed up. So I was extremely hurt. I didn’t know who I was. I was selfish and that’s not who I truly am, but that’s what I was displaying at that time. And man, I just, like I said, I just went through this, this three or four year period where I was just a miserable person.
(17:19 – 17:21) Amberly Lago: And how old were you in your twenties?
(17:22 – 17:37) Shawn French: Yeah. Late twenties, probably like 26 to 29, 20 to 30, roughly, you know, so good, you know, for four years. Right. Because I didn’t think I had a problem. I thought I was just living life. This is fun. Right.
(17:37 – 17:39) Amberly Lago: How did you get over that? How did you change?
(17:40 – 17:46) Shawn French: I lost everybody that I loved. I mean, my best friends at this point still won’t even speak to me.
(17:46 – 17:50) Amberly Lago: Oh my goodness. Have you not been able to make amends with them?
(17:50 – 18:50) Shawn French: No, we haven’t, you know, and I’m trying still and I understand where they’re coming from. But at the same time, you know, it’s one of those things where, okay, you knew me then, like, if you loved me then, you’re going to really love me now because I’m a different person, right? I’ve grown. But for me, that identity was gone. I didn’t know who I was, to your point. I was just flailing in the wind, trying to make myself relevant by doing stupid things and fulfilling the most shallow desires. And that was my, I didn’t get addicted to drugs. I didn’t become an alcoholic. And a lot of athletes that are removed from their sport early can go through that mental health journey, struggle, and it get really serious. In fact, I just did my interview. I can’t even believe I’m saying this, but I did an interview with TED Talk the other day. And I find out in December if they’re gonna accept me into that specific event based on the topic you and I are talking about right now.
(18:51 – 18:52) Amberly Lago: Wow.
(18:52 – 18:56) Shawn French: That’s incredible. It’s really interesting that you brought that up.
(18:56 – 19:04) Amberly Lago: Yeah, that is incredible. I just think it’s going to be amazing. That’s going to be a career changer too.
(19:04 – 19:06) Shawn French: Yeah, I know it is. That’s the inflection point.
(19:07 – 19:08) Amberly Lago: Yeah. Yeah.
(19:08 – 19:22) Shawn French: It’s so funny because there’s so many, there’s been so many points where like, Oh, this is the moment. This is the jump off, but the jump off to the jump off to the jump off. Right. And then getting on that TEDx stage. I think that’s that right there is that’s it.
(19:22 – 19:51) Amberly Lago: Yeah. That’s it. What did you share? If you don’t mind about like maybe three things that got you through and made you into the person you are today versus a selfish person in the past, making big mistakes and not having that integrity to now who you are. You know, you make positive change in so many people’s lives and you’re such a good person. Are there like three things that you did that were like, this is what changed me?
(19:52 – 20:04) Shawn French: Yeah, I stopped blaming them for turning their back on me and started to look at why they did. And then I realized that, wow, I was a bad person and I held myself accountable.
(20:04 – 20:10) Amberly Lago: That’s important. I think that awareness and that acceptance and that accountability is the beginning to any transformation.
(20:11 – 21:32) Shawn French: The other thing I did as I really just started working on myself, just kind of everything was unrelated. I started thinking, okay, who do I want to be? Am I there? What do I need to do to change that? And I think that, and I know through taking inventory of who I wanted to be and what I needed to do to get there, set me up to completely transform who I was. So it was a lot of that deep work. I’m not going to say it was meditation or a morning routine or anything like that. It was just a simple fact that, dude, You don’t have anything in your life right now. You’ve lost your friends. You are broke. You don’t have a car. At that time, I was going through the mortgage meltdown as well. So, not only was I not a professional baseball player, I was losing my house, my car, because I overextended myself, because I sold mortgages, and I was doing really well for a while, and then I wasn’t. So, that was the time, the identity I thought I was gaining was also being ripped away from me as well. And so, I was flailing. So, just the awareness, taking inventory, and then really starting to execute who I truly knew who I was, the person I knew I was, in every interaction. And then eventually the change happened.
(21:32 – 22:47) Amberly Lago: That’s amazing. It does take a lot of work. And that’s something I’m glad you brought up that a lot of people don’t see is like, even after, you know, my motorcycle accident, And losing, you know, we had a lien on our house, $2.9 million worth of medical expenses, lost my career. I was the main breadwinner of the family. And it was six years of me really struggling in and out of the hospital, in and out of surgeries. Um, but doing the deep work. um, every day and crying for like a year straight, you know? And so I want people to know that like, it, it’s not just some magical overnight, like, Oh, I’m cured or, Oh, things are better. I’m suddenly successful. It’s like, it’s a lot of deep work mentally, physically, for me, it was spiritually. as well. And so I want people to know like how to be more determined. So I love what you shared about that. But to optimize mental performance, because I think so much comes from starts with your mindset. What would you suggest or where do they even start to optimize their mental performance?
(22:48 – 24:35) Shawn French: It’s a great question. So last night I had Corey Wade, which is a former major league baseball pitcher. He spoke to my athletes last night, Sunday night, you know, 8 p.m. He’s on there pouring into them. We started talking about obstacles, right? And he says, Hey, you know, these, we, we, we have this example that we talked to these downhill skiers, you know, how do you not hit the trees? You know, do you have to look for them? They’re like, we focus on the snow at our feet. We focus on what we need to do, not the obstacles around us. So I’m going somewhere with this. So for me, In building that mental performance aspect of it, you have to be able to focus on whatever process that you set forward that’s going to help you get better. So if it’s waking up at 4 a.m., fine, wake up at 4 a.m. If it’s waking up at 7, make sure you’re up, whatever. But follow your day the way you know it’s going to impact your performance. But the biggest thing that I can say, and this is something I still struggle with, Amberlee, is this. Geek performance does not mean perfect performance. So in order to be a peak performer and have great mentality when you’re in competition, you got to understand perfection isn’t the goal at all. Like the work is the goal. The results are going to happen as a by-product, but let’s get away from what you think it’s going to look like, right? The performance, because now we’re setting expectations. Yeah. And now if we fall short, we didn’t perform that move the right way in our own mind, then now we’re upset. Maybe the result’s still the same, right? But, but the reality is, is like, yeah, just really diving in to what you know you need to do every day. But then also realizing that most importantly, that peak performance does not mean perfect performance.
(24:35 – 25:55) Amberly Lago: That’s so good. But I also like what you said about like, they don’t focus on the trees. It’s kind of like, you know, when you’re riding a motorcycle, you’re going to go where you look. So if you’re looking down at the ground, you’re probably going to drop your bike. And so, um, that’s something that I always remember from my, when I took a refresher course in like riding a motorcycle, that the instructor who was this big burly dude was like, If you look down, you will go down. He goes, I remember looking at the curb coming to a stop sign and I hit the curb. And so I dropped my bike once I was practicing doing like circle eights in small places. So I was in my garage, this apartment building. doing these tight squeeze, you know, circles and just to practice tight turns. And I looked down and sure enough, I dropped my bike on top of me. Harleys are heavy. I think the adrenaline kicked in and I was able to get that bike up, but that was like, okay, we won’t do that again. I’m going to look where I’m going, focus on where I’m going. And you have a quote, I actually, wrote it down. And it’s on your website. Your website’s beautiful, by the way. Thank you. Yeah, it looks really awesome.
(25:55 – 26:01) Shawn French: Jared Tangier. Jared Tangier is my boy up in Pennsylvania did that. Really? He’s incredible.
(26:02 – 26:58) Amberly Lago: He’s incredible. Oh, that’s awesome. Yeah, it looks really good. Thank you. But you I read on their negative people complain about problems. Positive people tell everyone about their solutions. Unstoppable people put down their heads and work. I love that being an athlete taught me that, you know, I ran, I ran track and it’s the same thing that you have to learn in business and what you’re doing. So I love how you’re just like, okay, focus on what you need to do. every day, focus on that. Well, how does someone develop a positive mindset if they are constantly in the negative? Because I have some people around me that, Oh my gosh, it drives me nuts. Like I can say, Hey, I won the lottery. And they’re like, Oh, do you realize you’re going to have to pay taxes on that?
(26:58 – 26:59) Shawn French: I love those people, man.
(26:59 – 27:17) Amberly Lago: You know what I mean? Yeah. So how do you, Is there a way to change that? I mean, I know sometimes you can’t change people. It’s hard. It is. It’s so hard. Let’s be real. How do you shift somebody’s mindset that is very negative and they’ve been that way to a more positive mindset?
(27:17 – 28:45) Shawn French: As far as like someone I’m coaching, you mean like an athlete? Yeah. I would just ask him, Hey, is your current state of mind helping you get to where you want to be? It’s flat out, no. Okay, well then how would you need to look at this situation? Because you’ve got to understand everything in life is perception. You have a paradigm, you need to shift it right now. So, how could you view this better? Or how could you take this thing that happened, whether you struck out or you threw an interception, what is it telling you? Right? Like what is the real impact of it? Because I can guarantee the impact is not as huge as you think it is. You just want to be perfect. Right? So it’s getting them to challenge their thought process on how something looks. Right? And a lot of times it goes down deep into psychology. Well, why do you feel negative like this? Who else in your life is like this? You know, and what are you fulfilling and how are you helping yourself by being this way? A lot of times people grow up in so many toxic situations, situations that It fuels them. That limbic system is so jacked up. They have to feel and fight, right? And fight of everything. It has to be negative. And if it’s going smooth or positive things happen, whoa, this doesn’t fit my self-belief, my core values, my core beliefs about myself. So then they stray to the negative. So again, getting them to break down, hey, is this really helping you? I mean, I think that’s the easiest way to do it.
(28:46 – 29:51) Amberly Lago: Yeah. It’s so hard, though. Like, yeah. And I don’t understand what makes like how, you know, growing up in a negative kind of toxic household or growing up with someone who’s very negative, how some people go to the negative and then how some people choose to go and be positive and say, that’s not how I’m going to live my life. I am going to be positive. I’m going to do something with my life. I think it’s important for everybody to know that you have a choice. You have a choice and you can choose how you want to think and what you want to do. And I think that’s important because people get stuck in this belief of, well, these This is my life, and these are the cards I’ve been dealt, and this is what the doctor has said, or this is what my coach has said, so it must be true. But to challenge those thoughts. You talk a lot about mindfulness. What does mindfulness mean to you, and how has it helped in your business and in your life?
(29:52 – 30:26) Shawn French: Mindfulness means to me is just being aware of not just what you’re saying, but what you’re thinking most importantly, and how the two correlate into your message and how the delivery may impact somebody else negatively or positively. So when I do my videos and I do my show, there’s a lot of things that I want to say knee jerk reaction, but the emotional intelligence level has increased so much over the years. So it’s just like, okay, how do I be mindful of how this may sound? And I think that is the best way that I can describe what mindfulness means to me.
(30:28 – 30:51) Amberly Lago: Well, it just, you saying that just made me think of like somebody like, uh, Bradley or our friend, who, man, they just say any, I love them. I love them. Bradley just tells it like it is, but it just made me think of them like, wow, maybe they think of mindfulness differently. I mean, we all think of it differently, but.
(30:52 – 31:09) Shawn French: I mean, yeah, I think that life experiences bring different communication styles, right? Everybody’s so different. I mean, there’s, is there, can I be as brash? Like, let’s just call it as it is, like Bradley. I mean, sometimes he’s just bullet point, bullet to your head. Like he’s not afraid to come at you on the show.
(31:09 – 31:16) Amberly Lago: I think he says stuff that we all like think and want to say, but sometimes we hold back and he doesn’t.
(31:17 – 32:35) Shawn French: No, he doesn’t. And I respect that about him. I love it. Like I don’t, I don’t look down on him at all for that. Like, I think he’s amazing for me though. It’s like, okay, do I want to do that? Right. How, like for me, I also think about it too, is, you know, I used to curse a lot on my show. I stopped. Some people started saying to me like, Hey, really love your show. Really want my kids to listen, but you’re cursing a lot. I’m like, yeah. I got triggered at first, but here’s why. Here’s why I got mad. And for those of you listening right now, right? If someone approaches you on something and you get mad, it’s because you’re already thinking about it and someone beat you to the punch. You did not take action early enough for that solution to be provided out publicly. So now you’re mad because you feel like you’re getting spanked. Right? And so I got mad and I said, you know what? You’re right. So I stopped, right? Like I’m, I’m really working on it because I’m intelligent enough to articulate my message. Here we are. I haven’t said one curse word, right? So I can do it. But like, then I started thinking a little deeper about it. I have a wife, right? And I have three children. Do I care what, how they would feel about somebody talking about their dad or their husband? So I just, I just shifted, you know, I just shifted that.
(32:36 – 34:03) Amberly Lago: Well, there’s been two times that I don’t cuss a lot unless I’m, you know, well, I don’t cuss a lot, but I have let some words slip if I’m around someone that I feel really comfortable with. But there was two times that I’ve been on stage that I, once I said the S word and afterwards I was like, I felt horrible about it. It just came out and, and I was speaking in Salt Lake city and there were a lot of Mormons in the audience. And I was just like, Oh, God, I cannot, like, I don’t cuss. Like that’s not me. How did that come out? And then I was speaking at one of my mastermind retreats and one of the mastermind members was like, she had been through a really tough time and, She was like, what changed it for me is every day I look in the mirror and I say, I am Tina effing Kendall. And, um, I said something about, I was like, I was thinking everybody for being there. And I got really emotional and was crying. And then I was like, you know what? I’m Amberly effing Logo. But I said that I dropped the F bomb and I was like, Oh, Oh my gosh, I just said the F word. I’m so sorry. Like, you know, but it just came out.
(34:03 – 34:25) Shawn French: That’s great. Oh, but I think there’s a time and a place for it. I mean, you know, like, Hey, why not? It really slipped. But that means it was natural, right? It was natural. And they probably looked at you in a different way. Like, wow. Okay, girl, you got a little bit in you. Yeah. You got a little bit of bad in you. A little bit of bad in you and it’s, it’s okay. And it probably got, it probably helped them respect you even more than they already do.
(34:26 – 35:24) Amberly Lago: You know, I think when people can see that you were human, we make mistakes. We, you know, I just got off of a call right before this with one of my mastermind members and I was sharing something personal with her. Um, because she’s going through something personal with her family and she goes, wow, thank you for sharing that with me. She goes, I’ve always felt connected with you, but knowing that we have that in common and you sharing that personal story with me makes me love and respect you even more and connect with you on a deeper level. And I think that’s why you and I, Sean, um, connected and we’ve, I feel like we’ve been friends forever. And I think it’s because we can keep it real with each other. We can talk about things or struggles that we might be going through and maybe solutions, but we can keep it real. And that’s so important to develop these deep connections.
(35:25 – 35:41) Shawn French: Yeah, I agree. Like amen to that. Cause I was sitting here before the show, we hit record or before I hopped on the video recording. And it’s like thinking about our friendship or relationship and how it evolved. Right. It started, it started with me hearing you on a popular podcast.
(35:41 – 35:44) Amberly Lago: I was like, Oh, which one was that? Was it Pedro’s?
(35:44 – 36:54) Shawn French: No, no, it wasn’t his. No. I think it was a CLS experience. Oh, with Craig. Yeah, it was. And then I listened to you and so then it brought me to your podcast and I listened to you and Ken Joslin. And then he and I connected and then I sent you a message and then you and I connected. And it’s just so funny because at that point, it’s just surface level. Hey, I love what you do. You came on my show at the very beginning when I started doing guests. We got to do a redo. We got to do it again. But, you know, and then it turned into personal conversations, just naturally, nothing was forced. And, you know, I’ve bared my soul to you on walks before about my frustration. You’ve given me such great advice. And, you know, I don’t know if I’ve ever given you advice. I don’t know if you’ve ever asked, but I just know that, you know, being your friend has been truly something really cool and evolving. And, um, it just goes to show you that, you know, you can make friends online, like, and it’d be like a wholesome deal too. It’s like really cool. Right.
(36:54 – 38:07) Amberly Lago: Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you. Um, and I, you know, I feel so grateful that we connected. I couldn’t remember exactly how we connected or who introduced us. Yeah, I think yes, it was. It was Jennifer. She’s like, you got to meet my friend. And so I think she made an introduction to us, but it’s just amazing how you can meet someone online and that turns into a friendship or you can hear somebody on a podcast and it turns into like a deep you know, friendship. Um, so I’m grateful for your friendship. Um, do you have time for a couple more questions? Absolutely. Girl, come on. Okay. Well, I know you talk a lot about brain training exercises. And I think that, you know, it starts with our mindset and belief. And I want to know some of your brain training tips to help us be determined, more positive, more optimistic. Is there something that you offer the people that you coach or in your group coaching that you help them with brain training exercises?
(38:07 – 39:39) Shawn French: Brain training exercises is simply broken down into conversations. I got to be real with you. So, again, like we talked about earlier, it’s like, okay, why are you feeling this way? Where is it coming from? What’s the root cause? So, one of my entrepreneur clients that I work with, I’m obviously not going to say his name, but very prominent family growing up and he got into methamphetamines and he was a drug addict for a very long time. And he’s been clean for a very long time now. I can tell there was still some energy around how his brain is wired about losing time with his family, losing time with friends. So he’s always seeking that approval because he still views himself as that little boy or that young adult that was, you know, fallen to addiction and burning relationships. I said, Hey, you know, just a thought. How much of how you’re feeling right now is that you’re seeking approval from people that can’t give it to you right now? And so it’s asking questions and unraveling that big ball of yarn and finding out where it starts, right? Because you can tell somebody, Hey, that’s not the way to be. Your mindset is messed up, but let’s really dig into it. Why it’s messed up. And it’s just asking questions, you know, tell me a little bit more about that time in 1995. How did you feel after that? Okay. Well, is that connected to how you’re feeling right now? Oh my God. Yes, it is. Like, boom, like we just talk about it. So there’s nothing specific. It’s just really being intentional with the questions in the, in the conversation, you know?
(39:39 – 39:59) Amberly Lago: And sometimes I think it just really helps to have a great coach that can ask you questions and kind of unravel that or, you know, peel the layers of onion. So you get to the root cause, which really, really helps. Um, so do you practice, uh, do you do meditation?
(39:59 – 40:18) Shawn French: Don’t so bad. Isn’t it? I need to, I really need to, I was talking about this with somebody else. I don’t know who it was. It’s usually my wife. When I get frustrated, cause you need to meditate, you need to do yoga. But, um, you know, when I lift, that’s my active meditation. Um, so it helps me, but, uh, I don’t, I don’t really know. I don’t, I need to, gosh.
(40:18 – 40:30) Amberly Lago: Yeah, I was fine. I have the the calm app because it’s hard for me to meditate. And you’ve mentioned something earlier about ADHD. Do you have ADHD?
(40:30 – 40:33) Shawn French: Oh, absolutely. Diagnosed 100 percent.
(40:33 – 40:34) Amberly Lago: Me, too.
(40:34 – 40:35) Shawn French: And I don’t take anything for it.
(40:35 – 40:55) Amberly Lago: So I don’t I don’t either. Yeah. But I have found that. Yeah, I think I do. You know, the that app helps me. I’m not affiliated with that app or anything, but I needed somebody to walk me through the exercise, because even through that meditation and having some guidance, I’m still like, oh, squirrel.
(40:55 – 40:56) Shawn French: It’s crazy.
(40:56 – 41:31) Amberly Lago: What’s this? And I have to be so focused. I don’t know if you’re like this. I mean, look, people with ADHD or been diagnosed with it usually make the best entrepreneurs as long as we can stay focused. And so you should see my desk. I have to write out sticky notes all over and write it out and cross it off. If I don’t, I will start one project and then go to another and then go, Oh, laundry. And then go to, Oh, let me make a snack. And then go to, Ooh, let me write that down. Oh, that phone call.
(41:31 – 42:29) Shawn French: I am dying right now. I’m dying right now. So in the morning, this is funny in the morning. Yeah. I get all my kids waters, my wife’s water, my, my wife’s coffee, my kids breakfast, all done, right. All done. Like I, that’s my, that’s what I love to do in the morning. I take care of my family. Right. So I’ll do a water. I’ll do the coffee. I’ll look for my wife’s bag put in the car. I am like going around like a crazy person to your point, because the ADHD, it can bring out impulsivity. Right. And those are those are impulse moves, not a bad way. It’s like, OK, well, I got to go do that now. And I look back and, you know, I’ve got my daughter’s water bottle sitting on the counter with the reverse osmosis thing. I never turned it off. Water is everywhere, all over the floor, all over the counter. I’m like. good Lord, like what is wrong with me? So to your point, I get like, I totally get you.
(42:29 – 43:01) Amberly Lago: Oh yeah. And I have to have, uh, sometimes we’ll feel like out of control with things and I have to have everything kind of put in its place to make me feel more like my closet has to be in order. My desk can’t be a mess and working space can’t be a mess. Actually, I think you had a post about something about how to raise your GH. I don’t know how to get better scores in school by having the GPA. Yeah.
(43:01 – 43:20) Shawn French: We’re just about clean your dang room, man. Yeah. Because it’s like a messy environment is a messy brain is is you can’t find anything. You don’t sit down in a place where you can actually do your work. But yeah, no, I remember that post. I was like about I think maybe a month ago. Yeah.
(43:20 – 45:01) Amberly Lago: But I want my daughter to see it. I’m going to send it to her. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Because she is like, I think honestly that she, she’s never been diagnosed. Um, she’s done tests and stuff that said that, yeah, she does have ADHD as well. Um, but I actually had like blood work, saliva, I mean, lab results that was like, oh yeah, you’ve got the genes for it. You know what I mean? But it all makes sense. It all makes sense. Even from when I was little in school and was getting in trouble for not focusing and doing other things. But my daughter is like meticulous about she collects horses and she’s got like a hundred beautiful. horses they’re like miniature briar horses and they’re lined up perfectly like no one can touch it she’s got fish aquariums that they are perfect her aquariums like she’s meticulous about it and then i look in her room and i’m like Oh my gosh. Are those clean clothes or dirty clothes on the floor? Yeah. Did you leave your plate? Like you’re on the floor, you know, we’re going to get bugs, like put it away. And so I’m like, I don’t get it. How she can be in one area. So meticulous about like how her hair is, how her makeup is, how certain things are, how her writing is on her. I think riding a horse really helps her with her focus. But then her room is disaster. So when I read your post, I’m like, I got to send that to her. Why do you think that is? Because when you have a messy place, it makes you feel, for me, it makes me feel messy in my mind. So that’s why.
(45:01 – 45:03) Shawn French: It’s so scattered, right? Yeah.
(45:03 – 45:05) Amberly Lago: I can’t deal with it.
(45:05 – 45:42) Shawn French: If you’re asking me why I think your daughter is that way or why you and I are certain ways that Everything else could be a mess, but certain things have to be lined up and buttoned up. I’m that way with my show. My show is buttoned up, the process is there. That is the one thing I can tell you that I am locked in on. I still edit my own stuff, not my episodes, but my reels and things like that. But when you feel that’s the one thing that you can control, you double down on it and you get impulsively focused. It’s like hyper focus. Well, that’s the only thing you talk about.
(45:42 – 45:57) Amberly Lago: So like, that’s how I am about my event. I have been obsessed. Like why aren’t I getting the graphics sooner? Why isn’t the website updated? And I’m just like hyper focused on it, which cannot be a good thing sometimes.
(45:58 – 46:32) Shawn French: No, it’s not good for you and it’s not good for your husband, right? It’s like- Oh yeah, you’re right. Yeah, like that’s the thing though, but you know, we’re driven people. We’re former athletes, we’re resilient, trying to build something amazing for people. And you do an amazing job with your Mastermind members, providing so much value to them. They are so blessed. I really, I know a few of them and I know how much they value you, but I hope everybody truly understands that what you provide them, nobody else is doing. like nobody. Thank you. And it’s heartwarming. Like, thank you.
(46:32 – 46:58) Amberly Lago: That means a lot. And I know you are close to, um, a few of the members who, and, and these women I love, like my husband’s very private. He doesn’t like people to come over. And I was like, oh yeah, honey, um, I’m going to have like 20 women over. And he was like, what? And then he finally came back. He’s like, look, I know how much you love these women. So yeah. having a house. It’s fine. Yeah.
(46:58 – 47:02) Shawn French: I’m very close with maybe like really close to two of them, you know, like really close.
(47:02 – 47:04) Amberly Lago: Would that be Jillian and Jennifer?
(47:04 – 47:06) Shawn French: Yeah. Those are my girls. Yeah.
(47:06 – 47:53) Amberly Lago: Awesome. I love them too, but you provide, you know, the determined society. Um, and let’s talk about that a little bit, because I want people to know, especially athletes that you’re working with, how they can get into a community because I, I mean, I think that being in the right community just changes everything. When you have that support, when you can brainstorm together, you can have some guidance, it is not only career changing, it’s life changing. So I cannot say the importance enough of being in a mastermind, having a coach, having a mentor, having somebody that you can connect with who can guide you on your journey. So how can people get involved with your determined society?
(47:54 – 49:48) Shawn French: Yeah. So my athlete program specifically, I mean, this is something that I don’t feel anybody’s doing. And I’m a lot like you. I give, I give, I give, I give. So the biggest thing that athletes face on an everyday basis is that mental performance, anxiety, the, you know, the, the fear of the unknown and wanting to be perfect. Right. And so what happens is their performance suffers and they go through mental instability, right. They can get depressed. They can, you know, turning to bad teammates. Unfortunately, over the last few years, we’ve seen actual collegiate athletes and, you know, younger athletes commit suicide because of the pressures in their sport and the bullying that goes along with it, if they aren’t performing like they want to or like how somebody else wants them to. So it’s serious stuff. So what I started to do is I was like, you know what? I’m going to build out a community for these people, right? I know how it feels. I know how it feels to work your body and your skills, your hard skills so much that you are ready physically and technically. But what about the soft skills? What about the mental toughness? What about the mental resiliency in order to perform at a peak level physically? No one works on it. No one works on it. I got to LSU and I’m like, Oh my God, I am way behind. I’m going to fail because I am mentally busted and I didn’t work on it. So what I’ve done is I’ve created a peak performance community for athletes. We meet every Sunday night on zoom at 8 p.m. Eastern, and it’s only 60 bucks a month. Now, are there women in- Oh my gosh, yes. Okay, that’s awesome. I have two girls from Notre Dame that are volleyball players. I have one girl that I invited last night, just signed to run track and field at Kentucky. She’s jumping in the group. And I just raised my prices. I was at 30 bucks a month. Now I’m still in a very, in my opinion, very low barrier of entry, $60 a month.
(49:48 – 49:50) Amberly Lago: Oh yeah, for sure.
(49:51 – 50:09) Shawn French: My goal is to build this thing out to where I have a thousand athletes in it and I have to run multiple calls every single week. That’s the goal. And it’s amazing. You know, we had our first guest speaker last night. Corey Wade is a former major league pitcher, you know, played with dudes like Maddox, Greg Maddox, Alex Rodriguez, Derek Jeter.
(50:10 – 51:15) Amberly Lago: Oh, you loved being at that celebrity softball tournament because I need to know about it next year. I need to go. I didn’t know, um, who a lot of the athletes were and people in my family were like, you don’t know who that is. That’s the pitcher for the Rangers or that’s the Dallas, he’s a Dallas cowboy or, you know, and so somebody like you who really knows a lot of those celebrity, like athletes would be like, Oh my gosh. And you know, I, for this game when they asked me to play again. I said, yes, I will be there. I will play as long as I can bring my mastermind people on the field with me to meet athletes and celebrities. So I get there and I’m like, Yeah, I need like 15 wristbands. I mean, not everybody could make it, but they, the people who could, I showed up and I had like a whole bag full of wristbands. They gave them to me and I was like, here y’all, here’s your wristbands. And as soon as the game was over, they could come down and come on the field. So it was a lot of fun, but you would really like, I would love for you to come if they ask me back next year, let’s see if they ask me back.
(51:15 – 51:22) Shawn French: If they ask you back, say I have somebody else that needs to play. Okay. I will. We’ll tear it up.
(51:22 – 51:27) Amberly Lago: Yeah. I will do that if you do some lessons with me.
(51:27 – 51:37) Shawn French: So I’ll practice playing ball. Here’s the deal. Here’s what we’re going to say on air, right? Okay. Nobody can go back on it. I will fly out two days early to work with you.
(51:37 – 51:39) Amberly Lago: Okay. Let’s do it.
(51:39 – 51:40) Shawn French: For two straight days we’ll work.
(51:40 – 52:34) Amberly Lago: Okay. Can I just tell you, can I just tell you one thing? And you’re going to be like, Oh goodness. So, um, when they asked me to play last year, my husband was like, you are crazy. You’re going to get hit in the face with a ball. And I’m like, no, I’m not. And so I went to the store with my daughter and I got a glove and a ball and a bat. And I was like, okay, I’m ready to go. We get home. The sun’s going down a little bit. My daughter and I are going to practice throwing the ball. the first time she threw it. Right in the face. Oh, my God. Hit my nose. She’s like, Mom, your nose is crooked and it’s bleeding. And I was like, and my husband just looked and he was like, see, I can’t even watch this. I cannot watch this. And I was just like, I’m going to practice. I’m going to be OK. Let me get some toilet paper up my nose. Make sure I kind of pushed it over.
(52:34 – 52:36) Shawn French: Oh, my God. You set your own nose back.
(52:36 – 53:14) Amberly Lago: I swear. Animal. Good Lord. I’m crazy. Well, I’ve actually, I remember one time I… my finger jammed. I looked at it and it was like crooked. I mean, it’s crazy to look down at your finger and it’s crooked. And I just set it back real quick and went to the doctor and he goes, well, it’s set really well. Who set it for you? And I said, that would be me. He goes, well, you did a good job resetting it. It’s still a little swollen and that’s been like four years ago, but Hey, I reset. Oh my gosh. So, okay. We’re going to do it.
(53:14 – 53:17) Shawn French: We’re going to it’s done. Yeah. It’s done. Let’s do it.
(53:17 – 53:30) Amberly Lago: Okay. Well, tell us how people can get involved with your community. And one more question. Well, two more questions. How old do you have to be to get in as an athlete?
(53:30 – 53:36) Shawn French: You know, that’s up to the parents really, right? So I have an eighth grade football player that attends every single week, right?
(53:36 – 53:37) Amberly Lago: Okay. I’m just thinking for my daughter.
(53:37 – 53:39) Shawn French: How old is your daughter?
(53:39 – 54:26) Amberly Lago: She’s 15 and she’s a horseback rider and so much of it is about her mentality. And we just got a new trainer who is amazing. And it’s incredible to see that she went from getting thrown off the horse, the horse rearing up, and to now There’s a connection. Her mindset is she’s jumping big jumps again. And it’s so much about what your coach or your trainer is, is sharing with you. So that’s why I was asking. I was wondering if like, maybe my daughter could like, I would love for her to learn that. And sometimes as a parent, they don’t listen as much as they do from someone else. So, okay. Yeah. She’s 15.
(54:27 – 55:10) Shawn French: Yeah, well, I would say absolutely. I mean, she’s in high school, right? So, absolutely. Like, let’s do that. You know, the way to get involved would be to find me on Instagram at theSeanFrench and message me. I answer all my messages. Now, there’s a… Hold on. Let me qualify that. unless you are trying to sell me crypto, trying to tell me you can get me more engagement, trying to sell me podcast reviews. Like I’m not, no. But if you are coming to me, I always check my request box and my hidden requests because I don’t want to miss anybody that needs help. So you can go there or you can email me, sean.french at thedeterminedsociety.com.
(55:10 – 55:25) Amberly Lago: I’ll answer. Thank you. You’re amazing. You are amazing. And the impact you’re making is incredible. And I have one last question for you. Absolutely. What is your definition of resilience?
(55:25 – 55:44) Shawn French: Oh, gosh. My definition of resilience is when you’re feeling that pain, not running from it, that emotional pain of where you’re at, but leaning into it and feeling the feelings, acknowledging them, but still doing it anyway, right? And not saying, well, I don’t feel like it, so I’m not going to today. You still do it.
(55:44 – 56:50) Amberly Lago: That’s a resilient individual. I love that. Powerful. Well, you guys, the links for his Instagram, his email website will be in the show notes. But take a picture and tag us on social media. I love that when I see that, you know, a story with somebody sharing the podcast. And when I see it and you’ve tagged me, I always reshare it. So, Sean, thank you for being in my life, my friend on the show, sharing your wisdom. And I just really appreciate you and thank y’all so much for tuning in. I appreciate you listening to the show because of you. You have made this podcast a top 1% podcast globally. So thank you for being here. Thank you for subscribing to the show. Thank you for sharing it. Um, that means a lot. Make sure that, uh, you catch us next week and listen to the next episode, but Sean, thank you for being here. Much love. much love and we’ll see you next week everybody
